Sometimes Wearing The Mask Is Easier
by Serenity's Ghost
Summary: Sequel to 'Sometimes Heroines Need Heroes'. Sometimes loving a hero is a double edged knife. Was I strong enough to still be his friend or would I crumble without some facade to keep me together? Robin and Original Character, Cin. Season 1
1. Chapter 1  Prologue

**Greetings, darling readers. I present to you, by popular demand, the sequel of 'Sometimes Heroines Need Heroes'. Thank you all for your encouraging feedback and support. I was on the fence about whether a sequel would be viable but you have assured me it would float and so I'm returning to tell more of Hyacinth's story. I hope we can have another great journey together with this one.**

It was one of those scenarios where you knew when you'd arrived at home but you weren't sure how you were able to put one foot in front of the other to get there. Because, while you knew you had to get home, your mind was occupied, completely taken with the task of trying to keep your insides from shattering and falling apart. And trying to find some way to return to the way you were before everything went wrong. More than that, trying to find the point before anything that was a prelude to the situation which then went wrong.

I wasn't sure why it was even happening. Everything was fine. At least I thought everything had been fine. Clearly, it had not been.

Occupying my thoughts as well was the whole scene which was relentlessly playing over and over in my mind. I didn't know if my mind was looking in the whole thing for a sign or if there was something I could have said to change how things went.

After training, I'd done what I usually did. I went to the showers and got changed, eagerly awaiting the opportunity to have Robin take me home as he always did. Perhaps it was because of the promise he'd made to my mom to watch my back or for personal reasons, but he faithfully accompanied me on the way home every night that we had training or missions. Robin had texted me to tell him to meet him in the basement of The Cave, which was really an area in the lowest part of the whole complex which housed the Cave's generator and a lake of sorts which occupied about half of the chamber. I pegged it as him being mischievous. We avoided too much kissing, hugging and seemingly affectionate demeanour while we were there. We had decided to keep our relationship a secret until it got out on its own some way.

When I entered, he had his back to me. I came up behind him and gave his waist a tight squeeze. When I let go, he turned and took both my hands in his. His expression was serious. Perhaps that was when I knew he was going to tell me something I couldn't possibly like.

"You wanted to talk to me?" I forced myself to ask.

"Yeah. I did."

"What is it? You know we can talk about anything."

"We're best friends no matter what, right?"

I pulled my hands from his. "I'm insulted you have to ask—"

"Just answer me, yes or no."

"Well, yeah. We made this promise ages ago."

"Ah. The promise. The promise that if we break up we'd still be friends. Glad to know you remember."

Discomfort caressed my spine. "Of course I remember." My voice came out as a whisper. He turned around and took a few steps away from me and he scratched his head.

"Ah. Let's not do this beat-about-the-bush thing. I know we don't have to because we're cool. Here goes. Hy, I think we should just be friends." He turned to face me after the words had escaped his lips. I couldn't feel my face so I couldn't tell what expression I was wearing. I couldn't feel much period. I just felt...like a draught had passed through the halls. Cold. "Hy?"

"Uh. Yeah. Okay. Fine. Cool." He exhaled and a look of relief came to his face.

"Oh, great. I thought you were going to freak out or something, but I guess, with our agreement, I shouldn't have thought that." I nodded ever so slightly. Robin was usually so in tune with me. He always knew when I was lying. How could he not feel that I was quickly approaching absolute zero on the inside? Where had our bond gone? Did it sever the moment he had decided he didn't want me anymore? "Friends?"

"Friends," I answered. I was vaguely aware of my face trying to be okay. My brain was on auto—my answers and actions were coming from that automatic part of my mind that tried to not inconvenience people by giving the least problematic response that I could. It was like when someone was trying to talk to you while you're on the computer but you're focusing on what you're doing so you end up nodding and agreeing or disagreeing just for the sake of giving an answer that would make the person go away with as little resistance and arguing as possible. My real emotions and all the questions and thoughts in my head about why now and why not and what had gone wrong were tying each other and my active consciousness in a gigantic knot.

The message tone on my phone went off. "Oh, you're on your way out, right?"

"Yeah."

"Batman said he needed me for something. Will you be okay by yourself?"

"Yeah. 'Course." He pulled me into his arms and quickly hugged me. When he let go, I turned and hurried away.

As I crossed the field, as I kept my eyes focused on the green grass whose colour had been eclipsed and reset by the darkness and dim light of the moon and the few visible stars, it started to hit me. The full weight of what had just happened crashed down on me and it hurt.

Robin didn't want me anymore. All he wanted was my friendship. There was nothing I could offer him as a girlfriend anymore and he had become aware of it. He had cut off the things he didn't need to ensure that he was just as serious and efficient as his partner, Batman. Worse off, I couldn't fault him.

From the beginning, I knew that there were certain lines that divided us absolutely. Somewhere, deep inside, I knew that I would have to let him go sooner or later, despite all the optimism I had and the brave show I was prepared to make by working around our issues. In the end, he had decided that there was no need to fight over any issues, no need to work to try to keep our relationship together. In the end, he had decided that calling it quits suited him better.

I was extremely shocked when I saw my mother's face in the open door.

"Hi, honey," she said.

"Hey."

"How was your day?" I searched hard and long for the answer to her question in my brain and felt myself getting lost inside my head, looking for the answer to a question I knew it made no sense to ask myself. Why had he called it quits?

"I thought everything was okay," I mumbled.

My mother frowned and we stopped walking just past the doorway. "Baby, what's wrong?" And, knowing that even I didn't know the answer to that one, that I couldn't tell her what had really gone wrong with us, I shook my head. I headed for my room, dropped my bag on the floor, closed the door and locked it. I sat down on my bed, pulled my knees up, hugged them to my chest and rested my head on them.

A few knocks sounded from my door. "Hyacinth, sweetheart, is it something to do with Robin?" Was it? Had he just decided that he wasn't ready to be in an exclusive relationship and that he needed some more time to mature? He was doing so well before; what had changed? Maybe he had discovered that his interest in me was shallow, extending only up to the point when I eluded his grasp. Perhaps by accepting his advances, seeing him often and letting him know that I was falling in love with him, I had taken all the challenge and thereby the interest out of the relationship. Perhaps, in the end, all the advice you get from movies and other women about never telling a guy your feelings and never making yourself too available was right. Perhaps I had removed everything that would have made him stay. But that wouldn't have really been his fault. That would have been mine because I was the one who had done all that.

Maybe he had just realised that someone like me who was his best friend, on similar levels as Wally, his other best friend, who played videogames with him and was butch and got into fights in the name of justice in school or outside in the larger world, wasn't a good candidate for his girlfriend and didn't deserve to be at his side and hold his hand. Maybe he'd realised that his type was softer than that. Like Megan indeed.

"Honey?" my mom called, pulling me from my deeply knit reverie. I realised that she had asked a question and I had never really answered it.

"Uh, yeah."

"Baby, talk to me. What happened?"

The words came to my head, ramming into me like a brick as they strung together to form the sentence that I had to say to explain it to my mother. I couldn't force them to travel through my windpipe and out of my mouth. I tried once and nothing. Again, just an incoherent syllable. I tried it once more and the syllable stretched.

I lifted my head, shut my eyes and reasoned myself that there was no further damage that admission could cause. The bullet had already shot me so I couldn't bite it. "Robin broke up with me."

I had been wrong. It was as if the admission made the whole thing a stark, ugly reality or added the sting to a wound. Like the sting that waits a second to show itself when some of your skin is ripped off and then pulsates and tortures you. Now, the pain of rejection just hurt more and deeper now that I had admitted it to myself and someone else.

"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry." She tried the door and realised it was locked. "I—I'm so sorry." Her footsteps sounded, going away from the door. She understood that I didn't want anyone with me now. Either that or even she didn't know how to deal with me now. I rested my head back down onto my knees.

My eyes stung as I realised that my heart sought some sort of relief from the pressure and the pain and the unhappiness in the form of tears. My mother had always told me that crying over boys was pointless and I was also of the opinion that crying over a boy was a stupid and pointless thing to do. That was before. But when you were in the situation, when the boy you loved had cut you loose, removed the special binding that kept you and him together exclusively so that you could give him your love and he could accept it and show you that he cared deeply for you in that special way, it was hard to abide by a principle that had never had any real disposition before.

As the cliché expression went, easier said than done. And, while I was thinking of clichéd expressions, there was yet another that applied. It was like insult to injury but it was a rational explanation for why he couldn't be blamed for my splintering, shattering heart: if you make your bed, lie in it. I longed to cry for the pain that was tearing me apart but out of habit, my eyes were dry as the desert, leaving the pain within me to scorch my insides and leave its pulsing, throbbing mark.

**I am aware that now you may want to shoot me and I accept that. Please review anyway. Even if it is just to tell me that you want to shoot me. Even that is helpful feedback.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Let's have a moment of silence for Megavideo and Videobb. They have served us well over the years, providing us with all the videos and TV shows we've ever wanted.**

**In other news, sorry for the wait. Worse news yet, I don't know when next I'll be able to update. SHNH really wrote itself and this one's giving me a bit more of a challenge. In addition to which, I have exams in 2 weeks and that period is quite lengthy. Since I cannot afford to fail in school or else I'll be a vagrant with no computer unable to update anything, I'm going to need to focus on academics for a while. Have no fear, I won't abandon this story. There will just be a wait. Enjoy!**

Consciousness the next morning was met by the thought that I was no longer Robin's girlfriend. The pain had lessened now, either because of the fog that sleep had spread through my brain, dulling my senses, or acceptance had made the pain diminish, so there was no more longing for tears to free me. Unwilling to get off my bed, I just lay there and basked in my wonderful memories.

Two months earlier, on August eighth, I had been lucky enough to get to celebrate my birthday with him. Originally, I hadn't planned to let any of them know it was my birthday but when my phone went off in the middle of a sparring session, I asked Robin to read me the message. It was Tanya wishing me a fantastic birthday and ensuring that I was attending the prom. The secret was out and all my teammates wished me a happy birthday and asked me about my plans. Prom had been scheduled for the same day and though I was initially unwilling to attend, Robin convinced me that it would be a great way to I could spend the evening with him and our friends on the team. Robin had me pitch the idea to our team that we all go to my school's prom. Megan seemed excited. Wally seemed interested. Kal and Artemis looked a bit sceptical. Conner looked passive as usual, focusing only on Megan's enthusiasm at the whole idea. After some discussion, it was agreed upon. Despite the short notice, most everyone had outfits except Artemis who I offered to lend a dress and she agreed. I felt bad about not spending my birthday with my family but they assured me that it was fine and that if I came back before midnight, we could have some cake and ice-cream to celebrate. It sounded like a plan to me. That way, everyone won.

Artemis and Megan came over to change and get ready. Artemis wore a lime green strapless, knee-length dress with a flaring skirt and Megan morphed a white, spaghetti strap dress with a sweetheart neckline and a flared knee-length skirt around her attractive shape. I wore a deep purple, strapless dress with a flaring knee-length skirt which was embellished with a black bow at the centre of the sweetheart neckline and a band of black polka dots lining the neckline and the hem. By the time we were all dressed, I knew the guys were going be drooling all over themselves. When the guys came through the front door, I got the shock of my life as well. It was as if the suits had transformed them from the comrades I knew into the classy and handsome boys before me that put the word 'sexy' to shame. Conner's was pinstripe and suited him surprisingly well. Wally and Robin's were plain black but Wally accentuated his with a gold tie and Robin wore a bowtie. Kaldur wore no tie but the fabric covering the buttons of his shirt was decorated with a filigree pattern that made a tie unnecessary.

The night was absolutely amazing. Tanya met us there and I didn't see much of her. She was enjoying her time with the date I'd set her up with, Stephen Romano, who was a genuine-hearted guy with a crush on her. I knew by the way she barely wandered out of his presence and his arms that she was warming up to him as more than a friend. I also tried to push Wally and Artemis just a little closer together by leaving them to dance with each other several times throughout the night. We all danced with each other for the whole thing and I split my time between Robin and Kaldur mostly, trying my best to not look like I was favouring Robin the way Meg favoured Conner for fear of revealing our secret. The dance ended at ten and Robin and I saw the group back into the limo that Boy Wonder and the other guys had come in. Robin had told them that he had to walk me home for my mom but we both knew that was half the excuse for him sticking around. I didn't tell them why _I_ had suddenly opted to walk in heels but they didn't seem to be interested in asking. I wondered if our secret was already out.

Once the limo had driven off, Robin took my hand and we started walking in the opposite direction from my house, going around the corner of my school. There was a small park next to the school and at the other side, closer to the centre, was a white gazebo. Somehow, as if I'd read his mind, I knew that that was where we were headed. As soon as we'd gotten into it, he pulled me to him and led me in a dance.

"We have no music," I told him. He started humming a tune I'd heard once, 'Am I Blue' by _Bobby Vinton_. At the dance, I couldn't rest my head on his shoulder like I had wanted. I couldn't allow myself to be completely against him as we danced. There were few slow dances so we couldn't enjoy the opportunity to be close and romantic much anyway. Now, when we were alone, when it was just us and how we really felt, we could slow dance together like a girl would dance with her boyfriend.

After a while, he stopped humming but we maintained the dance, content to be in each other's arms.

"Thank you for tonight," I said.

"Thank you for being born. Happy fifteenth birthday, Hy."

"Yes, yes, it is. Very happy indeed." I placed a kiss to his neck and he sighed. "We should make our way back home."

"Sure. But first, I have to spin you."

I lifted my head off of his shoulder and allowed him to turn me but he surprised me by leaning me backwards. There was a flutter in my stomach, not at the sudden movement bringing me closer to the ground, but because I was so taken by the pure bliss of the moment. And then he kissed me, making the moment the most perfect ever, pulled straight out of some movie from the fifties or sixties. When we straightened and stood, he took my arm in the crook of his and we walked back to my apartment to enjoy some cake and ice cream with the family. It was purely and utterly perfect. There had been no indication of his waning interest. Instead, it was almost as if he had fallen in love with my family and our relationship the way I was in love with him. For that moment, it really felt that way.

I supposed that, like his mentor, he was very good at showing only the emotions he wanted to portray and he could mask all others.

He left at midnight and when I'd finally taken off my dress, removed makeup, changed into night clothes and put everything away, I headed to bed. Tanya hadn't called which meant she was either already asleep or she was too consumed in her thoughts of her night with Stephen to even think of me. Either way, it was nice. I thought that if she could find even an inkling of the happiness I had found in Robin's arms that I would be happy for her.

It was approaching one a.m. when I finally crawled into my bed to sleep. Just as I was about to turn out the light, my phone rang. Somehow, I knew who it was before even looking at the phone.

"Hey," I said.

"Hi. Did I wake you?" He was forever a gentleman.

"No. I was just getting into bed. What's up?"

"I wasn't tired. Felt like calling you."

"That's sweet. I hope tonight wasn't totally painful for you."

"Nah. Not totally." He chuckled and I rolled my eyes. "Nah, it was totally great. So glad Tanya reminded me."

"It must have been some kind of divine indication for us to go. The one day I give you my cell phone to hold on to, I get Tanya's text about both my birthday and prom."

"How come you didn't tell me?"

"I dunno. Didn't want anyone to make a big deal about it. Didn't know what your plans were and I didn't want to try to book you up so impromptu."

"I was already going to prom with you. But I'm glad the team could come. It was more fun that way. Wally strays a lot, doesn't he?"

"Yeah. It's why he doesn't realise where his own happy love story resides."

"You're talking about him and Artemis, aren't you?"

"It's so painfully obvious. But hey, some people need to go at their own pace." I turned out the light so that anyone passing by wouldn't get curious as to why I was still awake. "I wonder if Kaldur secretly has a lady friend of his own. And I mean like girlfriend lady friend, not friends with benefits lady friend."

He chuckled. "I know what you meant. Why do you always busily try to get someone with someone else?"

I shrugged and then remembered that he couldn't see. "I don't know. I guess I'm just a sucker for romance and I like to see my friends happy. Teenagers our age tend to think about dating a lot. I mean, look how happy Conner and Megan are. It's so...great and I want other people to feel that way. Like us."

"Our relationship is pretty great, isn't it? We can tell each other anything instead of having to skirt around each other. We can just be honest and uncomplicated."

"Well, as uncomplicated as _our_ relationship can possibly be, yes."

"True." I unwillingly let out a yawn. "Oh, you're tired and I'm keeping you up. You should go sleep."

"No, I can stay awake until you get sleepy. I'm actually surprised you're not tired after all that happened today."

He yawned. "Okay, apparently, now I _am_ sleepy. Either you're really boring, you're a magical cure for insomnia or yawns are contagious from over the phone."

"Ugh, you are so insufferable. You know you think I'm amazing."

He laughed. "And don't you forget it. Now goodnight. Sweet dreams of me."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, alright. Goodnight. Sweet dreams." I shut the phone, put it on my bed side table and snuggled into bed, smiling happily and never even imagining that my happiness would be shattered in two months.

He had done it coldly. He had just asked for us to be friends without giving any reason as to why things had come to a stage where he just wanted to be friends. There was no subtle pulling away over time. I wasn't prepared for it in the least; there was no way I could have seen it coming. That was probably why it hurt me more. Generally, I could pick up on body language, proxemics, reactions, that sort of thing. But there had been no subtle signs. Just like that, I had been dropped on my ass.

I didn't want to get out of bed. I wanted to just stay there for the next several hours and have a lazy Saturday where I could stay in my room and hold the rest of the world at bay with my door and window. Tanya would call at any moment. My first thought was to turn my phone off and put it under my pillow where it couldn't disturb me. And in here, in my room, I would be safe from the rest of reality. I could take my time getting back on my feet.

But that was exactly what I shouldn't do. I shouldn't stay there and feel sorry for myself. Even if I didn't understand why or how this could have happened, I couldn't allow myself to dwell in misery. Every time I let myself dwell, bad things happened. I remembered the first and last fight Robin and I ever had, when Jason returned to town and I was confused about whether or not there was still something between us. Robin tried to encourage me to move on and I said something that hurt him and I felt so bad about it that I was distracted during training and got my ass kicked. Now that I was out on the field with the team, I knew my enemies would be less forgiving and forbearing than Black Canary had been that time. Being distracted out there meant dying. And I just couldn't do that to my family.

There was a knock at my door just as I got out of bed.

"Yeah?" I said. My voice was thick with sleep but sounded mostly normal, as if nothing bad had happened. Truth be told, my tone was lying. I wasn't okay. But I could ignore it. I was always good with uncomfortable situations...until I reached the point where I burst. Shaking my head, I pushed that thought away, into the same hole that I was going to bury how I felt about Robin.

"Morning, honey," mom said from the other side of the door. "I'm making breakfast. Your dad just came home and I thought we could have breakfast together." Her tone was a bit suspicious, careful, like she had her kid gloves on. She was going to be treading around me like I left eggshells in my wake. I rolled my eyes. This was only going to make things worse.

"Coming." I unlocked the door and opened it. Mom wasn't fast enough in hiding the sorry expression on her face, so I saw it before it morphed into surprise. Her expression became one of care, not even bothering to hide the fact that she thought I would be in a state. She knew I was. And she also knew that I liked to be confronted head on rather whispered about in the shadows.

"You okay, baby?"

"Yes, mom. I'm doing alright."

She took a long moment to examine me. "Well, alright. If you need me..."

"Yeah, thanks, mom." As if I wanted to talk about it. "I'm gonna go clean up."

"You do that." She turned and walked towards the kitchen and I walked to the bathroom.

Despite having not cried one tear, my face looked like one damn mess. I brushed my teeth with some level of haste then went straight for the shower rather than just washing my face. I took some time to wash my hair, giving the water more time to undo some of the physical damage that the first boy I'd ever loved had wrecked. No, I had to avoid thinking of him like that.

But he already knew that that was what he was. I had told him clear as day many moons ago on the rooftop of this very apartment building that I was falling in love with him.

But, of course that was a lie. I wasn't falling in love with him at all. No, that particular expression meant that I was getting there. I was already there. What would have been the correct thing to say was 'I'm in love with you and I keep falling deeper and deeper in love with you'. Words he would never hear me say now.

As if the universe knew I wanted to torture myself for even allowing myself to think about it after I specifically made up my mind not to, some suds dropped out of my hair and into my eye. Minutes after I'd rinsed it, it continued to sting. I hoped that it wasn't too red; my mother would assume I'd been crying in the shower. I wondered if she'd told dad and what his reaction was or would be like upon finding out.

I changed into some jeans, a tee shirt and a zip-up hoodie with sneakers, deciding that walking around aimlessly all day was a better alternative than staying inside with nothing to do and the occasion to dwell. I took my seat at the table just as mom brought out the hash browns, crisp bacon and scrambled eggs.

"And where are you going?" mom asked.

"Out. Just need some sunshine."

"No Tanya or Robin?" dad asked. His question and the way he said it indicated that he didn't know.

"No. Just me. Me time is good." Dad shrugged but I noticed the look in mom's eyes.

"Robin didn't walk you home yesterday?" January asked. Mom glanced at her as if worried about what her question would do to me and I snickered humourlessly and smirked. Eggshells, eggshells, everywhere.

"No, Jani. He had some stuff to handle."

"He said he'd fix my charm bracelet for me. One of the links broke. Just wondering if he brought it yesterday."

"He still has it?"

"Yeah. I wanted to wear it to Sarah's tomorrow. She invited me so we could study together."

"Oh, nice. I'll, uh, ask him for it."

"Anyways, what's Tanya been up to? She has any shows coming up?" mom asked.

"No, she's just been doing lots of extra practice. She's their best but she's intent on making sure that Marcie Duvall, who used to be their best, doesn't get anywhere near her level. For good reason, too—Marcie's good and hates her and is willing to train to get her spot back."

"Ballerina's sure are competitive," dad said.

"Yeah, but it's because they love it and they know it's worth it. It's a position that makes them feel good and powerful. That's why they're so willing to fight for it."

"Glad you understand Tanya so well."

"That's what friends are for. To understand. And to help you hide the bodies."

Dad chuckled but I found that Jani and mom were both too quiet. I had a bad feeling that this was conversation was going to get ugly at some point. I tried to hurry my eating to get out of there before it could.

"How's it going with Robin?" dad asked. Just as I was about to make my last piece of bacon disappear. Shit.

I put down the fork, the bacon curling in and out of the spaces between the teeth, like a ribbon. "We broke up."

Jani's fork clattered down onto her plate and dad put his down more gently and balanced his cheek on his fist with his elbow on the table. Her reaction reminded me of the time that we had told her that we were dating, when she had the exact same reaction. It was so ironic that I almost laughed.

"What!" Jani spat. "How could he!"

"Calm down, January. It's no big deal," I told her. She sat quietly but the look on her face told me that she was stewing. I wondered if it was about her bracelet or if she was really appalled for me. Over the past month or two, she'd overcome her shyness and became pretty fond of the idea of Robin and me dating. Whenever he came to the apartment, they would banter and chat like normal friends or like siblings. There was a long moment of silence, where dad just studied me carefully and mom blocked her mouth with a hand as if she was deliberating over something. When I finally got around to eating that last piece of bacon, it would taste like cardboard all the way down. I couldn't tell what kind of thoughts exactly dad was thinking. He had liked Robin very much.

"When did this happen?" he questioned, finally.

"Yesterday."

"Did you break it off with him?"

"No but—"

"So, he broke up with you?"

"Sorta but—"

"What do you mean when you say 'sorta'?"

"Chill out, dad. We decided to just be friends."

"We? As in it was a mutual decision?"

"Basically."

"I thought you said he broke up with you."

I exhaled and pinched my nose bridge as if it would make things less excruciating. "Look, dad, yes, he broke it off. But it's okay. We've agreed to just be friends and I'm okay with it. We had promised that if our relationship ended that we'd stay friends and that's what's happening. So if he still happens to pop in here once in a while, you can't remove his heart." I stuffed the cardboard into my mouth, stood up and took the plate to the kitchen. I went to my room, grabbed my cell phone from the night stand, turned it off and stuffed it in my pocket before heading towards the front door.

"Hyacinth," dad called, stopping me feet from the door.

"Yeah, dad?"

"Did he tell you why?"

"No. But the reason doesn't really matter."

"Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"I'm learning that you can never be sure about anything, dad." He didn't seem to have anything to say to that so I gave a wave and walked out of the apartment.

Octobers in Happy Harbour were relatively cold, even with the sun shining. Usually, it didn't snow until late November or early December. I wondered if global warming would make it snow earlier. I didn't know where I was going but I started walking as fast as I could anywhere my feet were willing to take me. I hadn't even noticed that I had forgotten to tie my hair into a pony tail so, as I walked, it fluttered behind me like a cape for my head. I laughed at my own comparison as I walked. Maybe people who saw me laughing thought I was crazy. To some extent or other it was true. Everyone was some degree of crazy.

I ended up in the park just around the corner from school. There was barely anyone there. It was eight in the morning. Most people were interested in sleeping in rather than being awake. I started to walk through the park, taking notice of the little old couple holding hands and sitting together on a bench and the kids with Frisbees and tennis balls and dogs, bursting with energy and livelihood and smiles. They were all happy to be awake and eager to be out to play or just spend time together. It was cute. The world wasn't any darker a place because Robin had let me go. There were still other things to be happy about. There were still happy people. I decided that I wanted to be happy, too, even if I was broken and crushed on the inside, bleeding internally and ignoring it. I found a spot at the very centre of the park where a swaying tree's branches spread shade to interrupt the consistency of the sunlight and, with nothing better to do, I laid on my back and looked up at the sky.

There were still good things in the world. I was alive. I had my five senses. I wasn't ill. My family was alright. We had a good home. I had friends who cared about me. I could go to school. I had the materials and support to do what I loved: fashion design. Our finances were in a good place. I hadn't really lost Robin. We were still best friends. Yes, there was still good in the world.

But I wasn't totally happy. It was all well and good to be able to list some of the good things in my life but they didn't take away from the fact that I loved Robin and I wanted to be able to stay with him, just like my mom was able to marry her first true love. Despite the fact that I was fortunate in ways that other people were not, I was still agonised by the fact that I couldn't be with him.

But I knew it was what he wanted. It wasn't for me to blame him for what he wanted. And if he was happier that way, I should be glad. I shouldn't question what brought on his happiness. I shouldn't agonise over whether or not it was torturing him to be with me. I should be happy that he was happier now. I closed my eyes and exhaled.

It was true. I didn't blame him, didn't hate him, didn't want revenge. I wanted him to be happy. Even if I was miserable.

I reopened my eyes and began to recite a paraphrasing from the Bible that my mother had told me many times. "Love is patient and kind. Love is never jealous, boastful or conceited. It is never rude nor seeks its own interest. It does not take offence or hold grudges. Love does not rejoice in wrong doing; it rejoices in truth." I swallowed. The next part was especially important for me to remember. "It is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes." I closed my eyes. "Love never comes to an end." And the last line resonated within me.

I just lay there in the grass, soaking up the warm sun and the cool shade, eyes closed to everything around me. Certainly, it was dangerous to just lie down in the middle of the park with your eyes closed. It didn't matter. I just lay there, breathing in the scent of the grass and the breeze and the world. I just lay there, hearing the sounds of the children and the birds and the trees sashaying in the breeze, mimicking the sound of light rain. I thought of a _Taylor Swift_ song that was a bit inaccurate to my given situation but soft, acoustic and calming and very in tune with my current surroundings. I sang it to myself in my head and just soaked in everything around me without having to see.

After what I assumed was several minutes, a soft panting noise started to come closer and some soft footsteps and then something wet touched my cheek, pulling me from my deep, deep reverie. I opened my eyes and standing over me was a big brown dog and a little boy wearing a baseball cap, hands on his knees and leaning over.

"Hey, are you okay?" the kid asked.

I raised a hand to play with the dog and when the dog took a couple steps back, I sat up. "Yeah, I'm great, kid."

"Then why are you just lying here?"

"Because, it's nice to just take in the world. If you depend on your sight too much, all your other senses won't develop as much and you'll miss all the great things there are to appreciate." The kid looked at me with a confused expression on his face. "Try it. Just lie here and listen to the birds. Aren't they amazing the way they're so tiny but you can hear them from way up in the sky and the trees?"

After a moment of contemplation, the kid lay down on the grass and closed his eyes. His dog did the same and while the kid just took in the world, I looked at him. He was a very cute kid with long eye lashes and full lips.

He reopened his eyes and found me looking at him. "You're right. It _is _nice to lie here."

I chuckled. "Yeah. Just don't do it too long. It's not safe to have your eyes closed for more than a minute or two."

"You've been lying here for like half an hour."

I checked my phone, realising that it was off. I had no idea what time it was. "You have a watch?"

"Yeah. It's almost ten. I got up, gave the dog one last pet and ruffled the kid's hair. "Thanks. It was nice listening to the birds with you. I gotta move on."

"Okay. What's your name?"

"Hyacinth. You?"

"Henry."

"Nice to meet you, Henry. Enjoy your life, Henry. Love your dog. Take nothing for granted."

"Uh, thanks." I waved and walked away. The kid probably thought I was mental.

By the time I banished myself home, it was midday. I headed straight for my room but just as I passed the kitchen, my mom hailed me out.

"Hyacinth."

I took two steps back and looked in the doorway. She was chopping pimento peppers. "Yeah?"

She paused, seeming to change her mind about what she wanted to say to me. "Come help me make lunch, will ya?"

"Sure. What's on the menu?"

"Baked stuffed potatoes, meatloaf and steamed broccoli."

"Mm. I'm pretty hungry."

She chuckled. "What's new?" She turned back to her chopping and I went to my room to change into home clothes, old, faded denim shorts and an orange and white striped tee-shirt. When I emerged into the kitchen again, she was searing the minced meat and the chopped pimentos, garlic and onion in a skillet. The scent in the kitchen wasn't helping my hunger.

"Cut up the broccoli for me please and get the butter out of the freezer," she asked. I obeyed and after another minute, she was transferring the meat into a baking tin that was greased and coated in breadcrumbs, and sprinkled breadcrumbs on top before sticking it in the oven.

Watching her cook was always an amazing thing to me. I wondered if someday I would be amazing like her, working a steady job that I loved, managing a family and keeping myself looking as beautiful and youthful as she did.

But somehow I knew this was a trap. Not that we didn't cook together, we often did, but something in the way that she just called me as I was on my way to my room, the minute I walked into the house reeked of being suspicious, of being too normal given the circumstances.

"Where's dad and Jani?"

"In Jani's room playing chess."

"Just like that? I thought he'd be sleeping since he just came home this morning."

"I thought so, too, but he said he wasn't really tired. He went into our room and started reading a book and then Jani came and asked him to play with her. He was only too happy to oblige."

"I think he thinks he misses out a lot because of the unusual hospital hours. Tuesday to Thursday straight is rough and it only gets worse when he has to cover for someone else."

"His family is so important to him. You can't imagine what he would do for us." It made my throat tighten to hear her talk about him like that. It was evident that after all this time, she was still so in love with him, and still falling deeper. I wondered if I was sentenced to the same fate without the cheerful outcome of happily ever after.

It was quiet for some time while I thought about how my parents were so in love. Two beautiful people that met and their worlds were made complete with each other. They were so lucky.

"Are we going to talk about it?" mom asked, breaking the silence.

"I don't know. Are we? You know if you ask I have to answer."

"Hyacinth, this isn't about obedience. If you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to."

I stopped cutting for a second, looked at her washing potatoes and then returned to the veggies before me. "Ask away. It doesn't matter anyway."

"Are you sure that's how you want to handle how you feel?"

"Yes. I'm perfectly happy convincing myself that everything's fine."

"I thought you hated lying."

"Don't consider it lying. Consider it avoidance and the imposition of will."

"You're trying to force yourself to be nonchalant about this."

"You got it."

"Alright. Would you like to tell me what happened?"

"It was simple, quick. He called me to the basement, told me that he thought we should just be friends. My insides froze over but I said alright." I was aware of her putting down the potato in her hand and turning to look at me even though I chose not to look at her.

"Froze." She picked up another and started rubbing. "I'm sorry, sweetheart." I shrugged. "I really liked him a lot. So did your dad. So did Jani."

"So did I." Lie. I loved him. I still did. "It's not a big deal, mom. We're still friends."

"Are you sure you're okay with that?"

"It doesn't matter. A long time ago when I realised I liked him, when I was fighting with myself about whether or not a relationship was even possible between us, I decided that being around him is better than letting him go. If he prefers that we be friends, then I'll stand by him. He's done so much for me—the least I can do is not complicate his life and be his support."

She hesitated to respond. She finished washing the potato and picked up another. "It's more than that, isn't it?"

"You know me enough that I don't even have to answer."

I saw her nod from my peripheral vision.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi, people! So I've gotten an awful lot of writing done (in the midst of exams, the best time to write) so I am now able to present you with a new chapter! Another may be coming soon. Heh, I really can't promise anything at this point. Predictable surprises coming. Not in this chapter though ;p.**

I went to training about an hour early. I took my time walking there so I could come up with a decent plan of action. Robin would be there. I had to keep my word and not complicate things. And to do that, I had to let him know that I was okay with being friends. I had to seem un-afflicted, unhurt and undisturbed. Even if it wasn't true.

Once I didn't focus on it too much, everything could be okay. In a time that felt like it was eons before, when I was confronted with a boy who stole most of my thoughts, when I almost fell off a building thinking about him and he somehow came to my rescue, that was how I got by. I focused on what was truly important and prevented myself from dwelling on that which ate at me when I wasn't alone.

I wondered how I was going to tell Tanya. No doubt, she would blow a gasket. She would declare war and try to sock him the next time she saw him. But when would that be?

Would he still walk me home and walk me to training after school? Somehow, I wanted to believe that things would go back to how they were before we ever kissed. Somehow, I knew it would never be the same. But given the fact that it was his decision, would he try to make everything like it was before the day he tackled me in the field?

When I walked through the Cave door, the foyer was empty. I considered shouting to see if anyone was there but I decided I was too lazy to do so. Instead I made my way to the kitchen where I found Megan and Conner engaged in a serious lip-lock. Startled yet not wanting to interrupt, I quickly turned on my heel and started to head right back out when I smacked straight into Kaldur. I would have fallen on my ass if Kaldur hadn't stretched out his arms to catch me.

"My apologies. Are you alright?" he asked. There was that question again. I really wished people would stop asking me that. It would save me the trouble of having to lie.

Of course I knew I didn't have to lie. I just had to give a vague enough answer that wouldn't make people think something was wrong.

"I'm surviving."

"Hey there, Hyacinth," Megan called out, sounding like she was excited to see me. Was she always so bubbly whenever she saw me or was she still full of endorphins and hormones from having Conner's tongue in her mouth?

I realised I was being snippy and unusually bitchy in my own head and scolded myself for doing so. Meanwhile, I hoped she wasn't reading my mind. Also, I had no proof at all that there was any tongue in their kiss.

Okay, so maybe Jason had taught me the difference between the two types of kisses. I knew it wasn't a French. I was just unnecessarily being a bitch. I needed to punch something. Over and over again.

"Hi, Meg. Sorry about...the interruption." My eyes fell to the floor at Kal's feet as I tried not to remember a certain boy kissing my cheek as he took a blood sample from me. I remembered it anyway and would have mashed my own foot if people weren't around to think I was probably possessed or something.

"You...sure you're okay?" Conner asked. One expletive floated in my head. It was time for me to stop having my whole heart on my sleeve. Time for some intense training for a deceptive appearance.

"Depends on your definition of 'okay'. My physical health is sound, I haven't been declared mentally ill, my family's finances are okay and so forth, and so forth. Considering all of those, I'm more than okay. I'm..._super_." I turned to him, gave him a half smile and started for the bathroom to go change.

Already, I wasn't doing very well. I was extra-irritable and Robin hadn't even come yet. I had to take a few breaths and summon the inner peace that Master Hanamae had taught me when he was teaching me to fight. Because it was never possible to fight properly when the conflict within you was raging. You had to let everything raging within you calm and quieten when you exhaled. Breathe in clarity, focus and serenity. Breathe out conflict and confusion. After staying ten minutes too long in the bathroom, I walked out, deciding that some cold water would also help me deal.

After getting myself a glass of ice water, I headed to the foyer where my teammates had gone. I noticed that they were talking to Robin and my first impulse was to attempt once again to turn on my heel and go back where I came from. He called me just as I had turned and was about to put one foot in front of the other.

"Hy."

"Yeah?" I made sure my face didn't look funny before I turned.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Half smile. "Sure." He quickly walked across the foyer and when he caught up to me, we began walking together through the hallways and he led me to the library. When the door closed behind me, he turned. "What's up?"

"How come you didn't wait for me? When I went to your apartment, your mom told me you had already left." His hands defaulted to his pocket.

"I just needed to get out of the house so I came in a little early."

"Oh. Okay." His foot jerked, like a person who was fighting the compulsion to kick some imaginary stone on the ground, like some guilty, anxious kid. I almost smiled. My lips twitched but never stretched. "So...you okay?"

I chuckled humourlessly. "You know I wish people would stop asking me that."

"Have a lot of people been asking that?"

"Yes."

"So a lot of people know..."

"Oh, no. A lot of people were asking me about life in general." Certainly, three people besides ourselves could not be counted as a lot.

"Oh, okay. But...are you?"

I shrugged noncommittally. "Hm." Not saying anything couldn't be a lie.

"Do your parents know?"

This time I actually did smile. "Are you scared?" He didn't reply but his head was hanging. I scoffed. "Chill out. You're safe. I don't think they'd ever want to kill you. My mom wasn't acting strange when you asked for me, did she?"

"No, she didn't. You're right. But what about your dad? He threatened to remove my heart if I ever broke yours."

I forced a short laugh. "I look heartbroken?"

He kicked at the invisible stone. "Not really. But...you said that...you were falling...in love with me..."

"I lied."

His head snapped up to me. "You what?"

"Well, 'lied' is the wrong word. I just...twisted the truth a little bit."

He opened his mouth as if to say something then closed it again. His expression had looked like he wanted to protest but then it changed. "Oh, okay. Then—"

"You're my pal, Robby-boy. Chill out. That's the truth. It won't really change. We made an agreement, remember?"

He gave a half smile. "Yeah, we did. Come on. Let's get back to the others."

"Lead the way, _pal_." He walked out before me and, after he was a few steps in front of me, I started following. I smirked to myself. Maybe I was strong enough to survive this. It still hurt—like hell, too—but I found that I could survive it. My duties depended on it. Maybe, slowly, I would be able to let go of the pain and just love the Robin that was my best friend as just that: my best friend.

Training was just what I'd needed to get my mind off of absolutely everything. I immersed myself completely in the art of combat, in trying not to let Kaldur sucker-punch me into the wall or Conner smash me into the floor, so that everything else fell away and it was all I could think about. I watched their steps, watched the way they poised their bodies, anticipating the way they were going to attack. At first, Artemis and Robin had objected to me fighting the two biggest guys in the group at once. But I agreed to try what Black Canary suggested and I wasn't losing so far. I'd barely taken two hits from Kaldur and Conner had yet to touch me. It was easier to dodge Conner because he moved with more force and less grace. But Kaldur's Atlantean form, used to dancing in the water, made him harder to read. His grace threw me off. His clean attacks made me more susceptible. Conner's brute force tactics were frightening, but at the moment, they were paltry compared to Kal's.

Conner was at my back now with Kal at my front, circling me. They had switched positions. I had to pay as much attention to my back as to my front now —Conner was easiest to avoid when you could see him. Out of my line of sight, he would be a bigger threat. As if reading my mind, Kal charged at me fist first and as I tried to evade his attacks, Conner hit me off centre of my back, throwing me towards Kal who got me in the face after that. I staggered back and almost fell over but I braced myself on my knees, seeking clarity from the pain. I was expecting them to take advantage of the opening but they did not. When I looked up, they were regarding me with a level of concern.

"Are you alright?" Kal asked.

"Did we hurt you really badly?" Conner asked.

I smirked. How sweet of them. I threw myself into a front hand spring, vaulting my feet towards Kal's chest, throwing him to the floor, and then went for Conner with my fists. He managed to dodge my own attacks pretty well and I delivered a high kick which did not end as I planned. Conner grabbed my ankle, held me in place and kicked me in the stomach, sending me to the ground, back first. I landed not too far from Kal and, breathing hard, I remained there for a long moment while the floor very obviously told me that I had lost.

Conner like the gentleman that he was walked over to me and offered a hand.

"Can I stay here a little longer?" I asked.

His hand fell to his side. "How badly does it hurt?" he questioned.

"Like a bitch."

He frowned deeply. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. All's fair in love and war and training." He studied me for a long moment and it was so cute of him that I laughed. It hurt to laugh. "Can I have that hand now?"

"Sure." He offered it once more, practically picking me up by my arm though almost gently. Once on my feet, I prodded my torso for any tell-tale signs of injury.

"Are you alright, Cin?" Canary asked.

"I should be. In like ten minutes with an ice pack."

"Good fight, three of you."

"Who do I train with next?"

"Don't push yourself, Cin. Take it easy. We wouldn't want that to get serious," she said, pointing at my stomach.

I nodded. "You're right."

"Meanwhile, watch Robin and Artemis. I want the two of you to give us a good fight now. See if there's anything any of you can learn from this fight as well."

As Robin and Artemis fought, I gave them my full attention. Artemis was rather good at hand to hand but she was definitely at a disadvantage because she was primarily an archer. Nonetheless, she moved well with good strong attacks and well-focused concentration. And then there was Robin.

Robin moved with the muscular suppleness, grace and fluidity of a gymnast of some sort. His movements were more than efficient, effective and sharp. They were beautiful. He moved with a surety that she lacked. His focus was insurmountable. My mouth would have been hanging open if I let it.

Of all of us, he was the most experienced by far. Doing it since he was nine, he possessed a level of discipline that we would not yet have acquired because we lacked his experience. I envied it a little. He never got psyched out. He always knew what he was doing and what should be done. When he was mature enough, he would surpass Kaldur as leader with ease. I knew he could do it. He was brave and strong and a born leader. He was trained by the best to boot. It was very easy for him to steal people's attention, just as he was doing now to me. I should have been noting the exchanges of both of them in the fight but instead, somehow, my eyes locked onto him and they refused to let go. I wondered if loving him had anything to do with that as if whatsoever.

Which reminded me of our conversation in the library. His reaction when I had declared that I had lied to him appeared as if he had wanted to protest or ask for an explanation but he silenced it. If I had had to guess why, if I was able to assume to any degree that I really understood him, I would say that he suppressed his questions because it would seem unfair that he demanded an explanation from me if he never gave me one. I shook my head, knowing that it must be ridiculous. He wouldn't have behaved as such. He always asked for answers. He always had to have the clearest picture. He was just a pragmatic guy like that. I couldn't blame him. That was just another thing to appreciate about him.

Which was another reason why I could appreciate our current arrangement as friends. Being the important person that he was, he needed to make sure that he was not in any position that did not suit him. He had the strength to let go. But he had done it so easily. That was probably what hurt the most. That and the fact that I loved him. And that it happened so suddenly that I could never have seen it coming. Part of me wondered if I had been so immersed in the relationship myself that I had never noticed making him uncomfortable. Perhaps the only reason I had thought it was sudden and without warning and cold was because I was too busy being wrapped up in myself and my joy at being with him that I'd completely forgotten to give him my attention. Which was weird because it felt like I gave him nearly all of my attention. Every waking moment, I thought of him either consciously or not. He crept into my thoughts with a frequency that should have been annoying if he was not so lovely. There's a word a person didn't typically associate with any guy, especially not him specifically: lovely. And yet, I felt the need to use it. Because I knew him better than any of the other teammates. Supposedly. Then again, there was that bitter universal truth that you can never truly know a person. I never claimed to know everything about him; I just claimed to be able to understand him like he understood me. And he understood me almost as well as my mother did. She knew things about me that I hadn't even realised.

It occurred to me that my thoughts had drifted so badly that I was no longer concentrating on the fight or any aspect of the outside world, but the thoughts in my head. My eyes stared dully at one spot, not following any movement or action, just absorbed in my own problems. I had issues with controlling my emotions so I hoped to God that we wouldn't have any assignments where Megan would have to link our minds. It would make things very messy.

When finally the fight was over, Canary turned to the rest of us.

"What did you notice about their fight?" she asked.

"Robin's the better fighter," Wally said, flat-out.

"Why?"

"I dunno. He just is. He just fights better."

"But why is that?"

"Confidence," I replied before I was aware that I wanted to speak.

She nodded. "Expand on that for us, please."

I had already spoken. Too late to back out. Thanks, lack of attentiveness. It was so true that I deserved everything that I got. "Robin's got more confidence which I suppose comes from his experience. He believes that he knows how to handle a situation, how much pressure to apply, how much force, how much precision. His confidence almost makes you believe that he's going to win and that you've already lost the fight."

He was smiling smugly. I just wanted to go home and knit my frustration out. I just wanted to stop being in love with him already. And to stop sounding like I was in love with him. Obsessed would probably have better described how I sounded. And, of course, there was always the possibility that I was being so hard on myself for noticing how he fights simply because I _knew_ I was in love with him, thereby discrediting any notion that I was observant and a reasonably good tactician. Somehow, being rejected by him threw me into a pit of insecurity that never existed before. Just like one of those girls from the movies. It almost made me sick.

Canary smiled. "Very well put opinion. Any other ideas as to why?"

I couldn't tell you how the flow of conversation went after that. My brain just blacked out.

After training, I showered and dressed faster than I liked to make sure that I could get out of there before Robin could catch up to me. I'd just about had enough of him for one day. Even after I'd tried to convince myself that I could slowly but surely return to living life normally without feeling so torn up and thrown away and pining so much, he continued to infect my brain as if to tell me that my will was not strong enough and that I was doomed to suffer.

I'd made it out the door on my own and considered bolting across the field to make sure that he didn't catch up to me, but I was just too tired and I didn't feel like it. I wanted to think that he wouldn't even notice that I was gone but part of me knew that I might have wanted him to catch up to me. Before I could stop to ponder which one it was, he called me.

"Hy. Wait up."

I wanted to ignore him as if that would be like screaming at a demon, 'You have no control over me' and overcoming it. But I knew that was pointless. Time to put on the act again. I stopped and turned, expression blank. "Yeah?"

"You left me again." Interesting choice of words. I thought that was my line. "Is something the matter?"

"There are always matters, Robin. The world is not a perfect place. Somewhere not far from here, someone is experiencing a crisis that needs to be fixed."

"You're talking in riddles."

"Apparently, I do that sometimes. You told me so, in fact."

"You're acting a bit odd."

I exhaled. "It's just stress."

"Tell me about it."

I had to stop and think about how to phrase this so that it was not a lie but a well-concealed truth. "I realised I have to learn to coexist with people that wreck my life."

His step faltered so that he was half a pace behind me. It was almost a guilty kind of falter. He caught back up. "Is there anyone specific you're talking about?"

"It's a lesson that's necessary for life in general, dear friend of mine."

"So, no real reason?"

I shrugged. "Who dictates what a real reason is or isn't?"

"You know, you could drive a person crazy like that."

"I'm assuming that you're referring to my riddles."

"Yes."

"If someone goes crazy from just my riddles, they were becoming unhinged anyway. I say nothing that doesn't hold truth in some way or other. I tend to say a lot of obvious things that are only not obvious because people don't take the time to stop and reflect on life anymore."

"No one has time anymore. Or patience. And some people just prefer to block things out because they've got other demons to face and they don't want to stir any more."

I smirked. "Hm. There ya go. You've gotten some of my madness now."

He chuckled. "Maybe we're all a little mad."

I nodded. "Yes, I always believed that. Normal is just a construct put in the minds of people to limit possibilities and alienate. It doesn't really exist because all people are different. Standards can't really be applied to human behaviour. There are too many variables out of our control."

He stopped to think as we walked. "You know, you're like some kind of sage or old soul who's seen hundreds of lives sometimes. It's odd for a fifteen year old."

"I won't say I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's one of those amazing things about you."

And just like that, just with that one comment, he started a warm, joyous feeling throughout my entire body. Who the hell gave him so much power over me? Then again, I was always a person who loved attention and compliments. I was a Grade A exhibitionist.

I shrugged. There was silence for a long while as we crossed the field.

"I want to ask you something," he said finally.

I figured it was about our breakup since he felt the need to prepare me for the question. "Ask away."

"How many people know?"

"About?"

"Our...breakup."

"Five people, including ourselves. Well, assuming your mentor knows, six." He still looked like he was expecting more information. "As in, my parents and January."

"How come you haven't told Tanya?"

"I think she'd hate you and be more crushed than I am."

"Are you? Crushed, that is."

"Do I seem crushed?"

"Will you give me a straight answer?"

"I think deduction goes a long way in life."

"I think you're avoiding a lie."

I smirked. So he knew. Didn't change the fact that he wasn't pressing at all for the truth. "Relax. Can't you see how healthy I am?"

"Being crushed has nothing to do with your physical health." Oh really? He clearly didn't experience the agony I did when he told me it was over.

"Your mental and spiritual affects your health, too, you know."

"What are you trying to say?"

"Look at me, Rob. I'm fine. I live and I live well. Stop being so nervous." His eyes searched my face and didn't reveal whether or not it came up with a half-truth or a lie. "I appreciate your concern, though. Proves that we really are still best friends."

He opened him mouth as if to argue something but then closed it and nodded. "Yeah. Best friends." There was some more silence as we approached the road. "Does Jani hate me now?"

I shrugged. "That reminds me. You have her bracelet?"

"Oh, yeah, I almost forgot." He pulled her bracelet from his pocket, took my hand and wrapped my fingers around it. I closed my eyes for a second, wondering why he had to hold my hand like that. "Tell her I'm sorry."

"For taking so long?"

"For everything."

I would have asked what he meant but I decided not to. Somehow, I knew he was referring to the breakup. I snickered. "You're acting like you're never going to see her again."

"I doubt anyone in your family wants to."

"Nonsense. We had a quiet breakup, that's all. We're still friends like we were before. In any case, what happened between you and me has nothing to do with your relationship with my family. They still love you." Of course I knew that was a bit of a lie. Nothing would ever be like it was before.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. You can still come over and hang out."

He gave a half-smile. "Thanks."

"That's what best friends are for."

A taxi came. We got in and I began to suspect that the entire journey would be filled with tension and awkward conversation. I wanted to tell him that I was okay going home alone but it would seem suspicious. As friends, we were always together in the afternoons.

I remembered the mission that the team had gone on without me the day I'd woken up from my mild concussion and the venom that Cheshire had hit me with.

"Hey, whatever happened during that mission that I missed the day I woke up after Cheshire hit me with her dart?"

"Oh, that. We thought we'd found a trail from the mob that had escaped during the mission when you got hurt. We got there too late. They'd already cleared out by the time we arrived."

"The guys that were captured spilled their beans about the place?"

"Yeah. They're in Belle Reve now."

I nodded. "Good. They should all end up in there."

The pregnant pause gave the impression that he was going to ask another sensitive question. "You really mean _all_ of them?" Obviously, he was asking about Jason.

"Yes. All. Did you ever find his mother?"

"Laila Guerreton hasn't popped up in the public hospital database. She might be in a private hospital. Would he have brought her in under a pseudo?"

"Possibly. If I can think of anything, I'll tell you. He said they're charging him an arm and a leg to take care of her so look for any strange hospitals. I suspect he's being ripped off. I wonder if the whole thing was a setup so that he'd be forced to work in the mob."

"Doesn't that sound too farfetched?"

"Nothing's too farfetched. The world's a screwy place."

"I wish you wouldn't be such a pessimist."

"Force of habit."

He shook his head. "It's odd that you're a pessimist given how happy your family is and stuff."

"If my perspective on life was shaped by just that, then I'd certainly be an optimist. But I'm aware of the wider world around me and Jason was my best friend for some of my more impressionable years. My optimistic outlook's been ruined."

"There isn't anything to make you see the brighter side of life?"

"I'll see it if it's there." My phone rang to the sound of 'Like a G6'. It was my mom. "Hello."

"Where are you?" she asked.

"On my way home."

"Is Robin with you?"

"Is there something you need me to get for you?"

"You dodged my question so that's a yes. I was just wondering where you were."

I knew she was really calling to check up on me but we could discuss that later. "I'm in a cab on the way home. I'll be there in like five minutes."

"Okay. Can I say hi?"

I passed him the phone. "Hi, Aunt Harlene...I'm good...Yeah, talk to you later...Bye." He shut the phone and handed it back. "Things do feel normal," he commented half to himself.

"Told ya."

The rest of the ride was pretty quiet. When the cab stopped off, I got out but he stayed. "See you tomorrow?"

"God-willingly, yes."

"Bye."

"Bye."

As soon as I walked through the door, I handed Jani her bracelet and headed for my room.

"Oh, hey, Hy. You okay?" she asked.

"I'm tired. I need to sleep."

"Hold on," mom said. "Are you finished packing?"

"Packing?" A light came on above my head slowly. "Crap! I forgot we're going away tomorrow."

She rolled her eyes then looked at me with eyebrows high. "You mean you didn't tell your team?"

"I'll call Robin right now and have him pass along the message."

"Really, Hy, what's going on with you, girl?"

"This has nothing to do with our breakup."

Her expression was flat. "I never said it did. I know you forgot before that."

Feeling dumb, I became speechless. The only person making me look like I was still holding on to him was me. "I finished packing last week, that's why I forgot. I'll...go call Robin now." I started to head to my room.

"Babe?"

I stopped and turned. "Yeah, mom?"

She studied me for a moment then shook her head and smiled. "Nothing. There are baked potatoes in the oven if you want."

Of course I hadn't realised it but I was starving. Baked potatoes were one of my favourites. She was giving me comfort food. It almost made me mad but I didn't have the energy for it. I wasn't being pitied, I had to remind myself. My mom was just being a mom and watching out for me. She was doing everything in her power to help me be okay again. Because she knew I wasn't really okay. I couldn't be upset with her for knowing the truth and trying to help me. "Thanks, mom. Thanks a lot."

"You're welcome."

"Hey, Jani."

"Yeah?" she said, turning.

"Robin says he's sorry."

"For what?"

"For everything."

"I'm not sure what that means."

"Me either."

I shut the bedroom door behind me, one hand pressing the phone to my ear.

"I'm going away."

"What?"

"My mom, Jani and I are going to Trinidad." I fought the compulsion to tell him that it was just for the week. Deep inside, I wanted to know if he would worry. "I forgot to mention that. Can you please tell the team?"

"Uh, sure. How come you're leaving so suddenly?"

"I just forgot to mention it before."

"H—how long will you be gone?"

I wanted to say something cryptic that would make him think I wasn't coming back and see if he would panic but I closed my eyes and exhaled. The last thing I wanted was to be cruel. _If_ me going away would have any effect on him at all. "Three weeks. Just three weeks."

"You're leaving tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"What time tomorrow?"

"Our flight's for six forty-five a.m."

"Your dad's not going?"

"No."

"How come you're going in the middle of the school term?"

"Usually we spend like a month of summer vacation there but I spent it with you guys this year, remember? We have to go make sure our dual citizenship stays in order."

"You were born there?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, cool. I remember you said you have family there."

"Most of the family on mom's side. We have a house there, too. Maybe I should invite you guys to come with me sometime."

"You're coming back on a Sunday?"

I chuckled. So many questions. "You sound like Immigrations."

"Sorry. You just caught me off guard."

"Yes, I'm coming back Sunday, our flight's for around midday. I'll call you when I return and I'll come to base as soon as I drop my stuff home."

"Oh, okay. Cool. Wally'd want you to bring him a souvenir."

"I will. You want anything?" I wanted so badly for him to say 'just for you to come back'. Say it. It's all I want to hear.

"Keychain?"

I wouldn't let myself be disappointed. "Sure thing."

"Does Tanya know?"

"Yeah. She'll be getting my notes for me."

"Good friend."

"She understands."

"Hm." There was a bit of silence. "How do we reach you if we need you?"

"You won't."

"And if we do?"

I chuckled. "My phone's got roaming. Just call."

"Alright. Well, I'll let you go pack."

"Thanks. Bye."

"Yeah, bye." Usually, one would tell their friend to have a safe trip if they were going somewhere but he hadn't. He hadn't said a thing but goodbye.


	4. Chapter 4

**Here, have a chapter.**

I was just pulling on my jeans in the dark when a figure leapt through my window in an all too familiar way.

"Hey, Hy."

"Robin, what are you doing here? It's three in the morning."

The room wasn't completely dark. There was still enough light to see things. Which is why when he realised that I wasn't wearing a shirt that his cheeks began to colour. He turned around promptly. "Sorry! I didn't mean to barge in on you."

"You came through my window! Did you think it being open was an invitation? You still haven't told me why you're here though."

"I came to say goodbye."

My arms stilled for a moment with the shirt just over my head before I pulled it down and into place. "You can turn around now."

"You're dressed?"

"No, I'm in lingerie now. Of course I'm dressed, dummy."

He turned and chuckled, eyeing my tee-shirt which had the word 'exhibitionist' on it in bold white letters against the green background. "Nice lingerie."

"Hold up. You're trying to tell me that you're up and in my room at three in the morning just to tell me goodbye?"

"Yes."

"Are you nuts?"

"You've told me I am."

I rolled my eyes, trying to fight the warmth in me and the pain at knowing he was so sweet and so not mine. "Do you believe everything you hear?"

"No, but I'm willing to just take my best friend's word for it."

I rolled my eyes again and pulled the clip out of my hair to comb and arrange it in a neat ponytail. "Did you sneak out?"

"Sort of."

"Sneaking out is bad. Your guardian might worry."

"He's asleep. I think. Or...out."

"What kind of crazy person is still out at three in the morning?"

"I suppose you wouldn't say that if Batman was out at this hour."

"That's different."

"How so?"

"He's Batman."

"Why is that a reason by itself?" I just turned and looked at him. "Yeah, you're right, that _is_ just a reason by itself." He smirked as if keeping something to himself then shook his head.

Silence settled in the room for a while I looked around the room as if trying to make sure I had everything. I really just didn't want to stare at him in an awkward silence. "Are you sure all you want is a keychain?"

He grinned. "You could bring me back a hot girl from the Caribbean."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, sure. 'Cause that'll definitely fit in my carryon."

He chuckled. "Is...your door locked?"

"No."

"I should get out of here then."

"Or you should come through the front door like a normal person."

"What's normal about being up at the three in the morning?"

"Ah. So you see my point."

He half-smiled. "Sorta."

"Take care of Meg and Arty and the rest of the team for me, please."

"You worried about them?"

I half-smiled. "I can't help it. They're all family, too."

"I'm sure they're going to miss you, too."

"I sure hope they do. How else am I supposed to feel important?"

He chuckled. "You are so full of yourself."

"It's my best trait."

He exhaled audibly. "I should go before your mom or dad or Jani comes in." He turned to the window then, seeming to remember something, turned back to me, crossed the few steps between us and pulled me into a hug. Why, oh why, did he have to hug me? Couldn't he tell this was hard enough for me as it was without the scent of his skin and his soap and his clothes?

"Thanks for coming to say goodbye."

"Have a good trip. And make sure to come back, okay?"

I chuckled. His arms felt so good around me. It always did. It still did. Just as I was almost about to lose myself, close my eyes and kiss his neck like I used to, he pulled back. It was akin to a sudden rejection in pain.

"Bye, Hy." He started for the window.

"Robin."

"Yeah?"

"Don't do anything stupid or reckless while I'm gone, okay?"

He laughed. "Can't make any promises."

"Robin," I said warningly.

"Okay, I'll be careful. See you in three weeks."

"Yeah, see ya."

He leapt out the window and I couldn't help but feel a sharp pining. When would it go away?

I sat on my bed, taking a few breaths, trying to smooth back my cool-as-a-cucumber mask onto my face and onto my insides to stop the churning. It required a degree of concentration to force yourself to stop feeling what you were feeling and thinking what you were thinking and to just focus on whatever was going on around you at the moment that didn't hurt or confuse or excite.

Not five minutes after he'd left my room, my mother came through the door.

"You ready, pumpkin?"

"Yes, mom."

"What happened to you?"

"What do you mean 'what happened to me'?"

"You look...uncalm."

"That's not a word, mom."

"Still. It describes how you look perfectly. What happened?"

I didn't opt to say anything. Instead I just looked at her while I tried to decide which version of the truth I wanted to give her, the absolute one or the sanitised one. After a few moments, she made the choice for me.

"You talked to him, didn't you? Robin." Ah, so she chose for me the sanitised version. Very well.

"I called him yesterday, remember?"

"What did he say?"

"He wants me to bring back souvenirs."

"That's it?"

"He gave the third degree about why we were going so suddenly."

"So he was concerned. Very good."

"He did what any best friend would do, mom."

"Ah, yes. But you were expecting a little more, weren't you?"

"'Expecting' is the wrong word."

"But you wanted it, yes?"

I exhaled. "You already know that I did."

"I don't know what to do for you, my darling. I really wouldn't know what it's like."

"I know. We can't all be lucky like you and marry our first boyfriends. But maybe all along I knew our relationship was meant to sink. Maybe I knew he wasn't the type to settle for one girl for any extended period of time."

"It still didn't stop you from falling for him."

"No. But my feelings for him aren't going to stop me from moving on in life or enjoying my trip."

"I just hope you're properly dealing with this, Hy, instead of shoving it in some kind of internal corner. I hope that so dearly, but I know I'm wrong."

"If you know me, why do you persist with this hope and optimism so, dear mother of mine?"

"Because I'm your mother and I can see the potential within you. I'm supposed to keep the hope when no one, not even yourself, can see it so that you can see it in my eyes and make the conscious decision to turn things around, if for nobody else but me."

"Can I say something selfish for a moment?"

"Go on."

"Right about now, I'm a little tired of doing thing for other people. I'm tired of having to show a brave face so others won't worry. I'm tired of having to carefully pacify my problems so that I can be able to fight the good fight. I'm tired of putting my butt on the line to save other people. Can I not, for just this once, remain as I am and just deal with this my own way? I'll go back to doing whatever everyone else wants in a little bit."

She looked at me for a long moment with an almost blank expression and I was almost sorry after I'd said it. She took a deep breath with her eyes closed and exhaled as she reopened them. "Alright, sweetheart. I didn't want to badger you."

"I didn't consider it like that. I know you're concerned but the only person who'll know how to properly—and I mean _properly_—fix myself inside again is me. I have to know which things to throw out and which ones I can just turn over, if you get what I mean."

She nodded. "I get it. I just hope this friendship doesn't get too difficult."

"Time heals all wounds."

"Love's a little more difficult to tackle, baby."

Funny how loving him was the easiest thing in the world to do and living without him seemed to be at the moment just about the hardest. I was living, yes, but it was an effort to get my head back in the game and out of dwellsville, where I would only think and think and think about it as if I could find a reason for it or figure out how to make it right again. I couldn't make it right because there wasn't any obvious wrong. He just didn't want me anymore as his girlfriend and I just still loved him. Easy peasy, simple as that. Easy and simple and painful.

"We should go," I said.

"Yeah. Tea's on the table with eggs and toast. We'll leave after you finish eating."

"January's ready?"

"No. She just got out of the bathroom."

I laughed. "And yet you're making it look like _I'm_ the one we're waiting on. Were you hoping in vain again that she could speed through bathing and dressing?"

She glanced at the ceiling. "Yes. What's a mom to do?"

"I haven't the foggiest."

"Go eat."

"No need to tell me twice."

In the fantasy world in my head which I often ignored because it tended to come up with cockamamie ideas and scenarios, I imagined how perfect it would be if my team would be there at the airport waiting for me, waiting to either see me off or beg me not to go. Of course I knew it was both stupid and ridiculous; as much as they were my family, it would be a gross misconception to think that I meant as much to them. I tended to obsess over my friends because, at the base of it, I loved attention and liked to hold on to the people whom I could get along really well with. Strangely enough, with that excuse, Jason should have been in that category if his betrayal hadn't put him on my blacklist.

I shouldn't have been tired at all but somehow, when I was on the plane, I fell asleep. It was bright sun outside and the cabin also was well lit, yet somehow, either because of boredom or confusion, I was pushed into unconsciousness.

The courtroom was stuffy. It was very hot and the dress with the wide-flaring pleated skirt that I was wearing was almost equally as stifling. The Red Queen looked down at me with contempt and displeasure. She didn't like commoners wasting her time. She preferred to sit in her throne room and order around her servants to do the dumbest things, like paint the white rose bushes red.

The jury was an odd bunch. The Mad Hatter wore a yellow suit and had a lightning bolt on his great big hat. The White Rabbit wore sunglasses. The Dormouse had green fur and wore a bandeau above her ears. The Cheshire Cat had a quiver of arrows strapped to her back and an arrow on her chest. The Mouse wore a black shirt was a large S on it which seemed so particularly odd because I couldn't figure out the significance of it. The Caterpillar was a lovely shade of brown with a bright shade of blond on his head. They were all surveying me with what looked like...pity.

"Would the defendant please stand," the Red Queen requested.

I stood, looking around me for who would be my lawyer. No one stood beside me. Apparently, I was doing this solo, a cappella. I felt at a slight disadvantage.

The Red Queen had short hair and I knew her figure was remarkable beneath her long dress despite having borne children. She resembled a woman I knew very closely—the woman's name was Harlene. She looked less irritated now and more pitying.

"Do you know your crime?" she asked.

"I know not if it is really a crime, your majesty."

"Indeed, for it has a sentence to accompany it."

"A sentence?"

"Yes, indeed."

"Is it simple or complex or single-worded or grammatically incorrect?"

"It is all of the above, dear child."

"Pray, what do you say is my offence?"

"You have fallen in love with one of the jurors among which you should be standing."

I gasped, hands flying to my mouth. How my secret had gotten out I knew not. Then again, it was not much of a secret and it was not really well kept.

"Do you claim innocence, child?"

"No, your majesty," I said quietly. Looking over at the jury, there was indeed pity in their eyes. Especially in the eyes of the White Rabbit, the eyes I could not see behind his shades yet I knew, I knew they were looking upon me with pure, unrestrained pity and maybe a little touch of indifference.

"Very well then."

"And, what is my sentence, your majesty?"

"You are hereby sentence to forever loving him, whether near or far, young or old, friends or otherwise."

"Oh, no! Please, your majesty! I couldn't!"

"You will. There is no other judgement. You are sentenced to love him forever." She lifted her gavel, pounded it once and put it down. "This case is adjourned." She stood to leave and I continued to try to protest but the shuffling of her feet and the feet of all the faceless, shapeless, colourless strangers in the room were drowning out my voice that seemed as tiny as the sound of a needle falling on the floor. Even the jury was leaving me behind, all of the jury except the White Rabbit who continued to just sit there and look at me with the pity and indifference in his shaded eyes. I could not move from where I was. My voice was tiny and unintelligible now. I could not speak or protest or cry. In my agony, in my being lost and unsure of what to do, I leaned over on the podium before me and I sobbed.

When I woke up, I felt disoriented and confused and horribly wound up and tired. The dream itself was extremely convoluted and wrong in the placement and representations of some characters but the overall theme was very obviously spot-on. Somehow, all of my team was there as well as my mother. They were all condemning me for something I had absolutely no control over. How had the dream even become _Alice in Wonderland_ themed?

Whatever the answer, I knew one thing for certain: if I could, I wasn't going to fall asleep on this plane ride again. I dug in my carryon bag for a book I'd borrowed from the library near school and started reading. It wasn't the typical romantic, teenage angst kind of book that I loved to read. It was detective novel. Having gone there for no real reason but to kill some time, I'd picked it up at random and the synopsis at the back managed to pique my interest so, without thinking much, I borrowed it. I'd started it Friday and it was turning out to be rather interesting. I had to make a mental note to remember the name of the author and look out for other works of his. At first, my mind was restless and unwilling to settle and let me read the book, but I persisted. I did some breathing, put my _iTouch_ on shuffle and started reading as I listened to music. I was pulled into the novel in no time.

Fourteen pages from the ending, I heard the PA system on the plane ding. I pulled out an earbud and the flight attendant announced that we were about to land at our destination. My mother who was sitting with January in the centre column of seats turned to me to make sure I'd heard. We didn't sweat being seated separately so she hadn't protested when they had placed me in the left most column in the seat closest to the aisle. It was sort of fun to be separated on the plane. It also gave me some well valued time to read. The plane quickly and smoothly made its landing and I grabbed my bag and stood, waiting for mom and Jani to walk out before me so I could follow.

The answer to my question of why I would dream in an _Alice in Wonderland_ theme came when I stood. In front of me, some traveller's little son was now dozing on his abridged, illustrated version of the story. My eyes had probably caught sight of it moments before I fell asleep. Somehow, the dream was telling me that it didn't matter where I went, his thoughts would follow me as would my feelings for him and they would torture me forever. But I already sort of knew that. I wasn't going to let him affect my life if he didn't want me. I would just have to learn to work around. The constant reminders however were getting on my nerves.

Generally when I came to Trinidad while my cousin's school term was still in session, she would secure permissions for me to attend school with her. It wasn't some badly thought-out ploy of my mother's to keep me out of her way as many people would think. It was an interesting experience and I enjoyed it. School there was a lot harder than at home. Their pace was like lightning and their workload was maybe twice or thrice ours. Plus, they had to wear uniforms in most of the schools below university level. Being a visitor, I was spared the whole uniform thing. It was cute though. Just for the fun of it, I wore one the second day I went with her. But, savouring the privilege of not having to be in school, I opted only to spend one week with her at school.

The first thing we did when we arrived there was drop off our stuff at our house. The second was to get ready for and attend church. After church, we went next door to Aunty Sandrine's house and all of mom's other sisters and our cousins were there. The family on my mom's side was kind of big, certainly bigger than on dad's side. Dad had only one younger brother, Uncle Daxus, who was a lawyer and lived on the other side of America in Spokane, Washington. He was half White, a quarter Native Indian (Abenaki) and a quarter Spanish. That's how he got his last name despite the fact that the Spanish in him wasn't phenotypically obvious at all. Dad grew up in Louisiana but moved to Happy Harbour after college during his internship at the Happy Harbour Hospital (we joked that it was the Abenaki in him that made him want to come to Happy Harbour, long-time home of the tribe). It was during their internship that mom and dad met and the rest was history. Dad's parents lived in Spokane now as well. They didn't visit much so we weren't as close to them as we were with our mom's family.

Harlene Victoria Harris was an American citizen with roots in Trinidad. Her family was as close as family could be. Even dad preferred the warmth of the Harrises. Grandma Tessa had moved to the US in her twenties and met a fellow ex-pat like herself whom she fell in love with and married. She had four daughters, Sandrine, Harlene, Renata and Sharla. They were all half East Indian (since Gran was fully of East Indian heritage), a quarter Spanish and one eighths African and Chinese (from Grandpa's side). They lived in Jacksonville, Florida for most of their lives but Gran always made sure to take them every summer, every Carnival and every Christmas back to Trinidad to reconnect with their true heritage and the rest of their family (East Indian people tended to have very close knit families). One by one, except my mom, when the girls turned eighteen, they decided to move to Trinidad to live. As a result, it was just us living in the States since Gran decided to return with them.

All of my aunts but Aunt Sharla were now married. Aunt Sandrine had twins, Sanjeevi and Sanjay (East Indian dad, they were Hindu) who were a year older than I was. Aunt Renata had two kids as well, not twins, Zane and Tiffany who were seventeen and sixteen. Her husband was of African descent. All in all, our family was very colourful. In keeping with Gran's tradition, every Carnival and summer, we would go to Trinidad and our relatives would come up to visit us occasionally as well. Some Christmases we spent at home and the family would come up while others we went down to be with them.

Sanjeevi and Sanjay were my mischievous partying partners. Whenever I came down or they came up, we would find some party to go to. Aunt Sandrine's family came up to visit us most frequently so we were just a tad bit closer to them. As a result, most of our family on mom's side had two accents, one Trinidadian (as close as possible for us who lived abroad) and one American (which they seemed very adept at replicating) and we used whichever was appropriate for where we were (I'd learnt in her school that that was called code switching).

As a result of the mix up of my dad and mom, I was a quarter East Indian, Spanish and White, one-eighth Chinese and one-sixteenth Native Indian and Black. I had dual-citizenship and I was from two cultures. That accounted for everything in me: my tanned complexion and my tendency to not burn or turn red in the sun like my more fair-complexioned counterparts at home, my long, straight, dark brown hair and my curvy shape which meant I had...assets and an hourglass figure.

During the second week, the three of us went to visit various family friends around the country and we took the time to walk around and take pictures of practically everything. Well, the only person acting like a tourist was me. I wanted to have some pictures to show the team. While we were out, I made sure to stop by souvenir shops to grab some stuff for my team. On Saturday, the adults ditched all of us and went clubbing, which was fine by us. We stayed home, watched DVDs and enjoyed ourselves. Jani went to bed after the first movie, being too squeamish to watch horror movies so she left Tiffany, Zane, Sanjeevi and Sanjay with me. More than anything, it was very funny. After a while, we stopped paying attention to the lame movie and started just talking about stuff. Sanjeevi started talking about her boyfriend and we all teased her in good spirits. I briefly remembered Robin but shoved the memory in a corner and forgot about it in all the merriment.

Sunday was for church and relaxing. Everyone spent the day at our house and we played board games and cards and charades. Boring as one would think this would be, it was the funniest thing ever. And loud. It was mostly a bunch of people shouting at each other in a good natured sort of way. But it was so enjoyable. Monday was our spa day. Tuesday, mom, Jani and I sat down and planned the rest of our last week.

On Wednesday of the last week, mom, Jani and I went on a hike and then took a trip to a nature preserve. We had a beautiful picnic and I was reminded why I loved coming here. There was something much more pleasant about breathing in the fresh air on a tropical island than the fresh air from Happy Harbour's green parks. Thursday, we spent the day with Aunt Sharla at her house. She had a pool. It was a wonderful, wonderful thing to have a family member who owned a pool. She and mom cooked together and caught up on various things and then later in the afternoon, we all went for a drive during which we stopped for ice cream. Friday night, we all went to the movies. Tiffany could not keep her mouth shut throughout an entire movie but it was hilarious. Somehow, seeing a movie with them tended to make it more enjoyable, especially comedies and action films.

On Saturday, the entire family went to the beach. We preferred to side-line it to the weekend to avoid causing the working adults to have to take a day's casual leave and the kids to absent themselves from school to accompany us. We rented a van and all went together to spend most of the day. While there, I picked up some stuff from some roaming vendors as souvenirs, mainly jewellery. I saw an anklet made with wooden beads and immediately thought of Kaldur but wasn't sure if he would go for the whole jewellery thing. I bought it anyway, planning to ask whether he preferred the carved wooden steelpan. I'd gotten a metal one to put in the kitchen in the Cave. By the end of my shopping, I was pleased with the stuff I got. Robin was getting a heavy, metal keychain in the shape of Trinidad with a hibiscus and the national flower, the chaconia, growing from the shape. I'd gotten a handmade sarong—green, of course—for Artemis, a bracelet made with wooden beads and small shells for Megan and a wooden beaded necklace for Wally. Conner was harder to buy for but in the end, I decided to buy him a beaded necklace as well. Those who really didn't wear jewellery were more than welcome to hang the objects from mirrors or bedposts or wherever they saw fit. On my way from the airport, I'd pick up a bottle of _Angostura Single Barrel Rum _for the League to take to the Watchtower. God knows they needed some alcohol in their lives. Just in case I missed someone or lost something or someone didn't like their souvenir, I picked up an extra keychain with the Trinidad and Tobago flag on it. Tanya had made sure to tell me to get a pair of handmade sandals for her. I got matching bracelets for her and Stephen as well. Once those were purchased, I was able to relax with all my shopping done.

My time was well spent, occupied by the fun and my family, but it still wasn't enough to keep away thoughts of Robin. Every so often, it would hit me, seemingly out of nowhere. I would be looking at something or admiring the wonderful beach breeze and think, "He would love this" or "I wish he could see this". It would sour my mood for a while until someone came and distracted me again, which was often. Caribbean people were extremely excitable and generally bubbly so I would be bummed about thinking about him one minute and laughing at some family antics the next. I thought of my team every so often as well. I knew they would just love it here if they came.

After we returned from the beach at five, Sanjeevi and Sanjay surprised me with tickets to a party. After securing permission from mom, we dressed and took some pictures before Aunt Sandrine dropped us off. We met up with Tiffany and Zane at the entrance. Partying with them was the time to let go. It was wild and maybe a bit disturbing sometimes, but it was always a pretty good time. Sanjeevi had brought her camera and periodically stopped to ambush people and take pictures that would inevitably end up on _Facebook_. We met up with some of their school friends whom I was familiar with and we all hung out and danced together. It was a mix of Dance music, Dancehall, Soca and Pop that kept the crowd going. Never boring, always entertaining, it was just what I needed to make my last week complete.

Getting up the next morning was painful and difficult. But then, I suppose that's what happens when you come home four o' clock and have to get up at five thirty a.m. to get to church for seven. I still couldn't care that I was running on one and a half hours of sleep. I was feeling totally on top of the world. Our flight was for twelve and we'd get back home around five p.m. Upon returning from church, we had breakfast, said our last goodbyes, made sure everything was packed and headed for the airport. I made sure to pick up a bottle of rum and a bottle of peanut punch and then we were on our way. I slept during the flight, through the whole flight, like the living dead. Since we were all sitting together this time, mom was able to nudge me awake as we were about to land.

Dad was ecstatic to see us. He hugged us all tightly and I turned my back and headed to my room when he kissed mom to allow them their privacy. They were in my estimation the cutest couple in the whole world. The trip had done me infinite good. My pessimism was way down. I was still running off of the high from being in my home away from home. I wanted nothing more than to strip and sleep till Monday but I knew I had told Robin I would come in as soon as my stuff were back in my house. I rounded up all the souvenirs I'd bought and went into the living room.

"I'm headed to the base," I told mom who was on the couch with dad, watching TV.

"Do you have to? You just got home," she replied.

"They don't need me but I told Robin I'd check in."

"A phone call wouldn't suffice?"

"Do you prefer that I didn't go?"

"No, not at all. I was just wondering."

"In any case, I'm anxious to give them their souvenirs."

"Alright, you nutbag. Be safe."

"Sure thing, mommy." I blew her and dad a kiss before going out the door.

I was lucky enough to get a cab just outside the building and was crossing the field eight minutes after I left home. Traffic was light and I reflected on how well that helped me out because I was exhausted and just wanted sleep.

As I got through the door, I fought the urge to utter expletives. I didn't have to make much more than a brief sweep with my eyes to tell that something was very different with the Cave. The smell was unmistakable, too. It smelt like the remnants of carnage, of a fire fight and new equipment and paint. Captain Marvel approached.

"Uh, who are you?" he asked.

"Oh, I'm Hyacinth but my pseudo is Cin, with a C. Nice to meet you." I offered my hand and after a second of late realisation, he took it. "The team didn't tell you about me?"

"Uh, no. They've had their hands tied."

"Well, I can tell. What I'd like to know is what the hell happened. The team in the living room?"

"Oh, yeah." I headed for the kitchen and he fell into step next to me. Upon seeing the familiar faces I had to fight the urge to squeal and hug everybody. I rolled my eyes at myself. This island high I was experiencing was making me loopy. They all seemed to be watching a movie of some sort.

"Well," their eyes turned to me, "you guys sure don't look like you missed me at all."

"Hy!" Megan exclaimed, flying off the couch to come greet me. I gave her a hug. The others stood as well. When I actually looked around at the faces there, I realised there was someone new in the room sitting next to Robin.

"Oh, hello," I said to her.

"Hi," she replied just a little shyly.

"Seriously, guys? I go away for three weeks and you replace me already? That's hurtful. I think I'm going to go in a corner and cut myself." Conner looked puzzled. I realised I'd missed that, his cute lost looks.

"She is not your replacement, Hyacinth," Kal said. "This is—"

"—Zatanna." Robin cut in before Kal could finish his sentence. "She's Zatara's daughter and also a magician." They glanced at each other then and it hit me. I'd only seen him faun over a girl like this once before, with Megan. I saw now the unintended truth in my words. Indeed, I had been replaced. Not by the whole team but by the person I cared for the most and in the way that hurt the most. And it had only been three weeks. That didn't help my self-esteem much. In fact, it impressed upon me the fact that it hadn't been him, but me.

I plastered on a small smile that wouldn't be wide enough to look fake and winked at her.

"Nice to meet you. You've got to show me a trick sometime, like dunking Wally in the sea or in the water in the basement."

"Hey!" he objected. I went over and ruffled his hair.

"Oh, you know I'm teasing you because I missed you."

"Of course you did, babe. Glad to know you've stopped hiding your feelings."

I rolled my eyes and went back to my spot next to Megan. "Yeah, sure, of course that's what's happening. It's not that I missed _all_ of you or anything."

"How...sweet," Artemis said, seemingly a little unaccustomed to the dotage.

"You guys would love it there. We should go sometime. Anyways, so I brought gifts." I rested the bag on the kitchen table and then remembered something. "First off, would someone like to tell me what the hell happened in here? I'm assuming this is related to how Wally broke his arm."

"How—" Wally started to ask.

"The smell in here practically screamed that some level of shi—madness went down." They looked around amongst themselves as if to try to find out who would tell the story. That was all I needed to know that this was serious. "I don't like that look. I'm thinking maybe I should sit down for this." I took a seat on the stool closest to me and closest to the team and braced myself for something I knew would upset me. I had to make sure to keep my language in check.

They launched into a tale that I otherwise would have thought was concocted by a skilled author had I not been aware of the fact that the world was an evil place full of evils. They described events surrounding Red Tornado and his seemingly previously unknown siblings, the questioning of Kaldur's judgement and leadership during their mission in India, fighting a group of super-menaces going under the ironic name, The Injustice League, and their mission with Zatanna which ended in the retrieval of Red Tornado.

"You should have been there, Hy. Zatanna's powers are amazing," Robin gushed.

I gave a half-smile. "They sound amazing. So, you're one of us now?"

"Not yet. My dad's still going ballistic over the whole kidnapping-unauthorised-mission thing."

"Can't blame him." They seemed to look at me as if they couldn't believe I was siding with him. I chuckled. "Let me finish. I can't blame him because he's your dad and there's like this special gene in him that makes him want to keep you out of anything potentially dangerous. But I can't say I disagreed with you guys for going on that mission. Even though I tend to be a textbook case goody two-shoes, I don't think given a matter like that that I would have sat quietly. You guys are a family whether you're aware of the feelings or not. Something like this was bound to frig with your heads." I stood up, needing a glass of water to clear my throat after all I'd heard and after trying so hard not to frown at hearing Robin sing Zatanna's praises like the Hallelujah Chorus. "However, shame on all of you for not trusting Kaldur's judgement after you selected him to be your leader. You guys are smarter than that. You let your anger from being ambushed and endangered cloud your reasoning. Had you calmed down and thought logically for two minutes, you could have avoided that whole spat."

"You say that now but you weren't there," Conner said.

I chuckled again. "Very true, Conner. As much as I'd like to say that you're just saying that to justify your behaviour, we can't know for sure that I wouldn't have had my own bitch fit about the whole thing." Realising my slip of the tongue, I glanced at the ceiling. "Sorry. Slip of the tongue." I got my glass of water, swallowed half then returned to the stool. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to support you guys when it would have really been helpful. Good thing for Zatanna, right?" She bowed her head shyly. After the story that had been told, I already knew I liked her. Even if she was stealing him from me. Nothing I could do about that. Nothing she could do about being amazing enough to steal his attention by just having been born. She was beautiful with her blue eyes, black hair and small build. "So who's ready for presents?"

I dug in the bag, trying to separate their stuff from Tanya's stuff and wondering if any Leaguers were around for me to give the bottles of yum.

"Okay, so it occurred to me that you guys mightn't be so hot on the whole jewellery wearing scene but I couldn't help but buy them. From the moment I saw the items, I just envisioned them on you guys. You can hang it from a mirror or a bedpost or something if you'd rather not wear it." I took the small metal steelpan from my bag and placed it in the centre of the kitchen counter. "A little decoration for the home." I handed them as I walked along. "A bracelet for Megan, a necklace for Conner and Wally, a handmade sarong for Artemis, an anklet for Kaldur and, last and maybe the least in terms of height—"

"Hey! I'm taller than you," Robin protested.

I laughed. "—your keychain, as requested. Silver plated to boot, too. Sorry I couldn't bring back your hot Caribbean girl. When I put her on the conveyor belt, they asked me to pay for extra baggage so I had to send her home."

He chuckled, then smirked. "It's fine. You brought back everything I was expecting."

I remembered the excess keychain and produced it from my bag, offering it to Zatanna. "I think this is for you."

She looked at it briefly then back at me. "I couldn't. I'm sure you got this for somebody."

"Actually, something in my head told me to buy something extra. I think God forewarned me that I was going to be doubly surprised when I returned and it was meant for you. Have it. Think of it as the beginning of your new best friendship since, inevitably, you will come to love and adore me like the rest of my team does."

She chuckled; it was an adorable sound. Robin chuckled as well. "Do you ever stop being full of yourself?" he asked.

"Maybe the day you beat me in a training match fair and square." The Cave security signalled Black Canary's entrance. When she found us, she seemed surprised to see me.

"Hyacinth, you're back. How was your trip?" she asked.

"Fantastic. I've got pictures on my _Facebook_ profile that I can show you guys later."

"Great to know." I handed her the two bottles and she seemed confused. "What—"

"I thought you guys might need a little pick-me-up. Will you take that to the League's HQ for me?"

"Uh, thanks, Hy. It's awfully nice of you."

"Trust me, you'll enjoy it. The stuff taste really good."

Her eyebrows knit and she raised one bottle higher than the other. "This is a bottle of rum. How would you know—"

"Um...I plead the fifth?"

She chuckled. "Thanks anyway, kid. You missed training earlier."

"I know. We just flew in before I came here. I just came to drop off some stuff. I should take off anyway."

"Do you have to leave so soon? Why don't you stay and tell us about your trip or show us those pictures you were talking about?" Megan asked. She knew how to make me feel so warm, the little angel.

"I'd love to but I've got to swing by Tanya's now."

"Aren't you going to see her tomorrow?" Wally asked.

"Yeah but I haven't been to school for three weeks. I need her to give me a crash course in all crap I missed. If I'm lucky, Stephen will be available to teach me the rest of the crap I missed from the classes Tan and I don't have together."

"Oh. Well, sucks to be you," Wally amended. "But if you need a tutor..." He raised his eyebrows at me.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, _thanks_, Wally." I took my mostly empty bag and hung it from my shoulder. "See you guys tomorrow."

There was a chorus of byes as I turned to the door. Robin didn't budge from where he was next to Zatanna. Typically, he'd offer to at least walk me out. Not anymore, clearly.

When Tanya opened the door, I couldn't remember the last time I was that happy to see her.

"Oh, wow. You look...tanned," she said.

"The Caribbean tends to do that to you," I replied, going to plop on the floor in front of the couch. I wasn't even one bit surprised that Stephen was there. "Hey, Ste."

"Hey, Hy. Had a good vacation?"

"The best there ever was. Until the next time I go, anyway. Which may or may not be at Christmas. Are you guys ready to teach me all the shit that won't help in life past high school?"

"Did you bring my sandals?" Tanya asked.

I dug in the bag and produced the turquoise and brown beaded sandals. "Also, I got you two this." I took out the pair of matching bracelets and held them out so they could take one each. Like the rest of the jewellery I'd bought for my teammates, it was made with wooden beads.

"Cool," Stephen said. "Thanks."

"I bought it for you guys since, you know, you're going to be together forever and ever and ever and ever."

Stephen laughed and messed with my hair. "Glad you know it." I swatted his hand away and watched on as they brought their now adorned wrists together to admire and compare. I admired how cute they were together for a moment before pushing their hands and separating them.

"Alright, you sickening twosome. Enough mush. Teach me some crap." Tanya swatted me with a throw pillow before getting up to go for the notes.

**I like reviews :D.**


	5. Chapter 5

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY, **_VintageRose503_**! Enjoy your day, dear, and God bless! This chapter is nice and long so I hope all of you enjoy it. I'm working super-extra hard on this fic and I think I'm liking where it's going. Hope you guys are, too.**

**Hi to all my faithful readers. I seem to be missing some readers from SHNH (just from glancing at the usernames) and I miss them. :'( That's right. I miss my usual reviewers when they don't review.**

**Also, I'd like to add that I don't know if the condition mentioned is medically possible so don't shoot me, please. Anyway, going away now…**

When I got home, I headed to the bathroom to have a quick shower and then dressed quickly so that I could dive into my bed and sleep till Monday which was about two hours away. Just as I pulled the shirt over my head, my phone started to ring. It was a blocked number.

"Hello?"

"Hey. I thought you'd be sleeping by now," Robin said. I had to control my voice as all the feelings of desolation at being replaced rushed back.

"And yet still you called."

"I thought I'd try my luck anyway. I was expecting it to ring forever and then go to voicemail."

"You can leave the message after the beep."

"Nah, I don't want to leave a message."

"So, what's up?"

"Nothing much. Just wanted to call and ask you how your trip was. I didn't get to ask when you stopped by."

"It was pretty great. I partied and hung out with my family and family friends and ate lots of food and just relaxed. Just the thing a person needs when things are stressing them out. Like school, you know."

"I thought you were good at academics."

"I am, but all those assignments and attention and work could drive anyone nuts after a while. A vacation makes things way better."

"How was your crash course?"

"Pretty good. Tan's a pretty bad teacher but Stephen's a really good one. I've got a couple essays to do for Lit and like three pop quizzes to take tomorrow but I'll be fine. And if I needed any help, Wally certainly made sure to offer his services."

He laughed. "Yeah, I don't think you should take him up on that offer. He's the guy who provided the _dumb_ idea when we were looking for T.O. Morrow."

"Aw, don't be so harsh. He's probably a bright kid. I wouldn't take his offer because he'd be trying to flirt with me the whole time and I'd probably end up sucker-punching him. What I can't believe is that the Leaguers didn't chase up the issue right away. They seemed to have it on the backburner, to the extent where you guys felt the need to chase it since they didn't seem too keen on it."

"Well, we had help figuring out how to manage that one. It was just luck that Zatanna happened to be with us. Without her, we would never have gotten anywhere."

"Yes. Zatanna. She seems like a real gem."

"Do you like her?"

"Of course I like her. She sounds super-cool and her powers are way badass. Now all you guys have to teach her to do is hold her own in a fistfight. She pick a name yet?"

"Nah. But maybe she'll go by just her name like her dad does."

"Zatanna _is_ a beautiful name. Not cute like Robin but it's beautiful."

"Is it just me or do you seem to enjoy making fun of my name?"

"Who's making fun? It _is_ cute."

"It's not supposed to be cute."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, it's supposed to testify to your agility and fluidity of movement and the fact that you're a young crime fighter."

"I never told you that."

"I'm a Lit student. I get crazy connotations from things that are seemingly normal and straightforward."

He laughed at that. "Anyway, returning to the issue of the mission, I think maybe the League had a bunch of problems to deal with during those few weeks. Besides, they didn't even know where to start looking, hence, thank heavens we had Zatanna."

I didn't know if to think his praising her was sweet or sickening me. Mostly, it was just kind of painful, almost like he was rubbing his newfound attraction to her in my face. "Why didn't they do the obvious thing and pass it along to you guys? I mean that's what our team is there for, right?"

"They said Tornado was a League member and therefore a League matter."

"Bullshit. I would never have let them feed us that load of bullshit. He was our supervisor...our den mother. He was as much one of us as much as he was one of them." Robin seemed to get quiet on his side. I exhaled and closed my eyes for a couple seconds to let the tension subside. "Guess Conner might be right. Maybe I would have been an emotional mess like you guys had I been there."

"You probably would have been. We both know you can't keep your emotions in."

I half smirked to myself. He had no idea much wrong he was and exactly how much I was holding them in these days. "Heh, can't say for sure."

"Oh, hey, thanks for the keychain. It's gorgeous. I never associated ginger lilies with the Caribbean though."

"That's not a ginger lily; it's a chaconia, Trinidad's national flower. They kind of look alike but when you really look at them, they're different."

"Oh. Cool. I just learnt something."

"Hurray for you."

"So, see you tomorrow?"

"Provided I don't die in my sleep, sure thing."

He chuckled. "So bitter you are. Well, goodnight."

"Yeah, 'night."

After he hung up, I wasn't sure why I was expecting our conversation to be difficult. In fact, it had felt very normal, very natural and I was almost positive that I didn't make it blatantly obvious that something was wrong. I gave myself a mental pat on the back for not even reacting sourly when he was praising Zatanna like she'd given him a castle to live in.

I had nothing against her. Really. She was a sweet girl and her powers would more than be helpful to our cause. Though she wasn't yet part of our team, I could tell that we could more than use her. Her personality was one that everyone could get along with. She was lovely.

I couldn't fault her for happening to be Robin's type, whatever the hell that type was. And, certainly, I was in no position to dislike him for being attracted to her. She was attractive in terms of looks and personality.

Yet, somehow, I really couldn't help being that girl from that _Taylor Swift_ song, thinking 'you belong with me'. Because I felt like it was true. Never mind our relationship hadn't worked out because things just lost their interest or their spark or whatever they supposedly lost. Maybe if he had told me that something was up, we could have worked it out and created a solution that would have made us both happy and kept us together. But he hadn't chosen to confide in me that things were going south. Instead, he chose to just make a clean break. But the fact that he was moving on to somebody else was a big indicator that it wasn't him, it was me. Because if it was something about him like he wasn't comfortable being in a relationship while he's got so much focus on school and hero time or whatever, he wouldn't now be directing his attention so seriously to some other girl.

I wasn't jealous. No, it wasn't jealousy. I was just…heartbroken. And feeling extremely awful about myself. I felt like there was something broken about me that I needed to fix but I didn't know where to start. Which left me feeling even more confused and awful. I crawled into bed and put the pillow over my face. I quickly said a prayer and then waited for sleep to take me. I needed sleep to take me before I started thinking some more. That would only create more problems.

Just as I began to fall asleep, my phone rang and jolted me awake. I mumbled an expletive for whoever it was before I sat up and grabbed the phone off my side table.

"It's like ten thirty in the night. _What_ in the name of Princess Elizabeth could be so important?" I exclaimed into the phone to whoever was on the other end. I hadn't even bothered to check the caller ID.

"Geez, you're all testy. I woke you, didn't I?" Tanya said.

"More like I was just about to finally get to sleep."

"Should I just wait for tomorrow?"

I rubbed an eye and took a breath. "No, Tan. I'm already up. What's up?"

"Let's go on a double date."

"_That's_ what couldn't wait till tomorrow?"

"I just thought of it and called right away on impulse."

I face-palmed. "Good God in Heaven. Help me."

"I'm sorry, okay? But, seriously, double date. Like you, me, Ste and Rob."

"Tan, I don't think—" I stopped myself. I hadn't yet told her and didn't think I was ready to tell her as yet. Her reaction would be like January's but far, far more dramatic and probably with a few expletives mixed in. Unfortunately, that was something she probably picked up from me. "When were you thinking of?"

"Saturday. Two-ish. We could go to the movies and then go for pizza."

"Sorry, no can do. Rob's busy and you know I'm busy that time." The excuse came so naturally, I was impressed with myself.

"I thought maybe you could ditch. His plans solid?"

"As a diamond."

"Dammit. Sunday?"

"Yeah, no, also booked."

"You guys are going out together those days, aren't you?"

"Not exactly but we might end up in the same place."

"I don't get what you mean. You guys train at the same gym or something?"

"Sorta. It's not a gym exactly. On our…routes we tend to end up at the same meeting place."

"Wow. Serendipitous."

"Yeah, you could call it that."

"When are you guys free?"

"Um…I'll have to get back to you on that."

"Cool. Tell me when. Anyway, go back to sleep."

I scoffed. "Yeah, I'll try."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, you nutbag." She hung up and I stared at the phone for an extra two seconds. "Geez, I've got to start turning my phone off at night again." Of course, after saying that, I couldn't help but remember the original reason why I'd started leaving it on. To make myself available to a certain little bird whenever he needed me, I'd started leaving it there beside me and on. Somehow, I felt like neither of us would suffer if I began to turn it off again. I placed in on the bedside table having not turned it off. I didn't know if I left it on out of nostalgia, some subtle, foolish hope or because I was too lazy to reopen it. The phone itself was a reminder of him anyway.

The week went by in a relatively unexciting fashion. School, training, rugby, patrol, sleep, rinse, repeat; that was my week. The only teensy weensy little thing that was perhaps any degree of noteworthy was the fact that Robin stopped coming to meet me after school. No big. I was expecting it anyway.

However, despite the fact that it was minor thing and not at all affecting me in anyway, I still allowed myself to give it some thought. Things were different now. Perhaps he had realised that we needed our space so that things would become normal again.

But the fact of the matter was that it _did_ affect me, and it _wasn't_ minor and I really hadn't _allowed_ myself to give it thought. No matter how much I tried to ignore it or force myself to not think on it, as I walked to catch a cab after school Monday afternoon, realising that he wasn't coming after waiting fifteen minutes and then receiving a message that 'unfortunately, he wouldn't be able to come meet me anymore because of newly arising circumstances' which confirmed my deduction, I started to hurt and think about it.

And I knew what the hell his 'newly arising circumstances' were. They were called Zatanna. And the freaking friendzone, which was where I was now side-lined to. To maximise the time he could spend talking to her and thinking about her and being with her, he had to cut me out. Simple as that. Replace the old with the new. It more than made me hurt. It made me upset.

But I wasn't allowed to be upset, because in the interest of the fact that I loved him, that I truly and deeply and purely loved him, I could not fault him for his efforts in the quest for the heart of another. But if he thought she would make him happy and keep him rooted, I knew deep in my veins she could not. I couldn't either. But the mere fact that _I_ could not—and I wasn't tooting my own horn here, I was just considering the closeness and depth of our relationship while it lasted—it hinted at the fact that she probably would not be able to either and would prove to become disappointed.

And it was super-obvious that she liked him back. What wasn't to like anyway? Besides that little fact, the way she had looked at him had all but screamed it to my face. In time, if I was anything to go on, she would grow more and more fond of him as time passed and then eventually fall in love with him and never be able to come back from it.

However, for someone he supposedly regarded as his 'best friend', it felt a lot like I was being dissed and that there were other people more important that his so-called best friend, such as persons he wasn't even yet seriously involved with yet. That was what made me super-mad.

The good news was that I seemed to be getting more and more adept at pretending that nothing was bothering me. Even if to do so I had to talk in riddles and block most of my emotions from my face and tell careful half-truths and sound like a crazy. I found it entertaining, the looks people gave you when they thought you were talking nonsense. It benefitted me both ways: I was entertained and I could hide my true feelings. It occurred to me that acting this way would be the same as shredding myself, the real me, to pieces and replacing it with something false that would grow so much and become so natural that it replaced the real me and became what I could only recognise as the new real me. Sometimes it was better to be the real you because, while it wouldn't necessarily be easier than being someone you weren't, it would feel righter. But in cases where your emotions and feelings affected the happiness of someone else that didn't deserve to be shackled by them, there was nothing righter to do than to make sure that they were free, especially if you claimed to love them. Sometimes, feeling your emotions was hurtful to you and to others. Sometimes, wearing the mask was easier, and not just easier, but better.

Maybe the mask of the new me would push him further away if he didn't like how different I'd become. I didn't know if the advantage of that outdid the disadvantage. I would be able to get over him because of the distance but I would lose him as a friend forever. In the past, I had told myself that it was better to be his friend than to be exiled from his life altogether. But now that I knew how painful exactly that was—because, in truth and in fact, it was more painful now, after I had loved and lost, than before, when I'd only had a small crush on him but thought he was after someone else—I was rethinking my opinion. Perhaps it would be better to have a strictly professional relationship with him as a fellow teammate. Perhaps that would be better for both of us and that would make more sense.

All these maybes and perhapses were driving me batty. No pun intended, of course. But they weren't getting me anywhere.

After going home by myself Monday, I decided a great way to start this new life where I didn't have to try so hard to fight my feelings for him was to drown myself in anything that wouldn't be overtly dangerous. I loaded up my _iTouch_ with every song I owned and put all the CDs that weren't yet on my _iTunes_ on it and onto the device. I grabbed four thick books from my mom's shelf in her room and threw them into my bag which had my clothes and everything in it. I made arrangements with my rugby teammates to practise early on mornings as well as in the afternoons and changed my schedule with them from Tuesdays and Thursdays to Mondays to Fridays. I would keep myself occupied. And after no time, those things would cease to matter anymore.

Of course I was acting was a completely cliché movie girl who changes everything about herself and her life over some stupid boy that rejected her. The difference however was that now I knew what it felt like and why they did that. And I wasn't spending my time buying push-up bras and water bras and nail polish and makeup and clothes and heels and dying my hair and whatever else those movie girls did. I was making changes that would be good for me. I was widening my reading. I had one book from Chaucer, _The Book of Duchess_, and some work from a famous Caribbean writer, Samuel Selvon, called _Those Who Eat the Cascadura_. I could more than sharpen my skills as a Lit student. As for the rugby training, that would help me in the field as Cin. I would be able to take blows better, to know the best way to tackle and avoid others, improve my speed and agility and strength. And since Tanya had stopped coming to watch me play rugby as often because of her new boyfriend, I wouldn't much have to dodge her questions either. My plan was perfect. Despite that, I got the strangest feeling that no plan could ever be perfectly flawless when human emotions were involved. I mentally shoved the thought in the same corner that I was cramming my real feelings.

I chose a focal word, repeated it over and over and over in my head and sometime after maybe the six thousandth time I thought it, I fell asleep.

After Monday, things became easier and harder. It was difficult to adjust to my new schedule and it was hard to walk through the door after getting a rugby pounding every single day during the week but I found that I was so busy trying to process what was going on around me that I thought less and less about my poor, stupid, bruised heart pieces and the boy who was responsible for it. Chaucer was hard as shit to read but I made my efforts to read each line of the Old English and then its translation. Often, I would stop reading and start contemplating his passages. His work was beautiful in its own way.

Robin no longer made sure that I got home after training because I had informed him that I was now on a more regular schedule for rugby and was intending to go straight from training. Whether or not he seemed even remotely disappointed about that, I hadn't noticed. In fact, I wasn't noticing much about him because I wasn't really looking. I would talk to him only when asked a question or when I needed something or when was necessary but not casually. In a way, we'd both lied to each other. We'd said we'd remain best friends but quite the opposite was happening. We were acting like people who had broken up. Whether or not anyone noticed that we were acting weird with each other, I wasn't sure of that either.

Just as my mask seemed to be working wonderfully, I got a call from an unknown number on Sunday night. My first thought was that it was Robin calling from a blocked number again. I wondered why he was using blocked numbers to contact me these days. Didn't I already have his number? What was the sense blocking it if I already had it? Or had he changed his number and didn't want me finding out the new one?

I answered. "Yes?"

"That's not how you answer a phone, young lady."

I froze, nearly dropped the phone. I knew my carefully created mask was breached. My facial expression looked like someone had just shot me in the lungs. For several seconds, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I took some time, took a few breaths. I had to think. What was the best thing to do in such a situation? "It wasn't very bright of you to call me, Jason, especially since you know where my allegiances lie and that place doesn't happen to be with yours."

He chuckled. "God, can't you lighten up for once in your damn life?"

"I'm going to get Batman to trace this call and find you."

"You're bluffing. You're not even with them. You're home, probably in your room."

My eyes widened. "Oh, now you're stalking me?"

"Why are your people looking for my mother? I heard from some good sources that there have been inquiries as to where she is."

"Since they think you're so bright, why don't you take a few guesses? In fact, I'll give you a few months to think about it and then you can call back in sixty years."

"Hyacinth." His tone was so stern, so serious, so strict that I stopped. There were several seconds of silence before I heard him exhale. "I...I have a proposition."

"No, I won't marry you and I won't forgive you and no, I won't still be your friend and I won't go out with you either."

"Hyacinth, I'm being serious. It's...my mom."

That certainly chilled my fires a bit. "I'm listening."

"Despite what I've done and how hard I've tried, the doctors have told me that I still can't afford the treatment she needs. They've said that all the money I've given them has only been sufficient to cover the proper care she needs but not the operation."

"And how exactly am I supposed to help you?"

"Because they told me she's gonna die in a month if she doesn't have the surgery and that they can't do the surgery if I don't pay them." He sniffled and his voice started to waver. He was probably crying. "I've got...to do something, Hy. I can't just let her die or else I won't have anyone else and...I don't want to waste away into nothing, Hy. I don't want to. I need to help her, Hy. If I don't help her, I won't be able to live with myself. You've got to help me. She was important to you, too, Hy. She was always good to you."

My throat started to feel tight. "What happened to her exactly?"

"She was coming home from work one night when it was raining and just as she was about to come up the steps and through the door, she slipped and fell and hit her head on the edge of the steps. I found her as I was coming home about a half hour after it happened and managed to call an ambulance. Her skull was fractured and she had a concussion. After two days, she went comatose. When the doctor ran some scans on her, he said that she had four blood clots floating around in her bloodstream and they were getting close to her vital organs. There's one close to her heart, one by her brain, one by her liver and another by her lungs. He said the only thing that's been slowing 'em down is the small deposits of plaque in her veins and arteries. He told me yesterday that they're getting dangerously close to her heart and her brain."

I was speechless for several seconds. "I—I can't believe this."

"Yeah, well, it's true. After she was diagnosed, the doctor told me she had to be moved to a private hospital because they'd be in a better position to help her. After I found out how much it cost to care for her, I went back to the guys who had approached me days before and agreed to work for them. But now, I don't know what to do. I—I didn't know who I could turn to so—so I—I just called the first person I could think to call."

"Why didn't you think to call your scum buddies to help you?"

"The guys are there strictly for business. We're not really friends. Our business is our own. I can't ask them to help because they won't help."

"And how am I supposed to help you?"

"Get your friends to help me move her to Happy Harbour Hospital. Your parents could probably help her."

"Let me rephrase: _why_ should I help you? As I recall, I offered you this help a few months ago and you rejected it. You said you couldn't just get out of it and I have no intentions of letting another person trample all over me and then walk back off to wherever the hell he wants to go."

"Another person? Who—"

"Answer the question, Jason! What do we get in exchange for helping you both?"

"You're damn heroes! Why should it matter what you get back?"

"Typically, it doesn't but you're coaching for the other side. Favours come with a price in cases like these. If they didn't, your kind would come to us all the time and we'd just be helping you to defeat us and that just doesn't make sense."

He exhaled. "I was prepared to make a deal anyway. I'm going to need you to pass along the details to League and your team." He took a few breaths and didn't speak for a few seconds. Just as I was about to yell at him to just spit it out, he spoke. "I'll supply your team and the League with intel and be your mole."

I took a few seconds to let that sink in before I laughed humourlessly. "And why on Earth should I believe that you'd take a risk like that?"

"Because my mother is involved and above all else, she has to survive this. Come on, this is a win-win situation and it's a good deal for your side. Wouldn't you like to know the moves that are going to be made before most of the people on our side do?"

It was a tempting proposition, I had to admit. "And how, pray tell, are you going to avoid getting found out, tortured and killed as I suspect they'll do?"

"Hey, I'm not their strategist for nothing. I'll figure something out. But thanks for worrying about me."

I scoffed. "Wasn't worried about you. Just didn't want you to start something you couldn't finish. It could be potentially dangerous if you give us half the information and we end up trapped."

"Well, ouch, there goes my ego."

"I couldn't give less of a damn about your ego. So that's your proposition?"

"Yes. Please pass along the message. I'll call back on Wednesday."

"Alright. Goodbye."

"Hyacinth, wait." I halted. "There's another reason why I've decided to do this."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"Everything. I want to atone for everything. For deserting you, for disappointing you. I mean it. I'm sorry."

I didn't know how to respond to that so I went with the stone cold approach. "I'll deliver your message." I shut the phone and turned it off. I needed sleep. And to say The Rosary so I could find some way to deal with all this madness.

The next afternoon when I pitched Jason's jacked up, messed up and certainly extremely f-ed up proposition to the team and the League members who were in the room, I got stares that told me that they thought similarly of the idea.

I threw both hands up in the air. "I'm just the messenger. Don't shoot me."

"He called you again?" asked Robin. "Why didn't you hang up? He could have been tracing the call or something."

"If he really wanted to get me, he knows where I live _and_ where both my parents work. Besides, I think he has limits on who he's willing to hurt."

"All's fair, remember?" Wally said.

I shook my head. "My parents were like second parents to him; they treated him like their own. Plus, they've got something he needs. Hurting them makes no sense."

"And what do you think of this whole idea, Hyacinth?" Kal asked.

"I, personally, think that it's fuc—ahem, a completely frigged up idea and that it's going to create problems where no further problems are needed. Sure, I see the advantages to the arrangement, but I know that somehow, there are just too many ways that this could get messy."

"Like if he gets caught. They will hurt him," Kal offered.

I waved a hand. "He could burn with the rest of them for all I care but I won't let you guys be put a position that could endanger your lives. And that's potentially what this arrangement could do." Their faces seemed surprised at my declaration. It occurred to me that I never before sounded so cruel towards someone. I shrugged.

"I agree that it seems a little risky," Canary offered, "but his mother's life is at stake. Do we really think it would be wise to turn down this offer?"

"That's the only thing I'm really concerned about. If Aunty Laila's life is really in trouble, then I think we should at least help her—"

The sound of my message tone cut me off and I quickly retrieved the phone from my pocket to check it. It was an unfamiliar number. I opened the text.

_Did you delivr my msg? – Jse_

I shook my head. "Bitches be crazy," I muttered. "Guess who," I said more audibly.

"What'd he say?" Kal asked.

"Wants to know if I delivered his message. Always the impatient one he was. Couldn't wait till Wednesday, clearly."

**Did you think it was**

**a bright idea to give **

**me your number?**

_It was only fair 2_

_gv you a way to_

_contact me since_

_I've got urs._

**Dumbass. And if I**

**was having them trace**

**it right now?**

_U think this is my_

_only cell?_

**We're discussing your**

**shit as we speak. How **

**about you pitch **

**your case to them directly?**

_Tell 'em gimme a call._

"He says he'll talk to you guys himself. Gave me a number for him."

"Use Robin's phone," Batman said.

"And why's that necessary exactly?"

Robin grinned. "My phone can't be traced."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course. Block the number."

"Always is."

We sat around the cell phone which was on speaker and waited for him to pick up. When he answered, I supposed that they expected me to answer.

"Hello?"

"Tell them everything you told me," I said, cutting to the chase.

"You couldn't call me from your phone?"

"I don't like to waste my minutes on pointless calls. Now tell them everything you told me."

"Everything? Sure you want our business in public, babe?"

I pinched my nose bridge and took a breath. "Stop being an insufferable backside"—not my first choice of word but I had to learn to censor—"and just start talking or so help me, God—"

"Alright, alright. Don't get your vagina in a knot." My eyes closed as I tried not to think of exactly what I wanted to tell him to go do to himself. He started then to tell them more or less everything he told me with the exception of the part that he was intent on making things up to me and not in quite so many words.

They all debated it back and forth amongst themselves and each other and he gave a few of his own rebuttals while I stayed quietly in my corner and said nothing more. He was perfectly polite like a guy at a job interview. I thought the whole thing was ironic as crap.

In the end, they promised to go through it with the sixteen main members of the League and get back to him by Wednesday. He seemed perfectly willing to comply but reminded him that his mother needed to be removed from that situation as soon as possible. Robin took back his phone and I thought that I needed a drink or to beat something up.

"So...that's Jason," Wally commented.

I stood, heading into the fridge for a soda. "Yeah, that's him alright. Because I can never pick normal, stable people to be my friends. Something in me just has to pick the super-special ones."

"You okay?" Conner asked.

"No, I'm Hyacinth," I replied, heading to go change into my suit.

"Where are you going?" Canary asked.

"To get changed. Isn't it time for training?"

"No, I think we need to make a decision on this now. I'll contact as many members of the League that I can and see if they can give a judgement on it. I'll set up a link to HQ."

Green Lantern and Aquaman were available and came in for the discussion. Whoever else was at the HQ were connected through the Cave communications system in the main atrium and included Zatara, Captain Atom, Martian Manhunter, Hawkgirl and Superman. As with the phone conversation, I just stood quietly by the sidelines and let them discuss it. At some point, I went for my book and took a seat on the floor, reading while they discussed. Well, to be honest, to say that I was reading would be a bit of a lie. My eyes were going over the words but I wasn't really internalising them. I read each line and its translation probably thirty times before I convinced myself to move on. After a while, I told myself to leave my bookmark right where it was because inevitably, I'd have to read over all the parts I was attempting to read while they were discussing this issue.

"We'll have to ask Hyacinth to give us a judgement on that," Batman said.

"Huh?" I said, looking up at hearing my name. I had just managed to get into what I was reading and seriously hadn't heard what he was saying.

"Weren't you listening?"

"No, actually, I was trying desperately not to listen, in fact."

If it were possible, he frowned deeper. "This is serious, Cin. You need to put your vexations aside and look at this issue seriously."

I sighed and closed the book. "You wanted to know if you can really trust him." The persons on the screen nodded. I had only an inkling that that was the question. Perhaps my brain had been alternating focus so smoothly that I hadn't even noticed. Maybe it was just a predictable question. "The answer lies in the circumstance. He's in a position where it's important for him to let this deal go through. He understands that I—_we_ won't accept non-compliance, particularly because it was his idea to begin with. And because it's his mother's life that we're dealing with here, he won't play around."

"That being said, if we agree, how do we get his mother out of that hospital quietly without being noticed?" Superman asked.

"Sounds like a job for covert ops," I have said to myself. Their eyes turned to me. I closed my eyes and took a breath, mentally scolding myself that I needed to stop saying everything on my mind and to have a more discreet muttering voice. "So maybe I've been thinking about it."

"Go on," Kal said.

"Aren't you supposed to formulate the plans and whatever?"

"I think it would be prudent to hear out your plan first and then we can make adjustments."

"Hold on." I pulled out my phone and sent a quick message to Jase. In another minute, my email tone went off and I pulled up a keyboard and screen to access my email. Robin had sort of taught me to use the holographic system in the Cave. It was so cool that I had to control the urge to say 'ooh' every time someone used it. "They can see the map, too, right?" I asked Robin. He nodded. I expanded the map attached to the email he sent and studied it for a few seconds.

"Why does he have a map of the hospital?" Artemis asked.

"He's a paranoid nutjob. He does these things. And, in any case, it's coming in handy isn't it?" After a few more seconds, I drew out a path on the second floor with my finger that lit up on the holoscreen. "Most hospitals tend to have some basic structure to the building. They allocate floors or wings for certain afflictions and certain treatments. Aunt Laila's comatose so she'd have to be in the special ICU wing on the second floor here." I circled the wing. "We'll have to do this like an inside job. Miss Martian and Superboy should go in as nurses and they have to take her out of there like a corpse. The Casualty Unit is on the ground floor with the main reception. However, there's a reserve exit in the Casualty Unit for emergencies. When hearses come to pick up bodies to take them to funeral homes, the bodies go through this exit. They have to be the ones to do this because if they've got trouble, Conner can just take her and run or Megan can levitate her out of there.

"Kal, you and Artemis and Robin have to create serious commotion in reception. Like, so big that there's going to be a crowd and the coroners will get curious. Maybe pretend you're fighting over her or something and that someone in the hospital is there because of that fight or whatever, but no artillery, duh. It's a hospital and we can't break cover."

"How are we getting her back to Happy Harbour?" Megan asked.

"The Bioship should be cloaked by the Casualty exit. Hold on, that means someone who knows how to operate the Bioship should be piloting it. Kal, you've directed from the control before, right?"

"Yes, when Superboy and Miss Martian infiltrated Belle Reve," he replied.

"Then you should stay in the Bioship and makes sure it stays hidden. Megan absolutely has to be undercover with Conner to get her out. Wally, it's gotta be you and Artemis and Robin making the commotion inside there."

"And you?" Kaldur asked.

I exhaled. "I'll be with Jase "visiting" his mom. We'll be the backup and lookouts for Conner and Megan inside the hospital. We'll also distract the nurses in reception, create a supposed crisis elsewhere that will leave the hallways free so Conner and Megan can make the move to the elevator and then to Casualty."

"How do you make sure the elevator is clear?" Kal asked.

"I've got that covered, too. We're going to need Happy's help."

"Happy?" Green Lantern asked.

"Sorry, I mean _Red Arrow_." He raised an eyebrow at that but I waved it away. "Longish story. Anyway, he's going to be on the hospital ground floor undercover as a hospital intern and he'll send up an empty elevator car to the second floor when Megan gives him the signal that they've gotten Aunt Laila out of the room. He'll make sure that the area by the elevators is clear of any doctors that may get suspicious when they come down. When we've gotten the signal that she's safely into the Bioship, Jase and I will come down and help stop the commotion among Wally, Robin and Artemis. For this plan to work, you guys have got to work quickly and our three distractions on the ground need to resist any security that comes to deal with them until we've been given the signal that Laila's out. And Red's got to be extra careful to warn us if people are coming."

Cave security signalled Red Arrow's approach. "And what makes you think I'll co-operate with your plan, whatever it is?" he asked.

"Because the League needs your help, Red Arrow," Batman said simply and firmly.

"And because—and I know this is a cheap shot—you owe me a favour."

"I thought you said we were even like the number four."

"Okay, fine, so I did say that. Please don't make me beg. I have my pride, too, and we can't be sure this plan would work without you."

"Care to tell me what the plan is before I agree to it?"

I face-palmed. "This is the third time today this story's going to be told. Unless we can skip the whole background info and get straight to the plan."

"No, I need to know everything about what we're dealing with."

I proceeded to tell the entire story and repeat the plan, much to my annoyance which I was masking. I was certain I'd have no saliva by the time I went home.

"You thought of this whole plan...by yourself?" Red asked.

"He's not the only tactician."

"That much of him rub off on you?"

"To quote Jamie from _Long Day's Journey into Night_, I'm his Frankenstein. And to quote Van Helsing, evil may have created me but it does not control me."

"So are we done here?" Green Lantern asked. "Their plan seems solid and we've all come to an agreement."

"Yes, I think we're done. Cave out." The video feed cut and then it was just us in the Cave.

"Good luck with the mission," GL said.

"Thanks," I said half-heartedly.

Robin approached me, looking slightly concerned. "Will you be alright working with him?"

"Got no reason to really _not_ be alright and if I find one, I can be a very convincing actress."

"No, you can't. You wear your heart on your sleeve and you can't help it."

I half smirked, chuckling humourlessly. "Maybe I just let some people see underneath the act so that it's all they know." That seemed to stump him. He didn't seem to know what to make of that one. "We'll do this tomorrow afternoon or Tuesday latest. I'll inform him tonight when I get home. That it for this afternoon, right?"

"Yes," Batman said. "Tomorrow. You'll carry out the mission tomorrow. You're going to need to let your parents know that we're bringing Laila Guerreton to them."

I nodded. "Yeah, lots of talking to be done. I should go. I need to figure out how to tell them without telling them too much."

"Alright."

I picked up my bag from the living room and started out. "Bye, guys." There was a chorused goodbye and I left the building, way too tired for just having talked for three hours.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello, there! So here's a chapter.**

**P.S. I've been wondering about how many readers I've got who are from the Caribbean. I hail thee out. Scene, hoss.**

Approximately sixty seconds after I left the building, I ran back in.

"Hold on, plan's faulty," I said quickly.

"Faulty? How?" Kaldur asked.

"If her body goes missing, what are the people running the hospital going to do? Jason is going to be innocent to them and, since I suspect the hospital is owned by mob, they're going to give chase. That's going to create chaos all by itself. We have to create a scenario where it will look like he's got nothing to lose by staying with them though his mom is out of the picture. We've got the fake her death."

Wally gestured at the door then where I was immediately and checked his watch. "Wait, you thought of that in the minute or two that you left?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Who says I stopped thinking about it once the conversation was over? I'm tired and all I want right now is to go home and crash till tomorrow but at the same time, I'm worrying about everyone's safety. When I remembered that I had a theory that the hospital was mob-owned, hence ripping him off and forcing him to work for them, it occurred to me that they won't sit quietly if there's a chance that they might lose their tactician."

"You've got an excellent point," Batman said. "We couldn't find her in the databases we could access easily. It gives the idea that the hospital she's in isn't your conventional hospital."

I nodded vigorously. "Exactly. And, it just seems too neat that mobsters would have approached him offering him a position in their little 'family' so close to the time that she needed to be hospitalised. It's too neat."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't you think that's just a little farfetched?" Wally said.

"Conner's a clone, you can run at the speed of light, we have an AI Android for our den mother and Megan's an alien. Let's not forget that Atlantis also happens to be real. Does the word 'farfetched' really have a basis anymore? Anything's possible. We all know that the people we deal with are several times more meticulous and devious than the common thief of yesterday."

"She's got a point," Kaldur said. "We know better than to think that this could all be coincidence." He turned to me. "Any ideas as to how to modify the plan?"

I threw my bag in the floor and I shrugged. "'Course. When Jase and I go in for our "visit", ten minutes after we go in, she'll go into cardiac arrest and Doctor Morse and Nurse Kent will come in and try everything they can to save her. She'll flat-line anyway and then they'll take her down to Casualty for a three second autopsy and then into our invisible hearse. Jase will walk out of there in tears and I'll be his shoulder to cry on so no one will bother us in our time of grief."

"Hold on, just to clarify, she won't really get a heart attack and die, right?" Wally asked.

I chuckled. "No, Wally. The intention is to save her so she can't die."

"And everything else in the plan works out as normal," Conner said.

"That's right. Consider the plan adjusted."

"Great work, Hy. It's amazing having you on this team," Kal said, offering a smile.

I didn't know how to reply to that one so I just picked up my bag, intending to go home finally. Even then, I could not rest because I had to brief my parents and Jason of the plan, but I needed to be out of the Cave's environment. I loved being there and it was like home but, recently, it had become a stressful environment for me.

"Hey, Hy?" Meg said, sounding tentative.

"Yeah, Meg?"

"Didn't you say you had some pictures from your vacation you wanted to show us?"

And how on Earth was I supposed to say no to that face? It probably hadn't been her intention but the girl was so cute and such an angel that she had me wrapped around her little green humanoid finger. "I don't have my laptop, Meg."

"Do you have your _iTouch_?" Robin asked.

"Yes..."

"You can connect it to the Wi-Fi in here and access your profile."

I sighed. How cool was this place? I grabbed it from my bag and just handed it to him so he could work his tech-wizard magic. In a minute, he handed it back and I accessed _Facebook_, making my way to my photos. "How do I..." I asked, pointing to the open air in front of me.

"Just slide it there with your finger."

"Like throw it?"

"Yeah."

"Why is it so cool in here?" I half mumbled. He laughed at me and I knew I deserved it.

I flung the picture upwards and it ended up on a holoscreen in front of me. He resized it a little and they all gathered behind me. Batman, just as they gathered, turned and left, going off to do something heroic, probably.

The first picture was one of the whole family on mom's side who had come to meet us the evening that we arrived. "So this is my family on mom's side."

"All of them are your family?" Megan asked.

"Yeah. These are my mom's sisters and their husband and their children." I pointed as I named them. "But I don't expect you to remember names."

"You guys sure don't look like a family," Megan said.

"It's because of the mixtures. Sanjeevi and Sanjay are predominantly East Indian while Tiff and Zane are predominantly Black. I like to think that the range of shades in our family is what makes us so interesting."

"It does."

I smiled. "Wait till you actually meet them. Then you'll really think that they're a colourful bunch." The next few I flipped through were of my week at my cousin's school, including one shot of me in a uniform together with her friends.

"She goes to a private school?" Megan asked.

"No. Down there, public _and_ private schools have uniforms. Some of them are really lame but hers is pretty okay."

"If you ask me, a uniform is always lame," Artemis said. When the eyes flew to here, she crossed her arms, looked away and quickly added, "As my totally hypothetical opinion, that is. Not like I go to a school with one or anything." Robin started to look like he was stifling a laugh and I wondered if that was supposed to be some kind of private joke. I shrugged and moved along. The next few were of the landscape and cityscape which we took our time to roam during the second week.

"The city's beautiful," Artemis said. "I mean it's the city but, I dunno, it has this cool kind of Caribbean vibe to it. Like it lacks the skyscrapers that we have all over in America."

I nodded. "Yeah. It was still pretty hot, though." I continued flipping pictures until we came upon one of us outside of the urban areas.

"Hold up. Where's this one?" Wally asked.

"Nature preserve. Look, a peacock."

"It's beautiful," he said.

"Yeah, until it starts running you down, sure, it is."

"Hey, I said it was beautiful, not tame. If there's anything I've learned, beauty tends to be feisty." He raised his eyebrows at me and I laughed.

"And misleading. Don't forget misleading."

When we came upon the beach pictures, I almost predicted that Wally would say something.

"Oh, my paradise! So many beautiful girls in bathing suits. Bury me, I think I just died and went to heaven," he said. Artemis smacked him in the arm.

"Do you ever shut up?" she asked him.

"Do you ever stop being a violent maniac?" he threw back. They glared at each other for a few moments before my chuckling made them look away. At the moment, I felt like I was that other person that I used to be again. I finished combing through the rest of the pictures then went back to my profile. I immediately regretted that decision.

"Whoa, hold on, back up. What are those pictures there?" Wally asked, pointing.

"Oh, no, no, no. You don't get to see those."

"Aren't those from your trip?"

"Yes, but you're not allowed to see those."

"Why?"

"Because that album contains less than decent behaviour in it and I refuse to be responsible for exposing you to those things."

"Where _was_ that?"

"A party."

"How bad can it be? It's typical party behaviour."

I snickered as I disconnected the device from the holoscreen. "No, Wally, dear. Typically party behaviour _here_ is different from typical party behaviour _there_, trust me."

"Oh, you're hiding pictures of _your_ less-than-decent-behaviour, aren't you? They got a few of you, didn't they?"

"Not too sure but I'm sure there are definitely a few of the twins... and, _their_ behaviour?" I snickered. "You're not ready for that yet. _I'm_ often disturbed by it." His face looked a little disappointed and I laughed. "Don't worry. If I ever get to bring your guys down there, I'll make sure we hit at least one party. You'll get your eyeful then. Among other things."

I placed the device back into my bag and put it once more on my shoulder.

"Heading home now?" Robin asked.

"Yes. I wish I could just go sleep but I've got to go talk to some people now. I'll see you here after school." I waved and headed out the door.

I had become so unaccustomed to it over the last week that when Robin caught up with me shortly after I was out, I was almost bewildered.

"Thought you might want a little company," he said, seeming to answer the question in my eyes that I thought wasn't even there. I had some work to do to keep my thoughts out of sight.

"How ya been?" I asked.

"Pretty good. You?"

"Really busy."

"Maybe you should adjust your schedule a little bit if it's too much."

"No, I like it. It's fine. The fast lane's kind of interesting."

"Oh. Okay. Once you think you're not overwhelmed."

"Nah, I'm totally whelmed."

I looked at him and he laughed. "Glad to see I could supplement your vocabulary."

"Yeah, see, you're not so useless."

"Hey, I'm more than not-so-useless. In fact, I think I'm pretty darn handy."

"Yeah, you are. Since we've got you, we don't need an I.T. specialist."

A few seconds of silence floated by. I got the strangest feeling that he was going to start with the real reason why he followed me and I wasn't disappointed. "So, I noticed that you didn't include Zatanna in that plan."

"She's not part of the team yet. And Happy's pretty handy for things like this, too, because he's got experience."

"I see. Are...you sure you're okay working with Jason? I know you were still pretty mad about what he's done up to a week ago when you insinuated that he belongs in jail and I figure it can't be easy to have to make friends with him again just because he's decided to help us out."

"I'm not planning on making friends with him again. If he wants to be a traitor to both sides, fine. Fantastic. I'm happy we'll get an upper hand but it doesn't mean that I'm going to celebrate his return like he's the Prodigal Son. I'm not stupid. I learnt a while back what kind of person he really is and I won't go back to being that girl who gets disappointed. When I learn my lessons, I learn 'em good."

When I looked over at him, he seemed to be wearing a sort of sad expression as if somehow my vaguely bitter words hurt him to hear. I couldn't imagine why it would though. We both knew I wasn't talking about him. At least I thought so.

"You edited, didn't you?"

"Edited?"

"Your conversation with him. I'm sure he didn't just say what you told them." I half smiled. "What?"

"I find it so amazing that despite everything, you still always know."

"Despite...everything?"

"Never mind. But you're right. I omitted a few minor things."

"Like?"

"Things that weren't important in the grander scheme of the call. Things that only related to him and me."

"Is it a secret?"

"We both know I don't keep secrets."

"Well, I was half expecting you to spill your guts instead of giving me some bogusly vague answer."

"I'm sorry I disappointed you."

"That's not the point. If something's bothering you, I was expecting you to come to me. That's what friends are for."

"Then relax. Nothing's bothering me."

"Your reaction when asked what you thought of his idea didn't seem that way."

"Because it's just one of those things that are doomed from the beginning. He can't tip us off for long before someone figures out that it's strange that we seem to be omniscient. I don't fully trust that he's not going to warn the people on his side that we know. I want to believe that he would keep to his word because his mother is involved and her life is at stake but I can't help but have apprehensions. If there's anything I learnt, it's that you can never truly know someone or what they're thinking. In a split second, we could be at a loss and not even know how it happened." I heard the double meaning in my own words, not having meant them to be there and hoping to God that I was the only crazy person hearing it. I had thought that I wasn't talking about Robin and about us but somehow, it sure sounded that way. But this and that were different. Weren't they?

He was silent for a long while. "Maybe you're right. Maybe this could blow up in our faces. But we're heroes, Hy. We've got to be optimistic when everyone else has lost their hope and their faith. And we've got to try."

Just then we reached the end of the field and we stopped. I turned to him and smiled a small smile. "Nah. You're the hero, Robin. I'm just...hero support."

"_Sky High_. Nice. Just remember, it was hero support that were the real heroes of that story."

I chuckled. "Fiction and reality are different, Robin."

"Are they really? You love Lit. Isn't it true that most situations in fiction are metaphors for something else in the wider world?"

"You're too smart for your own good. Makes the rest of us feel cheap."

"I'm not the one who singlehandedly created an entire plan in like a day."

"Of course you have. You're next-in-line for leader. Your brilliance is more...permanent than my one little plan."

"You don't credit yours—"

"Let's not do that whole back-and-forth trying to complement each other thing. It's not us."

He lifted his hands in surrender. "Alright. You're right."

A cab came and stopped in front of me. "Thanks for walking me here. I'll see you tomorrow."

"You sure you don't want me to take you home?"

"I dunno, is there food at your place?"

He looked confused for a moment but then he laughed. "No, I meant—"

"Yeah, I know what you meant. Nah, I'll be fine. See you."

"Yeah, bye." He waved as I got in. As the car pulled off, I felt desperately as if I'd made a mistake and that I should have just let him take me home. Despite everything, despite the new distance between us, I missed him more than I think I'd ever missed anyone besides my parents who were my world.

"Mom, dad, we need to talk," I said right off the bat, the moment I got home.

"Oh, no, are you breaking up with us?" dad asked.

I chuckled. "No, no. You guys are amazing. Rather...we need your help."

Their eyebrows went up in unison. "We?"

"Yeah. We." I looked around. "Can we go to your bedroom and talk about this? I'd rather not have Jani walking in. I'd like to keep her as out-of-the-loop as possible. Frankly, I'd like to keep you guys as out-of-the-loop as possible but since we need your help, I can only do that to an extent now." We walked to their room, shut the door and had a seat. I looked at them. They smiled at me. "You know, it's kind of creepy how you two do that, the way you smile and raise eyebrows in unison. It's like you two have one brain."

"That's what happens when you're meant to be together, darling," dad said, kissing mom's cheek. It was adorable. I gave a half-smile. "I'm sorry things didn't work out betwe—"

"Don't worry about it. Anyway, so we have to bring Aunt Laila to you guys."

"Laila? Laila Guerreton?" mom asked.

"Yeah. She's in a coma."

She gasped. "How—"

"Jason called me. She's tangled up in some League business and we need to relocate her from where she is to Happy Harbour Hospital. She's got four clots in her bloodstream that need to be removed so when we get her to you, you've got to operate ASAP."

"So, after all this time, Jason called you just like that?"

"That's not important, mom."

"How did she get involved in League business, Hy?" dad asked.

"I can't tell you that, dad. It's better if you don't know. That way, if anyone asks, you can honestly say that you don't know."

"Hyacinth, we'd like to at least know what we might be getting ourselves into. We won't say no because it's Laila and it's the League but we'd at least like to know how dangerous this is."

I took a breath, ran a hand along the side of my hair and exhaled. "We have to get her out of a hospital that we think is operating...under false pretences...or rather is owned by some shady people. Jason's been put in a bad position and, somewhere along the way, they got tied up in some trouble. The plan is that we're going to move her under the premise that she died of cardiac arrest. We're trying to subvert a situation where people might come snooping after her so we're going to fake her death. It's up to you guys to make sure she gets out of the coma and gets back to health so that they can't threaten him with her anymore."

My mother seemed to consider it for a minute then nodded. "Good plan. Is there anything you need us to do?"

"Just the things that the hospital pays you for. Oh, and another thing. I think you guys may have to do the surgery...pro bono."

"Well, duh. Jason doesn't exactly have money. We'd do anything for a friend."

"You guys are angels! Thank you so much. Now I've got to go inform him of the plan."

"You have a number for him?"

"Yeah. Turns out he kept mine, for some situation like this apparently."

"I'm sorry things have to be like this."

I shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Anyway, let me go explain this plan for the fourth time today."

"Alright, baby." I stood and turned to leave. "Hyacinth, wait."

"Yeah, mom?"

"I...just want you to know that I'm so proud of you, baby."

"We both are," dad added, taking her hand.

I smiled. "Thanks. It means the world. When it feels like I've lost everyone else in this world that has mattered to me, including the will to be myself, you guys have always been here for me. Thank you for that."

"No problem," they said simultaneously. I dipped my head slightly before I left the room.

"Hey, beautiful. Nice to hear from you," Jason said on the other line just as I closed the door to my room.

"Can it, Casastupid. That's not how you answer the phone."

"Oh, come on. A little friendly flirting never hurt anyone."

"Yeah, sure, but that would only be if the two people were friends."

"Ouch. Burn. Okay, okay, so what's the news?"

"We're going to help her."

"Beautiful. Glad I could get a little help."

"Hold up, homeboy, I said we're going to help _her_. We never said anything about helping _you_."

"Don't matter. Helping her is helping me anyway. A deal's a deal. I rat for you guys and you save my mother. Simple as that."

"Oh, look, a speck of honour. Wonders shall never cease."

"You know, you could try to be a little less of a bitch about this."

"And why on Earth would I do that? I'm nice to nice people. Apply that principle as needed."

He chuckled. "I kind of missed this, your wit. But back to business. I'm assuming we need a plan."

"We've got one."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. We've got a plan. All we need is your co-operation."

"Let's hear it."

I launched into a full explanation of the plan. Though we weren't both staring at a map of the complex, his knowledge of it made it easy for him to follow. He sat there and listened to the entire plan with no more than an "mm-hm" here and a "uh-huh" there. At the end of it, he was still quiet. I let the silence remain for about a minute before I started getting irritated.

Just as I was about to tell him to say something, he said, "It's a very good plan." I nodded from my side stupidly, not even caring that he couldn't see the gesture. "Did you come up with it?"

"Why on Earth would you think that?"

"Sounds like you. Avoids confrontations except ones that you're in control of. Fast-paced. Very logically thought out. And very neat."

"Whatever. Do we have your co-operation?"

"Listen to you, using the 'we' like you're part of some hive-mind." He chuckled. "Yeah, I'm in. Benefits include getting to see you again and getting to be more or less alone with you for some time. We can talk."

"No, we can execute the plan. That's it. Talking's a distraction. I don't know how you and your cronies do things on your side but we like to stay focused and keep the discussion on a need-to-know basis."

"And I need you to know I'm not the person you think I am. I'm just a guy who fate dealt a bad hand to."

I scoffed. "Bullshit. You make your own luck. We carry out this operation tomorrow at about six in the afternoon. We'll call when we're on our way. Give us a meeting point."

"About a block west from the hospital there's a warehouse."

"Is it empty?"

"I'll make it empty."

"Not good enough. My teammates can't be endangered in the slightest."

"All your group _does_ is endanger themselves. You can't mother them. I'll make the warehouse empty."

I went to a _Google_ _Maps_ image of the area around the hospital and saw an apartment complex not far from it. "The apartment complex one block east from the hospital, do you know it?"

"Yeah."

"Meet us on the roof."

"Okay, boss lady."

"Don't be late. Goodbye."

"Wait."

"What?"

"Is there ever a time when you stop being a control freak?" I ended the call on him and headed to the bathroom.

When I came out of the bathroom, my message tone was sounding and the light on my phone was flashing wildly. I picked it up, frowning at the number but opting to read the message anyway. It might have been mission-related, after all.

_Sorry bout the comment _

_just now. Wound up l8ly_

_because of mom._

Generally, I would have appreciated the attempt at an apology. Instead, I just shut the phone and put it on my bedside table. If an apology fixed everything, life wouldn't be quite so hard.

Granted, therefore, I was making my own life hard by dragging out the issue. But things were already getting tough. If I wanted to be stubborn and not tolerate his crap, then I would. Perhaps what he had said was true. I was a control freak. Was I? I wasn't even sure. Was my mask a control freak? Maybe. She micro-managed everything, including which emotions she wanted to feel and which relationships she wanted to endure. That still left the question as to whether or not _I_ was a control freak.

At the moment, I refused to dwell on it. I said goodnight to everyone and went to bed.

Tuesday morning meant that I had to get up at four to get to rugby training with the guys for five. Tuesdays and Thursdays were the only days they trained on mornings so I used that as an advantage to supplement my schedule. Thinking about the plan and Aunt Laila and having to be in same room as Jason had made my sleep tumultuous. After the discussions yesterday about the plan, I hadn't gotten to punch anything. That made rugby training the most perfect way to get rid of my excess frustrations. Even if it meant I would be achy and sore for the rest of the day. The thing about sport pains was that you got used to having them. Actually, that was a lie. Pain was pain. What you became able to do was get to know when they would and how to make them go away. I kept a bottle of muscle tonic in my sports equipment bag which I now carried in place of my usual backpack. It was the only thing which held everything from my books to my clothes and all my various extras like my electronics and toiletries.

I ate the second half of my breakfast on the way to school and managed to get there a full twenty minutes before the bell. When Tanya came in, she caught me reading.

"You're here before _me_?" she asked incredulously.

"Change of schedule in life."

"Wow. So, did you and Robin ever find a time when we could do the double date thing?"

"He never got back to me." Yeah, because he never got the message. "I think he might be booked up on the weekends. It's hard for me to get time with him even."

"Oh. What the hell is keeping you guys _that_ busy? Teenagers aren't supposed to be that involved with anything! We're supposed to be lazy and a little useless. You guys fail as teens."

I laughed. "Thanks. I think. What about you, Madam Prima-to-be?"

"At least I make time for my boyfriend and I only train like a beast when I've got dance exams or shows coming up. Which I do, by the way. A show, that is. Friday. Can you make?"

"Of course. Seven?"

"Yeah. What about Robin?"

"Doubt he'll be able to make it but gimme a ticket for mom. I'll bring your cash tomorrow."

"Pleasure doing business with you. Oh, by the way, mom sent a muffin."

"Ooh, goody!"

She sniffed the air around me. "Wait, you kind of smell like butter. Did you already have breakfast?"

"Still hungry though."

She rolled her eyes. "Where the hell do you _put_ all of it?"

"I do sports and stuff. You should understand."

"You'd swear it was like you spent all night prowling the city fighting crime or something," she said, shaking her head.

I laughed loudly at the irony. "_Please_. I love sleep far too much to be out all night."

"True. So there goes that explanation."

The hilarity of the situation was that she was so close to right.

After school, when I arrived at the Cave, half the team was clustered in the main atrium with Batman and Black Canary, dressed and probably talking out all the fine points. We had about an hour before we needed to leave. I quickly ran to get changed. Halfway through removing my clothes, it occurred to me that for our plan to work, we needed to look like regular people, not heroes. I redressed and then headed to the kitchen, grabbed a glass of water and went to meet them.

"Any news?" Batman asked.

"Yeah, hi to you guys, too. He's co-operating. We're meeting him on the roof of…" I pulled up a screen in front of me, accessed _Google Maps_ and pinpointed the location, "…this building here. I have a question."

"What is it?" Canary asked.

I snickered. "Why are you guys suited up? Are you forgetting we're going to be pretending to be doctors and civilians and whatever? The only person who should be in their usual mission clothes…"

"Is me," Kal said.

"That's right."

Wally face-palmed and Conner looked confused. "Then what am I supposed to wear?" Conner asked.

"Miss M has gone her whole sitch covered. You on the other hand, I had a feeling that you'd need access to scrubs. I've got that covered for you. Jase is bringing 'em."

"I don't think we're the same size," Conner replied.

I laughed. "Of course not. You could barely fit one bicep into his shirt. Nah, I gave him your measurements." His eyebrows knit in confusion. I rolled my eyes. "I'm a fashion designer. Of course I can tell measurements just by looking at you. In any case, scrubs are loose-fitting so you shouldn't have a problem."

"Oh."

"Anything we can do about the combat boots? Wait, no, never mind. If things get messy, you need to be comfortable enough to fight. Where're Happy, Robin and Artemis?"

The Cave announced Red Arrow's entrance. "I'm right here," Happy said.

"Happy! _So_ glad to see you. We need to get you out of that."

"_What_?"

"Hold on, that came out wrong. What I meant was that you need to change into civilian attire. I can't believe that you would think that I would want…" I left my sentence hanging and went to wash the glass.

Artemis and Robin entered just as I was coming back. They were in civvies.

"At least they realised," I said.

"So, do we have his co-operation?" Robin asked.

"Yeah. We're meeting him on the roof of the apartment building on the map and then we'll head over to the hospital to put the plan into action. But before we leave, I need some information. Robin, let me borrow your phone."

He handed it over and I called Jason, putting him on speaker. "Hello?"

"What's the name of the doctor and the nurse scheduled to attend to your mother?"

"Doctor Shapiro and Nurse Carlton are out. I already called the hospital and told them that they've sent Doctor Avis and Nurse Gordon to replace them while they're ill. How very convenient that both of them could not pass up the free restaurant offers you told me to plant into their mailboxes. They should be fine by tomorrow."

"Great. We're heading out shortly."

"I'll be waiting."

I hung up and turned to Megan. "Show me your poker face, Meg." Picking up on what I meant, she morphed to look like Doctor Roquette whom they had had to protect during one of their earlier missions. "Great. Just lose the glasses."

"What happened to the actual hospital employees?" Kal asked.

I smiled deviously. "Their chef put too much saffron in their food. They won't be leaving their houses till tomorrow.

"I don't get it," Wally said.

"Do you know what happens to your stomach when you eat too much pepper?"

"You're in the bathroom all day," he answered.

"Same thing with saffron."

"Oh."

I shrugged. "It was a better alternative to straight out food poisoning or kidnapping. Everyone sure of their roles?" And then I caught myself. "Wait, why am I acting like the leader? Kaldur—"

He shook his head. "No, Hyacinth. You came up with this plan. It is only appropriate that you lead," he responded.

"I'm so not leader material."

"You sure are bossy. You can handle it," Robin said with a teasing smile. Happy smirked like he was going to say something along those lines but Robin beat him to the punch.

I resisted the urge to high-five Happy's face. "Right. Well, everyone clear on what they have to do?" There were collective nods. "Great. Then I suggest we—"

"Hold up there," Happy interrupted. I fought the urge to bark at him. "What contingency plans do you have in case this bastard turns out to be a traitor and this is all just one elaborate plan to trap us?" I wonder if the look on my face made it obvious that I had none. "You do have a plan, right?"

Somehow, as he said it, a plan came to me on the fly. "When we meet him on the roof, can you read his mind, Megan?"

"Sure. I don't think I can do it discreetly though."

I shrugged. "Doesn't matter. He probably already realises that there was no way in hell I'd trust him and his very sudden appeal. Since he's not one of us, it's okay if you ravage his thoughts for the truth." Kal seemed to eye me carefully as if he wasn't sure if I was going to be okay being the leader of this mission given my somewhat hostile sentiments towards him but he never said a thing. "Alright, go get changed, Happy, and then we'll move out."


	7. Chapter 7

**Extra long chapter ahead. Special acknowledgements to **Nightwing1387 **and** R.J. North **for all their recent encouragements and interactions. This fic is starting to get pretty intense.**

**Peace offering for the long wait? Also, this may be the last update for some time, not too sure. It's a long story and you're gonna be like "wait, didn't you just come out of exams?" but I have exams in about 2 weeks that last for about a month. So, these next 8 weeks are going to be…unpredictable. Please bear with me.**

"Are you nervous?"

Robin's question had very good ground. I had been chewing fiercely on my thumbnail for the last four or five minutes and was staring outside of the window quietly. All those things seemed to point out that something was wrong. When I turned to look at him, everyone was looking at me. I stopped chewing on my nail. Was I nervous?

"As hell," I replied.

"Why? It's a well thought-out plan."

I shrugged. "No matter how well thought-out the plan may seem, there's a possibility that this could be a trap and I can't stand the thought that you guys could get hurt."

"That's very sweet, Hyacinth, but that is not important. What's important is that we get Laila Guerreton out," Kaldur said.

"Besides, didn't you say he called you months ago with his sob story? If it was a trap, wouldn't he have set it into motion since then? Why would he come now and ask for help?" Wally asked.

"Perhaps he was giving it time to sink in so I'd feel bad that his mother was in the hospital all this time."

"I don't think so," Artemis said. "As much as I hate to admit it, I agree with Wally. If he knew that you were so attached to his mom, wouldn't it have occurred to him that you'd buy it lock, stock and barrel anyway?"

"Perhaps he just thought of it?"

"Would you stop doubting your plan?" Robin said, half-smiling.

"Not my fault. Blame Happy. If it wasn't for him, I'd have iron resolve."

"Hey, it's not my problem if you didn't take the time to think through the whole thing," Happy replied.

"Of course not. It's careless of _me_. He's completely right. I'm possibly endangering your lives. I should have thought of everything."

"No one thinks of everything," Megan said. "Besides, I've got your back. All I have to do is read his mind and I'll tell you if he's setting us up or not."

"Didn't you say some people can block your powers?"

"Do you think he'd be capable of that?" Kal asked.

"Honestly, is it possible for me to really know what he's capable of? We were friends ages ago. People change. And you can never really know a person."

"Could you quit being a pessimist just this once? If _you_ have no confidence, how are _we_ supposed to?" Robin scolded.

"Force of habit. You know that."

"Well, calm down or else we're all going to mess this up really badly."

I closed my eyes, sat Indian style on my chair and rested my hands on my knees, starting a slow pattern of breathing. "You're right. I have a very capable team. We can do this. I can do this." I breathed in and out slowly fifty times more and then sat normally, opening my eyes.

Kal smiled at me. "Even though you have moved past your phobia, I see you still have yet to deal with the lack of self-confidence," he commented.

I shrugged again. I wasn't sure if to apologise or not so I ended up just not saying anything.

I glanced over at Roy who was just sitting quietly in his corner. In plain clothes, he was awfully hot. He was wearing sunglasses like Robin, as I had expected, though not as dark as his. As if I would ever let him know that I thought he was hot. Looking around me, I realised that I had some of the most comely people I'd ever seen as teammates. Even the Justice League seemed to be made up of some of the most attractive people I'd ever seen in my life. Not even masks could hide that. And, if not for their looks, their personalities seemed to make them beautiful as well.

I wondered if I should harass him just for the hell of it. I quickly shoved the thought away, wishing that I had brought one of my books to occupy myself and take my thoughts.

I realised that as I was undercover, doing work that would fall under Cin's jurisdiction and her mask, I didn't feel the need to pretend. Things felt easier when I was acting as Cin and doing as she would do. Why was that? Why was it that wearing her mask was easier than the one I had to try to maintain while I was being and yet not being Hyacinth? It was only when I was trying to be a hero, when my role and my duty were clear-cut and clinical and predetermined, that I seemed to feel unburdened. That was why my emotions came easily and I did not feel completely inclined to hide them. Either that or this whole issue with Jase and his mom rocked me to the core and threw off my internal sense of order. Had it always been this easy to act as Cin?

When my jaw started to hurt, I realised that I had unconsciously been clenching it. I released it and fished in my pocket for the pack of gum I had bought over the weekend. I came up empty. It was probably in my bag. Which was at base. I groaned.

"What's up?" Robin asked.

"My gum's in my bag."

"You wear dentures?" he joked.

"No, you idiot." I kicked his chair and he kicked mine back. It felt so normal. We ended up chuckling. Yes, somehow being Cin pretending to be someone else was much easier. Or maybe I was the only one who thought that this was hard. It occurred to me that for the past couple days I had forgotten about how much it hurt to be in love with him. And then I wanted to kick myself in the head for willingly remembering.

I smirked at him. "I want some passionate fighting going on between you and Wally, you hear me? Make everyone look. Draw a crowd. Be more dramatic than a Korean drama."

"How do you expect me to know what a Korean drama is like?" Robin protested.

"Think of _The Young and The Restless_ and then add more drama and minus the sex."

"How is it any good then?" Wally commented.

I laughed. "Pervs. The lot of you. Trust me, the stuff is good. It's the right mixture of funny and serious and mush and foreign culture to make it interesting."

Robin chuckled. "Did I ever tell you that you have the oddest interests?"

"You need to learn to be more open-minded. Like, do you know that there are countries of the world where Muslims, Hindus, Protestants and Catholics all live together in peace and harmony? And people of all different colours?"

"You mean like your family?" Megan asked.

I nodded. "Exactly like my family. Although, I don't have any Muslim family. It's so horrible how after the September eleventh incident that people just started thinking that all Muslims are terrorists. Horrible and dumb. All the Muslims I know don't have _any_ compulsions or obligations to go blow up some huge building." I caught myself and face-palmed. "Oh, crap, I'm rambling again."

Kal and Conner cracked smiles and Robin, Megan and Wally just chuckled. "You sound like a public service announcement for anti-discrimination," Robin replied.

"Heh, I guess I am. I hate it. It conflicts with my sense of justice. Stereotyping based on the evils of a few is _so_ unjust that it's revolting."

"We're here," Megan said. "Descending now."

The landing was smooth and when we got out, I stretched. Action time started now.

Jason smiled when I looked in his direction. His black hair was jaw length like he always wore it but he was taller than he'd been when we really knew each other. He was maybe about an inch or two shorter than Superboy but he kept his thin, compact figure. No, 'thin' was the wrong word. Somehow, I knew that under that shirt he was muscles and abs. His complexion was like Artemis' but a shade or two lighter and his features were as angular as I remembered them. Only, he grew into them more now. Now, he was gorgeous.

But, like Happy, he was an asshole which instantly made him less gorgeous.

He started walking over, his stride and expression confident, and just then I wished that he would smack into some part of the camouflaged Bioship.

He didn't. I felt disappointed. "Nice to see you again," he said to me.

"Can't say the same," I replied. "So, the scrubs and the lab coat?"

He pointed in my direction and I turned and saw the bag on the other end of the roof. "Why so business-like? Can't we talk for a moment?"

"We can talk when you die. We've got a job to do."

"Ouch. Would it help if I said that I'm sorry about all of this?"

"Wouldn't believe you anyway. Megan?"

She stepped next to me and her eyes began to glow green. Jason swayed with dizziness, putting a hand out to prop himself up on the wall next to him. After several more seconds, she stopped.

"It's not a trap," she said finally.

"You actually thought that this might all be some elaborate plan to catch you and your team? Oh, _please_. You guys aren't that important."

Before I could think about it, I punched him in the stomach and turned and started for the stairwell. "Come on. Let's head down. We'll stop by a bathroom so Conner can get changed."

Jason laughed, still doubled over and behind us. "Wow, your punch got better. I gotta watch myself from now on, huh, Hy?"

"I'll be waiting for your signal to bring the Bioship down to the exit," Kal said.

I nodded at him and he got back onto the Bioship. Jason straightened up and started to follow. I rolled my eyes. _Like a bitch faking an orgasm_, I thought. I knew he wouldn't be that vulnerable to something like that since when I punched him I wasn't even trying to disembowel him or do any serious damage.

"Ladies first," he said, upon catching up to where I was standing.

"Oh, no, you don't. You go down."

He shrugged. "Fine. Suit yourself. If you wanted to watch my butt while I walked away, you could have just said so."

Typically, his joking would have made me chuckle and give some sarcastic response. This time I just wanted to push him down the stairs for his asinine behaviour. Lucky for him, that would hurt my teammates below him and that was the one thing I didn't want to do.

After Conner was changed, I inspected his appearance and nodded. He looked like a nurse alright. "Where's your face mask?" I asked.

"In my pocket," he responded.

"Alright. So if anyone asks, you live in the same neighbourhood which is why you came together. You work in a private practice together but you're good friends of Doctor Shapiro and Nurse Carlton. Your intern, Carter over here," I gestured at Happy, "was brought to you from other friends of yours so he could get a handle on things in a private hospital. You thought it would be a good experience for him to get a look around another real hospital. As soon as you get there, Intern Carter is going to need to use the bathroom and in the meantime, the Doctor and the Nurse are going to take a tour around the second floor. About eight minutes after you guys are in and on your tour, Jason and I will come in and go up to see his mother. After we're on the second floor, we'll give Artemis, Rob and Wally the signal to come in, fighting loudly. Artemis, make it seem like you're trying to make sure that they avoid fisticuffs. Shortly thereafter, we'll cause the heart monitor to report a flat-line and then you guys will come running. You'll close the door, try everything you can then a few minutes later, you'll send us outside and you'll give Ha—I mean Red—the signal to bring up the gurney and then you'll take her to the elevator and give Kal the signal. From there, head to Casualty and then out the door. If the people in there are still there, ask them to go make sure that the ruckus outside isn't getting too serious. Then take her out into the camoed Bioship. Then give us the signal and we'll come down, help separate the arguing threesome and then we'll all exit the building together. Then, into the Bioship and straight to the hospital. It's easy sailing from there. Got it?" They nodded. "Alright, Doctor Avis and Nurse Carlton, off you go."

They left and I felt instantly very lonely. I needed the large group of them to reassure me that they were with me and everything was going to be alright.

Robin, like the damn telepath that he was, seemed to pick up on it. "Calm down. It'll work," he said.

"Yeah, better hope so." It was silent for a while but then I turned to Jason. "So. Anything you want to warn me about?"

He snickered humourlessly. "Brace yourself for when you walk into mom's room. She looks…"

"Different?"

He snickered again. "That doesn't even describe the half of it. Just…brace yourself."

My throat started to tighten as the images of what she possibly looked like started to flash into my head. I shut my eyes, willing them away and I purposely started going over the _Charlie the Unicorn_ video in my head. Once it was done, I reopened my eyes and I noticed that he was staring straight at me. It reminded me of the way he used to look at me after we stole sugar from the sugar jar. Like we were comrades, partners in crime, friends. Best friends. Only that wasn't true. We weren't friends. Not anymore.

I stood from my half-leaning position on the wall and started pacing. Jason's eyes followed me as I walked up and down.

He sighed, then turned to my teammates. "So, hey, I'm Jason. And you guys are?"

"Don't even try digging for information, Jason," I interrupted.

"I'm just trying to pass the time and be friendly here. Not everyone is as poisoned by your beef, you know."

"I wouldn't have beef if you weren't such a bastard."

"What was I supposed to do, Hyacinth? Let her die?" he snapped. He closed his eyes, pinched his nose bridge and took a couple of breaths before reopening them. "Look, you may not agree with my methods but _your_ parents are fine. You guys have got some money in case something happens to you or your sister or one of them. You have two parents that work so that if one ends up in a bad place, the other can use their salary to bail them out. Before you judge me and what I've done, remember that my bastard father ran out on us and my mother's parents can't help us because they're pensioners with meagre savings. Mom had no savings. Rather, she spent what little she could rake in to get me to stay in school and pay for our living expenses. I had nobody to turn to. So just think of that before you pretend you've got any right to judge me. You leave school, go on missions with your little miniature Justice League then go home to your parents and hot meals and family. I go home and I've got nothing. Nothing but that lonely apartment and my necessity. I go home and, though I'm dead tired and just want to sleep forever, I've got to get myself something to eat or else I starve. Think of that next time you're ready to start laying your self-righteous bullshit on me. Live in my shoes one day and see if that sense of justice of yours survives one night. That precious system that you like to defend so much is failing people like us."

For a moment, I didn't know what to say. I was quiet. I felt like I was the bad guy here. I was condemning someone who was dealt a bad hand from the very beginning.

Just for a moment. A moment later, the rebuttal came screaming. A moment later, I remembered the thing I told everyone: you made your own luck. "I won't fall for that pathetic excuse, Jason. Because you knew us. And you knew that we would help you, no matter what."

"Kind of like how you were so quick to help me out now?"

"This is different. I offered you a way out months ago and you rejected it. If you had just called from the very start, my parents wouldn't have hesitated for a second about dealing with everything." I stopped pacing, stared him straight in the eyes. He looked away for the tiniest fraction of a second. "And don't you dare pretend to know me and my family."

"You make it sound like I'm missing piece of the puzzle."

"And suppose I say you are?"

"Then I'd like to know. Enlighten me."

"Sorry, but that phase of our relationship has passed."

I started back pacing, but slower this time, not feeling the previous nervousness that I was feeling before but feeling as upset as this conversation was making me. His eyes never left me.

"I'll make it up to you," he mumbled.

"Oh, what was that?"

"I said I'll make it up to you. I'll do everything I can to make you forgive me."

"Are you acknowledging that you messed up?"

He ran a hand along his face. "God, Hyacinth, is that what you want to hear me say? Yes, I messed up. I messed up big time. My whole life has been nothing but mess ups and screw ups and pain and vexation. Are you happy?"

I stopped pacing again and just looked at him for a few moments. "No, I'm not happy. When I consider how things turned out, I can't be happy."

"What do you mean—"

Megan's voice in our heads cut him off. "We're going up to the second floor now."

"Alright," I replied. "We're heading to the hospital now."

"Christ, how does she do that?" Jason asked.

"Come on. We've got to go."

We started walking as fast as we could to the hospital and in three minutes flat, we were at the entrance. My heart started hammering in my chest. I let Jason lead the way. We went to the front desk.

"Oh, hello, Jason," one of the young nurses said to him with a smile.

"Hi, Darlene."

"Here to see your mom as usual?"

"But of course."

"Oh, who's this?" she asked, giving me a brief look.

"This is my girlfriend, Victoria."

She seemed slightly unhappy about that for a split second before she covered it up. Had I been any less sharper than I was, I would have missed the look. "Oh, hi. Nice to meet you."

I elbowed Jason. "He's just kidding. We're not dating. Actually, I'm his cousin."

This seemed to appease her. "Oh, okay. Always a kidder, this one, right?"

"That he is."

"Well, alright, I don't want to keep you."

"Later, Darlene," he said, waving and leading me away.

"Uh, bye," she said, waving back.

"What was that about? That girl was totally giving me the death glare when you mentioned I was your girlfriend," I said when we started up the stairs.

He smiled. "That's Darlene. I might have been leading her on."

I scoffed. "Well, no surprise there."

"Jealous?"

"Not even slightly."

He chuckled. "How disappointing."

On the second floor, after I mentally sent the signal to Artemis, Robin and Wally, we went to the nurse's desk and Jason checked in with the nurses again. They seemed to greet him with less enthusiasm than Darlene. Since the girl was already working in the hospital, I figured that she was some type of cougar. I also wondered if _all_ Jason had been doing to the girl was leading her on.

"Brace yourself," he mumbled to me as we stopped in front of her door nearby to the nurse's station. I took a breath and he opened the door.

He waited for me to step inside and I did, feeling like the cold of the hospital was strangling the heat and the life out of my skin and like the environment itself was evil and harming me. Which should have been dumb because hospitals were places where people were often saved, places I should have been comfortable in because my parents worked in one. But something told me that the circumstance under which I was a visitor was causing the feelings of discomfort.

He closed the door behind himself then started walking in before me. For a moment, I was stuck at the door. I propelled myself forward behind him.

"Hi, mom," he said as he approached her bedside.

My breath caught in my throat as I set eyes upon the woman in the bed. The once strong, upright, honest, kind, caring and hardworking Laila Guerreton lay in the bed before us both, looking as withered as a flower in the April sun that hadn't been watered all day. The emotion hit me with about as much force as a bus. Suddenly, I was so scared for her that I could hardly stand to be in the room. I wanted to bolt like a scared squirrel.

I wasn't sure exactly how long I had been standing there, frozen by the look of the now weakened Aunt Laila, but after what felt like an hour, Jason half took my hand in his. I turned and looked at him. His expression was gentle, similar to the one that he had shown me when he had warned me earlier but much, much more melancholy. It reminded me of how someone looked at a lost child just as they were about to reunite them with their mother. I felt like that scared, lost, spooked child.

It was strange, the way I could watch scary movies and bloody scenes of death and crime scene photos and not so much as flinch but when I was confronted with the sight of a loved one on a bed, comatose and dancing on the brink of death, I wished to be able to return the sight like an ill-fitting garment and never have to see it again.

"Ready?" he asked.

I couldn't do much more than nod. He stuck the disrupter patch behind the machine and it flat-lined. He squeezed my hand, and I forced myself to run out the door. Megan and Conner were supposed to be waiting by the nurse's station by now, pretending to consult some files and waiting for me.

"Help!" I screamed, almost at the top of my voice as I got through the door. "We were just in there, talking to her and—and—she—" I pretended to choke up, "—she flat-lined."

Megan and Conner ran into the room behind me, closing the door behind them.

"Are there cameras in this room?" Megan asked.

"No," Jason replied.

"Good. Let's just wait a few more minutes."

We all just stood there, around her bed. The three of them started looking from one to the other but I kept my eyes fixed on the vinyl flooring, looking up only a few times at Megan and Conner.

"Hey, Hy, are you okay?" Conner asked.

That question again. I took a breath, unclenched my hands which I hadn't before realised were clenched and exhaled. "Yeah, I'm doing okay." I looked at Jason who had his eyes fixed intently on me and was infinitely calmer than I. He had already probably come to terms with the scene before him. "Is it time yet?"

"Yeah, it's time," Megan replied. "You guys got to go outside and keep the nurses occupied."

We nodded and then headed out the door. We started heading towards the nurse's station but a few feet away from it, Jason slumped to the floor and started sobbing uncontrollably.

"No!" he shouted. "No! She can't leave me! No! She can't die! Now I have nothing! Nothing!" He yelled in anguish and I was wondering where the hell all his theatrics were coming from. I knelt next to him and pulled him into an embrace, trying to make the nurses as distracted as possible.

"It's okay, Jase. It's okay. She's in a better place now," I said, thickening my voice with emotion and making it sound like I was just moments away from crying myself.

"No! I don't want to hear that! There was no place better than here with me! She deserved to live! She deserved it more than most people! She worked so hard!"

One of the nurses came up behind me and rested a hand on my shoulder. "Excuse me, young man, but please calm down. You're making a racket in the hospital," she said but not unkindly.

"That's all you care about, isn't it?" he lashed out. "You care about your blessed hospital silence. You couldn't care that my life is now condemned to your wretched silence because the only person in my family that I had left is gone! Damn all of you and your damned silence!"

"Young man, calm down. I'm very sorry for your loss but you've got to think of the other patients."

He burst into sobs, burying his head in my shoulder and didn't say another thing to her. After minute, I looked at her. "Um, maybe you should let him grieve for a moment. C-can you get him a glass of water please?"

She gave him a pitying look and then nodded and started walking off. Conner started jogging in the direction of the elevators then shortly came back with a gurney.

"Nurse Carlton," one of the elder nurses called. He stopped and watched us.

"Yes, ma'am?"

"Why didn't Doctor Avis request the defibrillator?"

Somehow I had been anticipating the question. While we had been walking in silence to the hospital, it had occurred to me that the question would come up. I piped up with my reply.

"Aren't you even aware of Laila's condition?" I said accusingly. "You use that thing on her and those clots near her heart with go right into it and she'll still be dead. What is wrong with you people?"

The nurse looked from me to Conner and Conner nodded. He proceeded into the room and as Jason grew still, we stayed there, squatting in the floor, looking like the picture of grief and agony. A few minutes later, they were rolling her out of the room and towards the elevator.

Megan sent Kal the mental signal to bring down the Bioship.

"Just a little longer," Jason muttered into my shoulder.

I nodded and rubbed his back, feeling like a criminal. It was odd. I was one of the good guys and somehow stealing a patient from a hospital still felt awfully wrong. I reminded myself that she needed this, that this wasn't a good place for her to be. That seemed to quell the guilt a little.

Four and a half minutes later, just as my leg was starting to tell me that I needed to get up before it fell asleep, Jason, released me and started to stand. He staggered and I stood and helped him up. With my arm still around his back and helping him place some of his weight against me, we started towards the staircase.

"I've got to tell her goodbye," he said to me purposefully.

I nodded and we started slowly walking towards the stairs.

At the bottom of the stairs, we could see the crowd gathered in a circle and the loud commotion. I almost smiled.

"You can't ever be the one she wants! And don't you have any common decency? Our mother's in the hospital and you start a fight with me about this? I knew she shouldn't have adopted you!" Robin shouted.

"Say that again and I'll make sure I'm the only kid she has!" Wally yelled back.

"Stop fighting! You know she loves you both! And you've got it wrong! It wasn't his fault that she fell! It was mine!" Artemis interrupted.

I wanted to stay there and watch how this would play out but I knew that we had a mission to complete. I looked at Jason whose face was no longer crumpled in fake agony and we started pushing through the crowd.

"Fellas, this is a hospital!" I shouted at them. "If you're going to fight about your petty nonsense, take it outside! There are grieving people here that deserve better than your squabbling and irreverence!"

They both looked at me, feigning a stunned expression by my speech, and I grabbed Wally by the arm and started dragging him out of the hospital. Jason grabbed Robin's arm and did the same while Artemis followed. We made our way all around the hospital and started looking for the Bioship. Kal opened the door and we climbed in.

Aunt Laila was on a bed coming out of the wall and Megan morphed back into her original form and retook her seat in the captain's chair. Everyone took their seats and then I turned to Jase who was the only other person besides myself not yet seated.

"Are you sure you're coming?" I asked Jason.

"You're not expecting me to stay here while you whisk my mom off to Happy Harbour, are you?" I just stared at him. "I'm not leaving her."

"At least there's one person you're loyal to."

He rolled his eyes. "Hyacinth, you keep this up and I'm going to start using some words I'd rather not use around my mom."

I lifted my hands in surrender. "I didn't expect you to stay here while we've got her. I just wanted to make sure you understood the implications of coming with us. Just sit down."

He sat and after everyone was strapped in, Megan began the journey to Happy Harbour with the ship still in camo-mode.

There was silence for a few minutes, during which I was trying to get myself unwound. So far I wasn't having much success.

"Hyacinth." I turned towards Kaldur. "Congratulations on your first successfully directed mission." He offered me a smile and I couldn't return it.

"Thanks. Let's just hope surgery's successful or else all of this would have been in vain."

"Always with the heavy," Robin commented.

"Yeah, she's always been like that. Can't celebrate the small victories for very long. Or have you always been one to celebrate small victories? Either way, you've always been the one who worries that everything will go to hell. You could swear that everything that's ever come your way was bad," Jason threw in, half-smiling, chair half turned towards me.

I looked around and was amazed that everyone fit in the ship. I shrugged and turned and looked out the window. I could feel Jason's eyes on me. I felt when he looked away.

"So, hey there. I'm Jason but that's obvious. And you guys are?"

"Not interested in exchanging names," Happy said. I wanted to leap across the Bioship and kiss Happy. I mentally gave him ten points for his response.

Jason chuckled. "Something tells me that you and Hyacinth are exactly the same kind of hot-tempered fireball so you don't get along very well."

I kicked his chair. "Why are you so cheery?" I asked.

"I get to see you again and my mom's on her way to salvation. Why shouldn't I be cheery?"

I rolled my eyes. "I wish Zatanna were here."

"Why's that?" Artemis asked.

"Then she could shut him up."

"You missed me, that's all. You're trying your hardest to hide it and you're being mean to me to hide it," he quipped. "I admitted that I'm happy to see you. Why can't you just admit the same?"

"Because I'm _not_ happy to see you. You're forgetting where we stand. You and I are not friends. In fact, when you look at the bigger picture, you're our enemy and the exact same thing that we fight to protect people against. You should be a little wearier of the fact that everyone in this ship with the exception of your comatose mother would love nothing more than to throw you into jail so you can stop being the bane of our very existence."

The interesting part of all of this was that, somewhere along the way, I _had_ forgotten that we were enemies. For a while, I had started to feel comfortable next to him. I mentally scolded myself and reminded myself that I couldn't for a second forget again.

Another part of me asked why I was condemning him. It wasn't entirely his fault. He had been sort of right earlier when he reminded me that things were bad for them and that the system was failing people like him. He just did what he thought was the immediate solution. But the fact remained that we had been a legitimate option. My parents and I would have run to help him at the first call. Nonetheless, wasn't he entitled to that Christian forgiveness I was supposed to strive towards in the journey to becoming a better person? What did I gain from keeping him at a distance? Absolutely nothing.

But that wasn't true. I didn't gain nothing. Saving his mother and working together on one mission didn't mean that he was automatically the good guy again. Keeping him at a distance ensured that if he struck again as a member of the wrong side, I could protect the people who mattered to me and that I would have no qualms about bringing the hammer down on him.

But the only person who suffered from the tension of continuing to condemn him would probably be me. I would have to suffer with feeling wound up and being untrusting and fighting this feeling of familiarity that came on now that we were connected by our collective trauma at Aunt Laila's state. Because the trauma did connect us. She was someone that the both of us cared for deeply. Our common past and this common sadness were making it all the harder to fight the feeling of camaraderie that I was experiencing now that I was around him once more. He had always had that effect on me. I was never able to stay mad at him for too long. He had been my best friend. We had always found some common pleasure in mischief or gaming or watching anime or the like. He was the friend that I couldn't find in Tanya because she and I had such different interests.

Granted, it was fun having a friend that was different from you but, occasionally, you needed one who would do things _with_ you. And now that she had Stephen and I was trying to block out the whole damn world, I had to admit that things were getting a little bit lonely on the inside. Not that I had noticed it before. Before, I had let myself get too caught up in the rat race that I had created for myself to notice a thing like my real feelings. Because that had been the intention in the first place. Now, when I had the time to reflect on it, I understood that there was a tiny surge of loneliness amongst the sore, tired muscles that I continued to push to give me more. And tonight, I had to make sure to go out and make sure no little old ladies were being attacked. I continued to push and push and push and push. I wondered when my body would give out and I wouldn't be able to move. I imagined it would still be some way off because it hadn't been much more than a week.

"Hy, I think if you stare at the glass any harder, it will melt," Jason said.

"It's not glass," I said quietly.

"It's not?"

"No."

"Then what is it?"

"Something that's not glass."

He chuckled. "Well, you don't say." I glanced at him for the briefest of seconds then returned my gaze to the outside world. "Dollar for your thoughts."

I scoffed. "A hundred pennies?"

"That's right. It's worth that much. Come on. Talk."

"Can't you leave silence alone for just ten minutes?"

He laughed. "That's rich. You're the one who can't stand silence."

"Lately I've learned to fall in love with it."

"With silence? What the hell happened to you?"

I turned to him. "What do you mean by that?"

"The only reason I can think of that you would want silence would be if something happened to you? Is it related to that conversation we had earlier when you mentioned that someone else had tramp—"

"I'll tell you later if you'll stop asking questions and let me think for now," I said quickly.

He shot me this look like he knew I was hiding something from my teammates and then nodded. "Alright. Later. I'll hold you to that."

"Please do," I said with an edge of sarcasm. "Then you'll see what honesty and loyalty look like."

"Hey, lighten up a little. We both know that you've already forgiven me and that if you keep this up, your face will get wrinkly and ugly."

I chuckled. "You know what they say about assuming."

"It makes an ass of you and me. Sure. Doesn't change the fact that I'm right."

"Didn't we have an agreement where you would shut up and I would tell you something later?"

"Alright, alright. I'll zip my can."

The Bioship got silent and I started reciting in my head a passage from Chaucer that I had memorised to avoid being able to think. Thinking always got me in a mess. When I completed it, I started it from the top and started trying to translate it into Spanish.

"Hey, blondie, is it okay if I ask your name?"

I realised that he was talking to Artemis and had to resist the urge to drive a stake through his heart, Buffy-style.

"What did I just tell you?" I asked, peeved.

"I'm not talking to _you_."

"I'm not deaf and my explicit instructions were for you to _stop asking questions_."

"When was the last time you played _Unreal Tournament_?"

"What?"

"When was the last time?"

"I dunno. Ages."

"That's why you're so tense. You need to shoot something."

"Had I a gun, we could resolve that right now."

"You wouldn't kill me."

"Kill does not equate with shoot."

"Chances are I'd bleed to death before we got to the hospital."

"Megan, how long till we land?"

"Three minutes," she replied.

"Thank you. Thank God."

There was some silence and then Jason did exactly what I was expecting him to after I realised that I'd mentioned her name.

"So your name is Megan?" he asked her.

"Er, yeah."

"Got a last name, Megan?"

"She's got better: a boyfriend who will smash your face in," I cut in.

"Stop interrupting me when I'm trying to fraternise with my new allies."

"Who said we were allies?"

"I'm your spy. I assume that means we're allies now."

"There you go assuming again."

"Guess that makes me an ass."

"We already knew that."

"Makes you an ass, too."

"We already knew that, too."

And then I remembered that I had to call my parents. I grabbed my phone from my pocket and dialled my mom. She answered on the second ring.

"Yeah, baby?"

"We're about two minutes away," I responded.

"How's Laila's condition?"

"Stable. The Bioship is sustaining her."

"Oh, wow. Some ship."

"Yeah. If you didn't have to go deal with her, I'd make you come sit in it."

"Ooh, and I would have loved to. Are your friends around?"

"Yeah."

"Can I say hi?"

I put the phone on speaker. She was like one of those parents who wanted to adopt everyone's kids and make them part of her family. It was cute. "Go ahead."

"Hi, kids."

"Hi," they chorused.

"Say hi, Happy," I told him.

"Why?" he questioned.

"Just say hi, you insufferable tush."

"Er...hi."

"There's an unfamiliar voice," my mom observed. "Who's that?"

"Call him Happy," I responded.

"_Roy_," he stressed. "Call me Roy."

"A new teammate?" she asked.

"Not exactly. I'll have to clue you into the sitch later," I responded.

"Hi, Roy, it's nice to meet you."

"Hi, Aunt Harlene," Jason threw in. "I've missed you."

There was silence for like a second then there was a difference in mom's voice. "Jason Alexis Guerreton. We need to talk."

Jason seemed to realise that he was in trouble. "Is it something Hy hasn't already screamed at me for?"

"Screamed at you?"

"She doesn't know about this," I mouthed to him, gesturing in a circle at the whole situation.

"For...not calling sooner," he explained. Half truth at best.

Mom laughed. "Yes, she's becoming a real dragon, isn't she?"

"Yes. Yes, she is."

"Um, so, yeah, we're landing now," I cut in, seeing the hospital a stone's throw away from my window.

"Alright. We're coming to the roof. Bye, honey. Bye, kids."

"Bye," they chorused again.

There was silence for about four seconds before it was broken again. "So that's your mom that you'd trade every ounce of your blood for," Happy said.

"Yup."

"She seems nice."

"You'd like her. I've never met anyone that didn't like her and wasn't a complete and total asshole. The only people that don't like her are people who enjoy doing the wrong thing. She calls 'em as she sees 'em."

"Speaking of which, how come she doesn't know about...me?" Jason asked.

"I'd rather not get her involved."

"You feel that way about her and you can't understand why I've done what I have?"

"Never said I didn't understand. I just really don't approve."

"Never wanted your approval. Just your help."

I just looked at him with a solid expression as the door to the Bioship opened. Megan disconnected Aunt Laila from the bed and the oxygen mask from the ship and levitated her out of the ship and onto the gurney that was waiting outside with the team of nurses who connected her to oxygen and an I.V. immediately and took her to the rooftop elevator.

"O.R. one immediately and quickly. Be careful with this one. Sheridan will instruct you when you get there," mom said to the nurses. They hurried off at her instruction and when we climbed out of the Bioship, she started sharing kisses to my teammates who gave her an appreciative hug.

"You must be Roy," she said to him. She hugged and kissed him anyway. He looked like he didn't know how to refuse her. When she came to Jason, she gave him an extra long hug and rubbed his back a few times. "I'm so sorry about your mom, sweetheart."

"Yeah, me, too. But she's in capable hands now," he replied, half smiling at her. She took his face in her hands and kissed his forehead. He looked unsure and somewhat guilty as if he hadn't been counting on her to still love him like she used to. It was obvious that Jason had been so mistreated by the world that he wasn't sure of anything at all.

"We must get back to base," Kaldur said to both us and her. It was obvious that Jason was staying.

"Alright, be safe," mom said to them. "I have to go help Sheridan." She came, took my hand and squeezed it.

"So, what, I get no hug and kiss, too?"

She chuckled. "I've got to get to work, Hy. I'll see you later."

"Ah—I can't believe this treatment!" I whined.

"See you later, difficult child of mine."

"Yeah, bye, mom. Go be amazing."

She started down the stairs next to the elevator and Jason followed. We all climbed back into the Bioship and headed for the Cave to report our mission outcome.

"Is it just me or did your mom get more beautiful since the last time we saw her?" Wally asked.

I chuckled. "I dunno. I think the same thing every time I see her." I tried not to remember that the last time that they had seen her was for my birthday-slash-prom. I remembered anyway. I wasn't sure if my present circumstances ruined that memory for me.

Batman met us in the atrium and after a quick report on the mission and mentioning that Jason was at the hospital with his mom and that we had put trackers on both, he gave us a flat 'good job' and dismissed us. I grabbed my bag and headed for the door. I needed some loud music, some embroidering and some food to pep me back up. But first I had to go to rugby. Begrudgingly, I mentally prepared myself for some more pounding. My body was still slightly sore from training that morning. I had brought this upon myself anyway. There was nothing I could do but accept that.

After an hour of rugby, I had a shower and dragged my tired, sore, exhausted butt home. I checked my email after I changed, glanced at my _Facebook_ Wall for about two minutes, then set my _iTunes_ on shuffle and turned the music up loud. January was watching TV and wouldn't much be disturbed by me and my bad singing.

The first song was ironic and I got the idea that the program was spiting me. But I was singing along with it anyway.

"_Now you're just somebody that I used to knooooow!_"

The next one wasn't much better either. "_Forgive, sounds good. Forget, I'm not sure I could._"

Or the next one. "_You're looking at the ghost of me!_"

Or the next. "_Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I'm only falling apart. There's nothing I can do. A total eclipse of the heart._"

Or the next. "_I will run and hide till memories fade away. And I will leave behiiiiind aaaaa love so strooo-ooong!_"

It was my life in musical form. It was annoying. No, it wasn't. Who was I kidding? These songs were reflecting my life but they were all songs that I loved. Irony be damned.

"_And I'll never let this goooo. But I can't find the words to tell youuuuuu. I don't want to be aloooooone. But now I feel like I don't know youuuuu._"

"_Un-break my hearrrrrt. Say you'll love me agaaaaaaiiiiin_."

I was so enveloped by my own pain and misery and the music and revelling in the moment where I would shed my mask and just feel and sing and gesticulate around my room as I sang that when the figure flew through my window and into my room, I jumped and nearly screamed my head off.

Realising that I was about to scream my head off, Robin put his hand over my mouth. "Don't scream. It's just me," he said.

After a few more seconds of trying to get my heart out of my throat and back into my chest cavity, I nodded and he removed his hand.

He smirked at me. "Tanya was right. You can't sing _at all_."

"I can sing badly in my room if I want. And were you _trying_ to kill me?"

"Not my fault you were caught unaware."

"Yes, it is! You came through my window again, because you _seem_ to have something against front doors, and just jumped me when I'm in my room, not expecting _anyone_ at _any time_! I'm going to start locking my window if you don't stop doing that."

"You never had a problem with it before."

"You never used to come through my window quite so often before."

"Didn't I?"

"No." I wanted so very badly to tell him that I didn't want to talk about this but I knew it was time to put up that titanium mask again. "Hold on." I went to the computer and paused the music. The silence that followed for the next minute helped my ears to adjust. I sat on my bed and just looked at Robin for that one silent minute.

It was amazing how fantastic he looked for someone who just came through my window. His hair was windswept but in a completely cool way that served to remind me of exactly how gorgeous he was. He was in his usual attire: hoodie, jeans, sneakers, shades. It wasn't boring. It was both refreshingly and annoyingly familiar. That's what happened when you were trying to be a different person while everyone, including the person you loved, stayed more or less the same and seemed to make it their business to be around you like nothing ever happened. Familiar became refreshing as you tried to paddle through the new darkness within you but since it reminded you of what you lost and what you were trying to replace, it became an annoyance.

"So, are you going to say something, like tell me why you're here or are we going to just stay here in silence?" I asked.

"I came to see you."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, gee, thanks for clarifying that. I thought you were looking for January and just happened to come through the wrong entrance. Not that a window is, by any means, considered an entrance."

"Is the sass really necessary? I came because I was a bit worried about how you were."

I took a breath, closed my eyes, exhaled, reopened them. I ran a hand across my face and then patted the spot on the bed next to where I was sitting. After about three seconds, he came and had a seat but I didn't look at him.

"I'm sorry. Things are getting a little too crazy for this one girl to handle."

"That's why I came. I had a feeling that you wouldn't be in such good shape after all this drama. But you don't have to try to handle all of it by yourself, you know. That's what you have friends for."

I turned to him. "Like you?" Somehow, when it came out, it sounded a little bit like a bitter challenge. To my ears, it sounded almost accusing, like I was pointing out to him how much of a bastard he'd been lately. Because he had been. There was no way to deny that.

He didn't answer immediately which led me to think that he thought it sounded like an accusation, too. I exhaled audibly and looked away again. "Look," I said, "thanks for the pep talk but this is something I've got to deal with alone."

"No, you don't. Come on. Talk to me."

I shook my head, still not looking at him. "I need to deal with this or else I won't be able to deal with anything."

"Is this some sort of self-sufficiency thing?"

"You could call it that."

"It's pointless to torture yourself when you could use some support, Hy."

"And it's pointless to burden people with troubles that may not have anything to do with them."

"That's what friends are for."

"Yeah, well, I think I'd rather not invoke that particular part of friendship."

"I'd ask what's been going on with you lately but I suspect that you won't tell me that either."

"It occurred to you that I was acting strange?"

"Are you going to try to deny it or are you surprised that I have eyes in my head?"

I wanted to blow up at him and start shouting but it occurred to me that I had nothing to shout about. I _had_ asked because I _was_ surprised that he had even noticed it in the midst of his complete and total immersion into all that was Zatanna and his new fancy for her.

I put on a smug look, trying to hide everything under that nonchalant, mysterious mask that I was putting into practice, and looked at him. "Which do you think it is? I'm curious as to whether you think I'm a liar or a condescending bitch."

"I didn't mean—"

"Of course you didn't. You didn't mean any of it." Not the kisses, not the hugs, not the several professions of how important I was or that we were best friends or that we'd always remain best friends. Suddenly, the whole concept of a best friend seemed pointless and ridiculous to me. If my experience was anything to go on, all best friends did was renege on promises, hurt you, use you and then turn their back. And then when they needed a doormat again, they either called or came through your window. Confidante, my ass.

Robin sighed and stood. "I'm sorry I barged in. I'm sorry I came. Bye."

He started heading for the window again but before I had even consciously made the decision, I grabbed his hand and stopped him. My conscience knew that I couldn't let him leave like this. My mask was broken. Either by Jason or Zatanna's appearance or Aunt Laila's situation or all of the above. My emotions, bitterness and fear and instability, were leaking through.

I was going to tell him everything, about how he hurt me, about how I was scared for Aunt Laila, about how seeing Jason again and having to work with him and having him in such close proximity to everything in my life was nerve-racking, about how much I resented the fact that Zatanna had so easily taken him from me, about how not-together I was. I was going to confess everything. I had to do it now. It was time to fess up. Almost.

I realised that while I just wanted to come clean, I couldn't. Not yet. This was not his burden to deal with. I was put in this situation for a reason. For all my faith, I was not a person that believed in coincidence. I believed that everything happened for a purpose. I believed that strength came through testing, through walking through fire, like a sword is fired to make it strong.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm…in such a mess and you always come to me whenever I'm a mess and trying to keep it together so I bite your head off because it makes me feel better. This always happens. It always has, ever since the day we met and I'm not okay with that. I don't know what your whole life is like but knowing what I do, I know that you don't deserve to have me throwing all my crap and bad energy at you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry…" The pain in my chest felt awful, like a slightly toned down version of what I had felt the day he had decided that it would be better for us to just be friends. The craziness was eating me from the inside out. But I had to survive it. When I was in a better position to talk, when I had already grown strong enough to deal with my demons and overcome them, then I would talk to him and let the catharsis take place. If I couldn't deal with this, how was I supposed to maintain living two lives?

I cleared my throat. "You should leave before I, uh, say anything else I'll regret."

His expression became tenderer. "Hy, I don't want you to endure whatever you're going through alone. I want you to talk to me. I don't want you getting lost in whatever is eating you because, well, because I can't stand that. I hate to think of you hurting. It's why I always show up when I think you're having a hard time. Can't you trust me with what's bugging you, like you used to?"

I scoffed humourlessly. "I think we both know that nothing is like it used to be. Everything's becoming more and more intense. And I need to rise to the challenge or else I don't belong amongst you and the team. I'm lucky to have you as a friend and I thank you for your concern but let me deal with the noise in my head. I've just got to. Can you understand that?"

He stared at me for a long moment before he nodded. He pulled on my hand and I stood and he pulled me into his arms. "Yeah, I think I can understand." He held me tightly for almost an entire minute. I wanted so badly for him to not let go. As always, it was still so easy for me to just melt in his arms. Despite everything, they still felt warm and happy and safe. They felt like a place that robbed you of your defences because you didn't need them. They felt like a place where it was absolutely okay to just fall to pieces because they would keep you together until after the moment of confession when you were stronger. I could feel the words that I wanted to say on the tip of my tongue. How easy would it be for me to say to him again 'I love you'? Too easy.

He let go of me and stroked the side of my head. "But, if you change your mind, just call me, okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Thanks for coming to see me. See you later."

"Yeah. Bye. See you tomorrow."

I nodded again and watched him leave the way he came. Every time he went out my window, I worried for him just a little. But I knew he wasn't the type to put himself in a situation that he was not prepared to handle.

I clicked the stop button and pressed play, hoping that my playlist would spit out a new selection that would confound the mess of feelings and inspire a little strength and optimism. What I got was _Safetysuit's_ 'Let Go'.

But perhaps that was the inspiration for strength that I needed. Because as I listened to the song that I was already very familiar with, I realised that there was so much truth in it and that it meant so much more now that it could relate to something so obviously powerful in my life at the moment. Perhaps it was time for me to let go. Not like the half-hearted attempt I had given it when I was trying to resist my feelings for him before we stated dating. I had to give it a whole-hearted attempt. Before this week, I believed that I was really trying at it and doing rather well. I was happy for him. But now, with all this confusing mess, it was counterproductively bringing forth all the dark feelings within me.

This time I had to let go. And if I was letting go of the pain that Robin had caused, and the feelings that I had for him that were trapping me, I had to let go of my grudge against Jason for what he had done. If I was going to let go, I had to let go of all of it. I couldn't let go of some of the tension and keep some. It all had to go.

After the song, I turned off the PC and went to bed.

**So tell me something.**

**Also, cookie for anyone who can name all the songs off the top of their head without Googling it.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi, people. Did anyone else die when they saw the season premiere of YJ Invasion? I died. I DIED.**

**Also, cookie goes to**_ sweeti9090_ **for knowing most of the songs.** **For anyone else who couldn't figure it out but wanted to know and didn't use Google (in order of appearance): Somebody That I Used to Know – Gotye feat. Kimbra; Not Ready to Make Nice – The Dixie Chicks; Ghost of Me – Daughtry; Turn Around (Total Eclipse of the Heart) – Bonne Tyler; Hide – Red; Let This Go – Paramore; Unbreak My Heart – Toni Braxton.**

**I'm still dead inside from the season premiere. And yet, I find the inspiration to write.**

When I woke up that sunny Wednesday morning, I felt…at peace. I felt as if I had the willpower to try at whatever I needed to work towards. Mainly on the agenda was forgiving Jason and letting go of Robin. Really, if I had had to choose a girl to suit him that wasn't me, I wasn't sure if I could pick anyone as fine as Zatanna. Sure, at the back of my mind, I had doubts as to whether or not she would ever really truly know him inside and out, but I also had to acknowledge and maybe even hope a little for her sake that I was wrong and that he opened up to her the way he once did to me.

I got off my bed and went through my usual morning ritual. By the time I was dressed and heading to the kitchen for breakfast, January was already up, looking as sleepy as she always did as the true mark of someone who was not a morning person. She was pouring herself some cereal. It was cute. Perhaps I was an extremely family-obsessed person, but it occurred to me that I had the cutest family just about ever.

"'Morning, kid."

"Hi, Hy."

"Where's mom?"

Serendipitously, the door opened just then and closed and I heard mom's distinctive sigh. I stuck my head out of the kitchen and saw my rather exhausted looking mom drop her bags on the couch and start for her bedroom.

"Hey, mom," I said. "Did you just get in, you wild thing?" I winked at her.

She chuckled and ignored my insinuation. "Yeah. Your dad and I were at the hospital all night, trying to make sure that everything stayed okay with Laila."

"'_Stayed_ okay'?"

"Stayed okay. The surgery was a success."

I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly, leaning against the doorpost. I almost fell to the ground with relief. A weight suddenly lifted from my chest. I knew I'd been worried about her but I hadn't realised that I was worried quite so much.

I chuckled. "Of course. Why had I expected anything else from Aunt Laila? Of course she would fight for her life." Mom offered me a half smile. She looked like she needed some sleep. "So, she's out of her coma?"

"She came out of it half an hour ago."

"Really?"

"Yes. She went back to sleep before I left. She's in pain from the surgery and is still going to be asleep a lot over the rest of the week or so."

"I'm just so happy."

"Yeah, me and your dad, too, baby."

"Where's Jason?"

"He stayed the entire night at her bedside. His face was the first that she saw when she woke up. He cried. They both did. We tried to get him to come home with me, get some rest, have a shower and then come back later but he refused. All he wanted to do was stay with her. It must have been rougher for him than we thought."

I gave a short nod. "I was going to invite you to come have breakfast with us but you look like you need sleep more. Go sleep. I'll come tuck you in."

She smiled. "That's a sign that you're getting far too big. I'm supposed to be tucking _you_ in, not the other way around."

I smiled back. "Why can't it be a two-way street? Why can't I tuck you in when you need it and you'll tuck me in when I need it?"

"You think of everything, don't you?"

"Not quite."

She started for her room and I followed. She just took off her work clothes and changed into her home clothes. I set aside her work clothes, intending to put them in the hamper. She crawled into bed and I tucked the blanket snugly around her and kissed her forehead.

"'Night, mom. Sweet dreams. I love you."

"I love you, too, Hyacinth. And I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks. At least one of us is proud of me."

"Is something wrong?"

"Yeah."

"Want to tell me about it?"

"Nah, mom. You need sleep, not to give me a therapy session. Let's just say it's time for me to really try to stop focusing on myself so much and just…let go. If I don't, I'll turn into a horrible person with nobody behind me but my own insecurities, fears, vexations and pain."

She smiled again. "See, this is why I'm proud of you. You can figure things out all on your own. You've grown so much mentally, emotionally and physically. I'm proud of that. I'm proud of your strength and efforts and your faith and your decision to not let the wrongs of this world just pass by."

"Thanks, mom. Goodnight."

"Bye, baby. Have a great day at school."

"Oh, by the way, we're going to one of Tanya's shows on Friday."

"Great. Bye. Don't be late."

I waved and left her room.

School went by in a blur. Tanya talked to me about all the hard work she was putting into prepping for the show on Friday and I couldn't help but smile. It occurred to me that I needed her in my life more than ever now. She reminded me that despite the fact that my world had been going topsy-turvy, the world around me was still going. Everyday life was still moving on around me. I didn't have the time to immerse myself completely in the world of Cin or the world of the mask of Hyacinth. I had to devote myself to the rest of my life as well. I still needed to be Tanya and Stephen's best friend, I still had to be a student and a good one at that, since that was what I'd always been regarded as, and I still needed to be a teenager, a daughter and a sister.

At lunch, Tanya, Stephen and I went to the gym so she could practise her dance. She slipped tights under her dress and put on her Pointe shoes in seconds and after pressing play on her _iPod_ which was connected to some ridiculously tiny but powerful speaker, she started to dance. The first time she did it, Stephen and I watched with rapt attention from high up on the bleachers. She was an enchantress when she danced. When I glanced at Stephen, I thought I'd seen the look of forever in his eyes. To me, what forever looked like was the pure, undiluted and everlasting love that I saw in my dad's eyes for my mom or in my mom's eyes for my dad. Deep in my heart, I hoped that they would have the marvellous fortune that my parents had where they were able to get married and live relatively happily ever after.

Tanya didn't care that we were there. She wasn't taking us on at all. It was obvious that when she danced, she danced for herself and no one else. She didn't even care to ask us our opinion.

The second time she started the routine, I juggled my attention between her and him. This time, he seemed to be thinking about something.

"You're going to bore a hole in the floor under her if you keep concentrating so hard," I said to him.

He chuckled and after a reluctant moment, he moved his eyes from her to me. "How is it so obvious to you what people are thinking?"

I shrugged. "Not too sure. I think I'm part German Shepherd."

He laughed. "As if that makes any sense in the world." He shook his head, smiling, then turned back to look at her. After another eight seconds, he turned back to me. "I want to bring her something special for after the show but I'm not sure exactly what I should do."

"Flowers?"

"Too ordinary."

"Then take her out somewhere."

"And do what?"

"You write songs, right?"

"Yeah. I have a few that I kept for myself."

"Because they're special and you'd rather not have your band singing them, right?"

"Yeah, exactly."

"Then, after the show, take her out and play her a song and just spend the rest of the evening with her."

"A song isn't a _thing_ that I can give her."

"You're right. It'll mean so much more than just giving her some thing. Tanya's into the talking and the romance and the emotional stuff. All girls are to some extent or other. She likes the idea that people are being straight with her. She doesn't like games. A song has more emotional and romantic value than a thing from a store does. In fact, anything from your hands and not from a store will have more of both."

His focus went back to her. "I take your idea but how am I going to do that? If I walk into the auditorium with my guitar case, she'll know something's up. I kind of wanted it to be a surprise."

I smiled. "I think I got ya covered." He looked at me and my smile widened. "She's always hungry, especially after a show. I'll take her out for something after the show and, when you've set everything up, you'll text me and I'll walk her over to where you are."

He smiled back. "You're brilliant. And possibly the best friend I could ever ask for."

"So, have you got a venue?"

"I was thinking the park next to school, in front of the gazebo. But then, where do I stash my stuff?"

"You know Thomas' store about a couple of blocks from school?"

"That store that sells all kinds of things? Yeah, what about it?"

"We can ask Thomas to hold your stuff for you. He closes at like nine but it'll be your job to get there before his closing time."

"Would he really do that for me?"

"We can go together and ask him. If you tell him it's about love, he'll agree almost immediately."

"Really?"

"Probably."

"Wow. Thanks a lot."

"Don't thank me. Thank Thomas after he gives you the okay."

"No, I have to thank you, too."

"For what?"

"If it wasn't for you, she would never have given me a second look."

"You don't know that."

He laughed. "Of course I do. Before you told me you'd get her to go to prom with me, we'd never had a conversation that wasn't about Biology or something school related. In fact, I don't think we had a conversation that was more than four sentences to each other prior to prom."

"And yet you had a huge crush on her."

"Yeah. It sounds kind of dumb but you know when you just pick up on someone's aura and like you can tell by what they say and how they act and who their friends are that they're just an amazing person and you fall for the person that you piece together that they are. No, wait, I don't think that makes any sense—"

"No, it makes perfect sense." He had no idea that he had just hit the nail on the head. That, in a nutshell, described how I had come to love Robin despite the fact that I was missing a lot of his background story.

"You understand?"

"More than you'll ever know."

There was about half a minute of silence where we returned our attentions to Tanya as she practised. He turned back to me first and I just kept my eyes on her.

"Hey, Hy, Tanya told me you have a boyfriend. Was he in the group that you brought to prom?"

"Yes, he was."

"Which one of them?"

I smirked. "I'm curious as to what our behaviour was like that night. Which of them do you think it was?"

"Well, I've narrowed it down to two suspects: the tall dark-skinned guy with the blond hair and the black-haired one that was about your height."

I smiled. "Ah, I see. I was spending most of my time with them?"

"Yeah. It was obvious that the red-headed girl and the tall black-haired guy were together. They were together, like, all night."

"Like you and Tanya?"

He smiled and looked away, his cheeks colouring just slightly. Indeed, had I not seen it before, I would have realised by now that this was the flavour of love. There was nothing non-committal or casual about their relationship now. He was in love with her and she was in love with him.

I used the latter thought and a question that I deliberated upon frequently relating to the issue as a way to continue to steer the conversation away from me and my ex-relationship.

"Hey, Ste, do you think it's alright to be in love at this age?"

"Well, sure. I mean, love knows no age because age is just a number, right?"

I shook my head. "Nah, it's not just a number. It's an idea of how much you've had the time to experience and how far you've gotten to grow. It's not accurate and by all means, not absolute in any way but it gives an idea. I know some pretty young people that are so brave and wise and noble that they easily outdo many aged and supposedly more experienced and wise people. In fact, it's likely they've experienced more in their life that older persons can't even properly imagine."

"Wow. Deep. But, what do you think, since you asked?"

"I have a sort of mixed answer. On one hand, I believe what you're saying, that love knows no bounds or discrimination or anything of the sort whatsoever. However, on the other hand, I think some people don't understand the implications of being in love. Now, I tend to go by the biblical definition of love. A lot of people don't. They think that you love someone when you care about them a lot and when you just want to be with them in whatever is their estimation of forever and when they make you feel good, but they also believe that you can only love someone for only so long and that it grows stagnant and tired after a while and that under some conditions, you can't love the person anymore and it's normal to fall out of love. And that's where the problem lies. People may not really get what love is and they carry this faulty definition throughout the rest of life. Then again, it's possible that their definition is just as correct as the one I use—who knows what truth really is?

"The other problem is that falling in love young might kind of be restrictive and damaging. I mean, if you start dating at fourteen and you think you're in love and you're naive and you give everything you've got to this person and they trample all over you and tell you what you should do and wear and how you should act, you don't get time to become who you really are and then when finally things become bad enough so that you notice, you'll be scarred and have bad expectations of relationships for a long time after that. Then you've got to spend a long time afterwards trying to figure out who you really are and what you really like and what's the real way that you want to act."

He chuckled. "Do you sit down and think about this stuff a lot?" I shrugged. It wasn't the first time I got that response from people when I rambled on about something. "Well, I see where you're coming from. You made some pretty solid points there. Some people aren't ready. But I think some are. And I think Tan and I are ready to seriously be in love with each other. Sometimes, when I look at her, I can imagine the rest of my life with her in it. All the other times I've tried to imagine myself with other girls that I used to like, I came up with nothing. With her, I've got something...no, not something. _Everything_."

"I'm happy for you, Ste. But have you told _her_ that?"

"Well, we've been dating for less than three months. Would I be rushing her by telling her?"

"Trust me, she feels the same way. Isn't it obvious? She'd ditch me for you any day, any time. She did so twice, ditched me on days when we were going to look for stuff at the mall so she could hang out with you."

"Sorry 'bout that."

"It's fine. Point is, she's nuts about you, too. Don't be scared. As I see it, it's important to say these things early when you're able to and you've got the chance to rather than later on when it won't mean as much. Or, you may lose that chance to say it alto—"

His hand over my mouth cut me off. "O...kay, let's not think about that. But I get your point. Seize the moment, right?"

"Yup. Say those three words while you're alive and while you've got the chance to."

"If she rejects me, I'm coming to your door, you hear me?"

"Oh, _please_. As if I've got anything to be afraid of with you. I've shamed quarterbacks, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, right. Never mind then. I take back my threat."

I laughed. "Smart boy, Ste. But if she does, I'll be here for you, okay?"

"Thanks, Hy."

"Not a problem. That'll be a dollar fifty for the advice."

He laughed. "I'll buy you a Coke later, okay?"

"Deal."

We shook hands and Tanya stopped the music, taking off her shoes and the tights from under her dress and putting on her usual sandals and heading up to us on the bleachers.

"Hy," she began.

"Am I in trouble?" I asked.

"No, actually, I need you to make me an outfit for Friday."

"And you tell me this _now_? You forget I'm a busy kid."

"Oh, come on, please! I want to wear a top and a skirt this time. I've got a design in mind and it's got big gold sequins on it—"

I sighed. "Somehow, I feel as if I'm going to lose sleep over this. But I'll do it."

"Thank you so much! You are the best."

"I know. Hey, Ste, tell me something."

"Yeah?"

"Since you pegged the red-head and the tall black-haired guy as a couple, what did you think about the girl with long blonde hair and the thin guy with red hair?"

"Oh, man, they had chemistry but you could tell that they were letting something get in the way of completely facing the fact that there was something between them. I mean, I know they say guys are oblivious but it was kind of really obvious with the two of them. He wasn't oblivious to it either; he was more like in a state of denial."

"I'm glad someone else agrees with me. Thanks for the opinion, Ste."

"No problem." I noticed that Tanya pulled out a salad for lunch and I laughed. "Rabbit food, Tanya? That's not like you."

"I know, right? I'm dying for a crispy chicken sandwich but mom's trying to get me to eat salads this week to make sure that everything fits and goes well and that I'm healthy and all that crap."

"Want to switch? I got your crispy chicken sandwich right here."

"Really?"

"Mom made Sunday night so we'd have lunch."

"Don't encourage her to completely disobey her mother," Stephen said.

"Lunch swap?" I suggested.

"Absolutely," they said in unison.

Since this was something that had happened prior when her mother was trying to get her to eat salmon, which she absolutely hated, between Stephen and I, we incorporated half of our lunches with hers and split half of her lunch between the two of us. The middle ground in this situation was that some of her salad went in with my crispy chicken and his tuna salad and that she got a half of one of our sandwiches each. Lucky for Stephen and me, we brought two sandwiches for lunch. With our middle ground arrangement in our stomachs, we were all full and all the salad was gone. The healthiness was just shared—no harm in that.

After school, Ste and I headed over to Thomas'. The moment I walked through the door, Thomas smiled at me.

"Well, you move on pretty quick, Miss Lady. I see you brought another one to my store, and a familiar face this time, too," he commented as we approached the counter.

I chuckled. "He's not my boyfriend, Thomas. He's my best friend's boyfriend and we've come to ask a favour."

"Nothing that may result in breaking y'all apart from her, right?"

"Nothing of the sort. In fact, she'll probably love him more for it."

"Well, then, what can I do for you?"

"Tanya's got this show on Friday night and I wanted to prepare a musical surprise for her after the show. I was wondering if I could ask you to keep my equipment here for me until after the show," Stephen jumped in to explain.

"Well that's nice. What time is the show ending?"

"About half eight."

"Ooh, that's cutting it a bit close. You know I close at nine, right?"

"Yeah. I promise I'll make it here and get my stuff before then."

"Well, alright. I can't guarantee I'll still be here if you come after nine but I'll help you out. I think it's an awful sweet thing you're doing for your girlfriend, young man, and I can't remember the last time I saw any guy doing anything so sweet for his lady. 'Cept of course for me in my younger days. I was a poet, I was."

"And I'm sure you're a fantastic poet, Thomas. Where's the lucky girl now?"

"Married with children in Detroit."

"Ouch."

He shrugged. "Puppy love. Didn't last very long, on her side anyway. Well, I hope you have better luck, son."

"Thank you, sir," Stephen said, nodding his head.

"Oh, he will. He doesn't have luck, Thomas. He's got something much better," I added.

"Oh, yeah, what's that? Love potion?" Thomas asked, chuckling.

"Nah. Blessings. He's a blessed guy, Thomas."

"Well, amen to that, Hyacinth. When will you bring the stuff over, young man?"

"My name's Stephen, sir. Hy and I will bring it down on Thursday evening."

"Perfect, son. I'll be waiting for you."

"Thank you so much, sir."

"Now, now, none of that 'sir' business. Just call me Thomas."

"Thank you, Thomas. You're a life saver."

"Thanks, T-man. I'll see you Thursday," I responded.

He waved and we walked out of the store, with the sound of the chiming bell attached to the door at our backs.

"Later, Hyacinth. Band practice calls."

"Yeah, bye, Stephen. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Oh, wait."

"Yeah?"

"I remember I asked you about your boyfriend and Thomas seemed to know about him, too."

I chuckled. "I'll tell you later. My teammates are gonna start without me if I'm late and I hate being last."

"Oh, alright. Long story?"

"Kinda. Later."

He waved and we started walking in opposite directions. I hailed a cab and on the way there, I pulled out my Chaucer and tried to take in a few more verses. It wasn't long before I was there and I quickly made my way across the field and to the door. Training was about to get started apparently. Almost everyone was suited up.

"Hey, Hy," Megan said first.

I flashed her a smile. "Hey guys."

"Any news?" she asked.

"The best kind. Surgery was a success. She's stable and out of her coma."

"That's great!" Everyone else seemed to be expressing similar sentiments. It was so wonderful how despite the fact that they didn't really know her they were still overjoyed by the victory. It was the feeling of success. Everyone loved it.

Training ended earlier than usual so I tried to figure out what to do with the extra hour I had before rugby practice. Just as I reached my bag, Megan approached me.

"Oh, Hy, Conner and I were wondering if you had any plans for this afternoon."

"Yeah. What's up?"

"Oh. Well, we thought maybe we could play some videogames for a while and chill out. But since you're busy..."

"Well, I've got an hour. Sounds like fun."

Her whole face lit up. "Really?"

"Of course, Martian girl. Anything for you." I winked.

She giggled. "Great."

She flew out of the living room and went into the main atrium to rally everyone. Just as I went to get some water, Conner approached the kitchen counter.

"Hey," he said simply.

"Hey, Conner. How's it going?"

"Pretty good."

"Euphemism much?"

"What do you mean?"

"I bet you're fifty times better than you say you are. Things seem to be perfect in paradise between you and Megan." I leaned on my elbows on the kitchen counter.

He averted his eyes and smiled minutely. "Yeah, they're going pretty great. I thought that being with her would be hard but it's actually rather easy. Feels..."

"Natural?"

He looked back at me. "Yeah. How'd you know?"

I shrugged and looked at the TV which was off. "Maybe Megan's Martian telepathy is rubbing off on me." I chuckled. "Kidding. You could say I know what it's like when being with someone feels as natural as breathing. When loving them is as easy as blinking. It's a great feeling. While it lasts."

Everyone started to filter in and I stood straight.

"What—"

"Game time, loverboy." I turned my eyes to Robin and Wally who had moved the coffee table out of the way and were sitting on the floor. "Hey, I call first round against Wally!"

"Anything you want, darlin'," he replied.

"Your ass on a silver plate, speedster. Which I'm going to get, as always."

"Oh, _please_. Winner gets to go through Robin next though."

"Well, I'll savour kicking your can while I can."

"Why're you picking on me? Isn't it _him_ you've got beef with?"

I laughed. "Yeah, but victory is gratifying. We both know no matter which one of us wins, he trumps us both."

"Glad to know you suckers know where you stand," Robin interjected.

I took my seat next to Wally and took the other controller. "Oh, can it, midget. Red-headed disaster and I were bantering. Don't know why you gotta interject like someone was talking to you."

"Oh! You taking that, bro?" Wally asked Robin.

He laughed. "Not for long, I won't. She'll be begging for me to go easy on her."

I laughed. "We'll see, shades. Just let me beat Wally and we'll see."

Of course, as usual, I had Wally on his knees as promised and Robin paid me in full for my comments. The living room had erupted into a lively melange of shouting and trash talk and exclamations and merriment. I felt so light-hearted and happy. I could feel things healing on the inside. Even if I was still dodging from giving people straight answers sometimes.

In the middle of Wally and Artemis' third round, the alarm on my phone went off, reminding me that I had to go to rugby now. I stood from the couch where I'd relocated to after taking my beating from Robin and all eyes except Artemis and Wally's flew to me.

"You have to leave?" Megan asked.

"Yeah. Now I have to go take a literal beating from some rugby players. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Artemis paused the game and the players turned to me. "Aw. Are you sure you can't stay and watch me pound Wally?" she asked.

I chuckled. "Wish I could but I should really go."

"Hold on. My school's having a Halloween party on Friday night. Do you think you can make it? Wally, Artemis, Zatanna, Conner and I are going," Megan asked.

"Is Halloween this Friday?"

"Uh-huh. Didn't you know?"

"Argh, I forgot. Halloween's never been a big thing for me. Anyway, I've got plans for Friday so no can do, Meg. Sorry."

"Oh, it's okay."

"Maybe next time. Tomorrow, guys."

There was a chorused goodbye that was jumbled with voices and then I exited the facility.

After my usual hour of rugby, I had a shower then made my way home. The first person I saw was Jason at the dining table, eating a bowl of soup.

"Hey, Hy," he said smiling. I tried to find anything at all about his smile that seemed faked or forced but to my eyes it was as genuine a smile as could be. He seemed to be rather happy to see me, even after all the horrible things that I said to him. Truth be told, what I'd said was horrible, though relatively true. Seeing him smile at me so earnestly made me feel a bit guilty and it took me back to the place where we were four odd years ago.

"Hey, Jase. Eating me out of house and home as usual, I see. Where's my mom?"

"Kitchen with January. Your mom made soup."

"Mmm. I'm all over that." I headed directly to the kitchen and found the two of them washing wares. "Hey there."

"Hi, Hy," January said, wiping the tip of her nose with the back of her hand, soap I assumed.

"Hey, baby. How was your day?" mom asked.

"Pretty great. Yours?"

"Really good. Your dad'll be home tomorrow at about two a.m. He called to say that Laila's still doing great and she was awake for a few hours this afternoon. He sounded so exhausted."

"At least he can rest tomorrow." I grabbed a bowl and filled it from the pot on the stove. I grabbed a spoon.

"You staying in tonight?"

"Nah, mom. Tomorrow night I might but I've got to go out tonight."

"Alright."

I went to the table and took a seat next to Jason who was just finishing the last few spoonfuls of his own dinner.

"Ah, she deigns to sit beside the Prodigal. He is honoured," he said, smiling, turning and propping his face with a hand on the table.

"Well, maybe she's been thinking about what you said, like, actually giving it some thought, and maybe she's trying."

"Trying to what?"

"Give you the benefit of the doubt. Believe in you. Forgive you."

"Seriously?"

I got a spoonful of soup into my mouth and down my throat before I answered him. "Could we...not talk about this and just let it be?"

"Sure thing." There was some silence and I had some more soup. "But...thanks."

"Don't thank me. Thank God for decreeing that Christians should be forgiving. And thank Him that it occurred to me that, in a situation as complex as this, forgiving would be better for me internally."

He chuckled. "Yeah. Sure. I'll give your God his props."

"Still your usual non-believer self, I see."

"Hey, I believe that there is a God. I just think He does a lousy job sometimes."

I waved the spoon at him. "Perspective, Jase. It's all about the perspective you take."

He smirked. "Well, we've always found a comfortable impasse on this, haven't we?"

"Yeah. It's 'cause I cared more about being friends with you than with whether or not you have the same religious beliefs that I do. Hey, you got a place to stay for the night?"

He cleared his throat. "Your mom invited me to stay in the spare room for the night. If you're okay with that."

"Yeah, fine. You used to sleep over all the time."

"Yeah, but that was before life got so f-ing complicated."

"Yeah, well I learnt that sometimes you've got control over how complicated you let life get."

"Hence you've chosen to forgive me?"

"That's right."

Some more silence. Some more soup. My mother was an amazing cook. I contemplated whether or not it would be possible for me to eat the whole pot. Of course I realised that I couldn't. But it was so good that I kind of wanted to.

"I missed you. A lot. And thanks. And, I'm really sorry things had to get so ugly."

I shrugged, said nothing. Ate some more soup.

"Hy?" mom called from the restaurant-style gap from the kitchen to the living room.

"Yeah?"

"How's the soup?"

"Great. Can I have the rest of it?"

She laughed. "No. You're already getting fat."

I gasped. "Perjury! I haven't had time to get fat. In fact, I think I'm leaner now. Almost like Artemis but I don't think I'll ever be as lean as her."

"That girl's physique _is_ beautiful."

"Yes, yes, it is. But I guess I'm pretty happy with mine."

"Good girl."

I finished off the rest of my soup and I took both bowls when I stood.

"Thanks. Uh, hey."

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Um, that thing that you told me you'd explain to me later when we were on that aircraft. Is it later yet?"

"Has it been nagging you?"

"Kinda."

"You kind of didn't keep your end of the bargain though." He shrugged. I chuckled. "Meet me on the roof in, like, five minutes. I've got to go get changed."

"For bed?"

"For patrol."

"At this hour?"

"Idiots and criminals don't sleep this early."

"Alright."

I took my costume out of the false floor of my bag and donned it, without the mask. Three stairs from the roof, I placed the eye mask on my face and found Jason leaning his elbows on the wall of the roof. I came and stood next to him.

"It's a nice night," he offered.

"Yeah. It always looks beautiful and then you realise that some scum is using it as a cover so he can go hurt people and you realise it's being perverted."

"So, yeah, when we were talking on the phone you made the comment that you had no intentions of letting another person trample over you. Since I was supposedly going to be the other person, who was the first person?"

I exhaled. "I had a boyfriend some months ago. Things didn't end too well. After we broke it off, despite everything, we started drifting apart and there's this rift between us now that just makes me feel really bad."

"You're trying to tell me that some son-of-a-bitch trampled all over you?"

"Nah, you don't have to act like that. He didn't mean to, I think. It just kind of ended up that way. Like you and me ending up on opposite sides."

"Who was it?"

"Is it important?"

"Well, since you didn't seem to want to tell me when we were around your other friends, is it because they didn't know that you were dating someone who hurt you and they'd react badly when you told them or because the person you were dating was one of them? Was he someone they knew?"

I smirked. "You're a sharp one, you are." I climbed up onto the short wall and prepared to launch myself at the fire escape of the next building.

"Wait, which one is it?"

I chuckled, ran the length of wall ahead of me and jumped onto the fire escape of the building to the west of where we had been. From there, I started to make my way to the edge of that building and further into my usual patrol route.

By ten thirty, I was home. Everyone else seemed to have turned out for the night. When I walked in the door, I found it peculiar that Jason was in the exact same position I had found him in when I had come home earlier. Except it didn't seem that he was eating soup.

"Cereal?" I asked.

"Yeah. Soup's great but not filling for very long."

"Yeah, I'm pretty hungry myself." I went to the kitchen, grabbed myself a bowl of the stuff and went to sit next to Jason and eat. "Did everyone else turn in long ago?"

"Nah. Just about fifteen minutes ago. I headed to bed, too, but the hunger pulled me off of my bed. This is the earliest that I've tried to go to sleep in more than a year."

"Must be rough."

"It is."

We ate in silence for a moment before I couldn't stand it. "For the record, I'm sorry about blowing up at you."

He shrugged. "I deserved it. I'm not proud of what I've done but, to me, they were necessary things so I had to do them. Pride had nothing to do with it."

I chuckled. "Liar."

He laughed. "Okay, so maybe being asked to be a tactician made me feel important and useful. Maybe that ego boost helped influence me in the wrong decision. But the whole time I was there, I kept thinking that maybe it's not so bad if I can stick it to the system and send a signal to show people that everything's not okay. I needed to justify it to myself somehow."

"You got our attention loud and clear."

"I'd like to think it was fate that we ran into each other again."

"Act of God."

"Yeah, you call it what you want, I'll call it what I want." I shrugged. "But speaking of the mission…"

"Yes?"

"You know that plan was ten times more complex than it had to be, right?"

I put down my spoon and faced him. "Oh, Mr. Tactician, then why didn't you change the plan?"

"Because I wasn't aware of the powers of your friends. Had I known that Megan—it was Megan, right?—could morph into other people, then I would have completely scrapped your plan."

"Hindsight is perfect."

"It sure is. Two of us should have intercepted the doctor and the nurse attending to my mom that day and delayed them while your friend, Megan, morphed into the doctor and snuck her out of the hospital. If they thought she worked for their hospital, they wouldn't ask questions about what she was doing and, if they did, we could have prepared some excuses for her, like she was headed for the O.R. or mandated to be moved. And after she got her out, then the distractions would let the doctor and the nurse continue along to work and the staff would be none the wiser. Simple as that."

I scoffed and made a face. "I like your plan better."

He laughed. "Yeah?"

"Less people involved and much, much simpler. For starters, I wouldn't owe Happy a favour."

"The red-headed guy with the bad attitude that's just like yours?"

I laughed at the absolutely spot-on description. "That's the one."

"You guys get along well or is it kind of a rocky relationship?"

"The latter."

"Figures. But it occurred to me that the two of you could have so much chemistry if you were open to each other."

"Where is this coming from?"

"I dunno. As a totally straight guy, I can honestly say that he's hot and you two would make a real sexy couple. As a result, I think I hate him."

I laughed. "Jealousy?"

"Something like that."

"Don't be. You actually kinda got hot in three years."

"Oh, _please_. I was always hot. You were just always blind."

Of course he was wrong. I had always known he was gorgeous but now he was really gorgeous. "Maybe I just didn't care to look."

"You used to like me. I think you _were_ looking."

"Because I couldn't have fallen for you because of your personality?"

"Nah, I think you were too used to my personality."

"I wasn't."

"Ah."

I finished my cereal, left my spoon in the bowl, rested my elbows on the table and held my head in my hands. I was tired. I had beat up four people for the night after enduring my dose of training then practice and I was taxed. I was content to sit in that silence and just be at peace.

After a long moment, Jason leaned over, put his arm around my shoulder and kissed my temple. He stood, took our bowls and started for the kitchen. I hadn't yet the will to move my body so I just sat there. I heard as he turned on the faucet, rinsed the dishes, soaped them with the sponge, creating a few squeaks here and there, and then turned the faucet on once more to rinse. I also heard the clank of the bowls and spoons on the metal wares drainer. The apartment was extremely quiet except for those little sounds. It seemed to push me further into a tired stupor.

He came back out, wiping his hands on the kitchen towel. "Well, I'm off to bed. Goodnight, Hy. Sweet dreams."

"Thanks. You, too. Goodnight."

After he walked off, I forced myself to get up and head to my room.

Just as my head hit the pillow, I was reminded of my promise to Tanya.

"Crap."

I forced myself off the bed and to my sewing machine next to my computer desk.


	9. Chapter 9

**Here, have a chapter. I must be the strangest writer ever. Or, just a very opportunistic one. Since my exams are well spaced out (about 7 in about 6 weeks) I'll have lots of time to work on this story. Study? Who said that? *pelts shoe at person***

**Anyway, so, like with Sometimes Heroines Need Heroes, you can expect that you'll get most of the chapters for this story over the next 6 weeks (which, in case you didn't know and weren't following it when it was on-going, most of it was written/posted during exam period May/June—actually, I think that was when it was started, to boot). Not so sure for after that when I'm on vacation. Without stress and the nagging feeling that I should be doing something else, I may have limited juice to write.**

**Exams are going rather well…not that anyone asked or anything. But, hey, since you guys tell me stuff about yourselves, why not tell you some of my business, right? :D No? You just want the chapter now? Okay. Here you go. Going away now…**

Despite the fact that I was running on no sleep, I went to rugby practice and then I got ready for school as usual and endured the whole experience without managing to fall asleep in anyone's class. Typically, when I missed out on sleep, I would skip lunch and sleep through the hour but today I had a mission. I spent my lunch period starting putting the sequins on the skirt. I'd managed to get both the top and the skirt stitched during the night and about half the sequin work on the top. Tonight, I was going to have to get everything else completed. After I made my way from training and rugby practice, I met Stephen at his apartment on the other side of town to bring the stuff down to Thomas' store. After the stuff was safely in his store, Stephen and I went to the park next to school to try to figure out what the grand plan was.

After we straightened out all the details of the plan, he headed home, tired from his band practice that he had just come from prior to my arrival and I headed home as well.

I found dad on the couch playing _Halo: Reach_.

"Hey, dad."

He paused it and turned to me. "Hey, sweetheart." I approached and kissed his forehead. He gave me a tight hug. "How are you?"

"I want sleep but I've got other things to be doing. But I should be asking you how you're doing. You must be tired."

"No, I slept all day. Why are _you_ tired? What happened?"

"I had to spend all of last night making Tanya's outfit for her show tomorrow."

"Oh. Well at least you can sleep it off tonight."

"Ha. I've still got a lot of sequin work to do tonight. I think I'm going to sleep all day Saturday."

"Aw. Poor baby. I hope Tanya repays you for this."

"It's a labour of love, dad. Besides, I get a free model out of it. Someone's bound to ask her where she got her clothes and then she'll redirect them to me."

"Well, I hope that pans out. Why don't you go grab something to eat and we can multiplayer?"

"Sounds really tempting dad but unfortunately, as once put in a cryptic and dark poem, 'I've got promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep'."

"_Robert Frost_."

"Very good, dad."

"I was good at Literature once. And then I fell in love with a nurse and switched specialties."

I laughed. "That's not what happened."

"Maybe not, but the part about me being good at Lit is true."

"Alright, dad. See you in some hours."

"Alright, sweetheart. Be safe."

"I'll try."

I went into my room, changed quickly, put my eye mask in my back pocket and started to leave my room. Jason intercepted me in the hall.

"Out again tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Thought you said you'd be home tonight."

"I said I might."

"Do you have to go out?"

"Are you concerned or just nosy?"

He hesitated before shrugging. "Both."

"Well, I don't have to go out but I should so I will."

"I think you should rest tonight. I know you were up all night."

"You weren't sleeping well last night either," I took in his garb, jeans, leather jacket, tee-shirt, "but you're going out, too. I could hear you tossing and turning from down the hall."

"Why are your ears so sharp?"

"The house was dead quiet. I'm surprised January didn't hear it."

"Yeah, but your sewing machine was going so you shouldn't have heard me tossing and turning."

"Why are _your_ ears so sharp? My sewing machine is one of those ultra-quiet ones that only makes a faint whirring noise."

"I'm a bad guy. I know how to listen for trouble."

"Why are you listening for trouble in our apartment? Were you expecting some?"

"No, but I'm a paranoid nutbag as you once so gracefully put it."

"Where are you going anyway?"

"To see my mom."

"And then you're coming straight home?"

"You still don't trust me?"

"I'd be an idiot not to check up on you. I mean you _do_ still technically work for the other side. We've got to talk about that some time later, by the way. Hey, where's my mom?"

"She went to the store with your sister. You home tomorrow?"

"Nah. I've got plans with mom and Tanya."

"Tanya...That's your new best friend, right? My replacement."

I slapped him on the arm. "Do not call her that. She's not your replacement. It was only a matter of time before we became friends."

"Alright, alright. What time are you coming back in?"

"I'm not sure. But if you're back and up by the time I'm in and you want some company, feel free to come into my room. I could use some motivation to make sure I don't fall asleep."

"No, you don't. You're one of those people who would bulldoze a wall with your fists if it meant keeping a promise. You wouldn't fall asleep because you're too dedicated to making sure you don't break a promise. That's just the kind of girl you are. You're so dependable that it might be dangerous for your health."

I shrugged. "The way I see it, that's a complement."

"It is." He started to walk off and after I pulled my door closed, I followed.

"Later, dad."

"Bye, sweetheart," he replied, not looking away from his game. I shut the door behind us and turned in the direction of the ascending staircase, heading off.

"Hy." I turned.

"Yeah."

"About your boyfriend."

"Ex."

"Yeah, ex. How long were you guys together?"

I scoffed. "Nosy or concerned?"

"Both."

"Like, five months."

"Wow. No wonder it tore you up when things fell apart."

"Okay, firstly, I wouldn't say it tore me apart but it made me feel really bad, and secondly, things didn't really fall apart. I think."

"Sounds like you're missing answers."

"I am."

"Why don't you ask him?"

"I'd rather not bring it up. And, the kind of relationship we have—or had, depends on how you want to look at it—when we wanted to tell each other something, we did. He didn't so I guess it just wasn't something he wanted to say to me, for whatever reason."

"That's bullshit, you know. You shouldn't accept that. He's a stupid bastard for throwing you away like that and a bigger dumbshit for letting you go—"

"You're not in any position to talk about him like that."

He stared at me in silence for a moment then shook his head. "My God, you're in love with him, aren't you?"

I rolled my eyes. "So just because I don't let you trash talk him, I'm in love with him?"

"No, your whole approach to this screams 'love'. You're too accepting and too interested in making him comfortable when you should be feeling angry and rejected and animosity towards him for it to be anything but love."

"Hey, I do feel rejected. I just won't stress myself out feeling those other things that will just poison me from the inside out."

"Anyway, like I was saying before you cut me off, it's bullshit for you to accept whatever lack of an explanation and damn respect he left you with. This relationship wasn't just about him. It was about both of you and he hurt you so you should at least get a straight answer as to why he did it—Hold on. This just occurred to me. I remember you jumped in front of Red Arrow when Cheshire threw a dart at him. Is that it? Were you dating Red Arrow?"

I half-smirked. "Nah, I wasn't dating Red Arrow. We're just...comrades."

"I see. What is wrong with you? You don't just jump in front of people randomly—"

"That's what heroes do, Jason. We risk our lives for the safety of someone else. Anyway, there's a funny explanation for that one. Maybe I'll tell you sometime."

"Sure, but what I really want to know is who the hell you were dating."

I chuckled. "It doesn't matter, Jason. Trust me, it doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters. I'm mad that he hurt you enough that you changed into a girl who loves silence and is all clinical and busy all the time. And I'm mad that he was there for your birthday and for prom and for whatever else you got to experience in the five months that you were together and I was miles away being an asshole and losing you to someone who couldn't appreciate you."

Jason was practically starting a whole sap fest in front of my apartment door and I didn't know how to react. He was practically telling me that he was upset that it was Robin there at my side, in my embrace, kissing me, and not him. I wasn't too sure if I fully believed that Jason loved me in the way my parents loved each other, but I knew that he had always seriously cared about me and I suspected that he was clinging to the crush he had on me when we were younger. Or perhaps now that we were around each other again, it was being revamped by the new us being around each other.

"You should get to the hospital. Visiting hours tend to be rigid and some of the nurses aren't very accommodating to latecomers."

He chuckled. "Fine, brush aside my admission and change the subject. The Hyacinth I knew dealt with things head on. This isn't over."

He started walking away first and I stayed where I was for a moment, wondering if I should have just tried to say something else to him. I sounded like a coward for changing the subject on him like that—it didn't even remotely sound like I didn't want him to miss seeing his mom. It would have sounded that way if we were talking about what we should get for dinner or something else just as inconsequential but this was one of the rare moments when Jason was being straight up, honest and serious with me and I just blanked him.

I shook my head and started up to the roof. I would deal with him later. If he said it wasn't over, that meant there would probably be another time for me to try to deal with the situation better.

In the middle of my usual run, Batman's voice patched through my communicator, calling us all to base. I changed my course and ran there as fast as I could. When I got there, I was amazed at the fact that I was not on the verge of collapsing. All the training and rugby had been working. I was more agile that I had ever dreamed I'd be. And I'd lost about an inch or so, too. That part, I wasn't so hot about. I liked my size just the way it was. I also would have hated to need to get new clothes.

After grabbing myself a glass of water, I assembled with the others who were making their way in and received the briefing. The mission was simple. We had a little recon to do around a warehouse in Fawcett City where Sportsmaster was spotted, and Captain Marvel was going with us since he was familiar with the city.

Our trip was pretty much in silence and I passed the time looking out the window at all the city lights and by going over in my mind what I had left to do with Tanya's outfit. I was lost in a reverie of random thought of which I was not too sure its composition. My mind just thought things as my eyes looked at the trees and the parks and the people and the lights and the buildings everywhere.

"Hyacinth!"

"Huh?" I replied, whipping my head towards Kaldur who had just called me. Based on the volume of his call, he'd been trying to get my attention for a while but I'd been too lost in thought to hear him. "Sorry."

"What is with you lately? You seem very...pensive."

"Have I been giving off that pensive vibe a lot?"

"Yes."

"No wonder he noticed," I muttered to myself.

"Who?"

I shook my head. "Uh, what were you saying when you were trying to get my attention?"

"I was asking what the situation with Jason looks like."

"Um, well, he's been seeing his mother a lot, which is to say he's still in Happy Harbour, but I'm not too sure what his plans will be like afterwards. So far, I don't think he's been doing anything suspicious so it's looking good."

"You have been seeing him a lot?"

"Yeah, everyday," I half-mumbled, rolling my eyes. "I'll talk to him tonight and let you guys know what's going down."

"Alright."

"It would probably be a good idea to call him instead of going where he is. It's getting kind of late," Robin commented.

I snickered humourlessly. "Oh, yeah, don't worry about that." I wondered if I should mention to them that he was staying with us but I just shrugged and decided that it wasn't yet necessary information.

When we got there, Kaldur divided us up into pairs and sent us off to explore the warehouse. In my estimation, the mission seemed utterly boring and it felt as if Batman had sent us on the mission for no other reason than to just send us somewhere to do something. Robin and I were put together as usual. I wasn't going to make a problem of something that was tactically sound. There was just something about our fighting styles and tactics that just meshed well.

We were outside, on the roof on the lookout to make sure that there was no trouble. To make sure the perimeter was well watched, we split the roof in half and patrolled a half each, leaving barely any window at all for there to be any incomers that we didn't notice. Conner, Captain Marvel and Kid Flash were outside, on the ground, checking the area and Artemis, Kaldur and Megan were handling the inside. The warehouse being rather small in perimeter helped a great deal but Kaldur had informed us that there were five floors inside non-inclusive of the roof so there was a lot to search. I wondered how long we would actually be there. I needed to get home in time to finish off Tanya's outfit because I needed to do any last minute adjustments at lunch. Whenever she had a show, she would leave either during or after lunch to get in some extra practice, make sure her costumes were well arranged and fitting and that she had everything she needed. Therefore, I had to get it to her before she left because after school our schedules got extra-busy. I had already told my rugby guys that I would have to miss practice tomorrow but training with the team wasn't something I thought I could afford to miss, especially after I had been out of the country for three weeks.

The silence of the night was tainted by all the city noises but it was charming in a way. It was reminiscent of the fact that civilisation was a noise-maker in and of itself because civilisation meant progress and striving towards that goal which meant hard work and noise. The noise wasn't always bad. Sometimes, it just got a little irritating because there was so damn much of it.

"Hey, you look like you're a million light-years away when you should be here. What's up?" Robin asked.

"I'm tired, is all. And when I get tired, it's like I'm on some kind of drugs. I start thinking all kinds of crazy thoughts that aren't really crazy. And the moment I stop doing something or thinking about something, I crash. Which, given our present circumstances, I can't afford to do."

"Were you sleeping when Kaldur called?"

"No, I was out on patrol."

"Maybe you should have had a rest instead."

"No can do. Got things to attend to."

"Like?"

"This, plus I've got to finish an outfit for Tanya for tomorrow."

"How come?"

"She's got a show tomorrow and she decided that instead of going to the mall and buying a new dress, she would get her best friend to make her something absolutely fantastic, free of charge."

"Isn't that bad business to be doing things like that _pro bono_?"

"Yeah, but that's only when you're already in the business. For now, I'm using her to advertise. At least one person's got to ask who did her clothes and then she'll refer 'em to me and I may get a customer."

"Good strategy, I guess, but still a little extreme for advertising."

"Yeah, I know, but it goes a long way to have someone wearing your clothes well. Someday, I want to make a gown for Wonder Woman to attend some sort of auspicious function. That would be the crème-de-la-crème of advertising. Amongst all the super elite wealthy, she would catch jealous eyes and get me so much business that I'd practically die of happiness. And even though I find it kind of extremely stupid that those people buy these thousand dollar dresses that they never wear again, it would still be spectacular to make a dress for these people. Their dresses are often so extravagant and daring and I love that about high fashion and it pays so well that I think I'd be able to stifle my horror that they'd only see the world once. But, since these people are the higher ups, I take comfort in the fact that when they're seen, their clothes will get a lot of attention, too."

"Sounds like you're trying to get an awful lot of attention."

"That's what fashion is about. And I want to strike the right balance among the different facets of fashion. I want to make clothes for the everyday girl going to school and the businessman who needs to be comfortable in his suit all day long and the movie star going to her premiere and the guy going on his first real date. I want to make the clothes that are affordable on the average person's salary and the gowns that have four or more zeros attached to them. I know the only way I'll be able to do that is to get attached to a famous design company which is why I'd love to get the attention of Giovanni Perchaine. In some ways he's like my idol but I think these days he needs to revamp his works and I can do that for him." I looked over at him and noticed the somewhat amused, somewhat concentrating look on his face. "And, crap, I'm rambling again."

"Nah, I wouldn't say it's rambling. You just know what you want."

"You could call it that. Very P.C."

"It's not politically correct. You were actually talking about something, not just mouthing off on whatever comes to your head. You've got this very clear cut vision and it's beautiful. I kind of wish I knew if things would work out in ten years for you."

"I'd like to do it in four if I can."

"Well, there ya go. You've got focus and it's admirable."

"Thanks."

There was some silence for the next two cycles on the roof. It occurred to me that we were back to this place where I told him everything about myself and got almost nothing in return.

"Hey, Cin, I want to ask you something."

"Yeah?"

He seemed to hesitate for a moment but he got past it. "How have things been since Jason came back into town?"

That was a question I wasn't expecting him to ask so my brain blanked out for a second. I pursed my lips briefly. "What do you mean?"

"Like, I knew he had told you how he felt about you and I imagine it must have made things a little bit awkward between the two of you."

Somehow, it felt as if the conversation that Jason was trying to have with me earlier was coming back to haunt me. What was it about these two particular guys that just got to the heart of whatever it was that I didn't want to have to handle and threw it in my face? How come they always seemed to ask the right combination of questions that were so difficult to try to skirt around?

"Well, it's not as awkward as you imagine."

"You're getting comfortable around him again, aren't you?"

I shrugged, trying not to feel like I was guilty of whatever his accusation might have been, if there even was one. "It's kind of hard not to. I've tried holding a grudge but it occurred to me that I'm the only one who's going to die faster if I do that. He's explained himself to me and, while I'm not saying that he was right to do what he did, I don't think I have any right to completely condemn him anymore. He's here. He's agreeing to become our spy. He's really trying to turn things around and well, that's more like the overall good guy I knew he was, even if he was a little bit delinquent back then and still is now. And since I'm around him so often, the idea that he's really not someone who belongs in the villain column keeps getting reinforced. For me, he's just...so easy to be around."

"Yeah, how come you see him so often? Is he always at the hospital or something? Then again, you're never at the hospital, really. Is he staying near to you guys?"

"Yeah, real close."

"Where?"

Oh, he was getting real curious. I kind of wondered why he needed to know all the fine details but it occurred to me that Jason was one we needed to keep tabs on and I couldn't blame them for wanting to know so much about him. He was still technically the mob's tactician. I grimaced at no one and nothing in particular. "With us."

"In your apartment?"

"Yes."

"Your mother's letting him stay there with you guys?"

"Don't be so shocked. She would let _you_ stay over if you wanted. Remember, she knows Jason for a long time and it wasn't uncommon that he stayed over. When his mom had to work late, he would stay with us and that was usually once a month. That was just the way things were between our families: he would stay over by us and I'd stay over by them, even if we were right next door to each other. We were so close, like, I think a lot of couples weren't as close as we were. He's my mom's son as much as you are. No, much more than you are, but only because she's had years to get to know him. In a time like this where he hasn't got any place to stay, really, and while he's not with his mom, she wouldn't just let him fend for himself. She takes care of people. That's what she is."

"Yeah, but are _you_ okay with having him so close?"

"I'll get back to you on that."

"Not sure yet?"

"It's...complicated."

"I thought you said life is only complicated because you make it that way."

I glared at him. "Must you pay such close attention to the things that I say?"

He chuckled. "Yes. It's fun to put you on the spot. And speaking of spot..." He gestured with his head and I looked in that direction.

"Uh-oh. We've got company." I touched my comm. "Cin to team. Incoming, nine o' clock."

I was expecting Kaldur to give us some further instruction but before he had time to even respond, I noticed something bright and noisy headed in our general direction.

"Look out," I shouted as I threw myself on Robin to shove us both into a corner where we would be less likely to get roasted or dismembered by the RPG headed in our direction. It exploded with a big boom. I could feel the bruise forming where my side had contacted with the concrete of the roof's wall.

"Mother—"

"Robin to team, taking fire up here. They brought RPGs with them."

"Acknowledged," responded Aqualad. "Make your way down to us. Artemis and Miss Martian are still inside searching so we've got to hold them off."

"Jason to team."

I froze for a second, wondering where, why, what. He had a communicator so I already knew the how.

"We're kind of busy," I responded.

"Then I don't need to tell you that there are guys coming your way."

"You sent them? They're freaking RPGing our asses!"

"They just called me and told me that they found someone interfering with one of our warehouses and I told them to go check it out. I didn't know that they were that close and what they were packing. _Sorry_ for trying to save your lives by telling you."

"Warn us earlier next time!"

"I only just sent off the order five minutes ago!"

"Like I said, warn us earlier!" Robin nudged me, signalling that we needed to get off this roof now. "Look, I'll kick your ass later. Right now, we have to humanely dispatch your friends."

"We're not friends—"

I cut the connection and Robin took me by the waist and we jumped off the roof and headed down a rope through the window on the fifth floor. Artemis was at a window, helping Superboy, KF and Aqualad and Captain Marvel on the ground outside to deal with our company with RPGs. Robin and I split up to continue searching the grounds. It seemed like there weren't many guys outside but they were just packing some heavy artillery.

As I was searching a cabinet marked 'Hospital Files' caught my attention. I immediately thought of the hospital where Aunt Laila was being kept prior to her secret transfer. The drawer was locked so I quickly rectified the situation by using one of my needles to coax the lock free. Originally, my lock-picking skills had been limited to doors but recently, in my attempts to occupy my life enough to forget how much I missed and loved what I could not have, I had spent an awful lot of time researching how to pick all kinds of locks. The scary thing was that I found so many online sources. Learning to pick a file cabinet was one of those things I had learnt online. It was the first time I was trying it and I frowned when it worked. The Internet was a dangerous place with lots of knowledge on it that shouldn't even be public.

I quickly perused the tabs attached to the files until I found one with the name of the hospital attached to it. I grabbed the file which was relatively large and tried to figure out how I would manage to sneak out of there with the file, assuming that I would have to fight at some point.

"Aqualad to team. We got one of their men but once he was captured, the others made a run for it. It would be best to retreat before they return with reinforcements. Head to the Bioship."

I did a quick sweep around the room with my eyes for anything that looked like it would be noteworthy at all and found nothing which looked very obviously important. There were an awful lot of files in the cabinet but a lot of them seemed to be profiles on people and files on their group's past missions which would probably not be of any help to us at the point we were at. I met Robin in the halls and we started out of the building together. On the ground floor, I noticed that there was a rather large space cleared, as if it were for something they were planning to move into there. I wondered if the RPGs that they had spent their time firing at us were originally supposed to have gone into storage, which would have explained why they were so close to the warehouse in the first place and how they managed to get here so quickly after realising that it wasn't the cleaners in the warehouse.

We got into the Bioship and were away in moments. Perhaps it was because we had been forced to pull out so quickly, but all the members of the team were very quiet on the way back to Happy Harbour. I pulled out the folder from where I had stashed it in the waistband of my pants and started to read through the file. I hadn't read very much but already, the gist of the information seemed to confirm what Batman and I were both suspicious of. The hospital that we had relocated Laila Francine Guerreton from was mob-owed and a racket operation. Everything about what happened to Aunt Laila and Jason since their move had been planned.

It occurred to me that we were playing with some seriously smart bastards here. Whoever it was running the League of Shadows was a force to be reckoned with. I shuddered. I wondered if his intelligence level was on par with or even surpassed Batman's. Either way, it made what we were fighting look even more daunting.

After the quick debriefing with Batman, I handed the folder over to him. The knowledge would be better handled by the League. In my hands, it just made me mad.

By the time I was ready to head home, it was eleven thirty and I was exhausted and the bruise given to me by the wall I encountered trying to not encounter the RPG throbbed in tandem with the bruises and muscle sores that rugby had given me earlier that afternoon. My body longed so very much for sleep but I knew I had to suck it up and fight it because for all the bad guys I fought every week, I just could stand to let Tanya down. Since I was still in my suit, I had to enter my apartment building from the roof and then go down to my home. It was very, very quiet and dark. Everyone was in bed already. I was expecting Jason at least to be awake but when I peeked into his room, he was already asleep bareback on the bed. I smiled. Defenceless in sleep, he was the guy I used to know again, the one whom I had once had a very big crush on. But he was gone and we both knew that. And the me who had ever had any sort of romantic feelings for him had moved on as well, becoming as defunct as the girl I had been when I was five years old.

Doing sequin work when you were exhausted, in pain and your mind was in a congealed, warped mess was difficult. I persisted, motivated by the end. Tanya was going to be on the receiving end of some very bad words later on in the day for not having warned me sooner that she had wanted an outfit and for choosing such a labour intensive design. As _Courage The Cowardly Dog_ so aptly put it, "The things we do for love".


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi, darlings! I present thee with a chapter. The last one was pretty short so this one is a little longer. Enjoy!**

**On another note, this makes chapter 10! Double digits! I wasn't sure if this story would have so many chapters. I want to aim for about 18 but not too sure how that will work out. But, I guess we can do this together, right? :D**

And then it was Friday. Just as my alarm went off, I finished inspecting my handiwork and cleaning off any excess threads and ensuring that there were no unsightly imperfections. The strap top and skirt came together gracefully and I had every confidence that Tanya would look absolutely beautiful in the outfit. As a last resort, I grabbed one of the dresses that I had not made and shoved it in my bag to offer it to her as an option if she was not satisfied with my work. However, I knew in my mind that if she decided not to wear the suit that she would never wear the dress or make it to her show because I would kill her.

When I looked in the mirror before I left the house, I realised that there were the usual tell-tale signs that I was sleep deprived in my eyes. Typically, there was nothing overly noticeable when I was sleep deprived except for the lacklustre look in my eyes which were slightly closed which accentuated just a little bit more my partly Chinese heritage. I considered wearing shades like Robin to hide the disconcerting look in my eyes but shrugged and started to leave. I met Jason in the hall again.

"Oh, wow, you look like hell on a stick," he remarked.

"Thanks."

"Oh, God, you were supposed to stay awake last night and finish your outfit and I was supposed to keep you company. I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened; I just fell asleep."

I waved it away. "Don't worry. You need your sleep. I guess it means that you're just getting comfortable here again which is a good thing. It might help point you in the right direction."

"Well, alright. Come home straight from school, young lady, and get some rest. You need it. Bad."

"No can do, Jase. I've got unavoidable plans this afternoon."

"Well, your unavoidable plans are going to see that you need sleep. Your eyes look like—"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, hell on a stick. I heard you the first time. It's nothing a little eye drops, foundation and eyeliner can't fix."

"Gasp. You would resort to wearing makeup to hide those extremely disturbing eyes? That's not like you at all."

"I know but, you know. Us girls gotta do some drastic things sometimes."

"Honey," mom called as she approached. "Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry but something came up at the hospital and I can't go to Tanya's show with you tonight. Maybe you can take Jason."

"A ballet performance? No, thanks. I've got plans anyway," he said.

I raised an eyebrow at him but said nothing. What on Earth could he possibly have to do in Happy Harbour? It wasn't even his home anymore. I started to be suspicious then started to scold myself for being so suspicious after I had decided that he deserved a second chance and that his trying was an indicator that he was genuinely a good guy.

"Well, I already paid for the tickets," I responded.

Dad came out of January's room and I wondered why I hadn't thought of him in the first place. "Why is everyone congregated in the hall?"

"Sheridan, sweety, what are you doing this afternoon?" mom asked him.

"Nothing. I think."

"Would you like to go to Tanya's recital with Hy this evening? It's at seven."

"Oh, that sounds lovely. I've only been to one of her recitals and she's really good. And I'd love the opportunity to bond with my eldest child who is barely home anymore."

"I'm sorry?" I offered sceptically.

He chuckled. "It's fine. You've got a purpose. Well, see you later. It's a date."

I half-smiled. The word 'date' reminded me of her last show which was really a date. I wondered if I had asked Robin to go with me in the first place if he would have agreed. I convinced myself that wondering about it wasn't worth the thought.

Mom kissed dad, then Jason, then me. "Bye, honey. Bye, Jason. Stay out of trouble. Food's in the fridge. Bye, Hyacinth; your eyes look awful."

"Gee, thanks, mom."

"Haven't you been sleeping?"

I scoffed. "No."

"How come?"

"Tanya's an evil slave driver."

"She came to you last minute and asked for an outfit made."

"Bingo." I shook my head. "It's like you read minds and see the future. Fess up; you're really an alien, aren't you?"

"Nah. I'm just a ninja nurse. Goodbye." She squeezed my shoulder and then headed out the door.

"Bye, guys. School calls. The faster I get there is the more time I have to make sure Tanya's clothes are fitting properly. And scream at her. See you this afternoon." They both offered me a goodbye and I headed for the kitchen, grabbed breakfast and lunch which my mother had so kindly and wonderfully set out for me and started for the door.

I knew the only way I would possibly find it in me to stay awake was if I walked to school. I was exhausted, my bruises and sores had come back with a vengeance—although they hadn't really left in the first place—and I knew that if I took a cab or the bus to school, I would surely fall asleep and not wake up till Sunday afternoon. The only way to keep me awake was to keep active. School would present a challenge to this because sitting in a classroom and trying to pay attention was surely the opposite of staying active.

Thinking of school, I remembered something that made me that much more irritable. My Civics teacher had hinted that she was going to surprise us (teacher talk for "I'm going to kill all of you by test") and I knew that there was no way in hell I was ready for it. Like a martyr, I continued on my journey.

I texted Tanya when I got there to tell her to meet me in the gym and I paced for all of the ten minutes that I had to wait for her. She burst in, cheery as the sun and it irritated me.

"Good morning!"

"Let me make this clear. If you don't like it, I'm going to hang you from the ceiling."

She frowned. "Well, someone's in a fantastic mood."

"As I should be. If you need an outfit made, tell me two weeks in advance, not two days before."

"When was the last time you slept?"

"Two days ago."

"Oh, wow. Ouch. I understand why you're in a bad mood today."

"No, Tanya. You couldn't possibly understand because you slept last night and you're in a good mood."

"'Morning!" Stephen said, smiling as he came through the door.

"Damn right it's not good," I responded to him. I turned back to Tanya. "You're lucky your boyfriend's here to save you. You were about to get the worst cussing of your life."

"Stephen, save me. The mean dragon is threatening me with foul language," she said mockingly. Then her hands ended up on her hips, challengingly. "Uh-huh, as if. Try it. Say something to me. See if I don't say something back."

I shook my head and smiled. "You're lucky I like you too much to actually use foul language on you."

"Not true. You called me a bitch twice, even if you were just kidding. You're just not mad at me enough to use all the foul words you're thinking right now."

I chuckled. "You're right. Damn, girl, where was all this fight and opposition when all those bastards were messing with you?"

She shrugged. "I wasn't always like this. I've just been hanging around you too much. It developed over time."

"Alright, pretty girl. Stephen, you need to get out. She's about to get almost naked and I'm not condoning voyeurism."

He chuckled. "Well, since you asked so nicely..." He kissed Tanya quickly on the lips and then headed out the way he came in and stayed at the door to make sure no one came in. With a half-smile on my lips, I wished him more luck in love than I had had.

I looked back at her. "Okay, now strip."

"Will you give me a dollar?"

"No, you've drained enough of my time and resources already."

She laughed and then pulled the dress she was wearing over her head.

Much to my absolute pleasure, the outfit suited her body perfectly and looked about ten times better than I had anticipated. I nodded, very pleased with my work. I took a picture of how she looked, since there was no mirror in the gym and handed her my phone. She started screaming and jumping up and down. I sighed and fought the urge to cover my ears.

"Oh, my God, I look freaking _amazing_." She practically threw herself at me, put her arms around my neck and tried to affectionately murder me by strangulation. "I love you. So much. More than I've ever loved anything or anyone that wasn't my mother."

I half smirked. "Lies. All lies. There're definitely at least two people you love more than me."

A slow smile spread onto her lips and she turned to the door for a few seconds before turning back to me. "Yeah. Maybe it is. I just hope he..." She smiled wider. "Never mind."

"No, what? Spill."

She shook her head. "Nah, it's nothing. No rushing. It's been, what, less than three months? I'm not going to rush things."

I scoffed. I wish I had convinced myself of that. Maybe if I had waited longer than about two weeks I wouldn't have been in such a bad place now where he and I were concerned. Somehow, my mind told me that that wasn't true. He knew I loved him and still thought all we had between us that was worthwhile was friendship.

Pushing the thoughts aside in a manner that was more akin to throwing them out a window, I shrugged. "Carpe diem, girl. Opportunity's there and it's up to you to grab at it while it's still there."

"And if he doesn't love me back?"

I scoffed. "I'm not even going to answer that one. It's not even a valid question. Anyway, walk around for me. I want to see if it's fine even when you move around in it."

She produced the pretty strappy heels she intended to wear with it, put them on and started walking. "Hey, Hy. I want to tell you something."

"Yeah?"

"My dad and I have been talking a lot lately. He's been calling me almost every night for the last three weeks. We're getting pretty close again. When I was little, we were pretty close and then there was the divorce..." She looked at the ground for a moment then held her head up and kept walking. "Well, I told him about my show and he asked me to send him a ticket. He's going to be there, Hy, he's going to be there." The emotion on her face was vivid and I could tell that she wanted to cry. She stopped walking and I took her into my arms and rubbed her back soothingly. She had a hand over her eyes and her other arm was around my back, delighting in and accepting the comfort her best friend was offering.

When we heard the gym door open, we turned to see Stephen sticking his head in, looking extremely concerned. "Hey, is everything okay in here?"

I let go of her and she stepped back from my embrace. "Yeah, babe. Everything's okay. You can't see me in my outfit though. It's a surprise."

He offered her a gentle smile and then sent a kiss in her direction. "Alright. Can't wait."

"Well, get out already. The groom can't see the bride in her dress," I threw in.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes with a smile. "Good thing it's not a dress then."

"Why is your head still in here?"

He threw his hands up in surrender and then went back out.

"Hey. Be nicer to my boyfriend," Tanya half scolded me.

"You know I'm only mean to him because he's my pal. You look beautiful, Tanya. You're a wonder. And it's obvious how he feels about you, so don't worry."

She smiled at me and gave me another hug. "Well, time to get out of this and let Ste back in."

I smiled at her smiling while she changed and I knew she was thinking of Stephen, just outside the door and caring about her as much as she did for him. After her dress was back on, she went to let him in. He took her hand as soon as he was back in the gym and they started walking towards me on the bleachers.

"Hey, Stephen, what were you doing looking in here anyway, huh? Peeking maybe?" I accosted him while they were still a distance away.

"Geez, someone's in an awful mood."

"And you still don't have an alibi."

"I was just looking at a chip in the paint on the door when I noticed you hugging her and her looking like she was going to cry. First thing I thought was that you said something mean to her."

"I'm the good guy here, Stephen. I stayed awake two nights straight trying to make her pretty."

"Liar. She's already pretty. She's gorgeous. You're just making sure other people only see the appropriate parts of her prettiness."

I raised an eyebrow at him and smirked. "And, therefore, what implication does that make about you and the full extent of her prettiness? Do we have to step aside, Stephen, where I'll have to ask about what you've been doing with my best friend?"

"Why are you such a gangster? Tanya, protect me from this—this _thug_."

"Alright, babe. I'll protect you. Hyacinth, please stop terrorising my boyfriend," she said.

"I'll think about it." We smiled at each other. This friendship was perfect because it worked out for all three of us. The only thing spoiling it was that I had to look at what they had and try my hardest not to become sad wishing that their relationship succeeded where mine had failed.

When Tanya left at lunch, Stephen immediately found me. He looked nervous. Very, very nervous.

"Hey, you shot a cop or something?" I asked, chuckling.

"I just want everything to go perfectly."

"And it will. Calm down. You planned this out perfectly and I remember everything. All you need to do is give me the appropriate signals. Also, don't worry about her dad. I'll talk to him. As much as he wants to hang out with her, I think he'll understand how important this is to both of you."

"Wait, her dad?"

"She didn't tell you?"

"She told me her parents were divorced and they're not exactly friendly with each other but not much apart from that."

"I don't think she likes talking about it much. Actually, before I found out about her whole home situation, he told me what was going on."

"You know him?"

I smiled. "Rather well. You should meet him. He's a great guy and he's really trying his best to be a great father. Aunt Louann seems to really have a grudge against Uncle Dallas and that makes it that much harder for him to be there for her—"

"Hold up there, Hy. I think I'd rather she tell me when she's ready for me to know what's going on in her family."

"Oh, yeah, sorry. Anyway, long story short, I'll talk to him and let him know what the sitch is like for tonight."

"Wait, if her dad's coming to see her and this is, like, the first time in a really long time that she's getting to see him, maybe I shouldn't take that away from her."

I shrugged. "It's up to you, Ste. You've planned this out meticulously and what you're going to do will mean a lot to both of you."

"What do you think I should do?"

"I think she's just glad that her dad's going to be there. I think he would be happy to know that she's in such good hands that care about her like you do. I think you should go ahead with the plan. I heard they've been bonding a lot over the phone recently. Maybe they can reschedule."

"Are you sure that's okay?"

"Yeah, I guess. You've been working hard on this. I'm sure he'll support you."

He seemed to let my words sink in for a moment before he nodded once. "Alright. I guess you're right. I'll leave it to you then, I guess."

"Cool. Now stop panicking and calm the foot down."

"Foot?"

"I'm trying not to curse these days."

He laughed. "Well, alright. I guess that's a great thing."

"Wish me luck with that. People keep driving me insane. Anyway…"

"Hey, Hy."

"Yeah?"

"You still never got around to explaining to me about your boyfriend."

The bell rang in what I could only call an act of God. Really, I could contract the whole story enough to make it a one liner but I didn't want to tell him if I hadn't told Tanya yet. If they found out the same time, it would be ideal. And I wasn't sure if I was ready to tell Tanya yet. Even if it was about a month ago. She would hate me even more when I told her that I had waited more than a whole month to tell her. She would surely give me the silent treatment for days after and the next time she saw him, she would probably declare a vendetta against him. Somehow, I really didn't want that to happen.

I laughed. "Later, okay? If I'm late for class, I'll get in trouble."

"But—"

I walked off, throwing a wave behind me for him. Was it strange that he was so interested in my relationship status or was it just the usual friend nosiness?

After school, Ste and I went to Thomas' shop to check on his equipment and make sure he hadn't forgotten to bring down anything before we parted ways. I was more than overjoyed when I saw that Batman wasn't there, which meant that we didn't have a mission, and I immediately started to pray that he would not come in for the entire afternoon or night. Somehow, I felt that on a night such as this, I could not afford to miss the proceedings. My loyalties to both of my friends meant that I had to be there for both of them that night.

After I geared up, Black Canary set us in pairs and had us duelling simultaneously. Certainly, the floor was large enough to accommodate all of us. The trick was really to manage our own fights without getting thrown into the middle of someone else's. It was an exercise in controlling how and where a fight went.

She paired me with Megan and I wanted to frown and 'aw'. How was I supposed to hit Megan?

"Um, can I get one of the guys to be my partner please?" I asked.

"Why? What's wrong with fighting with Megan?"

"Because, well, she's _Megan_. We're friends and she's a girl and I love her and I can't _hit_ her! It'll be a lot easier for me to go up against one of the guys because they're the guys. I hit them and they hurt for like two seconds and throw a punch into my solar plexus."

"You're saying you don't want to hurt me?" Megan asked.

"Um, basically, yeah. Not that I'm discounting you as a fighter or anything. Rather, I'm complementing you as a fighter, because I know I'll have to take you seriously and actually throw some hits at you and I _really_ don't want to hit you." She smiled and it looked kind of smug.

Canary focused her attention on me. "That's nice of you, Hy, but I think that's more of a reason to fight against her. It might be a possibility that someone may mind control or blackmail one of you and you may have to fight against each other. It's better that you get used to it now when it's more or less inconsequential rather than when you two must actually fight and you find that it's too hard to do and the situation gets very bad."

"I don't know if I should be hurt or feel like a noob that I'm the only one who's objecting to this fight. Seems like you've got a secret hankering to punch me, Meg."

She chuckled. "Nothing like that. I just think you shouldn't worry about it. It _is_ a learning experience."

I waved it away with a hand. "Yeah, sure, alright. Just don't, like, do some crazy Martian trick that will make me go bonkers for, like, a week. I've got plans tonight that I absolutely can't miss."

"I don't think I have any tricks like that, Hy."

"Nice to know."

"Alright," Canary said. "Since that is settled, take you places everyone and you can begin."

And Megan meant business. She threw the first kick and I almost wasn't ready for it.

After training ended, I sat with my Chaucer on the couch with a glass of water to catch my breath. I left my mask on the coffee table and intended to just read a few verses till my heart rate steadied. But that was the interesting thing about Chaucer's work. A few verses turned into a few pages.

When Robin took my hand, I had to fight the urge to smooth the skirt of the strapless dress that I was wearing. His attention was focused completely on me and his eyes locked with mine in a way that seemed like he would never let them go and leave his.

"You're so important to me. I'm so glad you're here for me. You know some of my secrets and it's safer to keep you with me. You're easy to fall for. I'm here for you. You'll never understand how important you are, but I don't want you to ever doubt your importance. I'll be your anything or even your everything if you need it. Rely on me and keep on falling," he said.

I wanted to smile at him but something was wrong. My lips wouldn't let me smile at him. They wouldn't move. I couldn't even respond. He kissed my cheek and I realised that something was very, very wrong.

His lips were very warm but I was very cold. Colder than I should have been for that night. In fact, that night on my rooftop after our first official formal date, I hadn't been cold.

"I wish you would say something back, Hyacinth," he responded. He seemed to wait a long, long time before he exhaled audibly and his head bowed a fraction. "Alright, I guess you can't. I should go. Goodbye, Hyacinth."

He took a few steps back and then I realised what was wrong from the reflection in his shades.

I was a statue. I couldn't move because I wasn't alive anymore. I was just a hollow, cold thing made of marble which made me paler than my skin ever was and an inanimate representation of what I used to be.

He offered me a few more seconds of his eyes before he turned away. Zatanna was on the opposite side of the roof and wearing a very familiar black dress with sheer sleeves which were covered by a long black coat. I looked back at Robin. He was going to her. When I looked back at her, she was wearing a suit jacket. His. I knew it was his.

She put her hand in the crook of his arm, offered me a pitying look and then they started to walk away. Their steps were strong and steady and it took them straight off the roof. I couldn't scream to ask what they were doing or to try to alert anyone else that something was going down. Because I was a statue, meant to stand there and look pretty and watch as things went on around me.

But somehow, I heard my name being called by his voice, although they were probably dead in the alley behind the apartment building. It echoed and echoed, though somehow getting louder and clearer each time while the scene started to become more and more out of focus.

"Hyacinth."

My eyes flew open and I was extremely disoriented for a minute. But even when the scene processed I was still a bit confused. Robin was standing over me still in full costume, a hand on my shoulder to wake me and I was…on the couch in The Cave…lying down. Slowly, my lucidity started coming back. I shot into a sitting position and a wave of vertigo threatened to make my vision black out.

"I…I fell asleep?"

"Yeah. You've been asleep for probably an hour now. I woke you up 'cause I remembered that you had mentioned you had some plans."

And that little piece of information hit me like a bus.

"Fuc—Fruitcake!" I stood and started shoving my book and mask into my bag.

"What's wrong?"

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit." I ran to the bathroom with my bag, continuing to chant that one word while trying to figure out how I could let myself fall asleep. I rushed through my bath, scrubbing at my skin with a fierce rage and urgency that probably shouldn't have been good and threw on my clothes, barely taking any time at all to make sure I didn't look like one of those people rushing home the morning after. My hair was tied in a sloppy, untidy ponytail and my costume had just been thrown into my bag.

By the time I was rushing out the door, it was six fifteen. The show started at seven and I had to make sure I got there early enough to talk to her dad. Since I had started showering, I hadn't stopped cursing, only, somewhere while I was putting my hair up, it became more of a mental recital of the train of curses rather than a verbatim recital.

Robin and Aqualad had disappeared somewhere while Megan seemed to be helping Conner get some bandages wrapped around himself. Wally had pulled on a werewolf mask. Artemis was nowhere in sight. They seemed to be talking and didn't much notice me running out the door. It was really like I was a statue. Somehow, I knew that when I finally lay in my bed that night, I would begin to think about what the stupid dream meant. Piece of it was already obvious. The things Robin had said to me when the dream began, they were all things that he had said to me when we were dating and half of them, in the end, appeared to be meaningless. And the setting, it was from our date the night he was to come over for dinner. It was the night I had told him that I was falling in love with him. With a dull throb in my heart, I realised that we had both told some untruths that night.

I ran across the field, my eyes feeling like they were stinging, and I wasn't sure if the reason they felt that way was because of the awful dream and all the implications it could have had and the thoughts that erupted from it or if it was because I desperately needed to sleep. My body ached from my fight with Megan and the bruise that the wall had given me last night and from rugby practice and the dull throb in my heart wasn't helping either. I was in pain all over, all kinds of pain and I had the greatest urge to just go home, crawl into my bed and tell myself that I would be okay until I was pushed into sleep.

But the friend and daughter, Hyacinth, had promises to keep, promises that were more important than her own minor problems. My heart should have healed by now because I had agreed to let go and move on. My body pains were always bearable once nothing was broken. Together they shouldn't have been a problem either. I was supposed to be stronger than that, even if it was a lie I told myself so that I could move forward. The way I felt now made me feel weaker than I was supposed to be and pushed me even more to shove them aside and focus on what I had to do.

I paid the cab driver extra to get me there fast and I almost jumped out of the car before it came to a halt when it was in front of my building. I ran up the stairs in fierce fury. Dad was sitting on the couch, dressed. I had to fight the urge to curse again. Feeling a bit clammy from all my rushing and all the pain, I ran to the bathroom for a quick rinse again.

When I got out, I grabbed the first things that hit my eyes that went together and dressed with a superhuman pace. I sprayed some cologne, and when I was caught in front of my dressing table mirror, I realised that my eyes look fifty times worse than they had before I went to sleep. I quickly applied some powder, eyeliner and lip-gloss and used a drop of eyedrops for tired eyes in each eye. When I realised that I wasn't sure if I could tell the difference, I put the bottle in my pocket. I shoved my phone, lip-gloss, some money and the tickets into various pockets and then ran out of my room.

"Okay, let's go," I said to dad.

He raised his eyebrows at me. "Without shoes?"

"Dammit." I ran back into my room and stuck my feet in some socks and then some black high-heeled booties. I did a pat check around myself to make sure I had everything I needed and then I headed out of my room once more. "Alright. I'm ready now. We've really got to go. I can't be late."

He smiled at me. "Well, alright, let's go." He stood and opened the door for me and he picked up on my urgency, so together we flew down the stairs and hailed a cab.

By some wonderful miracle, I got there with ten minutes to spare. After thanking the Almighty while jumping out of the car, we made our way to the auditorium's right side entrance and I began to scan the crowd for Dallas Devereaux and Stephen. I found Dallas first then Stephen. I pointed to Stephen and looked at my dad.

"Go sit next to Stephen and I'll be right back. I've got some business to take care of."

Just as I was about to walk off, my dad grabbed me gently by the arm. He smiled. "Slow down, Hy. You can't enjoy life at all if you're in such a hurry all the time."

"I'm not always in a hurry but right now I've got to do something urgently."

"Slow down. In those shoes, if you slip, you won't get a sprain. You'll break something and then you'll _have_ to take your time."

I took a breath, he rubbed my arm and I exhaled. "You're right, dad. Thanks for looking out for me. Now please go sit."

"Alright."

When he started towards Stephen, I went to Dallas who had started heading to the back of the auditorium. I intercepted him just as he was about to pass the last row.

"Remember me?" I asked.

His eyes widened in surprise. "Hyacinth! Long time no see. I'm glad you and Tanya are still such good friends," Dallas replied.

"It wasn't hard. Besides, she needed an awful lot of protecting over the years." We laughed together at that for a moment. "Hey, listen, I'm really glad you could be here for her. She almost cried when she was telling me you'd be here. This means an awful lot to her."

He produced a tight smile. "Yeah, it's been pretty hard to get to her since her mom doesn't want me too near her. But I still try. She's the most important thing in my life and I have to be there for her when she needs me."

I put a hand on his arm. "You're doing a pretty good job. Um, were you planning on doing anything with her afterwards?"

"Well, I kind of wanted to take her to get something to eat but I know her mom's here and that she probably wouldn't be too pleased with that."

"You don't get the courts involved? I mean, you're supposed to have as much a right to her time as her mom does."

He shook his head. "Tanya's gone through enough in her life. We don't need to add more trouble to her plate. It's enough for me if I get to talk to her and see her on her birthday and Christmas. She wants to ask her mom to let me come over more or to come over to my apartment but she's going to try to ease into that. The courts would only make things more painful and make Louann hate me more."

I smiled. "See? You are a noble dad. You're doing pretty good."

"How come you asked about what we're doing later?"

"I wanted to ask you to steal her away for the evening."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Sounds like you've got something planned."

I looked behind me and pointed to the seat next to my dad's. "See that guy over there wearing the black jacket?"

"Yeah?"

"That's her boyfriend."

"I see. Is he any good?"

"He loves her. Tonight he wanted to surprise her and I'm supposed to be helping him with the surprise."

"What kind of kid is he? I know she's gotten involved with some pretty deadbeat guys in the past."

"Nah, he's not like that. I set them up. I can personally vouch for him. He's a good guy who takes her very seriously and is very devoted to her. And she feels the same way about him. Tonight could be the most special night in the world for her if it all goes well."

"What's his name?"

"Stephen Romano."

"I'd have liked to meet him but since you've got this whole elaborate thing going, I suppose we won't have the time. Besides, I think I'd like to wait till she introduces him to me herself."

"You and Stephen think alike. He said the same thing about you."

He smiled. "I like the kid already. Since you can vouch for him, I think I won't be worried. Good luck with your scheming."

"Thanks a lot. It's great to see you again. I can't thank you enough for all the fight training help you gave me."

"Now why do you say that? Have you been putting it to serious use?" he asked, laughing as if it wasn't a serious question.

I gave him a mall smirk. "Something like that. Anyway, let me not keep you. I bet you're heading to the bathroom and she's part of the first performance."

"Yeah, I am. Mind telling me where it is? I've never been here before."

"When you go out this back exit, go left. The male bathroom is close to the exit."

"Thanks, kid. See you around."

I started back for the seat and offered the two guys a smile. Dad was sitting next to Stephen and they looked so odd because their hair was in the same jaw-length style. I wondered if Jason wore his hair the exact same way because of my dad.

"Hey, dad, can you go down one?"

"But you told me to sit here," he replied.

"Stephen and I have some business to talk about before the show."

He shrugged and moved down a seat. "Business?"

I sat. "Tanya business."

"Oh, that's her boyfriend?" I nodded. "Seems like a nice kid. His hair is fantastic."

I laughed. "Because it looks like yours?"

He smirked. "Oh, does it?" he asked, feigning ignorance. I put my hand in his before I turned to Stephen.

"So," I began, "everything okay?"

"No. I have more butterflies in my stomach than there are in the entire Amazon Rainforest."

I chuckled. "Would you just chillax? Everything will be great. Just remember who it's for and think about how you want her to react. Just take a breath and trust that everything will go in the best way that it can."

"That doesn't negate the fact that it could end badly."

I gave him a dry look. "Stephen."

"Right. Sorry. Positive thoughts."

"Good boy. Don't worry. She's crazy about you. Trust me. I'm sure when she's dancing, her eyes will be trained on you at least half the time. She'll be dancing for you because you're that important to her."

Just then the curtains opened and the dancers stepped out. Tanya's eyes immediately found Stephen near the front and when their eyes locked, I saw the nervous anxiety in Stephen's eyes just vanish. He was entranced by the very sight of her in costume and about to do what she truly loved. It was like he was falling more in love with her the more he looked at her.

Tonight would be a complete exchange of feeling and passions. I knew she would be dancing for him, using what she loved to show her love for her. And he would sing for her a song from his heart, using his beloved music as a vehicle for his message of love to her. It was so beautiful that I almost felt as if it was destiny for them to be together forever.

Tanya was part of three main performances as their principle dancer and for all of them, her eyes would fall upon him once she was positioned in that direction. Even during her duet with a male dancer, Stephen continued to be too captivated by the grace and majesty of the way she moved to be upset or jealous that the guy was touching her about the hips and face and lifting her. It showed how much he was truly in love with her and how much he trusted her. Something as trivial as a dance partnered with a male was not enough to disconcert him.

Truly, being captivated was too easy when watching her dance. But, for some reason, the fluidity of some of her movements, especially when her partner picked her up and carried her through the air, reminded me of the grace of another who was nicknamed after a small bird. It made me sad but then I tried my hardest to become as immersed in the dance as Stephen was.

The last performance started at eight thirty. It was a performance by some of the younger ballet dancers and Tanya was not in it. Stephen touched my hand and I looked over at him.

"I've got to go get my stuff ready now," he said, "Cover for me?"

"Sure. Godspeed."

"Thanks. See you in a few." He got up as discreetly as he could and headed quickly for the exit.

Dad looked over at me questioningly. "He's preparing a surprise for her tonight and he has to go set up."

"Oh, wow. Sounds special."

"He's going to let her know that he loves her."

Dad's expression softened. "That's beautiful."

"Isn't it? It's beyond precious. That's why I'm facilitating."

"Alright. I'll see what I can do. Here." He handed me our compact camera.

"Thanks."

"The people in here said no flash photography so I don't have much use for it."

"Dad, that's always the rule for performances like these."

"How was I supposed to know? I just kind of picked it up on impulse anyway. You'll have good use for it, at least."

"You could just take the flash off, you know?"

He shrugged and looked back up to the stage.

After the last performance, all the dancers came out and bowed and there was a standing ovation where people began throwing flowers in stage. When the last person left the stage, the lights were all turned on in the auditorium as the not-so-subtle way of indicating to people to get out.

The crowd was already building by the time we got out into the atrium and we had to do a bit of searching before we found Tanya with her mother. I ran up to her and gave her a hug before I stepped back and started examining how she looked in the outfit. She still looked stunning.

"Hi, Tanya. You were wonderful tonight. I absolutely enjoyed your performances. This is the outfit Hy made for you?" dad said.

"Yes, Uncle Sheridan. Isn't she amazing?"

"Yes, she is." She examined me a little more closely, opened my already unbuttoned blazer a little wider then dropped it. "Hold up, why are you wearing a gold sequined tube top?"

I looked down. Black trousers, black blazer…tube top with small gold sequins. "Crap. Maybe because all I could think about these past three days is gold sequins. Seriously, when I got home I just grabbed the first clothes that seemed to match and I ended up in this."

"You look fantastic though. Not as fantastic as I do but, hey, that's to be expected. All the girls in the dressing room were asking me where I got my outfit and I gave a few of them your name and number."

I did an excited 'yes'. "I should start charging you from now on. You get cuts from your shows, after all."

"Let's make a deal. Whenever you're making me an outfit for after a show, I'll pay for your ticket."

"Tickets," I corrected, emphasising the S.

"Alright, tickets."

"Deal." We shook on it and I gave her another hug. She seemed to look behind me and start searching the crowd.

"Where's Stephen?"

"Something urgent came up and he had to leave. He told me to tell you that he was extremely sorry and that he'll make it up to you. He saw all of your performances though."

"Oh, alright. Just as long as he saw them. Do you know where he went?"

"Um, where his equipment is?"

"Oh, it was a band thing."

"A musical thing, yeah."

Aunt Louann touched Tanya's shoulder to get her attention. "I'm going to get something to drink, dear. Do you want anything?"

"No, thanks, mom," she replied. Just as she walked off, Uncle Dallas approached. Tanya's expression became excited and she threw herself at him to give him a hearty hug. "Daddy!"

"Hey, pretty prima. How are you?" he asked.

"Good. Daddy, this is my friend that I've been talking about, Hyacinth and her dad, Sheridan. Hyacinth, this is my dad, Dallas."

We shook hands and exchanged pleased-to-meet-yous as if we'd never met before. Tanya hadn't been aware that her dad had asked me to look out for her. If there was anything I could do about it, I would make sure she didn't find out for a good long while because, like with the Robin thing, she would probably overreact.

His attention reverted to Tanya. "Oh, baby, I'm sorry I couldn't have been closer. I would have sat at the front if I didn't have to try to hide from your mom."

"Oh, it's okay, daddy. I'm just glad you could be here. But I did wonder where you were."

"Well, young lady, it seemed to me that your attention was diverted elsewhere. In one specific spot actually."

He smiled sheepishly and I could see her cheeks colouring slightly. "My boyfriend was there, dad. You've got to meet him."

"Is he here?"

"Nah, he had to go take care of something that came up. But soon, definitely, you two should meet."

Dallas' eyes flicked to behind her for a moment then came back. "Your mom's coming back so I guess I should get out of here. Wouldn't want her making a scene, would we?"

Her expression fell a little. "Forget her. Let's just go have dinner or something, please, dad?"

He leaned forward, kissed her forehead and gave her a hug. "Anything for you, sweetheart, but I don't think I'm ready for an encounter with your mother as yet. But soon, like you said. For now, I'm glad we could see each other. I'll talk to you tomorrow, alright."

"Okay, bye, dad. See you later."

He turned and walked away and my heart throbbed watching Tanya watch his back as he left.

Her mother was at her side in another three seconds. "Tanya, who—"

"Aunt Louann, do you mind if I take Tanya out for some pizza? This performance deserves a celebration," I cut her off.

"I think that's a great idea, Hy. Right, Louann?" dad added.

Aunt Louann seemed to look like she was caught between a rock and a sandstorm, trapped. I could see her trying to think of some reason to try to discredit the idea but the way that we had phrased things made it seem that some rejection of the idea would be like saying that there was nothing to celebrate about. If she sent us away now, she would proceed to ask Tanya about whom she was talking to and that would completely ruin the evening. Tanya and I both knew that Aunt Louann felt very strongly about her ex-husband. She didn't want him anywhere near her or Tanya. The most she could stand of him was his alimony.

Aunt Louann exhaled. "Yeah, it's a great idea. Just make sure she's home at a decent hour."

"Mom," Tanya said. "I'm going to be with Hyacinth. She's the most responsible person I know. Could you trust us a little?"

Aunt Louann sighed again. "Alright. Do you have your key?"

"Yes, mom."

"Alright. Well, whenever you feel like getting home." She turned to me. "Don't let her go home alone, you hear me?"

"At this hour of the night, I never would. Goodbye, Aunt Louann," I responded. Tanya hugged her mother and kissed her cheek and then together we started for the door, with my dad just behind us. Just as we were about to exit, dad stopped where he was.

"You girls go ahead. I'll make sure Louann gets home," he said.

"Are you sure?" Tanya asked. "You're welcome to join us."

He offered her a wide smile. "Thanks so much, Tan, but you girls need some bonding time and I'm an old dinosaur who could do with some extra sleep. You girls go out and have a good time."

"Alright, dad." I gave him a kiss to the cheek and a hug and then returned to Tanya's side.

"Thanks again for coming, Uncle Sheridan," she said.

"Thanks for allowing me to see your amazing dancing. Now go on, you two, before the places close."

I offered dad a wave before we left.

The night was slightly still and the air was cool and fresh. I was very optimistic about the evening. All I had to do was wait for Stephen's signal. Luckily, our usual pizza dive was a block away and a bit of a distance away from the park next to school.

"Let's start off with some smoothies," Tanya suggested. "I don't know if I really feel for pizza right now. Not that I'm not grateful for you taking me out or anything, it's just that it's been a long day."

I chuckled. "Calm down. I know. You must be really emotional after seeing your dad and all the practice and having just come from a great performance. You're probably both physically and emotionally drained. Just take a breather. Let the fresh air and frozen fruit replenish you."

"Yeah, you're right." She placed a hand over mine. "Thank you so much, Hy."

I chuckled. "You're welcome. It's just a smoothie, Tan."

"Not just for the smoothie, Hy. For everything. For the outfit and your presence and your kind words and for Stephen and all the support. I can't ever thank you enough."

"For Stephen?"

"If you hadn't gotten us together for prom, I don't know if I would have ever noticed him before it was too late. Like, I always knew he was a good guy and that he was smart, but he was always so quiet so I never imagined that he would have been my type. If it wasn't for prom, I would never have realised how much of a great guy he was because I would have been too busy getting caught up with other idiots to give him a chance."

"I hadn't noticed how he felt about you initially either. It was only a couple weeks before prom when you were rushing down the hall and you dropped your binder and he picked it up for you that I noticed the way he looked at you as you walked off."

"That's why you weren't immediately behind me."

"Yeah. During Spanish, when the teacher left class, I started talking to him about you. He admitted his feelings and I agreed to intercede for him by arranging the prom thing. I knew you two were on some relatively good terms and that, once I got you together and gave you two a chance, that would be all I had to do."

"Thank you for that. Really. Thanks a lot."

"Don't thank me. I'm just the messenger."

"Would you please just take my gratitude?"

"Alright, alright. I accept your gratitude. And you're more than welcome. No thanks required for any of it actually. I was just doing what I thought was right. It's perfectly right for me to be your best friend so anything I do for you is just part of the job. The least I expect is some degree of reciprocation."

She opened her mouth to say something but then her expression grew cold as her eyes caught sight of something to the right of me. "Here's your reciprocation right here. Check it out. Your boyfriend's a cheater."

I turned to my right and I saw Robin walking about with Zatanna at his side. They were smiling and talking about something. I wanted to be super cool about it but I had to admit to myself that it hurt to see them together like that. For the very least, I knew that I had been wrong and that she was making him happy. I turned back to Tanya and she started to get up.

**Oooh, some crazy chizz 'bout to go down! Or is it? :D**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi, guys. So I'll give you a minute to go back and read over the last 3 paragraphs from the previous chapter. Go on.**

**Alright, now that you've read it, you're in the zone to read the rest.**

**As a side note, I'd just like to say that I hate the producers of YJ for what they did to Kaldur. I've considered doing a one-shot where they all kick his ass and yell at him. Kaldur's, I mean. Perhaps I shall post it if I ever write it.**

I grabbed her hand. "Sit down, Tanya."

"Like hell. I can't believe he would do this to you! I've got to go over there and give him a piece of my—"

"Tanya!" Her eyes came back to me and her expression became a little less irate and a little more confused. I exhaled audibly. "I guess I have some explaining to do. Just sit down."

She took a seat. Her eyes were brimming with the questions she wanted to ask. She was hurt for me. I took a deep breath before I started. "Tanya, Robin and I broke up a month ago."

"What!" The exclamation was so loud that I was almost certain I was at least half deaf in my left ear.

"Pipe down, please."

"Pipe down? How come you're now telling me this, Hyacinth? You wait a month to tell me and you expect me to _pipe down_?"

"I waited a month to tell you it because I knew you'd react like this."

"Damn right I'm reacting like this! How could this have even happened? I thought things were as good for you guys as they were for me and Stephen. What happened?"

"I'd tell you if I knew."

"Wait." She leaned away from the table. Understanding seeped in fast. "He broke up with you and he didn't explain himself? Because that would be the only reason why there would have been a break up and you wouldn't know why."

"Ding, ding, ding."

"Oh, my God. That bastard. I'm going to rip him a new—"

She started to stand again and I pushed her shoulder down. "Let it go, Tanya. Can't you see he's happy with her?"

"I don't want to hear that! How could he break up with you? How, after all you two went through, could he just _go off_ with another girl? Is she the reason why he called things off?"

"I don't think so. She came along while I was in Trinidad."

"And you guys broke up before that?"

"The Friday before I left."

"That rat bastard! He just couldn't wait to replace you, could he? What kind of callous, pig-headed, stupid son-of-a—"

"Tanya! Stop it."

"How could you not be angry about this?"

"Stop yelling, Tan. I've already dealt with it mostly. I'm happy he could find someone who makes him happy."

"Yeah, for now. Next thing you know, she's like you all over again. She makes him happy at first and things go great for the first few months then all of a sudden—"

"Tanya, I don't want to think that that will happen to her. I'd rather things work out for them."

"Are you blind? He'll never find anyone like you—"

"You're being biased, Tanya. And besides, what if that's the point? Maybe I was always wrong for him. Maybe she's right for him because she's _not_ me."

That seemed to silence her protests. She looked at me, contemplating, before she closed her eyes, shook her head and looked at me. "How could he not see how much you loved him?"

"He knew, but it didn't make a difference to him. The relationship wasn't right and he couldn't stay in it just because I was—"

"Wait, you told him that you loved him?"

"No. I told him I was falling in love with him."

"What's the difference?"

"One's a continuous transitive and one isn't."

"What?"

"One indicates that it's already happened while one seems to denote some sort of process, like I'm not there yet but headed there."

"And what relevance does this have to do with your situation?"

"Well, I used it to save myself, kind of. When I said it to him, I think I was trying to be honest while trying to be a bit euphemistic at the same time. After we broke up, he asked about it and I told him I'd bent the truth when I had told him I was falling for him. I didn't explain it through, though, so he thinks I didn't mean what I said."

"Oh. Wow."

"Anyway, let it go. I have. We're back to being friends, like nothing ever happened."

"But that's a lie, too."

"Why do you say—"

"He doesn't meet you after school anymore and he used to do that even before you two were together."

"Do you have to remember everything in excruciating detail?"

"Yup. And no one uses words like 'excruciating' in everyday conversation, Hy. Maybe that's why he ended things. Maybe he doesn't like being with girls who are smarter than him. Maybe she's dumb as a fish."

"Okay, firstly, there are some very intelligent fish, Tanya, so don't stereotype. And second, he's kind of a genius. Oh, and third, she doesn't seem like she's dumb. She actually seems to be very smart."

"Well, clearly he isn't because he broke up with you."

"That's enough, Tanya. Get over it."

"He better hope I never see him again."

"Tanya, what are you going to do to him? You can't fight. You'd break some delicate little ballerina part."

"Hey, I'm stronger than I look. And you have no idea how mad I am. I can use that anger to make me a force to be reckoned with."

"More like a farce to be reckoned with."

"Hey, I'm on your side here."

"Then _drop_ it."

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I took it out and glanced at the message quickly and sent a one line reply.

"Please don't tell me that was him," she said.

I scoffed. "Relax, it's not him. He doesn't call anymore and we don't really hang out either."

"And you were trying to convince me that everything's back to the way it was when you were just friends."

"Didn't I ask you to drop it?"

"Hyacinth, I really think that you should talk to me about this. I get the feeling that you're not being completely honest with me or with yourself. You can't possibly find closure if he hasn't given you an explanation or if you and he and still around each other all the time."

"Those things aren't a problem, Tanya."

"Then what _is_ the problem?"

I exhaled. The dream I had had earlier came to mind. "Okay, well there is this one problem."

"Speak."

"I really am trying my hardest to let go and move on and be happy for him. This afternoon, after training, somehow, I fell asleep. And the dream I had was of some of the things he had told me when we were dating that, in the long run, turned out to be lies or irrelevant. We didn't remain friends and me being in love with him is pointless because he doesn't love me back. Well, from a Christian point of view, it shouldn't be, but as a person who was romantically involved with him, it's a problem. I keep trying to move forward but just when I make some progress, my mind keeps dredging up all these damned memories of how things used to be and what he said and what he did and how he acted and I get kind of depressed and angry and I ask myself what could have possibly been wrong with me for him to let me go just like that?"

She put her hand on my shoulder and rubbed it soothingly a few times. "See? You _are_ still upset."

I sighed. "I'm trying not to be. Being upset doesn't help me. And upset as I am, it doesn't change the fact that I hope he and Zatanna are happy."

"Is that the heifer's name?"

I laughed. "You did not just call her a heifer. You've been watching too many Tyler Perry movies."

"What would you rather I call her? Bitch? Tramp? Slut? Whore?"

"None of the above, Tanya. I like her. I don't think she deserves this indiscriminate abuse just because she's his new girlfriend."

"Well, I don't like either of them so, as far as I'm concerned—"

"Tanya," I said warningly.

"Okay, okay. I'll try to desist with the name calling."

"Good girl. Now come on. Let's go for a walk."

"Walk? In these shoes?"

"We can switch if you want."

"Your shoes look higher than mine."

"Yeah but they're booties so they're automatically more comfortable than your strappy shoes."

"It amazes me how you can walk in uncomfortable shoes. I can't stand it."

I shrugged. "In exactly the same way I ignore rugby bruises. You just learn to ignore them. The trick is in how fast you walk. If you walk quickly, you won't have time to notice that they hurt. In any case, these shoes aren't uncomfortable. Yet."

"So are we going for a quick walk?"

"No. What's the point of that? Walking quickly is for when you're in a hurry. Do you want my shoes or not?"

"Nah, I think I'll stay in mine. If they get too painful, I'll just walk barefoot."

I shook my head and we stood. She hooked her arm in mine and I steered her in the direction of school and we started walking with our half-full smoothies in hand.

Initially, we walked in silence and I occupied myself by looking around my surroundings. My subconscious mind was scanning the environment for any crime that I might feel obligated to take care of. My conscious mind was just enjoying the night's scenery and ambience.

Before I knew it my mind started to wander. I started to wonder specifically if Robin and Zatanna were on a date. I started to scold myself for thinking about it when I realised that there was nothing wrong about me wondering if they were on a date. In fact, it was a perfectly normal thing to do. As a friend, I would wonder about something like this. Even if I weren't a friend, I would still be nosy enough to want to ask the question.

"So…" Tanya said, breaking the silence.

"Yes?"

"You like her?"

"Why are we talking about this again?"

"Because you seem to know everything—well, not everything but more than me—and that leaves me with questions. Since it involves you to begin with and, as your best friend, you _are_ my business, I deserve some answers, too."

I sighed. In some convoluted way, she had some semblance of a point. "Yes, I do like her. She's gorgeous and she seems smart and she might start…training with us. Warring with her just because she's his new love interest is both not me, pointless and will affect performance."

"I never said anything about warring with her."

"You called her a heifer."

She shrugged. "Well, that was me personally. We both know that what I do or think doesn't necessarily reflect you. And affect performance? What kind of training do you guys do anyway?"

"We have…goals to reach that we have to achieve as a team. Bad blood between people is counterproductive. Teamwork is the name of the game."

"That has got to be the gayest thing I've ever—"

"Don't diss what you've never tried. Somehow I doubt you could survive one of our…goals."

"Then invite me into it sometime. If you win the bet, I'll do your homework for a week."

"I don't think you'd really want that. It involves sweat, maybe some blood and definitely big bruises. I have one on my side right now and the thing is huge and black and blue."

"Ew. Okay, never mind. I'll stick to ballet."

"I thought so."

"So, how did he and this Zarata girl meet?"

"Her name's Zatanna and her dad brought her over to…get a look around."

"Her dad's into the training, too? And she looks like more of a daisy than I do."

I smirked. Couldn't disagree with her there. She looked like she would cry if I punched her. Not that I wanted to. If she was going to join us, as I had already said to Robin previously, she needed to learn how to take and throw hits and how to avoid them.

"Well, I agree with you, Tan, but looks can be deceiving. She might not be good at the whole physical strength thing but her talents are in other areas."

"Like what? Sex appeal?"

"Tanya."

"Okay, sorry, cheap shot. But you don't know her very well, do you?"

"She's not around much so no. But when I did get to know her, she seemed like she was really cool."

"Are you sure you don't hate her?"

"Positive."

"Aw. That makes this whole thing less fun. There goes the joy of calling her names and burning her picture and eating ice cream and steadily plotting her murder."

I could help but laugh. "You're just a ball of aggressive energy tonight, aren't you?"

She shrugged. "I told you I was very passionate about this whole thing. You guys made such a good couple. Why would he just go and throw that all away?"

We started to approach the corner where the park was and I rejoiced internally that, finally, we would stop talking about this and I could go back to dealing with it on my own. Just as we had crossed the road and were about to have full sight of the park, I turned her around so that her back was to the park.

"Speaking of throw, want me to show some new rugby moves I learnt?"

"Not really, but since we've got nothing better to do, why not?"

I chuckled. "Oh, come on. This is important to me."

"Alright, alright."

"Back up and I'll tell you when you're the right distance away. Keep facing me so I'll know exactly when you're the right distance away."

"What's the difference between walking backwards and forwards?"

"I play this every day, Tanya. The scale of your facial features is the gauge I'm using."

She rolled her eyes. "You are so _weird_."

"And I'm your best friend so that's got to be a commentary on you. Now start walking."

She started walking backwards and Stephen who had been hiding behind the short walls of the gazebo was standing now, lined up behind her so she would definitely hit into him. His guitar was hanging from his shoulder and supported by one hand and I could see the cord connected to the amp behind him and the electrical outlet somewhere inside the gazebo.

"Am I far enough yet?" she asked some yards away from him. I gestured for her to keep going. When I took out the camera from my pocket, turned it on and aimed it, her expression became curious. "Wha—oof." She turned, towards the person that she had just hit into. "I'm so sorr…Stephen, what are you doing here?" she asked, taking a few steps away from him.

I started walking closer so I could record everything.

"Surprising you, my dear. Would you like to hear a song? Because I'm going to sing it for you anyway," he said.

"I thought you had to go deal with some band thing."

"No, I told you he had to go deal with some musical thing. One doesn't necessarily equate with the other," I responded.

She shook her head. "You sure know how to use the right words to side step lies, don't you?" She turned back to him. "I would love to hear your song, Stephen."

He offered her an infinitesimally wider smile and then started his song. I walked so that I was at an angle to get both of them and tried to keep my hands steady. Tanya's hands were clasped and resting on her chest. She didn't move from that spot for the entire song. I could barely move myself. The song was possibly one of the most beautiful that I'd ever heard.

_If I were to die tonight_

_I would have no regrets, love._

_Because you're everything_

_I've never wanted._

_But you're everything_

_I've ever needed._

_Your eyes are my forever_

_And your lips are every truth_

_That every philosopher_

_Has ever sought out._

_You're a wonder_

_And I wonder how you're mine._

_Diamonds are nothing_

_Next to your eyes,_

_And I'm so lost in you_

_That the world could fall away_

_And I'd hardly notice_

_Because I'm too caught up_

_And too in love with you._

_I feel like no man knows heaven_

_Like I do because I know you_

_You're everything every angel wishes to be_

_And more than any woman_

_Could ever claim to be_

_And I don't have to breathe if I can love you._

_Diamonds are nothing_

_Next to your eyes,_

_And I'm so lost in you_

_That the world could fall away_

_And I'd hardly notice_

_Because I'm too caught up_

_And too in love with you._

_If I were to die tonight_

_I would have no regrets, love._

_Your eyes are my forever_

_And your lips are every truth._

_I feel like no man knows heaven_

_Like I do because I know you._

_Diamonds are nothing_

_Next to your eyes,_

_And I'm so lost in you_

_That the world could fall away_

_And I'd hardly notice_

_Because I'm too caught up_

_And too in love with you._

As the last chord faded, he returned the guitar to his side where it was hanging, got on one knee and took her hands into his.

"Tanya Devereaux," he said. "From the day that I set eyes on you, I knew that other girls would never mean anything close to what you mean to me. When I write songs about love, it's you I'm thinking of and I know that I could write of love forever if you're by my side. I love you, Tanya, and I'd rather I never write another song again or play another chord than lose you."

Tanya's eyes leaked a tear each and he stood, wiped them away and then kissed her. He pulled her into a hug and she buried her head into his shoulder.

She sniffled. "I love you, too, Stephen. And I'd rather stay with you for the rest of my life than be the prima of a million worldwide sold-out shows."

He and I both chuckled at that. Most people would misunderstand but we didn't. To Tanya, being the best and being a dancer was so important to her and she needed attention to keep her insecurities from getting the better of her. She needed to know that there were eyes on her so that she wouldn't get left behind. And she was telling him basically that all she needed were his eyes to keep her going and to get her through every day of the rest of her life.

I pressed the button to stop recording. I didn't think the camera had ever been used for such a wonderful event. But it was new and hadn't gotten around much.

"Okay, guys, I'll let you have your evening. Don't stay out too late," I said. I started to turn to leave.

"Wait, Hy," she said. I stopped mid-turn. "I wanted to talk to you guys about something. Can we…bond for a bit? I know it sounds super corny but—"

"Corny's the flavour of my life, hon. Of course we can."

"I would love that. I wouldn't want you to leave right now after all you've done to help me out," Stephen added.

"You sure? I mean this is your moment. I shouldn't be all third wheel and stand here like I'm watching a chick flick."

They chuckled simultaneously. "Come," she said. She offered me a hug and then lay down on the grass. Stephen and I did the same so that we looked like eyelashes. "I wanted to tell you guys the whole sitch with my family. I know I don't talk about it much but, seeing my dad tonight and seeing how wonderful and dedicated to me you guys are even when I don't deserve it, it's time you knew about everything."

"My ears are yours," Stephen said. "Along with my everything else but you get what I mean."

"Ditto," I responded.

"Okay, so both of you know my parents are divorced. But it goes a bit deeper than that. My mom's the reason my parents are divorced."

"Like, she cheated or something?" Stephen asked.

"Nah. My mom's always been an insecure woman. That's…kind of where I get it from. Anyway, my dad was totally dedicated to her but he was a gym trainer and he had some pretty high-profile clients, like guys who compete in MMA tournaments and boxers, so there were a lot of nights where he worked late hours. My grandma, my mom's mom, had never really liked my dad with my mom so she was super suspicious of everything he did right off the bat. Then one day she started implanting into my mother's head that he was probably cheating which was why he was always out so late, and that we wouldn't have even noticed because he showers before he comes home so his whore's perfume wouldn't remain on him. For a while, mom tried to defend him and tune her out but after a while, it got to her and she started getting suspicious.

"She got dressed one evening, planning to go to the gym and try to scope things out for herself. I overheard her talking to grandma when she came back but I couldn't really believe what she was saying and I didn't understand what the implications were at the time. The place was really dark, most of the lights were out. Then my mom saw him coming out of the showers. When she assumed no one else was there, she started heading to him. But then another woman came out of the shower and jumped on his back. She was barely in her underwear. Dad was laughing and mom took that as a positive indicator that he was cheating. Dad noticed her too late but by then the damage was done. After that, mom stopped talking to him, stopped listening to him and the only time they talked, they were fighting, more talking _at_ each other than _to_ each other. After three weeks of trying to exist around each other and my dad trying to get her to come around, she brought home the divorce papers and left them on the bed. Dad only agreed to sign them because he didn't want me in an environment where they were fighting all the time. I was six. Six years old.

"Mom got custody and half of everything. Dad didn't have much when she was through with him but he always paid the alimony on time every month. She let him come over for my birthdays and Christmas but apart from that, she didn't want him anywhere near me. She never talked about him but every time he was mentioned, she just blew up. She just kept growing to hate him more and more after they were divorced. I think it's because she loved him so much and she's heartbroken. Anyway, a few weeks ago, I met dad in a store and he almost cried when he saw me. We exchanged numbers and he's called me every day since. My dad and I were always close so it's been pretty easy to revert to that. I asked him about the divorce and he's the one who explained half the details to me. The woman was that fitness trainer Andrea Langley. He was training her and they'd become like best friends. In fact, she doesn't even like guys. What mom saw was just typical Andrea being too open and too friendly. But mom never wanted to hear him out. She had already decided what she saw and that was the end of it.

"And I know it might sound like the stupidest lie ever told by an unfaithful husband but," she paused, sniffled, "I know my dad. He hates to lie, just like you, Hy, and he loved my mother so much. He wouldn't have even thought anything like that. And when I asked him why he didn't take her to court for keeping me away from him, he said he didn't want me to get caught in the middle of any more fighting. He said I deserved better. He said if he had to take a few steps out of my life to make sure things were better, he was willing to make that sacrifice. Does that sound like a man who would cheat on his wife and destroy his marriage?"

Her crying got more intense and Stephen turned to cradle her against his shoulder while I looked up at the night sky which was intermittently spotted with a white dot of glowing light.

"No, your dad sounds like he's an amazing guy. I wish we could change your mother's mind and make everything better. But I know your mom can be extremely stubborn and I know for a fact that Andrea Langley doesn't like guys. My mom used to be friends with her back in high school," Stephen said.

There was some silence and I continued to look up at the night sky and mull over just how unjust the world was and how easily a bond of love could be destroyed it one person didn't hold on to it strong enough. And when that person let go, the person who continued to hold on tightly was the one who fell, the one who got injured, the one who felt really rejected and the one who was left all alone and abandoned and forlorn.

"Hy," Stephen began after a while, "Tan knows this about me but I don't think I told you. When I was ten, my mom died of leukaemia. She was sick for about two years before that. When she died, my dad got really depressed. He didn't talk much and he wouldn't look at me. My aunt had to live with us and take care of me for about a year before he started really trying to inject himself back into everyday life. I tried to be his support system after that. I miss my mom every day because I know my dad will never love me in the ways that she did or do things the way that she did which always seemed to feel just right, but I know that he's trying to best that he can. He's been so supportive and things are really good now. He still cries sometimes and whenever I find him crying, I offer him my shoulder and I end up crying but it makes us feel better. Our family was so close. Losing her was something I think neither of us will ever truly recover from."

"Oh, my gosh. You go through so much and here I am burdening you with more problems and soaking up your shoulder, too," Tanya said, trying to lift her head from his shoulder.

He kept her head there with a hand. "I want you to feel like I'm always there for you, Tan. And I want you to come to me with your problems. You're not burdening me; you're trusting me with the things that make you weak and that, to me, is the greatest sign of love and trust that you could show me. So thank you."

I began to contemplate whether or not it was my turn to tell them something important about my life, too. I debated it back and forth for about three minutes before I exhaled. Keeping things in were bad and I knew that. And if I could trust them, who could I trust?

"I hate the fact that this world is so…difficult and that perfect, beautiful families that can serve as examples to the world—that, hey, marriage isn't bad and it can work and be amazing—have to sometimes be destroyed. It hurts me that you guys can only wonder what things would be like if everything went a lot better. Me, I'm completely spoilt by how simply magnificent my family is. My mother informally adopts every kid she meets. Tanya's already one of her kids, in her head. When you get to spend some time around her, she'll adopt you, too, Ste. My dad, he's got to be the epitome of don't-judge-a-book-by-its-cover. He's tall and broad and has a naturally fit frame and lots of people tend to mark him off as scary when they meet him because he tends not to smile much when he's not home and he's a no-nonsense kind of guy who won't tolerate crap. But just beneath that surface, he's actually the most loving and friendly guy you'll ever meet."

"I didn't think your dad was scary," Stephen cut in.

"That's because he was with me tonight. You meet him anywhere else when mom, January and I aren't around and you'll see his deadpanned serious face."

"Yeah, when I first met your dad, I was a little bit intimidated by him. He's a big guy, he is. Hey, why are you and January so short then?" Tanya added.

"Mom's genes," I answered. "And we're not short. We're vertically conservative."

They laughed. "You sure do have a way with words, Hy," she commented.

"But, Tan, I have a confession to make."

"Yeah?"

"Your dad and I have met before. In fact, we know each other quite well."

"What exactly do you mean by that?"

"I hope you're not thinking anything perverted. Do you remember about a year ago when we were now starting to become friends and you were all obsessed with Dan Corey even though he was just using you to get his homework done in exchange for his attention?"

"Ugh. Let's not remember that, shall we? What does that have to do with—"

"I'm getting to that. Well, around that time, I noticed that your dad was lurking around near the school, only I didn't know he was your dad. I tried to confront him and that's when he spilled the whole beans about being your dad and how he was concerned about the guy you were dating."

"How did he find out?"

"I dunno. Maybe he saw you two together and just didn't like how it looked. _I_ didn't like how it looked. He treated you like you were his pet dog or something. Anyway, he asked me to look out for you and try to get you out of that relationship and in exchange he agreed to train me."

"Wait, he offered to train you just like that? Didn't he figure out you were, like, fourteen?"

"Well, I might have suggested that that was what I wanted out of it since he had explained that he was a gym trainer. My parents had already gotten someone to teach me how to fight but I needed someone to help me sharpen my skills a little."

"Oh. Wait, is that why we became friends?"

"No, Tanya; that was why I became your bodyguard. We started being friends before I met your dad. Stop trying to overreact about this. Anyway, I wasn't really sure what was going on between you and Dan because this was when you still weren't close enough to me to start spilling our whole life story and to talk about what was really going on with you so much. Yeah, well, I kept an eye on you anyway and after about a week of training with your dad, I confronted Dan about the way he was treating you. That's when we got in that fight and when you overheard him saying that he'd doing anything he wanted to you. And that's when I made him eat my fist. Again and again. And when the vice principal got involved. I got off with a warning because Vice Principal Hilary likes me and she thinks it's about time those bastard football players get what they've got coming to them for playing with people like they're toys."

"So, wait, he didn't bruise you _at all_?"

"Yeah. He got in _one_ hit," I responded with a chuckle.

"Oh, wow. Great one."

"Thanks."

"And it was after that incident that Dan and I stopped seeing each other and you and I started getting really close."

"Yes."

"Oh. Wow. Well, thanks for telling me. I guess I got more bonding that I expected."

"You thought you'd talk and we'd just listen?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Kinda."

"But this is better, isn't it? Everyone talking like this."

"Yeah, this is definitely better. There's nothing better in this world than being with the people you love that love you back."

"Amen to that," Stephen and I said at once.

The silence floated for a while and I was content to be part of the whole moment with its sweet silence and the atmosphere of love and family. Because we were family. In the truest sense of the concept, we were family.

"Hey, Hy?" Stephen asked.

"Yeah?"

"Since we're all here spilling our guts and bonding and whatever, will you finally tell me about your boyfriend?" I laughed.

Tanya made a disgusted noise. "Ugh, that bastard."

"Let it go, Tan."

"Wait, what am I missing here?" Stephen asked.

"We saw that bastard when we were out getting smoothies with _another girl_."

Stephen shot into a lounging position, resting on an elbow. "Your boyfriend's cheating? Wait, you guys went for smoothies?"

"I was going to bring you one but then I drank it," I answered. "And he's not cheating."

"Apparently, they broke up a whole month ago and she only just told me this tonight, as I was about to castrate him for being a stupid cheater."

"A month ago? Why didn't you tell us?"

"Because I knew Tanya would overreact and I didn't think it would be important to tell you," I answered him.

"We're friends. Of course I want to know. Wait, _who_ was your boyfriend again?"

"Do you remember at prom the guy who was like her height with the shades on?" Tanya interjected.

"Uh-huh."

"Him."

His eyes came back to me. "But you guys looked like you were pretty cool with each other. What happened?"

"She doesn't know! He just broke up with her and didn't explain and she didn't even ask him for an explanation!"

I sighed. "Gee, thanks, Tanya. I didn't need to tell this story at all."

"That's jacked up, Hy. You at least deserve an explanation," Stephen said.

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. "Well, now I know why you two are having such a successful relationship. You think exactly the same way." I sat up so that I was resting on my elbows. "Look, our relationship is a complex kind of thing. We spend most of our time being each other's support and guardian…hero even. If he didn't tell me why, it's because he'd rather not tell me, either because he can't or he doesn't know how to or he's protecting me. I think. I'm happy with how things are now, so both of you should just _let it go_, like that Paramore song I was singing a few days ago."

"I love that song," Stephen said. "But I'm still not okay with this."

"Good thing you don't have to be. It's fine, guys, really."

"Alright, Hy, if you say so," Tanya said. "But if you need us."

"Yeah, I won't hesitate." I pulled myself into a sitting position. "Anyway, guys. I'm going to take off now. Got to keep moving before I fall asleep. Well, actually, since I don't have to stay awake, I think I'm going to go home and sleep."

"Are you sure you don't want to stay?" Tan asked.

"Yeah, it's really no problem," Stephen added.

I stood. "Thanks a lot but I'll pass. If I stay around you guys much longer, I think the mush will kill me."

"Liar," Tanya said.

"Well, yeah, but I really need sleep so I'm going. Take care of each other and don't head home too late. Tan's mom will kill me if you do. And no naughtiness after I leave."

"Scout's honour," Ste said.

"I'd believe that if you were a scout but since you aren't…" He chuckled. "Goodnight, guys. Thanks for such a nice night."

They chorused a goodbye and I started walking away. Somehow, I knew I wasn't headed home yet. I needed some air, some time to calm my mind before I went in.

I started walking around aimlessly, not too sure where I was going and before I knew it, I had ended up in front of the pizzeria which wasn't very far from my apartment anyway. I stopped there and leaned my back against one of the railings beside the outdoor eating area. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and listened for the sounds around me as a way to calm my mind. A lot had happened over the last three days and despite the fact that I had just been in a calm, sweet environment, the romantic nature of it and all that went down would have repercussions later. When I was in my bed, I would remember what that gazebo meant to me and what Robin meant to me and I would feel crushed that, frankly, I couldn't have what Tanya and Stephen had managed to find.

A wind blew past me and a scent that was very distinctly cologne rushed past me. I wondered who had bathed in the stuff before leaving home if the scent had reached me from wherever he was away from me.

"Do you usually just come out at night to give people the opportunity to attack you?"

I jumped at the sudden voice which was very obviously beside me. Moreover, it was a voice that was as familiar to me as Robin's chuckle just as he disappeared.

I took a breath. "No, Happy, I don't. I just needed some air before I went home and went to bed."

"Air? Something the matter?"

"So glad you care."

"Hey, the attitude isn't necessary. I'm being nice."

"No need to force it."

"Not forcing it."

"You tryna to tell me you actually care if I'm okay or not?"

"I've got a passing interest in your wellbeing, physical or otherwise."

I chuckled. "See, you're figuring out exactly how to handle me. When I turn into a cynical sarcastic bitch, just answer me the same way and I tend to mellow out. Ten points for you figuring that out, Happy."

"I don't think you're cynical or sarcastic. You've just got things on your mind. Now are you going to tell me or not?"

"I appreciate your concern as a fellow ass-kicker but I'm going to go with no. What I will say is this: as _Safetysuit_ once sang, 'These times are hard, but they will pass'."

"Don't know 'em."

I was about to say 'I suppose you're not heartbroken enough to' but I stopped myself. That would be giving away too much. "I didn't think you would. You don't strike me as the musical type. We should hang out some time. I'll expose you to some music and, like, life or something."

"Oh, _please_. _You're_ going to show me life?"

"You'd be surprised what I could show you, Happy. You don't strike me as the type who gets around or enjoys living much."

"What's to enjoy? Punks everywhere."

"Now, see, that's what I mean. You've got all your limbs and senses and you're gorgeous and totally cool and you don't enjoy that?"

"You just call me gorgeous?"

"Don't let it get to your head, Skippy."

"I thought it was Happy."

"Oh, getting attached to the nickname?"

"As if. But if something's making your life so hard, how can you afford to be so cheerful? Relatively speaking, of course, given how you greeted me."

"Perspective, my dear Happy. If you let the things that make you sad ruin everything, you're being myopic. There are so many other things going good. It's a waste of emotion being mad or angry all the time. Sometimes, most times, it's a lot better to just take in some fresh air and then decide to let it go."

"Nice philosophy. So why are you still out here?"

"I'm talking to you, of course. Besides, letting go is a process. I just didn't anticipate it would take this damn long." And after I said it, I realised I couldn't take it back.

"How long exactly?"

"Long."

"How long?"

"Weeks."

"You trying to tell me you have guy problems or something?"

I laughed. "No, that's not what I'm trying to tell you."

"But I hit the nail on the head, haven't I?"

I smiled at him, ran a hand through my hair and looked out into the darkness. "At the core of it, aren't other people always the source of our miseries? It's the way life is. We're forced to coexist with others but sometimes, we don't even try to make that work."

"Is this your way of trying to not answer my question?"

"What are you even doing here, Happy? As far as I know, you usually don't operate in these parts."

"Was at The Cave. Happened to be moving past here when I spotted you."

"And you decided to come over?"

"I don't hate you, you know."

"Thanks."

"For not hating you?"

"For…everything. For helping us on the mission recently when it wasn't even really any of your business."

"That's the thing about picking up this bow and putting on this mask. Everything becomes your business."

"Spoken like a true hero, Happy. I admire you for that. For having the strength to go on alone especially."

"As I understand it, you were like that for a while."

"I folded."

"You still go out at night."

"Not that same, I think."

"We're the same in that aspect. I've worked hard for the League to recognise me enough to ask me to join them. Of course it didn't happen yet but I won't give up till they do. I don't always go it alone. I can't always do it either."

"That's another thing I admire you for, Happy. You can admit your weaknesses."

"You don't?"

"I have none, Happy. Like _Sia_, I'm titanium."

"That song I do know. But tell that to the pipe that gave you a concussion some months back."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. Glad you know the song though. It's amazing."

"It's nice."

"You'll be singing it tonight."

"I don't sing."

"Sure you don't. Everyone sings whether they realise it or not. I don't think you're that stoic." A cool breeze blew, throwing some strands of my hair into my face and I moved them back. "Hey, Happy, do you have a girlfriend?"

He turned and looked at me. "Why do you ask?"

"Just nosy. But I did totally catch you eyeing Megan some months back."

"What?"

"Yeah, I saw that. The whole look-up-and-down thing, I saw it."

"I won't lie. She _is_ cute, for an alien. Strikes me as a little bubble-headed though."

"Only because you don't know her. She's amazing. Cheerful little cheerleader, she is, but it's cute. And, I agree, she is cute. It's kind of why I fawn over her so much."

"Wait...are you—"

"I'm perfectly straight, thank you very much. I just know a cute girl when I see one. Just like how Jason admits you're hot but he's perfectly straight."

"I don't know if I should take that as a complement or if I should be creeped out."

I shrugged. "Take it as you will. That's all part of the perspective thing."

"So, what's with the fawning?"

"She's cute like a baby animal, like a kitten or a baby snake. Everyone fawns over cute animals."

"Snake?"

"I love snakes."

"Okay then."

"Besides, I said it was _kind of_ why I fawn over her. The other reason is because she's a great friend, a wonderful teammate and a _fantastic_ chef."

"Robin told me she burnt cookies."

"That was then. She's really good at cooking now. Makes me want to cheat on my mom's food. I'll invite you over for dinner sometime, Happy. Since we're friends now."

"Who said we were friends?"

"Really, I just waved free food in front of your face and you ask if we're friends?"

"Is your mom a good cook?"

"Amazing cook."

"Then I guess we're friends."

I laughed. "Nice to know. We'll be hugging and having sleepovers before you know it."

"Ugh."

"Relax, I'm kidding. But seriously, the next time the guys are over for dinner, I'll make sure you get an invite, too."

"The whole team? I think I'll pass."

"Why? You wanted it to be just you and me alone?" I winked at him.

He scoffed. "Not a chance. I'm just...not fond of your entire team."

"Like who specifically? I thought you were already friends with like half the team."

"I just...don't trust that Artemis girl. Wait, why am I telling you—"

"I have that effect on people, Red. They see me and they started telling me their whole life story. I think it's because they can just sense that I'm one of the few people left in this world that actually gives a crap about others. Either that or they think I have no one to tell their business to anyway, which isn't wrong, really. As for Artemis, well, I think you're just a little bit close-minded towards her because you think she's, in essence, your replacement. Just like Megan, you don't know her so you don't have a good handle on who she is."

"You've only been part of this team for about five months. You really think you know them?"

"Trust me, I'm a transparent kind of person and I pay attention so I see things that people are trying to hide and things they show off. I tend to be a pretty good judge of character."

"Your best friend is a traitor."

"Not really. He had his back up against a wall."

"Don't tell me you believe him and you're on his side now."

"Then she won't tell you." I turned around to face the person who had interrupted our conversation. The voice was unmistakable enough but I wanted to see his face.

"I'm not on your side, Jase. I'm not on anybody's side. I've just given way to reason. You understand that due process can be flawed, Happy. It's probably why you're not a League member yet."

"Aiming for the big dogs, are you? Good luck with that," Jason commented conciliatorily as he came around the railing to stand before us.

"Stop it. I won't let you talk to Red like that."

"He only says it because he thinks I'm hot," Roy said. I laughed.

"I suppose you're the one who mentioned that," Jase said to me. "Anyway, no bad blood, man. We're on the same side."

"No. We're not," he asserted.

Jason shrugged. "We are. I know where my allegiances lie. Unless, of course, you're secretly helping Cheshire and Sportsmaster, which, in that case, we're not on the same side."

"I would never."

"Then truce. I don't start things I don't have the energy or time to finish. I'd rather you just consider me on your side so you won't secretly try to blow my head off. Let me do my job and I'll let you do yours."

Happy was quiet for a long time and I wasn't sure if he was thinking it over or waiting for Jason to go away. "Truce. For now," he said finally. Jason presented his hand and they shook on it. Happy turned back to me. "Well, it was nice talking."

"Yeah, it was, Happy. I'll see you around, okay?"

He saluted to me with two fingers then walked into an alley and disappeared. A wind blew my hair out of place again and before I could bring a hand up to fix it, Jason's hand smoothed it back in place for me.

"So what are _you_ doing out here so late? I thought you'd be in bed by now given all the sleep you missed this week," Jason said, giving me a small smile.

"I was calming down before I head to bed but people keep coming up to me and talking. And what about you? Are you stalking me?"

"He's so got the hots for you."

"Does not."

"Does to."

"Does not."

"Does to."

"Does not! Oh, my gosh. I'm probably not even his type. He probably likes bad girls. I'm pretty tame."

"You? Tame? The girl who hits guys who mess with her friends? The girl who plays rugby, which is like football for badasses, with a group of guys? And not just any guys. Some big, scary-looking ones, too."

"So you _are_ stalking me."

"Maybe a little. It was entertaining though, the rugby match."

"They're not all big and scary-looking. Like Frank and Porter. They aren't much bigger than I am. They're just tall."

"You're still not tame though. You're a good girl but not tame, definitely not tame."

I shrugged. "Okay then. Where are _you_ now coming from though?"

"Went to visit my mom and then I had some...stuff to handle."

"Stuff?"

"We'll talk about it tomorrow. Come on, let's go home."

"Alright. I could do with some sleep, I guess."

"You guess?" He laughed. "I bet the moment your head touches that pillow, you'll be out like a light."

I wished dearly that Jason would be right but when I was finished praying, I found that I wasn't feeling like I was near falling asleep. My mind started to play over the events of the day but I stopped it in its tracks. I didn't need an instant replay. I'd had enough just enduring them the first time. Instead, I started to count all the assignments I had for next week and all the things I had to brush up on since my return from my small vacation. Just as I started making the list, there was a gentle knock at my door.

"Come in."

Jason opened the door and poked his head in. "You asleep, princess?"

"Don't call me 'princess'. And what kind of dumb question is that?"

"Yeah, sorry. My brain's kind of scrambled."

"Then go sleep."

"Tried. Can't. Can I come in?"

"Didn't I say that already?"

"Oh. Right." He came in, closing the door gently behind himself. He stood there by the door for a moment, looking like he wasn't sure what to do with himself now that he was here or where he should go, whether sit or stand or what. After a long moment, he seemed to resign himself to some kind of action. He walked around my bed and climbed in next to me.

"Hey, I didn't tell you—"

"Like old times, remember?"

"Um, that was before I was fifteen and you were seventeen."

"You nervous?"

"No."

He chuckled. "I won't try to touch you, I swear."

"Didn't think you would. You wouldn't have fingers if you did."

He scoffed then became silent for a long moment. "I...I just needed a bit of back then, if you get what I mean." I nodded. "Needed to feel like that guy who didn't worry about much and just felt safe in his place next to his best friend, you know. I get tired of being all mature and shit. It was never me to begin with."

"I get you. Like only I could."

"Damn right. I feel like you're the only one besides my mom and your parents that ever really understood who I was or what I was like. You more than them anyway. I was always myself with you and you accepted me anyway even though I was a bit of a bad egg."

I shrugged. "Never thought you were a bad egg. Just a little bit lost, that's all."

"I was lost, am lost. And, somehow, being around you after all this time, it's like someone's flashing a light in my direction, inviting me to follow and promising so much more than just feeling my way around in the dark."

"Is it an LED flashlight? Because if it is, it's probably me alright."

He laughed. "See, that's exactly what I'm talking about. You always know what's the right thing to say and when's the right time to say it. I can't believe that any guy would ever think to let you go."

"Let it go, Jase. I've had enough of this issue for the day."

"So, you talked about it to Happy and you can't talk to me?"

"Didn't talk to Happy about it."

"Then who?"

"Tan and I happened to see him when we were out tonight."

"Oh. She knew about your relationship?" I nodded. "How did she react?"

"She was about to run across the street and kill him."

"Ooh, sounds like she's madder about this issue than you are."

"I put the issue to rest already. I'm more focused on just moving on now."

"I admire your strength. The girl I love still bugs me everyday."

I chuckled. "You're always in control of you. Trust me. You can choose to ignore it."

"Don't want to. I'd rather give chase."

"Then you're an idiot. That or you like being tortured."

He shrugged. "Maybe." It was silent for a while and just then I felt like I wasn't in a comfortable sleeping position. I turned towards him, resting my head on a hand. "Hey, can we talk?"

"I thought we were talking."

"Yeah, but I want to talk about some really serious stuff." For a second, I got a little bit worried that he wanted to try to talk about how he felt about me and I knew in my mind that that was definitely something I didn't want to talk about. He had said it a few times already and I didn't feel like I wanted to hear it again. All I was honestly interested in was being friends with Jason, especially if things could return to the way it used to be. "It's about our agreement."

I almost sighed in relief. "What's up?"

He took a breath and then turned to face me so that he was mirroring my position. "It's also about what I was up to earlier this afternoon."

"Jason, whatever it is, you know you can tell me."

"I've disappointed you enough in life and I hate to think I'll be disappointing you again." I started to wonder if he was about to renege on his end of the bargain to be our spy. I wondered what the implications behind such an action would be, whether he would be returning to them and supporting their cause or if he would leave them completely so he would not be able to be our spy. "I'm leaving on Monday."

"What?"

"I've got to return to my team. For one, they've been running around like headless chickens without me and, secondly, I can't really be your spy from here, can I?"

I wasn't sure what to say. I wanted him to stay but he had to go back to be able to spy properly for us. "So soon?"

He chuckled. "You sound like you don't want me to leave. Just a week ago you didn't want me anywhere near you."

"Yeah, that was before I stopped being an angry little girl with closed eyes. That was before I realised you only did this because you didn't really see any other option, even if there was one. But you've always been the kind of guy who hates to admit that he can't do it alone and that doesn't want to ask for favours that he doesn't think he's entitled to. You thought that since we'd been apart for so long that we wouldn't still feel the same way about you and your mom and that we'd help but we're the kind of people that are always trying to help other people and when we form bonds, they're forever. I understand better now that if things could have happened differently that you would jump at that chance. I know that you're a good person and you always have been, and at the base of everything, I've tried to fight feeling like we're friends but I can't because I can't help but see that you're still the person that I trust and who will be there for me when I need to rely on someone."

"I'm just his replacement, aren't I?"

"What? Where did you get that crazy idea from?"

"You told me a few days ago that you two were good friends and that that kind of went south. Here I am and you suddenly can't help but welcome me back as your best friend. Since it's obvious that you're still not alright with what happened between you and the ex, it seems that you're just trying to replace what you lost with him."

"You're an idiot and it's not like that at all. Isn't it possible that the me that loves you can't help but reach for the you that loves me, just like it always did? Isn't it possible that I can't help but love you even after all this time because I spent so long feeling that way about you?"

"Our friendship _was_ pretty intense and fantastic, wasn't it?"

"That doesn't even describe the half of it."

"But I think subconsciously, you are trying to use me as a way to block him out. Because of the kind of connection we have, I don't think you could have ever gotten a better replacement."

"Well, alright, maybe I have been trying to block him out and I do welcome you as a distraction."

"Well then, I'll be the best damn distraction you've ever had. You won't be able to do anything but deal with me."

I chuckled. "Okay, no, don't be that proficient as a distraction."

"Aw. But that's the fun part."

"Chill out, cowboy. Just be my best friend. That's all I need you to do."

"It really is strange how after three years we can still feel as if there was never any separation, no conflict, nothing. Maybe we're like soulmates. Not the kind that get married and stuff, but the kind that's always there when everyone else in your life brings you down."

"Nah, I think soulmates are supposed to get married."

"Then let's get married."

"No."

"Alright then. Then let's be the closest thing there are to soulmates without being soulmates."

"I think they call that 'best friends'. I like that idea better."

"Deal?"

"Deal."

"Hey, Jase, break your promise please. I think I need a hug."

He offered me smile then put one arm around me and kissed my forehead. "I'll always be here for you, okay? Even if I'm in another state. It's why ICTs were invented."

"Yeah, thank God for those."

"No, really, if you need me, just call. Even if you don't, call me anyway."

"Alright, alright." It was silent for a moment, an appreciative kind of silence. His hand was moving up and down slightly at my back and I was breathing in the scent of his shampoo and conditioner and the residual cologne that clung to his skin. "Everyone needs this. I kick your ass when you need it and you kick my ass when I need it."

"Perfect friendship, right?"

"Yeah."

"Isn't it like this with Tanya?"

"Yeah, kind of. These days she's all wrapped up in her boyfriend and I don't like to feel like the third wheel. We all hang out together because we're friends but outside of schools, we don't see each other because she's busy and I'm busy. The few times we would hang out outside of school have been cut down further though."

"Well, that's not good. Doesn't she know it's better to cling on to you because you're the one who will still be there for you when things with him get a little bitter?"

"That won't happen, Jase. They're going to be together _forever_." I emphasised the 'forever' with a squeaky parody voice.

He laughed. "Like you and boytoy, right?"

"Nah, better than us. They'll actually last."

"I'm sure you felt that way about your relationship because everything was fine, once upon a time. The truth of life is that not always do two people who love each other get to be together. Sometimes, they get separated and they just have to know how to move on from there."

"I reject your statement. Leave me in my bubble."

"This is your royal ass kicking to get you back to the real world. Let go of him, Hy. You've got to know when to let go of something that's no good."

A memory from eons ago came back to me and I snickered at the irony of it. Once upon a time, during the first and really only fight we'd ever had, Robin had said to me, 'Don't give idiots who abandon you the time of day. If you had an inch of self-respect, you'd see that'. The words reverberated in my head, 'you're blind and can't see when it's time to let go of something that's not good for you'. He had been talking about Jason. How ironic was it that the shoe was now on the other foot, that Jason now had reason to give me the same advice about Robin?

"What are you laughing about?"

"Something ironic came to mind."

"Care to share?"

"No. We should try to get some sleep. You know I'm going to have to tell my teammates that you're going back, right?"

"Of course. I expect you, too. You're really just my messenger to them, you know."

I kicked him. "Whatever."

"Meanie."

"Shut up and go to sleep."

He pulled the blanket from under him and threw it over himself. "You okay with my sleeping here?"

"Like old times, right?"

"Yeah. Just like old times."

"Goodnight, Jase."

"'Night, Hy. Sweet dreams."

"You, too."

I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of his breathing beside me. Somewhere along the way, sleep came and enveloped me.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey, people. I'm sorry but progress has been a little slow. Ever since I found out that Kal was…was…*bursts into tears*…well, it's been hard to write since then. This new season is messing with me. Grrr.**

**Anyway, here. This is a short chapter but the last one was really long so that's okay, right?**

There was some large mass on my bed picking up my space and I wanted it gone. I used my foot to dislodge the object and throw it onto the ground. The loud thud that came with it forced me to open my eyes.

"Ow. Dammit, Hyacinth, you still do that?" Jason started hauling himself up off the floor.

"Sorry."

"Tell that to my ass."

"Sorry, Jason's ass. Not that he fell on you. He's just being a big dummy."

"No, you're the dummy. I'm not ready to wake up yet. Move around."

I complied, not feeling like putting up a fight. He climbed back in beside me and we ended up just staring at each other.

"I can't believe you still kick people off the bed. Which is why every time I used to sleep over, I used to make sure you went to sleep with your back to me. Not that that helped anyway. It's why I eventually rearranged my bedroom so that my bed was against two walls instead of just one. And why I always insisted that I sleep next to the wall."

"Sorry. Old habits die hard. Just like old times?"

"Not like anyone sleeps next to you anymore. Do they?"

"January does sometimes."

"And I'm sure you've never kicked her off the bed before."

I chuckled. "Not once."

"I think your foot has something against me."

"I think my subconscious doesn't like sharing a bed with you."

"Do you know this is the first time in, like, a year that I've shared a bed with a girl without having—"

"Save it. I don't want to hear about your various escapades while I wasn't around to keep your ass in line."

He chuckled. "Alright, fine, lips sealed. What's the plan for today?"

"Sleep till Monday."

He chuckled again. "Yeah, you need it. But don't you have to go to church or something?"

"Crap. Yes, I do."

"You could always—"

"Not a chance. Church is important. Oh, great, now I'm up." I hauled myself into a sitting position and threw the blanket off of me.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm hungry. Going to get some food. I just realised I didn't have dinner last night. Tan and I went for pizza and we ended up getting smoothies instead."

"Alright. I'll be there in a bit."

After I cleaned up, I marched into the kitchen and found mom crisping some bacon in the skillet.

"Good morning, darling parent of mine. I see you are cooking. My love for you just went up fifteen percent."

She laughed, turned a strip of bacon and then gave me a one-armed hug. "Is Jason still asleep?"

"No, he'll be coming for breakfast in a minute."

"Kicking him off of the bed woke him up, didn't it?"

"How—"

"Couldn't help but hear the thud."

I narrowed my eyes. "You're really a ninja assassin sage person thing, aren't you?"

She laughed. "Ninja nurse. I told you that yesterday."

"I don't know what kind of nurse hears and picks up on the things you do."

"I'm unique."

"Yes. Yes, you are."

"Bacon and hash browns for breakfast."

"My favourite!"

"Everything I cook is your favourite."

"I love your cooking."

"Good thing. Given how much you eat, if you decided you don't want my cooking, you'd starve to death."

"And die!"

She laughed. "Yes, and die. Because starving to death does not imply dying."

I shrugged. "In this world, you can never be too clear with your statements."

"You came in pretty late last night. Did you see when Jason got in or did he come in after you did?"

"We came in at about the same time. Give or take a few milliseconds."

"You were with him?"

"Not at first. But when I was about to come back home, we met up. Well, actually, he interrupted a conversation I was having with Roy. You remember him, right? The guy with the red hair and shades that I introduced to you on the roof of the hospital."

"Oh, he's gorgeous."

"Yeah, but his attitude is kind of ascorbic."

"Oh, so he's too much like you then?"

I chuckled. "Yeah, we could put it like that."

"You guys were just talking?"

"Yeah. He met me by Mel's just getting some air before I came home and he asked me what the matter was. I had to try to sidestep him so I wouldn't tell him too much of my business."

"Oh? How come? What was the matter?"

"Well, for one, it concerned Robin and they've been friends for a long time. And, for two, no one but our family, Tanya and Stephen knows that we were dating."

She raised an eyebrow at me. "Why all the secrecy?"

I shrugged. "We weren't purposely keeping it from the others; we were just going to wait and see until they found out. Not like it's a good idea to just walk into the middle of base and be like, 'Oh, my gosh, everyone, Robin and I are officially a couple!' or something like that. Besides, we weren't sure if there would be any…opposition from anyone, us being teammates and dating one another and the potential that it could affect our teamwork, so we just decided to not purposely mention it for now."

"Did it affect your teamwork?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"Yes. I still watch out for him as much as the rest of the team and he still looks out for me. Pretty much."

"Are you sure you've really been looking out for him or that you're just been watching him like a stalker?"

"Would you like to ask the bruise on my side that I got protecting him from an incoming projectile?"

She chuckled. "Alright, alright. No need to get testy." She transferred the crisp strips of bacon onto a plate and put another set into the pan. "So, what exactly concerning Robin were you trying to keep from him?"

"Tanya…found out about our breakup."

"You mean to say you didn't tell her before?"

"I knew she'd react like a psycho so I thought I'd ease us both into it. She didn't disappoint but unfortunately, the chance to ease her into it got stolen away from me. Then I had to spend the rest of the night around Tan and Ste while they told each other that they loved each other and it kind of touched on some sore spots. I had to go breathe to quiet my thoughts before I headed home."

"How'd she find out?"

I took a deep breath, hesitant to tell her. "He was out with his new crush."

She gasped minutely. "I'm sorry, baby."

I shook my head. "Nah, it's okay. I'm glad that he's happy and moving on."

"But you're not and it must be hard."

"I am happy, mom. And I am moving on. It's hard but I'm strong enough to move past this."

"You wouldn't have sore spots if you were moving on."

"You've never had a break up before. You wouldn't know."

"That's…true. If you don't believe me, you could ask your father. He's been in more relationships than I have."

"Maybe I will ask him. Maybe later." I turned, starting to leave the kitchen. "Um, do you need any help or anything?"

"No, sweetheart. Go play videogames with your dad. He's in his room making the bed but I'm sure he'll react like a giddy child when you suggest playing some games together."

I smiled. "Good idea. Oh, how I do miss playing with him. Or against him rather."

"Alright. Breakfast will be done in about five minutes though."

"Okay. One round couldn't hurt."

I headed straight to the parents' room and found dad just as he was placing the last pillow on the bed.

We played some games before and after and then I spent the rest of the day doing whatever homework that I needed to do. In the afternoon, I went to training as was typical and routine of my life.

Canary started us off with some one-on-one matches but after those, she split us into two teams and pit us against each other. Though there were seven of us, Canary claimed that it was justified that the team that had Conner on it was the smaller of the two because of how strong he was. I was with Artemis, Kaldur and Wally. Robin, Conner and Megan were on the other team. I realised that whether or not we had one more person on our team, we were outmatched. The three of them were a dynamite combination. A strategist with agility like a monkey, a beastly Kryptonian and my dear sweet Megan who threw a very un-sweet punch and possessed the ability to throw you up in the air with her telekinesis.

As fast as Wally was, he was kind of a klutz and Artemis was a bit weak with hand-to-hand. Kal was a great fighter but he was pretty tall and lacked the ability to just disappear and reappear like Robin.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ground rules," I objected.

"What rules?" Robin contested.

"My darling Megan over there could levitate all of us in the air and stick us to the floor before the match even begins. Don't even get me started with your array of explosive devices, including Supey's temper."

"How is his temper one of my explosive devices?"

"He's on your team, isn't he? And I just _know_ you plan on using him as your major advantage."

"Well then, how do you suppose we suppress his powers, huh?"

"Well, him we can't help but we have got to strip you of your belt and make sure she doesn't use her telekinesis."

"And what's the compromise for your team?" Canary asked.

"Kal and Arty ditch the weapons."

"And Wally?" Robin asked.

"Since Supey's your unhelpable, Wally's ours."

"I don't like this."

"You guys have the advantage anyway. Stop whining."

"Why do you say—"

"Ugh, don't even get me started on why I say that. It's obvious and you damn well know it."

"First team with all members on the floor wins?"

"No other way to do it, is there?"

"Now that that's settled, take your sides, teams," Canary said.

We obeyed and as we were on the other side of the floor from the other team, I waved my team to come closer.

"We need a plan," I stated.

"Agreed," Kal said. "This will probably go a lot better if we take a one-on-one approach." We nodded.

"So, who goes against who?" Wally asked.

"Let's go with what's familiar," Kal proposed. "Kid, you take Miss Martian. Cin, you go after Robin while Artemis and I will handle Superboy."

"Divide and conquer?" I asked with a lopsided smile.

"Divide and conquer," he agreed. "If they get the chance to attack as a coordinated team, we're finished."

We nodded and then took our places side-by-side to each other. The other team faced us. Robin looked particularly smug. I just thought of how much I wanted to wipe that grin off his face. He couldn't beat me before and I wasn't going to let him now.

"Go," Canary said.

Wally sped towards Megan, knocking her off her feet but instead of quickly falling on her back, she used her arms to keep herself off the ground and was very quickly standing again. I charged at Robin, glanced at Kal and Artemis taking Supey and when I looked back, Robin was gone. The kick to the back of the head revealed his position. I forced myself into a cartwheel to face him and avoid the floor. The smug smile was still on his face.

I didn't wait for him to make the first move this time. I lunged at him, throwing a punch and, anticipating his dodge, I threw a kick at his abdomen which landed, pushing him back some. I could hear some scuffling behind me and when Artemis was thrown off of Supey but dared not to pay them any attention. I lunged straight at him again since he had not yet recovered from my last attack. I threw my fist towards his face but he caught it with that grin still plastered on his face and I realised that he had been counting on me attacking right after that kick and had been fooling me into thinking he was open. It ended in a matter of seconds after that. He kicked my legs from under me and used my unbalanced state to throw me over his shoulder.

My back hit the floor. The floor registered the fail. Not too long thereafter, Artemis joined me not too far from my feet, as did Kal, and then Superboy threw Wally atop Kal as if making a pile of dried, dead leaves. The floor was lit with our failing. Robin was laughing. I just wanted to stay on the floor. The bruise on my side throbbed violently with my back where I just knew another bruise was probably forming.

Kal got up, came to stand over me and offered me a hand.

"I think I'll just stay here, thank you very much," I responded.

"Hy," Megan scolded. Her telekinesis forced me onto my feet and I had no choice but to will myself to stand when she let my feet touch the floor.

"Great work, teams," Canary said. I gave a mental 'my ass' but made no efforts to verbalise. I decided it would be better to keep my sourness to myself. "That's enough for today. I'll see you all tomorrow for training."

We all gave some semblance of a mumbled sort of half-assed farewell to her before she left. I started straight for the shower. I had a mission but not one of heroic proportions. It was just something that was very much overdue.

As I walked out of the bathroom, dressed and ready to go, Megan ambushed me.

"Hey there!" She looked very excited…or something.

I started walking and she fell into step beside me. "Um, hi. I hope you weren't waiting out here for me."

"I wasn't."

"Cool. What's up?"

"Nothing much. I just feel like it's been a really long time since we did stuff as a team together besides missions. I was hoping—"

"Sorry, Meg. If it's anything tonight, then it's a no-can-do. I've got somewhere to go about now."

Her face fell a little then pepped back up a degree like she was trying to conceal her disappointment. "Oh. Okay. Maybe some other time."

"Definitely some other time."

"How was the dance yesterday?"

"Great. It ended up just being me, Wally and Conner but it was still pretty fun."

"Uh-huh," I responded slowly. "Everyone else bailed?"

"Well, Robin and Kaldur seemed to be meeting with Batman about something so they couldn't make it. Artemis and Zatanna ended up going to Manhattan and doing some pro bono crime fighting."

"You don't say. They come back kind of late?"

"Yeah, but not too late. Robin told me that he saw them when they came in and they gave their reports to Batman."

"Any idea what they were talking about?"

"Not a clue."

"How very not suspicious at all."

"Huh?"

"Nothing."

I picked up my bag without breaking my stride.

"Uh, Hy?"

"Yeah?"

She put a hand on my shoulder. "Could you stop for a moment?" she asked just as we were in front of the door.

I stopped and turned. Something was wrong. "Something the matter, Meg?"

"I don't know. Is there?"

I raised an eyebrow at her. "How am I supposed to know?"

She stared at me with concerned eyes and then took a deep breath. "It's just that…" She looked away from me for a long moment then fixed her eyes on the floor to the right of my feet. "Hy, you don't seem like yourself lately."

That shocked me from head to foot. I didn't know if I could move if I wanted to.

"Um…what do you mean specifically, Meg?"

"I don't know if it's just me but you seem…different these days. You're quieter than usual and you always seem so distant, like you're over-occupied with things to do. It feels like you've stopped being comfortable here…like after training or missions, you can't leave fast enough."

"Oh, my goodness, I've been worrying you. I'm so sorry." I pulled the Martian girl into a hug which she accepted readily. When I let go, she offered a weak smile. "I'm really sorry if I haven't been myself. Honestly, my brain feels pretty scrambled these days, what with everything that's been going on and all. I'm just…trying to get a grip on reality and trying to figure out who I am and what I'm supposed to do. In truth, I've been feeling like I'm not sure what is considered 'normal' for Hyacinth Quinteros anymore. I've been trying so hard to find answers and to convince myself that I'm okay that I've lost sight of what the truth is in the lies."

The funny thing about the whole situation was that that was not the effect I had wanted my new attitude to have. I'd been wearing myself down, keeping busy, shoving some totally deep and somewhat obtuse literature into my head while trying to convince myself that I was okay and that I was happy for Robin and whoever he decided was a better match for him. My tired body and brain was feeling utterly unbalanced.

And then Jason got thrown into the mix. The old friendship but between the two different people that we had become. And the reminder of all the things that I had lost while still under the conditions of the past though everything was different now; by meaning, Tanya and Stephen's happiness reminded me of the love I had lost and Robin and I were still around each other to some extent just like before, Jason and I were friends again, looking back on the friendship we used to have and trying to make that fit into the people that we had become, and last but not least, the time that I had spent away from the team had complete changed where we were and who we were. The missions they had gone on and what they experienced resulted in new dynamics between and among them in addition to the fact that Zatanna was now, in their minds, practically part of the team. I hadn't been there. I was, in that respect, the same teammate I had been before I left. They had grown but without me. I wasn't too sure where I fit now. And the mess of the things I had been keeping in were feeling like they were becoming particularly volatile now.

As a result, Hyacinth Quinteros was no longer sure of who she was, where she was, where she belonged. Even Tanya no longer needed me as much as she did before because now Stephen was her everything. He could protect her. He loved her. His attention was absolutely hers. And they spent almost all of their time together.

My roles had been revised. Where did I fit? Who was I?

With this realisation, if I was the type to cry, I would have. But I wasn't so I couldn't.

"I'm so sorry, Hy. I hadn't realised that you were going through so much," Megan replied, pulling me back into her arms.

I received the hug gladly, because I damn well knew that the security of a hug was something that I needed. It made me forget for a brief second that there were any troubles at all. And I would take any inkling of escapism I could get.

"Thanks, Meg. I hope I can figure out up from down soon and get back to normal."

"I sure hope so, too, Hy. I hate to see you so mixed up inside."

"I promise you, tomorrow night I'll come over and we'll hang out. Bake cookies, do each other's hair, whatever you want."

She giggled. "Sounds like a plan. Um, were you intending this to be just you and me or can I invite the rest of the team?"

"Whatever you want, precious. It'll be great to de-stress. Maybe I should bring some movies."

"Yeah, bring some. The TV doesn't really get much use unless you guys are playing videogames or bring movies."

"Okay, cool. I'll see you tomorrow." I offered her a wave and headed through the door.

I crossed the field, trying to think of what movies I should bring when a thought suddenly struck me. When I reached where I was headed, there would be a possibility that I would have to answer questions. I wasn't in a position to answer questions.

"Hy."

I turned towards the person pursuing briefly before I turned back and kept walking. It wasn't anything personal. I just knew he would catch up anyway.

Less than five seconds after he called, he caught up and fell into step beside me.

"You in a hurry?" Robin asked.

"Not particularly."

"Where you headed?"

"To do a status check."

"Status check?"

"Yup."

"Um, okay. What were you and Megan talking about?"

"What were you, Aqualad and Batman talking about yesterday?"

"I asked first."

"And I asked second but who's counting?"

"I just saw her hug you and got a little concerned. Are you okay?"

"I've grown to particularly dislike that question these days so I feel inclined to not answer it."

"Because you're covering up how you're feeling or because you've stopped trusting other people with your feelings?"

I smirked when I faltered a step. "Have I become such a monster lately?"

"I never said or thought that you were a monster."

"The question was more for myself than you."

"I really hate this, you know."

"You need to be more specific when you say 'this'."

"I feel like talking to you is like riding on a carousel. Round and round with no destination."

"Is it disturbing?"

"Well, yeah."

"Now you know how the inside of my head has started to feel in light of recent events." He studied me with a frown. "And now I've also answered your question."

"Why are things so complicated?"

I laughed humourlessly. "Given how privy you are to what happens to me, you still think you have to ask that question?"

He opened his mouth to reply but then closed it. He continued to watch me gravely for another moment before he actually replied. "How long now have you been feeling this way exactly?"

"In some excess of two weeks."

"How much in excess?"

I shrugged. "I can't tell for sure where the problem started from where it got worse and which one of those things is the beginning of my confusion."

"Wow, you seem to be in a mess."

"But still functional, surprisingly."

"Functional is relative to the user."

"That it is. Hope you get turbed though."

"And hope you get traught."

"I'll try." I signalled a taxi.

"Are you headed home?"

"Nope."

"I saw you out yesterday."

"Me, too."

"You and Tan were leaving. She seemed in an uproar about something."

I chuckled. "You don't know the half of it." The cab pulled up. "See you tomorrow, side—never mind."

"Uh…bye," he said kind of weakly. He waved as the car pulled off and I started to wonder if something was the matter with _him_.

"Happy Harbour Hospital," I told the cabbie. I thought retrospectively that I should have opted to walk but brushed the thought away, trying to figure out how I could sidestep questions.

**Anybody listen to 4 Strings? I love their song 'Turn It Around'. I listened to it as I wrote the new chapters. Among other things.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Warning: This chapter is very heavy and slightly graphic. It can spoil your mood. Proceed with caution.**

When I arrived at the hospital, I made my way to the ward that my mother worked in. I greeted the familiar faces of doctors and nurses alike as I passed through the halls towards my destination.

My mother's face lit up in surprise when she saw me.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I'm actually not here to see you."

"Ouch."

I chuckled. "I didn't mean it like that. I came to see Aunt Laila."

"Finally."

"Yes, finally."

"I'll take you there." She turned to the nurse at the desk. "I'll be right back, Anna."

Anna offered her a one-word reply before we walked off.

"Did you just come back from training?" mom asked.

"Yeah. I think I have another bruise."

"Oh, poor baby. But you did willingly get yourself into this."

"I know, I know."

We stopped in front of room two A. "She's in here. And awake, I believe. She's going to be in here for at least another five days under supervision. We have to make sure everything's really as good as we think it is. I wonder if Jason will be okay with sharing a room when she gets discharged."

"No problem there, mom. He's leaving to go back to North Dakota on Monday."

"He is?"

"Yeah, mom. He's still got to go to school and stuff, you know."

"Oh, right. I forget he hasn't graduated yet. But he's a senior, right?"

"Junior."

"Alright, well I suppose that solves our space problem. Well, you go on in. I'm sure she'll be excited to see you."

"I hope so."

My mother walked off and I knocked on the door three times before I entered. I carefully stuck my head in before letting the rest of my body join it.

"Hyacinth!" Aunt Laila exclaimed. She opened her arms for me to come to her. I obeyed.

"Hi, Aunt Laila. Sorry I'm only now coming to see you."

She released me and I straightened as she kept one of my hands in hers. "Nonsense, sweetheart. Your mom and dad and Jason have all been telling me that you've gotten yourself very involved and tend to have a busy schedule and I understand. Besides, he told me that you helped them coordinate the airlift to get me here. Thank you so much. I can't thank any of the three of you enough."

"Not at all required, Aunt Laila. Whatever affects you affects us, too. Such is the nature of family."

She pulled me back for another hug. "Oh, sweetheart, I've missed all of you so much."

"Did dad bring January to see you yet?"

"No, not yet."

"I'll bring her by tomorrow, bright and early."

"Oh, no, I couldn't put you to all that trouble."

"It's not trouble, Aunt Lay. It's our familial duty to come crowd you while you're in the hospital and harass you every waking moment."

She laughed. "Still got the same sassy sense of humour, I see. That's great." She stared at me for a long moment in silence, just smiling and I wondered what it was she was thinking. "Oh, Hy, these past three years feel like they've been some horrible dream and seeing all of you again feels like I'm waking up from it now. You can't imagine how much we've missed living in Happy Harbour. Things haven't been good."

I wasn't sure if I should say anything or what I should say if I did.

She sighed. "I don't want to go back. Things were so good here and that ended when I started chasing after the illusion of a better future. All I've ever wanted was for Jason to be happy and to have the best opportunities that he could. I was misled. When I got there, the job was pretty good for a while but after two months the boss started…making advances on me and I had to leave. I couldn't stand it. I quit before he could fire me for rejecting his advances. After that it took a while to get a new job and when we couldn't pay the rent, we had to move into a rundown apartment on the other side of town. I ended up having to work two jobs to make sure that I could afford Jason's school supplies along with living and rent and he got an after school job, too. I feel awful that Jason's had to work on his own to try to deal with my problems while I was in the hospital. You can't understand how much of a saviour your family has been. I started to feel after a while like I was failing him, like I had taken him from a happy place and thrust him into hardships that he shouldn't have had to face."

Two tears started running down her face. My hands moved to wipe them before I had consciously thought about it and before she could. She offered me a smile.

"Please, don't be mad at Jason for leaving like that. It wasn't his fault."

"Mad? I'm not mad, not at either of you. What could you have done? You were trying your hardest, especially since you were on your own. Okay, so maybe I was a little bit upset when he stopped keeping in touch, but that was then. I know that there wasn't much either of you could do but what you did. I'm just glad you're both okay."

"You're an angel, Hyacinth. All of you. A family of angels. I can't imagine anyone who was in their right mind that would let go of all of you willingly."

I couldn't help but see the irony in her words. _I could think one_, I thought. But she was talking in a different context. This and that weren't the same thing.

"Actually, my nicknames are Hy and Weedgirl. No one ever calls me 'angel'."

She laughed. "I probably shouldn't be laughing this much, Hy. I have stitches."

"My dad has you in stitches? I don't think he jokes with the other patients."

She chuckled. "Nice pun, sweetheart. I must be keeping you from something."

"Not really. Homework's done and tests don't start for a while."

"Oh, alright."

"How do you feel?"

"Good. Pain's not too bad and I'm just glad that they got whatever was threatening my life out." She sighed. "Oh, I wish we could just move back here."

"Why can't you?"

"Oh, think of all the trouble. We'd have to find a new place to live since I'm sure someone's in the apartment next to yours now. I'd have to stay in a hotel when I'm looking for a new place—"

"You could just stay with us. I mean, you will be there when you're discharged for at least a few months."

"I couldn't impose."

"Family's supposed to impose on each other. Besides, it isn't an imposition. We'd love to have you. We missed you, too, remember. Especially your peanut butter bars."

She chuckled. "Can't remember the last time I made those. It might have been the day we left."

"See? Being here is a good thing. And since you can't find a proper argument as to why moving back is too much trouble—"

"Of course it's too much trouble. Jase will have to uproot his life again. Then I'd have to look for a job—"

"Think of it this way. You're happy here. Both of you are. You have friends here who'll help you with the job and home hunting. Happy Harbour High is a great school and you can transfer him next year. I'll be there, too, by then. It really isn't that hard to return to where you're happy and where you're not alone. Come on, think about it Aunt Francine."

"I see what you're doing here. You're using my middle name as a way to butter me up." She sighed. "Maybe you're right. Maybe we do belong here. I'll…think about it for a while."

"Did Jason tell you he's going back?"

"Going back?"

"He's got some things keeping him in North Dakota for a while. School and the like."

"But he'll be alone!"

"That's for you and him to discuss. He's a big boy, Aunt Lay. He's started to learn what it's like to be independent and he'll be fine while you're here. He can come back for Christmas and it'll only be till the semester ends."

There was a knock at the door. Jason stuck his head in and peered inside.

"Speak of the devil," I mumbled.

"And the devil shall appear," Aunt Laila finished.

"Hey, mom. Hy, what are you doing here?"

"I'm knitting blankets, obviously."

Aunt Laila laughed. "You did look for that, Jase."

He chuckled, coming in. "Right. That was really obvious."

"I should get going. You two have things to talk about," I said.

"Like what?" Jase asked.

"I heard you're going back to North Dakota," Aunt Laila responded.

"You told her?" he asked me.

"Why shouldn't she have? You should have consulted me first."

"Yeah, I should leave. Bye, guys. See you tomorrow, Aunt Lay," I said, heading for the door.

"Come back here," Jason said, reaching to grab my sleeve. It occurred to me that he hadn't told her because he knew she would object and it was not an option to involve her in the world we were both intent on hiding from her. He wanted me to stay and help him convince her that this is what he had to do.

"Let her leave," his mother scolded. "This is between you and me."

I mouthed 'good luck' to him then slipped out the door. I met my mother standing at the nurse's station just like when I had now come in.

"You going home now?" she asked me.

"Yeah. Going to eat something then I'm headed…out."

Her eyebrows furrowed and she rested a hand on my shoulder. "Baby, I think you should take it easy tonight. You went three days without sleep this week and I think you should take it easy and give your body a chance to recuperate."

Her pager went off and she glanced at it. Her eyes opened widely. She broke into a jog, heading down the hall without another word. Confused, I started to follow.

It was the worst decision I had made. Lately I was making some pretty questionable ones but that proved to be the worst one.

Just as I rounded the corner, I saw her next to a gurney being rushed to the operating theatre on this floor. I flattened myself against the wall, trying to stay out of the way. But it couldn't prevent me from seeing what I saw or hearing what I heard.

As the gurney passed, I saw the woman who was on it, unconscious. It was obvious that she had been sexually assaulted.

"What happened to her?" mom asked the paramedic.

"Raped. Repeatedly. Downtown. Her muscles are torn and she's bleeding out. There's only about a fifteen percent chance that we can save her…"

The gurney went down the hall and out of earshot but it didn't take all I had seen or heard with it.

There was blood all over the bed and I could see that she had been badly butchered when she had been raped. Because it was obvious. All the blood and the sight of the condition of her body. She was raped repeatedly, to the extent where she was torn, mauled even, and bleeding out.

I felt hollow inside and just felt like I needed to get out of there. Before I knew it, I was running out of the building. I didn't know where I was going but I just needed to leave. I willed it so much but the image would not leave me. It kept reverberating in my mind, flashing behind my eyelids every time I blinked, tormenting me further.

I was supposed to be the person who prevented that. I was the one who was supposed to save people like her from awful, disgusting, dastardly crimes such as that. I was supposed to be the protector of people like her. But I hadn't been there. I hadn't helped her. God alone knew how many people were out there right now being robbed, raped, abused and killed while I was here, doing nothing, living as if I could afford to live a life while choosing to be a hero.

Was everything I was doing in vain? It occurred to me that, realistically, this was how things were. As many people as I saved, there were probably three times that out there, probably even beyond the borders of Happy Harbour who were being endangered and harmed that I could not reach and was not reaching. For every person that I took down, there were countless others who took his or her place. Therefore, what was my purpose? What was the point of doing what I did? Just to delay the darkness from taking over?

The woman's face flashed into my mind. She looked anguished in pain. She was just barely alive and losing blood fast.

I ran and I ran and I ran. I was scarred and afraid. Afraid that I was, that we all were, fighting a losing battle.

I wanted to scratch my eyes out if it meant that the images would go away.

I continued to run. I continued to put one foot in front of the other, putting distance between me and the hospital but not succeeding in pushing the scene behind me and out of my head.

My breathing began to become ragged and I realised that I was tiring of the run. I opened my eyes, not even sure when I had shut them. The Cave was just a couple metres away. Somehow, my unravelled mind and traumatised psyche was bringing me here.

I came through the door and met Conner just standing there with Wolf.

He studied me for a moment then his eyebrows crumpled and his expression became one of panic. I didn't know what kind of expression there was on my face but it was enough to make him look at me like that.

"What—"

Before he could even get half way through whatever question he was going to ask, my body propelled into his. His arms came around me quickly, not seeming to be at all confused about what I needed.

"Uh, I'm sorry, Conner, but could I just borrow your shoulder for a minute? Well, I can't reach your shoulder but you get what I mean." I realised that my voice sounded as if I had just been tortured and ran here for my life. My eyes were squeezed shut as I tried to focus on something else to make me forget, even if for just a second. His scent, his heartbeat, his warmth. Anything.

"What happened? What's wrong?" he asked.

"What's going on in here? Hy?" Megan said, coming in.

"Something's wrong with her," Conner replied.

I heard running footsteps as I tried my hardest to catch my breath.

"Hy?" Robin called. "What's going on? What happened?"

He pulled on my elbow and I automatically leaned off of Conner and put my arms around his neck, resting my head on his shoulder. My eyes were still shut but I knew he was right behind me and clung to him. It was very, very funny how every time my world was in shock and being damaged by various tremors that he magically appeared. I focused on his scent, familiar and always somewhat therapeutic, threatening to throw me into him where I would get lost. It was exactly what I needed at the moment.

"Hy, talk to us," Megan insisted.

"What am I doing? What's the purpose? For every person that I try to help, there are others who don't get helped and get hurt. She didn't deserve to get hurt like that! No one does! God, am I useless after all? Is this just some game that I'm playing with no hope of winning or making any kind of difference?" Once I started it was like a river bursting forth. I was rambling, speaking everything that I had been thinking on the way here. "So much blood. So much. A fifteen percent chance of surviving. Fifteen. That's like nothing. It's freaking nothing!"

"Hy, what are you talking about? Is your mom okay? Who are you talking about?" Robin asked.

"Oh, God, mom, she has to try to deal with that. She's like us, working against bad odds. She's got to work with only a fifteen percent chance and her chance is shrinking because with every second that passes, more of her blood pours out. She's seeing that. She's trying to fix that. How do you fix that? How!"

Robin's hand was rubbing my back soothingly and as the words poured out of my mouth in a panic, I felt my heart rate declining slowly, pushing me slowly into a more coherent state. His arms were around me tightly and every nerve in my body was telling me that, in his arms, nothing could hurt me anymore. But they were lying. Or were they? Wasn't it not being in his arms that was hurting me? Wasn't it everything that happened when I wasn't in his arms that tended to be the problem? His arms were always the salve upon the burn or the armour around the soldier, always there to make me feel secure or safe or sound or calm or at peace or happy.

"Maybe I'm too weak to carry on like this. Maybe I'm just a liability and I need to stop pretending that I can do anything to help," I whispered.

"You are not weak and you are not a liability, Hyacinth," Robin said firmly, "but you cannot be expected to walk away from everything with a straight face. But you've got to get traught and talk to us. It's the only way you'll be able to deal with this. You can't do everything on your own, even if you think it's what you need. You need other people, Hy, not to do everything yourself. Talk to us. Explain what you mean. What happened? What's wrong? And who are you talking about?"

I took a few deep breaths, breathing in the scent of Robin, immersing myself in it, allowing my pain to be dulled by everything that was him. The breakup didn't matter. Not at all. He was still my miracle solution for every type of pain I could feel. And I would love him for the longest forever that there would ever be.

"Hy, talk to us," Robin said softly.

"I was at the hospital, visiting Aunt Laila," I started softly. Megan took a few steps closer to hear me better. "I was leaving when the paramedics were bringing someone in. It was a woman. She was unconscious…and bleeding…bleeding out…" I took a couple more deep breaths of his scent, pressed my forehead against his neck. "She was raped. Repeatedly, torn up by the violence of her attackers. It was so horrible. So much blood. I heard the paramedic tell my mom that there was only a fifteen percent chance that they could save her. Fifteen. Less than one fifth. Her chances…were slim. Just…just the fact that she was attacked… I was at the hospital. I should have been out there. I should have saved her. If I didn't save her, who else aren't I saving? How many others are slipping through the cracks?"

I felt Megan place a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Oh, Hy."

"You can't blame yourself for that, Hy," Robin said softly. "It's not your fault that she was attacked. It's one of the oldest and most important lessons that each and every one of us crime fighters has to learn at some point or other. You can't save everyone but you can't let that dishearten you from trying. We do make a difference. The lives we save are important. The people we save are people's brothers and sisters, their mothers and fathers, their friends, their loved ones. We make a difference to them. And even though there are so many of us, there will still be those that we can't save. Doesn't mean we should stop trying. It's better to save four out of five people than to not save anyone at all. Every life matters. So you can't blame yourself. Just as Superman or Batman or Martian Manhunter can't be everywhere at once, neither can you. But when we do our job, we still send a message, a message that evil will not go unpunished or not be allowed to continue along its course.

"I'm so sorry that you saw what you did. No one should have to see that, just like how no one deserves to have such a disgusting thing happen to them. But turn it around. Use it to remind you why you fight. Use it to remind you who you're fighting for. And then fight hard against the darkness. You can do this. You're one of the strongest people I know. You can get past this. I know you can. We're here to help you."

I let his words sink in. I let his sentiments reach deep inside of me and bind the dark trauma within me. I felt calmer. The most prominent thing I could feel afflicting me now was exhaustion.

Slowly, I tried to pull myself upright and out of Robin's embrace. I turned to face Megan and Conner. "Thank you. All of you. I'm glad I came to you guys."

"That's what friends are for, right?" Conner offered with a half-smile.

I tried to offer it back to him and hoped it didn't look too forced and awful.

"Robin, can you walk me home please?"

He offered me a small smile. "No question about it, Hy. Let's go."

"Thanks again, guys. See you tomorrow. I'll come spend the day."

"Can't wait. Bye, Hy. Sweet dreams," Megan said. Conner waved and then Robin put his hand on the small of my back and guided me to the door.

We walked across the field in silence for a long moment while I tried to straighten out what was going on in my head and right now in this moment. Although Robin had come to my rescue and his arms were my place of refuge, we weren't together anymore. His heart was captivated by Zatanna and our friendship was irrevocably changed. There were certain limits to what I could ask of him and to what I should offer him.

"I'm putting you to a lot of trouble. You have to get home, too. You should just head home. I can manage," I said weaker than I wanted.

"Not a chance. I'm not in any hurry to get home and I wouldn't be okay with letting you make your way home by yourself while you're so shaken up. I have a deal with your mom, remember?"

"To watch out for me. I didn't know you still thought that deal was in effect."

"I don't think she wanted me to watch out for you just because you were new. I think she wanted me to have your back so long as we were together...well, not together...you get what I mean."

I wanted to laugh at his immense case of foot-in-mouth syndrome but somehow I couldn't summon a laugh or a smile, not even a smirk. My face was stuck in a stone solid serious expression.

"How come you were still at The Cave?"

"No reason, really."

"No more secret meetings?"

"What—"

"Megan told me that you and Kal as well as Zatanna and Artemis ditched her for the dance on Friday. Zatanna and Artemis were accounted for but you and Kal, I heard you guys were meeting with management." I took a deep breath, exhaled. "Anyway, it's none of my business. Unless, of course, I'm involved somehow. But I'm not making it my business. I can't handle complicated right now."

"And we're not asking you to."

"Wonderful." I wanted to ask if he would be hanging out with us at The Cave tomorrow but I fought the need to ask. I would find out soon enough and what would have been the point of ensuring that the person who had distanced himself from me—that I had distanced myself from of my own volition as well—would be there to taunt me with how much of not mine and not best friends with me he was. That qualified as exactly the kind of stress I didn't need. In any case, once I had the knowledge, there would be nothing to do with it anyway. I was content with the we'll-cross-that-bridge-when-we-get-to-it approach.

"Uh, so what did you and Tanya do Friday? You guys looked pretty dressed up."

"She had a show. Afterwards, her boyfriend prepared a surprise for her under the stars. He sang her a beautiful song and then they admitted their love for each other while I got to record the whole thing. We bonded. I talked to Happy. Jase and I went home together."

"You saw Red Arrow?"

"Yeah. He saw me on his way back from The Cave—I'm assuming he was part of your meeting but I prefer not being told about it. We talked a bit. Bonded. He's a sweet guy. In his own way."

"You developing a thing for him or something?" he asked, smirking.

"It could happen. He'd be easy to fall for. The heroic, secretly sweet type that would probably treat his girlfriend like a princess and show her sides of him that other people typically don't see. The kind that you know you shouldn't fall for because you'll only get hurt in the process. I can definitely see how girls would fall for him."

He shrugged, smirk gone. "Yeah. Girls could fall for him. But could _you_?"

I shrugged back. "Maybe. Depends on how much of him I get to know, I guess. Seems like I could get to love him like I do Jason."

"As a friend, right?"

"Not just as any kind of friend. Jason's my special friend. He suggested that we might be soulmates last night. If after two days we've gone back to being the kind of friends we used to be three years ago despite the circumstances of our reunion, I figure he might be right about that. He and Happy seem like they're birds of a feather. He's like Happy and I'm a lot like him, so I can see us becoming really, really close friends. And who knows? At some point I had romantic feelings for Jase. Maybe the same may happen with Happy. That is, if we ever become close friends. But that has to be a two way street and somehow I don't think he'd want to spill his guts to anyone, far less me."

"I...don't think he'd be right for you. I mean, we've been friends for a while and he doesn't seem like your type of guy. He's a little too serious, too...I don't know, mature maybe? He acts like he's thirty when he isn't even twenty yet."

"Maybe that's what I need in my life. People that don't fit me. People who can straighten me out, toughen me up. You've got to beat the metal and fire it to make it hard, right?"

"That sounds kind of masochistic, you know." I shrugged. "But anyway, Jase told you he thinks you're soulmates? And you believe him?"

"Well, he didn't mean it in a romantic kind of way. He meant like...we're probably going to be the only people besides our moms who get each other and are always there for each other in about ten years. I can see it now. In ten years, when I'm designing clothes and he's...doing whatever he'll probably be doing, we'll still be playing _Halo _and _Unreal Tournament_ together and sometimes sleeping over at each other's places, discussing each other's problems, that kind of stuff. After ten years, we'll still have each other. And in ten years, I'll still be accidentally kicking him off the bed."

"Wait—am I to understand that you and him...in the same bed...?"

"Whatever you're thinking, it couldn't possibly be that bad. Besides, it's not like it means anything more than that we're that close. It's not like there's anyone that makes that uncomfortable for. My mother's fine because she knows that's just us. And we're both...unattached. He couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep. He came into my room, we talked, we both fell asleep after a while."

"Are you sure that's really as okay as you make it sound? He's in love with you, remember?"

"Well, we've been alone together a lot and he hasn't made a move. He's been...everything I've needed lately and nothing that I haven't." His expression seemed to fall. "Except today, that is. You take that cake today, I suppose."

"Just today?"

"You've done it before. But things are different now."

"Do they have to be?"

"You tell me."

He exhaled. "I guess it does."

"At least you're happy."

"What?"

"Aren't you?"

"What do you mean?"

Instead of answering, I just looked at him for a long moment. I hated having to stand this, this skirting around one another that we didn't ever do before.

"Ah," he replied. "Well, yeah, I guess I am. For the most part."

"And I'm happy about that."

"You're not happy?"

"I never said that."

"You didn't refute it."

"Well, Red Arrow is Happy."

"You know what I mean."

"I do. I'm happy most of the time, I think. I'm not too sure."

"The madness in your brain?"

"Yup."

"I'm sorry this had to happen and make it worse."

"Strength, right? It's all towards that end."

"If you make it that way."

"And there's no better way to deal with this. All I can do is take it in stride and keep my head up. Are you tired walking yet?"

"Not really."

"Congratulations, by the way."

"On?"

"Beating me."

"Oh."

"I kind of wish I had a mentor who could teach me new tricks."

"What about the guy who taught you to fight?"

"Master Hanamae moved to God alone knows where. And Tan's dad can't teach me to fight. He taught me everything he could already. I guess it's up to me now, huh?"

"Well you don't have to try to take it alone."

"It'll probably be better if I did."

"I see your armour's closed up again. Just when I thought you were opening up." We walked in silence for several paces. I didn't have a response to his accusation. He was right. The moment I dared to remember that he was Zatanna's and not mine, the bitter, protective dodgy armour closed back around my brain and my mouth.

"See, I don't know how you can stand it," he continued after about a minute and a half of silence. "You're talking but it feels like there isn't much in your words because you're trying to take out a lot of everything that's supposed to be in them. It's like you're the most distant thing on the planet. It crawls my skin a little because I know you're not like that. In fact, you're the total opposite of that. You're warm and chatty and caring and excitable. But not these days. These days you're cool, cold even, quiet, distant, vague, alien. It's like the colour's been drained out of your soul."

"I'm sorry it disturbs you so much. I hadn't realised it was such a bother to so many people."

"Everyone on the team has noticed. They've all expressed concern at some point or other. Are you sure there's nothing you want to talk about?"

"I've talked about it so that's probably not the problem."

"Not with us."

"Does it matter who I spoke to about it? Isn't the talking that's the important part of it, not the to whom?" We passed my school. I tried to ignore the close proximity we were to the gazebo that had special meaning to me but probably not to him.

"I guess."

We were silent for a long time after that. We passed the alley where we met. I tried not to remember the whole thing or the time we passed there heading to my house for dinner after Tanya's show. I tried not to think of kissing him there. It was probably better that he had stopped accompanying me home and to The Cave. That way we didn't pass special places and I didn't have to be close to him while I hurt with the memories of loss and missing and longing.

How could he not realise how much I loved him? Was I doing such a great job of appearing emotionless of late?

It occurred to me that, especially given the trauma I experienced today, I had to detox some of my emotions. I knew what was the third thing I would do when I got home.

"Are you going out tonight? On patrol I mean," he asked.

"No. I think I just need to sleep."

"Good. I was about to try to convince you not to."

"Thank you for the concern. Rest assured I've got nothing planned for tonight but sleep. I've got to get up early tomorrow anyway."

"Church?" I nodded. "Then you're heading to The Cave?"

"Nah. I've got to take January to see Aunt Laila. After I get her home, then I'll head to The Cave."

"Ah, okay. Guess I'll see you tomorrow."

We stopped in front of my apartment building. I turned and faced him. "Thanks for walking me all the way home. Be safe."

I hugged him tightly for a few seconds. Then I broke the rules. I placed a soft kiss to his cheek.

"Goodnight."

"Robin."

"Yeah?"

"Can I say that I'm sorry?"

"For?"

"Everything. From start to finish." For our failed relationship, broken friendship and awkward conversations. For being vague, hurting him and pushing him away. For our fight. For every time I made him sad, angry, uncomfortable or exasperated. For burdening him with my troubles, worries and weaknesses. I was sorry about all of it. And I wished for us both a better tomorrow where talking and interacting and starting afresh was not so awkward and painful.

"Of course. Thank you. And you're forgiven. For everything. From start to finish."

"Thank you." He offered me one more hug before retreating into the night from whence he came. I turned and walked up the stairs to my apartment. I took a shower then grabbed a bowl of cereal and locked myself into my room. I grabbed a sheet of paper and a black ink ballpoint pen and started to detox.

**The Truth**

**1. I am not okay.**

This was the most important one because it was the one I was lying to myself about the most under the guise of just trying to convince myself.

**2. I am not titanium.**

The second truth that I had been concealing from myself. I wanted to feel so strong, so untouchable as a way to try to avoid having to deal with my problems. If I convinced myself that I couldn't be hurt, then there was no problem, right? Wrong. I was just a liar. It just didn't feel like I was a liar because I was only lying to myself. If there was no harm done then it felt like less of an offence.

**3. I can't do things on my own.**

I hated having to acknowledge this. I wanted to keep my problems as mine, mostly because I hated to cast my problems onto other people. I knew that the people around me had stuff on their plates as it was; they certainly did not need my crap in with theirs. But I had to admit that sometimes, I needed to ask other people to help me.

**4. I'm losing who I am to what I'm trying to be.**

In my quest to not be hurt, to not love Robin and to be okay with whatever he was doing with whoever now, I was forcing myself to act and to do like I was not accustomed to. This mask which was so much easier was now breaking me down from the inside like _Tony Stark's_ old power core in his chest (before he got the new one). Indeed, sometimes wearing the mask was easier. But then sometimes it's a whole new problem by itself, wrecking damage where no more can be dealt with. Thus, I needed to make that my new goal in life. I needed to focus my energies in the coming week on trying to recover the parts of me that I used to be that I still was and to find the parts of me that I was now but wasn't in the past. Even the wording of that thought was confusing so I knew actually fulfilling it would be even worse. I had to compare notes with people I loved. At this point, they would probably be the best people to tell me who I was.

That was the point when I was no longer sure of what to write so I folded the sheet of paper, placed the pen atop it and started eating my now soggy bowl of cereal. After I ate, I ventured outside only to wash the bowl and put it on the wares rack before returning back to seclusion. Just as I was closing the door behind me, Jason's hand on the door stopped me.

"We need to talk," he said.

"Can we talk tomorrow? I don't have the strength to be up to it right now."

He frowned deeper. "What's wrong?"

"Everything. Every single freaking thing."

"Are you sure—"

"No, Jase, I just need to be alone. And I need to sleep. I…I need to stop thinking."

He touched my hand on the door and offered me a tender look. "Alright. If you change your mind, feel free to come wake me, alright?" I nodded. "Goodnight, princess."

I felt as if I should offer some objection to the nickname but I couldn't muster the will, strength or words. My brain had probably already official shut off.

I crawled into bed, lay on my side and curled into a ball, hugging one of my pillows tightly with my eyes shut tightly.

"'_Whose woods these are I think I know. His house is in the village though…_'" I started to recite and so I continued from _Frost_ to _Chaucer_ until eventually my brain numbed completely to the point of throwing me into an unconscious state.

**Hope it was enjoyable and here's the more Robin/Hy time people have been asking for.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Surprise! Two chapters in one day! Just to tell you how well the writing's been coming. I was thinking that since the last chapter was so heavy, we had to have a nice light chapter. Well, as light as this story could be. So here you are!**

**Shout-out to _Nightwing1387_ whose vacation has come to an end. I dedicate this to you. And to all those whose hearts I've been breaking. Me sowwie. Kinda.**

**One more thing! I suggest you look up the videos for the DC2 songs mentioned on Youtube. MightyMeCreative has some good ones and AverageAsianDude so you can click their links. It helps you picture exactly how funny what's in this chapter is.**

I awakened with the thought that I was a broken person. Despite having a good family, many good friends and more opportunities than many people had, I was broken. I got off my bed, said a prayer then headed for the bathroom to get ready. Gladly, I made my way to church with my family, the place where broken people went to seek healing. On a normal day, there was no way that we could get Jason to go with us but for some reason or other, most probably because he was staying with us and was not with his mother, he was content to come along with us. I couldn't tell if he was actually listening. I wasn't sure if one hundred percent of the time I was actually listening. I was sure I heard most of what the priest was trying to say but bits and pieces in between would be lost when my mind wandered off to think some obtuse thought or just contemplate the almost-man next to me.

Mass ended at eight thirty so, from there, I took January with me to the hospital to see Aunt Laila. She was very excited to see her and she crooned about how big she had gotten. I left after about ten minutes to grab a cup of something warm. I met Jason in the halls.

"Hey, what are you doing here? I see you changed your clothes," I said.

"Here to see my mom but I had to change before I came. She would never let me live it down if she heard I went to church willingly."

"She would tease?"

"Probably."

"I'll be sure to tell her anyway." He shrugged. "January's with her at the moment. I just needed to get something warm to drink. I'm cold."

"From the inside or just on the outside?"

"A very coherent question. Although I'm not sure. I'd like to think the latter but I'm more inclined to think that the former is the real truth." We stopped at the coffee machine and I decided to have tea instead of coffee. Last thing I needed was stimulants. My body was tired, of everything. "So you said we needed to talk?"

"Yeah. I didn't tell mom about our…extra-curriculars but she's agreed to let me go back for the rest of the year. I hear you convinced her that it would be better for both of us if we moved back here."

"I did."

"Thank you. I don't know if I would have had the courage to ask. I'm excited that she even went for it."

"It's a matter of happiness for both of you, especially you. Of course she would go for it."

"I'm glad she did. North Dakota sucks. Well, it's probably a very nice place but it just hasn't been very nice to us."

"They must have it out for California boys," I said with a chuckle.

"Hey, I may have been born there but I was raised here. By all means, I'm from Rhode Island. I know where my loyalties lie."

"Well, alright, pal." We started to walk back to her room while I started blowing on the steaming cup of tea.

"You home for the day?" he asked.

"Nope. Out all day actually."

"See, this is what I'm talking about. No wonder you're all scrambled up there. You're always busy. It's off-putting, for lack of a better word. Slow down a bit. Now's the time to enjoy life when things are easy."

I scoffed. "Things are never easy. Easy is a deceptive concept. Sometimes I feel like there's only hard, harder and impossible."

He chuckled. "Well, that isn't cynical of you at all."

"I won't say I'm sorry. We can thank this world for making me think this way."

"Isn't that the point of you being a Christian? You're supposed to stay hopeful when the rest of us adopt the belief that we're all screwed and the only we can get by is to screw over other people before they can do that to us."

"Some wise person once said that the church is a hospital for the sinners and I believe 'em. But I suppose, yeah, we're the ones who are always supposed to stay positive, hopeful and believe in the better future. It's just that some things in this world make it hard to stay positive or cling onto faith. It's a battle all the time. All I have keeping me where I am is the fact that I know I've been blessed and the peace of heart and mind that church gives me."

"I hate to admit it but I think I need you to stay that way or else I'd go straight to the dogs. I'd turn into absolutely nothing. You're the only thing keeping me on the straight and narrow. You and mom."

"Then I'll fight the darkness of the world even harder. For you."

"Thanks. Now, do you want to tell me what was killing you yesterday?"

"I saw something that disturbed me." I focused on the memory of being in Robin's arms, his scent, his warmth to block out the image that would flash into my head at the recollection of being disturbed. "I started to doubt that I was making any sort of difference. I realised that lately I've been losing who I am because I've been trying so desperately to block out that person's pain and sadness. Robin, Megan and Conner helped me try to sift through the darkness but there's only so much that other people can help you fix your problems. It's up to me now. But I fear I won't ever get to completely do away with all of them because I'm afraid that the biggest of all the problems is the one I don't want to deal with because that would mean telling the person involved the truth and that would hurt both of us for sure."

"Well, sometimes you've got the break over a bone to make it heal correctly, isn't that right?"

"Interesting analogy. Sounds painful. I'm not friends with pain."

"No one is but it's just one of those things you have to deal with in life."

I sighed. "I hate wisdom. It never makes things easier."

He chuckled. "Very true but at least it gives you an end to look forward to. It helps you make difficult decisions. So are you going to sit your ex-boyfriend down and tell him the truth while finally asking for your damn answers?"

I turned to look at him. "Sharp bastard."

He laughed. "That's what happens when you try to be vague with someone you've already told all your problems to."

"Well, not all."

"You're keeping things from me?"

"No, I'm just choosing who I tell what to. All my problems have been admitted, just to different friends."

"I still feel like I'm being kept in the dark."

"Then turn on a light," I said with a laugh just as we reached the door.

"Hey, when are you going out?"

"After I drop January home."

"What if I take her home for you?"

"I still have to stop by at home anyway."

"Well, how 'bout you take off now? I'd like the time with January anyway. She's the little sister I've never had."

"Well, alright. So I'm not the little sister you've never had?"

"No, you're the best friend-slash-wife-slash-bro-slash-parole officer."

I laughed. "Yeah, I guess I am all that."

"And so much more."

We entered the room and I offered January and Aunt Laila hugs and kisses before I left. I also left the untouched cup of tea with Jason.

At home, I threw some movies, a change of clothes, my suit, my _iTouch_ and a deck of cards in a bag. I told my parents I was with the team for the day, gave them each a hug, kiss and 'I love you' and then headed out. I returned a second after I went out the door and spirited away the _Xbox Kinect_ and a both editions of _Dance Central_ that we owned. In the end, I left the apartment with my usual bag with all the stuff that I had amassed. I got a cab and got to Mount Justice in six minutes since everyone seemed to be taking the opportunity to sleep in this fine Sunday morning. I gave the cab driver an extra two bucks for his dedication to be out here while no one else really was.

"Honey, I'm home," I called once I entered The Cave. I headed straight for the living room where Conner and Artemis were seated. Megan was in the kitchen cooking something. "Ah, nothing like coming home to the wife making breakfast and the children behaving."

Megan laughed and the other two offered smiles. "Hey, since when are we the children?" Artemis asked.

"No clue but you guys _are_ just sitting there," I responded.

"We're waiting for the food," she replied.

"Ah, well, yes, I suppose that makes three of us. Can I offer you some help, Meg?"

"Uh, sure," she replied. "Can you get the hash browns from the oven while I deal with the sausages?"

"Your wish is my command."

I dropped my bag onto the floor beside the couch, washed my hands then proceeded to fulfil Megan's instructions. I grabbed a spatula and started to unstick them from the tray and transfer them to the dish in the counter. Just seconds later, Megan made her way over with the pan of sausage links, placing them onto the other plate. She telepathically got the fridge open, produced the bowl of fruit salad and placed it on the table along with the other dishes.

"And now we pray over the food." I signed myself and said grace before meals aloud while the other three just stood around the food in a solemn stance. "I'm assuming from the amount of food you prepared that we're expecting the others."

"That is correct," Kaldur said as he entered with Wally and Robin in tow. Half a second after they entered, Zatanna trotted in.

"Hey, guys," she said cheerfully.

"Glad you got to come, Zatanna," Megan said.

I smiled at the group of us. Today was going to be fun. We all took our seats around the table. I sat at one of the heads of the table and Kaldur was at the other end. Meg and Conner sat together, Wally and Artemis ended up next to each other and Robin and Zatanna sat opposite to each other next to Kal. I could feel the warm family vibe of the whole arrangement. I loved it.

Everyone dished food onto their plates, passing bowls and platters as needed. I waited for the sausages to reach me when something occurred to me.

"It," I began and their eyes flicked to me, "is too quiet in here."

Megan laughed. "Only because you haven't started talking yet."

"Very true," I agreed with a laugh, "but I think Zatanna should carry the convo today. I mean, technically speaking, she is the newbie of the group."

"How come you're so dressed up?" she asked me. Then I remembered that I had forgotten to change. I was wearing dress pants and platforms with a fitted, long sleeved dark purple shirt. My attire practically warranted questioning.

"I'm trying to impress you," I replied with a wide smile. She laughed at that. "I'm kidding. I just came from church actually. Well, not just came. I was at the hospital, too."

Megan, Robin and Conner turned to look at me gravely, putting their forks down, all at the same time. It was chuckle-worthy but I didn't give it one. I just felt really loved and like I had been a bad girl to worry them.

"Hospital?" Zatanna asked.

"Oh, right, you don't know. My parents work at the hospital and a week ago we had a sort of mission to get someone I know back from a mob hospital. In return, her son, Jason's going to be our spy. She's warded there now and I went to take my sister to see her. It's been three years. Anywho, speaking of that particular mission and those concerned, Jason's flying back to North Dakota tomorrow. He wanted me to inform you that he's going to make good on his end of the deal." I pointed at no one in particular with my fork. "However, Aunt Laila and Jason both intend to move back to Happy Harbour in July next year so it's going to be up to us to do something about that particular group of criminals before then."

"Move back?" Kaldur asked. The others seemed to relax and continue their eating.

I nodded. "Yeah. There's nothing holding them there. North Dakota hasn't been good to them and they realise it would be a lot better for both of them to just move back here where they have friends who can help them out."

"How is she doing?" Kaldur asked.

I smiled. "Spectacularly. Bickering with her son already. She has to stay in the hospital for a while but, after that, she'll be staying with us. Mom and dad will help her get a job and find a new place to live. I wish they could just move back next door to us but I guess that's not going to happen." I stared at my hash browns for a moment before I looked back up at them and plastered on a smile. "So, before we start interrogating Zatanna like she murdered someone, what's the plan for after breakfast?"

Megan looked at Conner who looked at Wally who looked at Robin. I laughed. "No clue. What do you want to do?" Robin said.

"Well, I was thinking we could go to the beach—"

"Are you crazy? This time of year? The water must be freezing!" Wally protested.

I chuckled. "Alright, alright. I'm kidding. I know that. I brought my _Kinect_."

"Your what?" Conner asked.

"My _Xbox Kinect_. It's motion sensor gaming. Quite literally, you are the controller."

"You did make sure to bring games for that, right?" Wally asked.

I smirked. "Of course."

Robin seemed to regard me wearily. "I'm getting a little bit suspicious. What games did you bring?"

My smirk widened. "_Dance Central_ one and two." Robin and Wally exclaimed as if they'd just been told they lost a bet. I laughed. "Oh, what, you guys rock FPS games and fighting games but you can't dance? Are your talents with games so limited?" I was baiting them on purpose.

"You're victimising us. This is clearly your ultimate revenge," Robin remarked.

"I dunno. Sounds like fun to me," Zatanna said.

I sent Zatanna a kiss from across the table. "Thank you very much, Zatanna. Oh, come on, guys. Man up. The best dancers make the best warriors. Am I to take it that you guys are forfeiting already and that I'm the new videogame champ?"

"Not a chance," Robin responded, smiling. "I can beat you at whatever you throw my way."

"You've got an unfair advantage though," Wally said. "I'm sure you're probably familiar with all the songs and their dances already."

"No, not really. I can't remember when the last time I played these was and I haven't played all the songs. Off the top of my head, I don't know what the dances are like for 'Dip It Low', 'Money Honey' and 'Flashing Lights'. In fact, I don't know the dances for more than half the songs on the later game."

"How do we know you're not tricking us?" he questioned.

"You have my word. Cross my heart. Besides, you're pretty safe. The persons I wanted to victimise the most were Conner, Artemis and Zatanna. Our leader escapes because, well, he's our leader."

"I thank you for the sentiment," Kal said, smiling widely.

"Me? Why me?" Conner and Artemis said together.

"Because I usually don't victimise you two. Now enough protesting. After breakfast, we dance. Now, we ask Zatanna for her whole life story."

Zatanna began to tell us about her home in New York City and living with her dad. She didn't mention her mother which forced me to deduce that she wasn't in the picture of her everyday living. Being one to think of the worst thing first, I suspected that she was either deceased or separated from the family.

In the midst of Zatanna recounting a story about a spell that went hilariously wrong, something that had been tugging at the back of my mind came to the forefront. The same time that Zatanna finished her sentence, I face-palmed by reflex.

"_Hello_, Hyacinth. _That's_ what's missing. Or rather who. We didn't invite Happy. Now I feel bad."

"You've got to be kidding, right? I thought you and Red Arrow didn't like each other," Artemis said.

I shrugged. "We...have an understanding, me and Happy. He just seems so lonely. It's in every word he says and he tries to cover it up with anger and indifference but I can see straight through his...mask."

"He...tends to be a bit of a loner, Hy," Robin responded. "Besides, I don't think he'd be too excited about the Dance Central vibe."

I laughed. "Oh, I can just see it now. It's hilarious. He should smile more. It can't be good for his face for him to be looking like he has a mace stuck up his a—butt all the time. Happy needs to loosen up." I sighed. "But I don't suppose he's the type you can convince of very many things unless he comes to the conclusion himself, is he?"

Something about the atmosphere had gotten still and lost its carefree tone.

"Ah, I killed the mood," I said. "I'm sorry." I looked around the table. "Well, since everyone's done, I'll get the dishes while Sidekick over there will hook up my _Kinect_ so we can get jiggy with it."

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Just don't pass out at the sight of the knives in the sink," Robin threw back.

I scoffed. "As if. Who's afraid of knives here? Not I, for sure. Can I get someone to help me dry please?"

"Oh, I'll help," Zatanna offered.

"Thank you very much." She stood beside me as I began to run some water on all of the dished then grabbed the sponge. She already had a towel in hand.

"Zatanna, why don't you let me handle that?" Conner suggested. "I already know where everything goes."

"Oh, alright. I'll go see if I can help them set up," she responded.

"Yes, please help them. Tell them they need to move the couches to the sides of the living room and leave a wide space in front of the TV, especially if we're going to be playing in teams." She went off to the others with my instructions and Conner took the first dish from me after rinsing the soap off of it.

"Who knew you were so much of a leader type," Conner commented.

I chuckled. "I knew. I'm a bit bossy. Robin knows. Jase knows."

"Sounds like you two are on pretty good terms now."

"Yeah. I couldn't help it. He's made me realise he's really repentant about the whole thing and well, these days he's been the support system that's familiar, the one I need. There's something about the two of us that just can't be at odds with each other for very long. Anyway, I guess it proves that he's not really a bad guy, he was just cast into some unfavourable circumstances."

"Is that what we're going to call it?"

"Conner, think of it this way. If Robin, Wally and Kaldur had left you in CADMUS, you would have been a weapon of evil, too. That doesn't mean you're intrinsically bad, it just means that you've been forced by some internal programming to do what's wrong. Jason's situation is just like that. His care for his mom is the programming that forced him to join the other side when he needed to support her financially. Even if it's against what he really thinks is right, there's something else forcing him into it."

"Well...I guess you've got a point."

"Trust me, if you guys ever spent some real time around him, you'd realise he's not a complete and total jerk. He's just...someone you need to handle with care. He's a box of crazy covered in a layer of crude jokes but he's fun. And loyal. And kind, given the right circumstances."

"I guess I'll take your word for it."

"I wanted him to join the team after he moves back."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but I don't know how either him or the rest of the team will feel about that. Somehow, I imagine he's just going to want to hang up the waistcoat."

"We're all set," Robin called from the living room.

I threw a look over my shoulder to confirm that our arena was set up satisfactorily. "Good job. Just push those sofas further apart please."

"How much space do we need?" Wally lamented.

I chuckled loudly. "You have no freaking idea, Wally, my boy." He expressed some wordless displeasure and I just laughed at him.

"Are you really planning to make me dance?" Conner asked.

"Yes, please. Well, I can't force you into anything but I'd like to ask nicely. Trust me, messing up in this game is almost as fun as doing well. Unless you slip and fall, that is."

He gave a tiny smile. "If either you or M'gann are my opponent, then I guess I can go with it."

"Thank you, Conner. Who do you prefer, me or her?"

"Uh..."

"How about one round against both of us?"

"Yeah, I guess that's reasonable."

"Sweet. I'll pick some good songs for you guys. We'll have a lot of fun, I promise."

"I'll hold you to your word."

"If you punch me because you didn't have fun, I'll understand."

"Why do you always say that? I won't hit you."

I laughed. "I hope not. But I'm just saying."

"I don't hit friends."

"Nice to know, Con. You're getting better and better at this expressing yourself and the whole social interaction thing."

"Thanks. I guess."

We washed and dried the last few wares and I went to change while Superboy put everything away; thereafter, we headed to the living room.

"Anybody familiar with playing this game or is it just me?" I asked, kicking my shoes off.

"I've seen the ad on TV," Wally said.

"I've only seen other people play it. Never tried it myself," Robin responded. Everyone else was quiet.

"Okay, so I guess I'll do a round by myself to show you and then we start the face-offs."

"Good idea," Zatanna commented.

"But Wally will be my first victim. Robin, I'll let you pick the song." Wally started to lament again.

Robin laughed. "You're going to regret that. You're _both_ going to regret that."

"Oh, I know I will. But I suppose that's what going to make it funnier."

I started off with 'Poker Face', the easiest song on the game, but put it on the 'hard' setting. "You're mirroring the dancer on the TV," I explained. "His or her right is your left and so on. It also helps if you get into the beat of the song. This _is_ a dance game after all." The song ended. "Any questions?"

"Why are you picking on me?" Wally asked, sounded exasperated.

I laughed. "Because it's fun, Wally. Trust me, you're going to enjoy this more than you're going to hate it."

"Alright. I'm game for some fun."

"Robin?" I asked, turning to him. He came and started scrolling through the list of songs. He stopped on one and I smiled at the preview clip of the song. "Good choice, especially for the first round. I think it's easy. I only saw the video of it on _Youtube_."

"I just remembered it because it's your ringtone."

Robin selected the song and put it on 'hard'. I pursed my lips to hide the smile. Robin moved out of the way and Wally and I took our places. 'Like a G6' started and I noticed Wally getting his game face on. I smiled and returned my attention to the screen in front of me. I would need it. In the beginning, both of us fumbled here and there but somewhere during the middle of the first verse and the start of the second chorus, we got our rhythm and started to get the hang of the dance. Robin was rooting for Wally. Megan was rooting for me. The scores seemed to be pretty close for the first half of the match but after the freestyle interval, I came back with a vengeance, beating him by five hundred points. Upon being declared the winner, I jumped up into the air in celebration. I gave Wally a bro-hug.

"Nice dancing, Flash boy."

"You, too, Hy. You're really good at this."

"I've got a somewhat secret passion for dancing."

"Not so secret, if you ask me."

"Who're the next two victims?" I asked, peering behind Wally.

Megan and Conner went next and I chose 'DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love' for them but on the 'medium' setting. Conner spent most of the song looking like he was getting frustrated but coming down to the end he seemed to kind of be getting the hang of it. Cheerleader Megan was doing a better job but with quite a few misses herself. In the end, she was the victor but Conner could only smile at her joy. Yes, he was exhibiting the attributes of a young man stupidly, hopelessly and completely in love. It was adorable to watch. In short bursts. Conner retired from the competition after that.

Artemis and Wally tried to tackle 'Whip My Hair' (Zatanna's choosing) and that turned out to be quite entertaining. Of course Artemis won but the both of them were doing a rather good job of tackling the song.

Next, Zatanna and Robin went. Wally chose 'Dip It Low' for them and Robin swore he was going to kill him if he got through the song intact. It was possibly one of the funniest things I ever saw. The odd thing about it was that Robin won. Robin requested a new challenger and when no one came forward, I volunteered. We let Conner pick the song, even though he didn't really know them. He chose one at random which proved to be our demise.

'Party Rock Anthem' was a hard song. It was a very hard song. Especially since Conner had been sure to put it on the 'hard' setting. I was messing up a few moves really badly and laughing a lot during the dance. Megan and Wally were having a fun time laughing at my facial expressions and my outbursts. Robin faltered as well but not comically as I did. At the end of the song, he nearly knocked me over but saved me just as I was about to fall. We were both laughing at that point. He won.

Artemis volunteered to go after that against me. Leaving Wally with the choice of song was always a bad thing. He chose 'Right Thurr' for both of us. The song had a very...sassy dance to say in the least. He hooted whenever the dance called for any booty shaking and prompted for us to not be so subtle with our moves. This one was also close and I won only by about a hundred points.

And then Robin chose 'Rude Boy' for me and Zatanna. I was getting pretty tired and he just wanted me to burn and suffer because that's what (wicked) friends do. They torture you for no apparent reason. I was bringing all the laughs so I guess I was kind of okay being the sacrifice. I would be dead on the floor for about a half hour after we stopped playing though. Despite all the sports I did, dancing was still a very strenuous thing. When I told Robin that I hated this disgusting song, he just laughed at me.

"Doesn't matter," he responded. "You still have to dance it."

"Bastard. Wearing me down like a mother."

"Maybe you should let her take a rest," Zatanna suggested.

"Well, I would, but see—" Robin started.

"We've got this thing going with games," I continued. "If I can be at the top for this, then I get some bragging rights. Therefore, after this round, Robin and I will do two more songs and that will decide the _Dance Central_ champ."

"Not that this is a real game or anything but I suppose she deserves some credit for being a good booty shaker," he added with a laugh.

"I'll take credit where I can get it," I responded with a shrug. "Besides, this is more than booty shaking. It's eye-hand-foot-butt coordination. It matters."

"Alright, I'll give you that. I accept your challenge except we do three songs, not two." I groaned but then nodded. "Now enough talk. Dance."

Wally had such a fun time watching us dance to that song. They got their fair share of eye candy for the day. I won Zatanna by two hundred points.

"Is it just me or are you really good at this game?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I think it's the latter but you guys are really good, too. Did you check out your scores? You guys were pretty much tearing it up. I'm proud."

She chuckled. "Thanks, I think."

"I'm going to need a spine massage after all this popping, locking and dropping."

Artemis and Zatanna laughed. "Tell me about it," the former said. "I can only imagine what yours feels like since you've been playing a few rounds in a row."

I made an intense fist and did an overly dramatic superhero pose. "I will overcome. I have the power!"

"Who's picking our songs?" Robin asked me.

"Artemis picks one, Zatanna picks one and Megan'll pick the last one."

"No fair. Let Kaldur pick one."

"I am unfamiliar with the songs," Kal said.

"So was Conner but he just picked at random," Robin responded.

"Actually, that's a great idea. So Artemis, Kal and Megan?" I asked.

"Sounds good to me."

"Zatanna, please pick the most torturous song you can find."

"Now you're just getting vicious," he commented.

"Revenge is a what now?"

"A dish best served cold," Zatanna completed. She started to search the list and very quickly made a selection when Robin and I were staring each other down.

"Wait, what song did you pick?" we both asked, realising it was about to start.

"You'll see," she responded, smirking. And that was the point at which I got worried.

She had chosen 'Milkshake'. I wanted to die. I spent half of the song laughing, for one because the song was ridiculous and for two, because it was another song with a sassy dance. I looked across at Robin a few times to watch him rolling his waist and laughed loudly each time because it was just so hilarious seeing The Robin of Dynamic Duo fame gyrating to 'Milkshake'. The whole damn scenario was a kind of hilarious that didn't exist in most spheres of the universe. When the scores totalled, I fell on the ground laughing at the fact that he had won.

"I guess you must be a better booty shaker than me," I commented when finally my laughter quelled.

"I guess so," he responded, helping me off the ground.

"Next song please."

Kal just scrolled through the list and then picked something. Our next song would be 'Body Movin''. I was particularly happy that I had taken off my shoes because of all the stepping I had to do during this dance. It prevented me from making lots of obnoxious noises when my feet hit the floor. Of course, acrobat Robin did not have this problem. His steps were well controlled. This bastard was my best match. However, at the end of the song, the screen announced me as the winner and I jumped excitedly and gave an extremely excited 'in yo' face'.

"Yeah, yeah, you're a gangster. Big deal," he said.

"Sore loser," I sang. "Next song please."

"No, hold on. Gimme a minute. You need one, too."

"Yeah, you're right. I can wait a minute or two for some more punishment." I turned to Kal and Conner on the couch to our left. "So, you guys have fun yet?"

"Alright, so this is fun. But I prefer to watch," Conner said.

"It is most entertaining. And very good training if I do say so," Kal said. I beamed a bright smile at him.

"Just glad you guys are bored."

"Bored? Is it possible to be bored whether you're watching or playing this game?" Artemis asked.

"I don't think so but, hey, I'm easily entertained."

"You ready to lose the next round now?" Robin asked.

"Yeah, sure. Let's go, Sidekick."

Megan literally closed her eyes and just picked a song because she really just didn't know what to pick. I laughed when I saw the song.

"That's for you, Robin," I said.

She reopened her eyes and immediately got flustered. "No, I didn't mean for it to fall on that one. I can pick another song—"

"Nah, Meg. This is fine. Just fine," I responded.

'You're A Jerk' started and I immediately got very happy. Nice slow song, nice slow dance. It was a very cool dance actually. And I won.

"I have more swag that you, probably," I told him.

"Didn't we already acknowledge that you're a gangster?"

"And you're a belly dancer."

He shrugged. "I can live with that." He pounded his fist with mine. "I hereby declare you the _Dance Central_ champ. Although, this does not mean that you have taken my videogame title." He made as if he was bestowing a sash onto me and I bowed to our audience.

I followed his actions but onto him this time. "And I hereby declare that you have finally succeeded in beating me in a combat match. However, this does not mean that you are a better fighter than I am."

"Doesn't it?" he challenged.

"No. We were in teams so technically it wasn't a real one-on-one. You have yet to best me at one of those."

"Eventually it'll happen. Shall you grace us with an individual victory dance?"

I waved a hand conciliatorily. "Yeah, sure, why not?"

'Crank That (Soulja Boy)' was the last song. Then I dropped on the ground, cheek against the floor and pointed weakly at the couch. "Someone, take it off," I said in the most decrepit voice I could make. I heard some shuffling as someone came over to the TV to do something with it.

"So what next?" Robin asked. I heard someone rummaging through my bag. "Movies? Cards? Hy?"

"The person you are trying to address is currently dead. Please try again later."

"Oh, come on. Get up and let's play some cards."

I pealed myself off the floor. "What are we playing? Rummy? Blackjack? Poker? Cheat? Your Majesty?" I glanced at Conner. "Nah, I don't want to play Your Majesty. I'm afraid Conner sends my hand through the table where I'll never see it again." I winked at him and he half smiled.

"If I promise not to make anyone's hand disappear, will you explain the rules of the game so we can play?" Conner asked.

"Oh, alright. Game's real simple. Share out the deck amongst the players and the cards stay faced down. From the dealer's left, the players start to turn over one card in a clockwise motion so if Robin's to my left, he flips over one then the person to his left flips over one and so it goes. If someone turns over a king of any kind, everyone has to say 'Your Majesty'. A queen, everyone bows. A jack, raise your right hand and say 'Hi, Jack'. And if it's an ace, everyone hits the ace. The person who does the wrong action or doesn't do the action has to pick up the stack of cards. The first person to get rid of all of his or her cards wins. Still game?" Everyone gave some form of consensus. "Alright then. Let's move the couches around the coffee table and we can start."

"Who wants pineapple juice?" Megan asked. Everyone did. Conner and Wally went to help her with the drinks while Zatanna shuffled. I watched with rapt attention as she shuffled the cards. She was very skilled at shuffling. But, hey, she was a magician, what did I expect?

We played about three rounds of Your Majesty before moving on to Rummy for another three rounds. Midway throughout the third round of Rummy, Black Canary made her appearance.

"What's with all the commotion in here?" she asked, probably having been attracted by the noise.

"Oh, nothing, Black Canary. We were just playing cards," Megan said.

"Oh, alright. After you're finished, suit up. Time for training," Canary responded before heading back into the main atrium and training area.

Zatanna stuck around for training but opted to just watch from the sidelines since she wasn't sure how her dad would feel about her training. After the training exercises, we settled into the living room for a movie. Just for the hell of it, we chose the superhero movie and spent more time talking about whether or not the stuff that happened in the movie actually happens to superheroes than actually taking it in. At the end of the movie, my phone's message tone went off.

_U ever intend 2 come home?_

I smirked at the message.

**Why? Do you miss me?**

_Maybe. I *am* leaving_

_tomorrow & I wanted _

_some help packing._

**How lazy of you. I'll be**

**home within the hour.**

**In fact, I think I'll leave**

**now.**

_U don't have 2 do that_

_4 me. I'll just make u_

_stay up & help me :p_

**I think I need my sleep.**

**I'll tell my friends**

**goodbye and then come**

**straight home.**

_U sure?_

**Positive. I spent the whole **

**day here, anyway.**

_Alright. See u in a_

_1/2 hour._

**Yah. Bye.**

_Oh, did you delivr my_

_message?_

**Yes, I did. They're pretty**

**okay with it.**

_Alright, l8r._

**And stop texting like a**

**dumbass.**

He didn't reply to that one so I closed the phone and stuffed it back into my pocket. The time was about eight fifteen p.m. so it was about time I made a move to go home. I stood, fixed my pants and top, found my shoes and went to my bag.

"Going somewhere?" Wally asked.

"Yeah, I gotta go help Jase pack."

"Oh, right, I forgot he was leaving."

"For a moment, so did I. Thanks so much for having me over and for all of you coming to spend the day here. I had a lot of fun and I'm so glad we could just get the time to chill together."

"Chill might be the wrong word with all the sweat we probably broke out into during the game," Artemis said.

"True that."

"I think I should be getting home, too," Artemis said. "It's getting pretty late."

"Aw, is everyone going home now?" Wally asked.

"Well, tomorrow is a school day," I said, "and I don't know about you guys but I need sleep."

"Yeah, I guess it would be a good idea to go home now," he admitted.

I went around giving everyone a hug as I said goodbye. Zatanna seemed to not realise she was going to get hugged, too.

"Oh, wow. Bye," she said, sounding a bit weirded out.

I waved it away with a hand when I let her go. "If you're going to be part of the team, you're going to have to get used to me. I'm an overly affectionate, obscene, straight talking, Catholic island girl which means I'm going to hug you every now and then."

"Most of the time she's an overly affectionate, obscene, straight talking, Catholic island girl. Sometimes she's a cold, quiet unfriendly person," Robin threw in.

"Only when things aren't peachy. Today was peachy so I was totally my overly affectionate self." I did a quick check to make sure everything was in my bag. "Alright, time for me to go. Bye, guys. We should do this again soon." I started to walk out when Robin caught up to me in the main atrium. "Where're you going?"

"With you. Duh," he responded.

"You don't have to."

"Please, let's not get into this." He took the bag from on my shoulder and placed it on his.

"Alright. Thank you very much."

We exited The Cave and began the trek across the field.

"I still can't get over the fact that you're such a wicked dancer though."

I scoffed. "I really don't listen to like half the songs we were dancing to today but hey, it's a fun game."

"I think you're lying. I saw the way you were dancing to some of those songs. You were liking it."

I chuckled. "Alright, so maybe there were like two songs that I'd rather not admit that I like. You know those songs? They're utter rubbish and have no musical value but it's so damn catchy that you can't help but like it."

"Yeah, I know 'em. So which songs?"

"Take a guess."

"'Right Thurr' and 'Rude Boy'."

"Well, aren't you as sharp as ever. I like 'Like a G6', 'Party Rock Anthem' and 'DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love' though. Those songs are pretty great."

"I always knew there was this wild side that you hid from other people. You're the good girl who only shows certain special people your bad side. I think I got to see a piece of that back when we were..." he let his sentence trail off. I wondered if he just didn't want to say the words or if he just secretly knew that that was delicate territory.

I didn't respond. Didn't know how to anyway. I preferred not to talk about it altogether. But there were questions I had to ask. I remembered that I had to try to find out who I was again.

"Hey, Robin, if you could name five things that best describe my personality, what would they be?"

He seemed to think on it a while before he answered. "Five things are pretty limited. Why do you ask?"

"I'm...trying to figure out who I am to the people around me. I want to see what attributes most people pick out and those will be the ones that really define the person I am to the people I care about."

"Sounds like there's some other purpose for all this."

"I think if I explained it, it would skew the results. So shoot."

"Alright. So first I would say animated, like you can barely stay still or quiet. Or rather that's when you're 'peachy', as you put it. Which, I might add, you haven't been a lot these days." I opened my mouth to comment—say what, God alone knew, but I wanted to comment—but he lifted a finger to stop me. "Don't bother. Just let me continue. Second, I would say loyal. You know where your heart lies and your priorities are in similar order and that's pretty darn admirable. Assertive is another one. You're generally pretty sure about yourself, your path and your goals. Almost everything about you seems solid. Fourth, you're just a saviour kind of person, always trying to save someone be it from no-good guys or trying to save their soul. That's just how you are. And lastly, I would say generous. You give of yourself a lot. You give love, attention, affection, your hard work, friendship, compassion, all kinds of stuff. You're one of those nice people that most people look at strangely because they don't believe a person that nice could exist and not be a con artist. Well, that's the five I think personify you best, off the top of my head. Had you given me a little more prep time, I think my answers would have been better."

"No, no, they're fine. Thank you. It's the things that come to you first that would really be the most honest description of what you see as my outstanding traits. Thanks for your input. I'll think it over when I go home."

"Now will you tell me what the end result of all this is supposed to be, since you've already gotten your information?"

"Not really."

"Why not?"

"It's so connected to the mess in my head that I'm not sure if you'd get it."

"Try me."

"Okay. I'm trying to feel my way out of the darkness by discovering what attributes I've always displayed best. That way I can figure out what's like me and what's not."

"Sounds like you're having an identity crisis."

"Sort of."

"You'll be fine but good luck with your search for answers. But I'm pretty confident you already know and you just aren't digging deep enough. I bet you're allowing something to smother it and that's why you can't find it."

I turned to look at him and began to really wonder if his explanation was right. Someone as sharp as him was pretty unbelievable.

At the end of the field, I chose to do something that would feel a lot like martyrdom. I waited for an incoming taxi and signalled it as it approached.

"Hey, Robin, do me a favour."

"What do ya need?"

"After I get into the cab, can you make sure Zatanna gets home alright? She might be an amazing magician but I don't think she'd do too well if she got ambushed."

"You're worried about her?"

"A little bit. She's so tiny and frail-looking. And too pretty to not draw the wrong kind of attention. Lecherous guys are just everywhere."

"Uh, hey...You said you were at the hospital this morning..."

"Yes, I did notice the worried expressions on your, Megan's and Conner's faces. What did you want to know?" Somehow I already knew the question but I needed to ask for it anyway.

"Um...that lady you saw last night...how—"

"She died. On the operating table. The fifteen percent wasn't in her favour."

"I'm sorry."

"I didn't know her."

"But it still affected you anyway."

"It's better this way, if you ask me."

"How could you say that?"

"Now she doesn't have to live with the trauma of knowing what was done to her. She doesn't have to wake up every morning and try to work past it and keep fighting the same demons over and over and over again. Her spirit can find peace now."

"Unless she's haunting the hospital." I threw a glance at him. "Sorry."

"Anyway, I've got to go." I took my bag from him. "Thanks for walking with me and see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, later. Be safe."

I watched as the car pulled away the moment he turned his back and sprinted for The Cave, going to Zatanna. I felt the tiny sting at thinking that he turned away far too quickly to go to her. It was the exact same way I felt about our breakup and his newfound crush on her. He had turned away too quickly from me to her.


	15. Chapter 15

**Okay, so I know I'm putting my head on a block with this one but please don't hate me.**

I was up at three a.m. to go with mom and dad to drop Jason to the airport. Jani preferred to stay in bed and Jason held no grudges for that. He kissed her cheek before he left and she gave him a hug before returning to sleep's embrace. Mom made him something to eat while he was in the air so that he could avoid the food with questionable origins. At the gate, Jason gave both my parents hugs and told them how much he was glad to have seen them again and how much he was indebted to them for saving his mom. They insisted that there was no debt among family. I knew he appreciated those sentiments more than anything else.

His eyes fell to me and his expression changed slightly. There was a hint of regret that he had to leave me again, probably feeling like I was going to be mad at him for deserting me, and it was mixed with gratitude, pining, apprehension and unwillingness to leave. He pulled me into a tight hug and we hugged each other for a long minute.

"I'm so sorry that I have to go again. But I promise, I will come back. And I am here for you. Always," he said softly in my ear.

"It's alright. Do what you have to. I'm glad I could have your back. I'm glad I have you at my back."

"I'll miss you."

"Not as much as I'll miss you."

"Nah, I'll definitely miss you more. Please take good care of my mom."

"You don't even have to ask. I'll care for and protect her with my life."

"Thanks for not giving up on me."

"Thanks for proving me wrong."

"Please let go of your pain. Open your heart for someone else."

I was silent for a moment. I suspected he was suggesting that he wanted me to give him a chance. "I...can't. Not yet. It's still too strong."

"Someday then. Don't hold onto this forever. Let him go."

"I'll try. I'll try my hardest."

He released me and kissed my forehead. "No trouble, alright? Don't make me have to fly back here just to kick someone's tail. Give your parents a break."

"I'll try but I can't guarantee anything."

He gave a two finger salute and then turned and headed through the gate. It occurred to me then that I hated watching people's backs as they walked away from me. Now, my reflex emotion to seeing someone walk away from me was a feeling of desolation. Maybe it only occurred when guys that I had extremely strong feelings for walked away from me. It was so strange. There weren't that many that had done that to me. Were two enough to cripple my emotions forever? I didn't want to give anyone that much power. No matter who it was.

Later at school, I was very dreamy. I found my mind wondering off in the middle of several of my classes.

A pair of fingers snapped in front of my eyes. I shook my head and turned to look at Tanya. Class had ended apparently and it was now lunch.

"Earth to Hyacinth. I swear it's like you've astro-projected your mind right out of your body and to some alien planet. What is with you today?"

"Uh, sorry. Jason left this morning."

"Jason...was _here_?" she asked, sounding mad that I had neglected to mention that piece of information.

"Did I forget to tell you?"

"Yes, you freaking forgot to tell me! I swear, it's like you're not telling me anything lately! Am I even your best friend anymore?"

"Of course you are. As much as you are mine."

"Well, it sure doesn't seem that way with how tight your lips have been of late. Really, what's going on with you?"

"Lots. Things have been...strenuous." I stood, picked up my books and my bag and started for the door. "But, to inform you, Jason was here. His mom wasn't doing so great and so he brought her to my parents so they could help her out. He had to continue with school and stuff so he couldn't stay."

"Any other secrets you want to tell me?"

I had other secrets that she knew nothing about, for sure. Before, I had been this transparent girl who had no secrets and told no lies. It occurred to me how complicated things had become since the day Robin had stepped into my life. Not that I was blaming him. It was purely coincidental.

Not that I believed it coincidence. At the base of it, realistically, he had brought a whole kettle of new trouble into my life, him and his mentor. If there was anyone to blame for all the trouble I was in, it was...me. I wouldn't have complications if I didn't allow them to be. I was choosing to keep the secrets making my life so complex.

"No," I responded flatly.

Her eyes narrowed. "No, as in you have no other secrets to tell or no, you don't want to tell me any others?"

I shrugged. "Take your pick."

"What does that even mean? You're such an alien lately, so quiet and thoughtful and careful with what you say."

"I'm not exactly in perfect condition anymore. People have been wrecking me a lot lately."

Her anger suddenly diminished. Concern and sympathy replaced it. "Sorry. I forgot."

I shrugged again, face expressionless. Stephen came to join us, placing an arm around Tanya's waist.

"Hey there," he greeted, spritely. "Shall we to lunch?" I didn't answer.

"Sure thing, sweetie," she replied. I followed lamely, staring at the floor the whole way to the Bio Lab that was originally the usual lunch spot for Tan and me.

A few bites into my sandwich, I noticed that Tan and Ste were both staring intently at me.

"What's with you? You're so quiet today. It's freaky," Stephen asked.

I made an exasperated sound, throwing my arms in the air. "Does that disturb everyone?"

"Everyone that knows you," Tan replied.

"When you say everyone..."Stephen began.

"I accosted her for being so out of it today, too," Tanya admitted.

"Wow. You used the word 'accosted'. Something must be screwy with you, too," I responded with a chuckle.

"Hey, I've been hanging around you a lot. It was bound to run off on my eventually. Besides, I don't really get why you're like this because Jason left again. I thought you wanted nothing to do with him anymore since your last problem concerning your feelings for him and Robin."

"Jason? Who's Jason? _What_ am I missing?" Stephen asked.

"Shit, I forgot you're so out-of-the-loop," Tanya said.

Stephen turned to look at me. "Yeah, you're having a major impact on her language alright."

I raised my hands in surrender. "So-rry."

"Enough about my language. Do you want to know what's going on or not?" Tanya said to him.

"Sorry. Yes, please."

I took a deep breath, exhaled and motioned with my hand for her to explain everything. I'd rather have not relived any of it anyway but it was better if it didn't have to come out of my mouth.

"Alright, well, Jason was her best friend before I was and he left like three years ago and stopped contacting her so she let him go despite feeling so strongly about him."

"Feeling how?" he asked.

"Like, he was my support system, my brother, my defence," I answered. "And I may have had a miniscule crush on him at the time that he left."

Tanya scoffed. "She's understating. Anyway, so when she and Robin had started dating, Jason had called and said that he loved her and he wanted a chance to meet with her and Hy was having a cow because she wasn't sure how she felt about him and she neglected to tell him that she was with Robin and he kept telling her that she should let go of something that was already dead. They got in a fight and Hy was miserable."

"Well, that doesn't sound very smart of you, Hy," Stephen commented. "Letting a fight like that get in the way of your relationship when clearly Robin's the one you cared about more."

"Well, I apologise. I'm not accustomed to being in a relationship and I didn't have everything straightened out that that point in time. Throw me a bone for once, will you?"

"Alright, alright. I'll let it slide since you weren't sure about things," he responded.

"Anyway," Tan continued, "eventually Hy set the record straight with Jason and—Wait, did you ever meet with him?"

"Not then. He left before we could meet."

"Oh, okay. Well, yeah, that's what happened. And then just now she told me that Jase has been in town getting her mom and dad to help his mom and he left this morning. I still don't know why she's all gloomy that he's gone now though. I thought you wrote him off."

"Well, it was kind of really hard for me to stay mad at him. He just jumped back into my life and took the place he used to occupy. It's amazing how he did it. He explained that things got sketchy when he moved so he couldn't contact me but he admitted that it was his fault he didn't try harder to keep contact. And just like that, after he explained himself, I just found that I couldn't stay mad and he started to prove to me that he was still the best friend he always was. He's been there for me these past few days when I really needed a support system."

"What? _He's_ been your support system? What about me? Am I chopped liver?"

"No, but you've been too wrapped up in your boyfriend to notice that I wasn't in ship shape."

"How—"

"Let me give you an idea of it. All of my other friends noticed that something was wrong with me, though. Jason was the first and this was like the second day that he had returned. _All_ my friends noticed. You only noticed when I was obviously very off." She grew quiet and a guilty look came into her eyes. I sighed. "Forget it. I might have been trying to hide it from you more than the others because I didn't want to ruin your happiness by being a big black cloud of depressed and confused. You wouldn't have noticed because I was hiding it so well. Things have been building up and getting worse which is why I'm a mess now. I can't blame you for not noticing and actually, I'm pretty glad you didn't."

"I can't believe I've been such an awful friend."

"Forget it. You haven't been awful. Didn't you just hear me say I was hiding it from you especially?"

"But I'm your best friend! I'm supposed to notice things when everyone else doesn't. I'm supposed to know the second there's a problem with you without you having to tell me. I'm supposed to be your support. Me!"

"Not for this you couldn't, Tan. He was just in a lot better of a position to help. We're both bruised broken people so telling him my sorrows doesn't affect his happiness. I didn't want you to have to worry about me when you were so happy. But I am at fault here. Will you forgive me for not telling you what was going on?"

"If you'll forgive me for being so blind."

"Deal. Hey, answer me a question. If you had to give the five most outstanding traits of my personality, what would you say?

"Why do you ask?"

"I'm comparing people's opinions of me to try to find myself."

"Alright. Well, that's easy. You're smart, caring, artistic, loyal and fun to be around."

"Thanks."

"Just do me a favour. Next time something big happens, remember I like to know these things, okay?"

"Alright. I'm sorry."

"Nice. To make it up to me, you should make me a new dress."

I chuckled. "Don't push it."

I was a bit more focused during training since my chat with Tanya and Stephen and I managed to get through training without getting my face taken off. Midway through a sparring match between Conner and Megan, Batman walked in. I wanted to face-palm and groan. I wasn't in the mood for a mission.

The sparring pair stopped their match and Batman approached the platform and pulled up an image of Jason getting on a plane.

"At six a.m. Jason Guerreton left Happy Harbour and headed for North Dakota. I'm assuming you knew this?" Batman asked, whom I wasn't sure.

"Yeah. We dropped him there this morning. Didn't Robin tell you?" I asked, turning to the person in question. "I swear I'll punch you in your kidneys—"

"Yes, he did inform me. He also informed me that there were plans for him to move back to Happy Harbour next year. Are you sure these plans are solid?"

"Batman, I've learnt that nothing is ever really solid. Except diamond but that's a whole different sitch. However, as far as I can see, they should be moving back. They realise it's better for them to do that. North Dakota hasn't been treating them well. For now, though, while he's there, he'll keep his end of the bargain and let us know when things are going down."

"Alright." He turned and started for the Zeta Tubes.

"That it?" I half asked myself.

"So it would seem," Canary replied. "Alright, back to your match."

The week was pretty regular except that the house felt a little bit incomplete without Jason's voice and presence. He called Monday and Tuesday night just to check on me and say hi to the folks but besides that things were very uneventful.

Until Thursday. Thursday erupted into a messy situation. Thursday, Zatanna joined us for her very first mission. Thursday, Zatanna lost her father to the helmet of Doctor Fate. I could feel my heart breaking with the weight of loss for her. Saturday we all came together to help her bring her stuff to Mount Justice.

"And my room," Megan told her, "is right next door. If you need _anything_..."

"Thanks. I, uh, could use a little alone time, okay?" Zatanna responded. I could tell the strength she was trying to exhibit was just a cheap front but she was doing a good job of seeming like she was okay. Perhaps it was because I had been wearing a cheap mask of my own which was why I could notice it. It was better to give her space in a time like this.

"Of course," Artemis said. We started to filter out of the room one by one. I was closest to the door so I was out of the room first. Robin turned back, seeming extremely apprehensive about leaving her alone to fight the dark sadness in her heart alone. My heart throbbed for a moment at seeing him so deeply invested in her grief but it occurred to me that we all were. She was one of us. Family mourned the loss of family always.

The door closed behind him when he finally left. I stuck my hand in my pocket, not sure what to do with myself and my hand hit the box of cards I had brought, not sure what for. A thought occurred to me, proving that I had the cards on me for a reason. I dug through the pack to find the two of hearts, grabbed a pen from my bag and scrawled my number on it along with a note.

**You don't have to face this alone. Or anything else.**

I stuck the card under her door then threw the pack into my bag and left. It was probably a poor attempt at being supportive but it was all I could offer the girl at this point. I couldn't very well share her grief or try to help if she didn't want to let me in. But something told me if she wanted to vent, she would call on Robin first. I wondered if they had exchanged numbers.

Then it occurred to me that he would really have been the better person to discuss her pain with. He understood her pain better than anyone, having lost his parents as well. With my happy little family, I could neither truly understand nor offer her any true consolation, nor could I guarantee that things would get better. I wondered how she would do it. I wondered how Robin had done it. I wondered if this would only bring them closer together.

And then I cursed myself for being such an awful person. She had lost her dad and was now forced to uproot her life and move to The Cave with people she hardly really knew and minimum adult supervision or support and here I was, wondering about her and Robin. I berated myself for being so callous, so jealous, so useless. It was probably for the best that she didn't try to get close to me. Everything I touched or glanced at lately seemed to turn to debris, bursting into flames and becoming incinerated.

"That's not true," Jason insisted over the phone as I explained the whole thing to him and my shameful reaction. "Look at Tanya and Stephen's relationship. Look at our friendship. Look at your family. Look at your team. You can't blame yourself because there have been a series of unfortunate events recently. That's like blaming yourself when it starts to rain in the middle of a class field trip. Unless you're like _Storm_ or own a weather machine I don't know about, that's extremely pointless. There are just some things in life that you cannot control and you've just got to learn how to swim with the tide. It's definitely not your fault that there are some crazy, evil motherf—"

"Jason."

"Okay, okay, sorry. Anyway it's not your fault the world has villains in it. It's up to you to just do what you can to stop other people from hurting like Zatanna is."

I took a breath, exhaled. "You always know what to say. I wish you could hug me but unfortunately those don't carry through the phone."

"I could kiss you through the phone."

"I hate that song."

"Why? It's a nice—"

"I'm going to bed now."

"Aw, but you just called…" there was a pause before I heard the shuffling of the phone coming back against his ear, "Whoa, did you know we've been on the phone for a half an hour now?"

"Flies, huh?"

"Yeah, it sure does. Anyway, I hope you feel better."

"Me, too. I'll figure out some way to help her out, too."

"Hey, can I ask how the Robin thing is going?"

"Nowhere. I—wait a minute—"

"Aha! I knew it was him. I knew it. Sorta."

"How did you figure it out?"

"Being around you makes me remember everything I used to know about you. Your obsession with the Justice League and Robin in particular, the fact that you hate the colour yellow, the fact that you're a good girl who dances like a stripper—"

"I do _not_ dance like a stripper!"

"Whatever, princess—"

"Don't call me 'princess'."

"Would you freaking stop that! Geez, I want to finish a damn sentence."

"Alright, I'm sorry, go on."

"Right, so I remembered your obsession with Robin and it occurred to me that being on the same team with him would be a great opportunity for you to get close to the person you've always had this ridiculous little fangirl crush on." A flash of memory came back to me, a time in a park where I admitted to him that I had always had a bit of a crush on him, even before I got to really know him. I shook my head, either at myself or the date, I wasn't sure.

"He's the reason I'm even on the team," I told him.

"Wow, Hy, that takes stalking to a whole new level."

"Not what I mean, idiot. I mean that he saved me once and then I helped him and Batman out and then Batman got me recruited. If I had never met Robin, these things would have never happened."

"Oh."

"He was there for me when you weren't and when I couldn't say a thing to Tanya. He was there for me when you were the source of my complications."

"I'm sorry."

"Forget it. We've already gotten past the 'you abandoned me' and the 'you weren't there' arguments."

"You're protecting her, aren't you? You keep her out of everything."

"I'm protecting a lot of people. Her, Stephen, January, mom, dad. I would protect you if you weren't already waist deep in the shit."

"You need me there. That way, you now have someone you can share your pain and problems and tiredness with. I'll understand the way he did once upon a time."

"You're not his replacement. You're Jason. The end."

"If you say so, princess."

"Did I not tell you—"

"And since when do I take orders from you?" I sighed, he chuckled. "Go to bed. Sweet dreams. I'll talk to you later."

"Has there been any trouble on your end since you came back?"

"No. I told them that I had to go take my mother to her happy place. Didn't exactly lie, now did I?"

"Good boy."

"I'm learning from the best. The way you manipulate words to not lie is admirable. Anyway, goodnight."

"Goodnight. Thanks again."

"Alright." The call ended and I put the phone on my bedside table and got under the covers and started my nightly prayers.

During Mass, I prayed especially for Zatanna and Robin who had lost so much. I prayed for the souls of his parents and for their hearts, that they would someday lift and move past the pain of what had happened. And I prayed for the strength to be able to be there for both of them.

The prayer worked. The moment I got up from the kneeler and took my seat, a brilliant thought hit me. Straight from church, I headed to The Cave. I greeted the couple with hugs and hellos and then headed straight for Zatanna's room. I knocked loudly, having been forewarned by Megan that Zatanna was sleeping and ignoring the undertone of her statement that it would be best to let her sleep in.

"Let me sleep," she called weakly.

"Not a chance, sweetheart."

A sleepy-looking, dishevelled Zatanna came and opened the door. "Wha—"

"Get cleaned up and get dressed. We're going out."

"Thanks for the invite, Hyacinth, but I think I'd rather stay in today."

I chuckled. "It's not an invite. It's a mandatory friend ritual."

"Hy, I don't think going out right now is going to make me feel any better."

"Who said I was trying to make you feel better?" She stared at me for a moment as if she couldn't piece together in her head what I was about or what I was getting at. I chuckled. "Come on, just go get ready. I promise you won't regret it too much."

She looked like she was feeling like a small, trapped animal. I knew I was using my overbearing, bossy, controlling personality to get her to go along with what I was planning. I couldn't exactly be contrite about that. Not with what I was planning.

"Alright," she said finally, dragging herself off to the bathroom. As I took a seat next to Conner on the couch, I started to feel a pang of guilt and sorrow that I was dragging her off the bed and out of the only bit of peace her mind has probably had since her dad was taken away from her.

Then I remembered the one single time that I felt that everything I had ever known had gone wrong. I remembered the day after Robin made it clear that I was best as a friend than his girlfriend. I remembered the day that it became clear to me that I had been blind and hadn't noticed that our relationship had stopped meaning something to him. I remembered awakening, remembering the last euphoric moment that we had shared on my birthday. I remembered forcing myself out of the house and meeting that wonderful little boy named Henry and his dog whose name, I just realised, I had forgotten to ask. I remembered my moment of wisdom amidst the crushing pain. I remembered acknowledging that it was necessary to remember that in spite of the awful things that happened to you, the world could still be beautiful. It was about time that I reminded myself of that and it would be better to share it with her so she could see it, too. She needed to see the beauty of the world again. She needed the hope to push forward.

She came out about fifteen minutes later, dressed in warmer clothes than her casual attire, looking as subdued as ever.

I stood, offered her a smile.

"Come on. I'll buy you breakfast. I know this place that sells the best funnel cakes ever."

We crossed the field in silence until we reached the road. She realised that I wasn't about to stop walking. "Aren't we going to get a cab?"

"No," I replied, smiling. "When you walk you get a better feel of the environment around you and really, it's important to stop and appreciate what God gave us." She gave me a half-smile and then fell into step beside me. "Sunday morning is the best time to be walking around because everyone's either sleeping in or just plain staying home. The place is quieter than normal."

"Um, where are we going?"

"We won't get lost, don't worry. I know exactly where we're going."

There were a few minutes of walking in silence like she didn't know what to say or do or if she was plotting to bolt in the opposite direction back to The Cave at any minute. "So, this friendship ritual, have you done it with every member of the team?"

"Nope. Just the ones who've had some seriously severe things eating at them and who chose to let me in on their pain."

"Who's that?"

"Only one person, really. Robin."

"Robin? What kind of—Oh, I suppose you shouldn't tell me."

I chuckled. "It isn't that big a deal. Some months ago, there was this girl that he liked and he thought he was losing her to someone else before he had even gotten a chance. It really made him feel bad so I took him for a funnel cake one day after school. However, you're special because what we're going to do, I haven't shared it with anyone but a little kid named Henry and his dog."

"Oh. Wow. Did Robin ever…get over his crush on the girl?"

I hesitated, my smile drooping before I pepped it back into place. "Yeah. Now they're just friends. He's as happy as can be now. I think his eyes have moved onto someone else, in fact."

"Oh. I'm glad for him."

"Yeah, me, too. I hope it works out better for him this time."

"You guys are pretty close, aren't you?"

I shrugged. "I'd say I'm as close to him as I am to the other members of the team." It seemed true. There was no longer anything special about our friendship. The past was the past. Things were different now. "He only told me about his crush on that girl because I told him what was bugging me."

"May…may I ask what it was?"

"Same problem, different people."

"Oh. And how did that end?"

I shrugged. "Still ending, I guess."

"You still have an unrequited crush?"

I scoffed. "I wish it were that simple."

"What makes it complex?"

"He's more than a crush. He's already with someone else. Our friendship has grown cold and somewhat unreliable. The more I'm around him is the more I continue to feel the way I do about him. And it's not like I can just disappear from around him. I have to be there; I'm obligated to be where he is. Every single day."

"Oh, wow. Sounds like it's really hard."

I shrugged. "Hard is a relative term. I can count on one hand all my friends who are facing harder things than me. And that would be about half of my friends." Jason's position in the mob, Zatanna's loss, Tanya's situation with her dad, Stephen's loss of his mom, Roy's solo mission. "It's really just another thing to grow past. And it's important to realise that the world around you is more beautiful that you realise. In spite of everything, beauty and hope still exist."

Her eyes fell to the ground. "I wish I had your strength."

"The only way to make a sword strong is to fire it and hammer it repeatedly. The only way to make precious metals pure is to put them through extreme heat." Her eyes returned to me. "But the funny thing about wisdom is that in the moment you receive some of it, it doesn't help. It never makes you feel any better. It's up to you to find the end result and set your eyes on that as a way to get past what hurts and what feels unfair."

We finally reached the café and I noticed again, like the last time that I was there, that it was unusually empty.

"Julianne!" I greeted the waitress behind the counter.

"Well, I'll be. I haven't seen you around here in a while. I saw your dad a few days ago, though. It's amazing how he looks gorgeous even when he's exhausted."

I laughed. "I think that's why mom took him off the market."

She laughed heartily. "Let me guess, another friend that needs a pick-me-up?"

"That's right, Julianne."

"Seems like you only bring sad people to my shop, young lady."

"Your food is the best for getting happy. This is Zatanna."

"Nice to meet you, Zatanna."

"You, too," she answered.

"Now listen to me, darlin'. You're too pretty to let anything spoil your smile. Chin up. Everything's gonna turn out fine." She turned back to me as Zatanna remained quiet. "So what can I get ya?"

"A funnel cake and two glasses of apple juice, please," I responded.

"Right away." She headed to the back, leaving Zatanna and I alone at the counter. I took a seat and she followed. I looked around and noticed two old men in a booth to the far right having coffee. I smiled. Some friends were for life.

"If the food here is so great, then why is it so empty?" Zatanna asked.

I laughed. "It's Sunday. Everyone's still in bed at this hour."

"Then why are we up?"

"Well, I got up this morning to go to church and you're up because I had to take you out."

"You really didn't."

"I did."

"How can you guys stand to stay around me? My dad's gone because of me. It's my fault that I'll never see him again."

"It's about as much your fault as Global Warming is mine."

"How can you say that?" she exclaimed.

I lowered my voice. "None of us had the power to take Klarion on. Fate's the only person, being, entity, whatever, that could. Let me remind you that _all_ of us except you were either taken down or losing. Lords of Chaos are way out of most of our leagues. We had about reached the point of 'that desperate'. You did what was necessary to save the world. You're a hero, Zatanna."

"And a damn lonely one at that."

"If you want to be lonely, you can be, but it doesn't do much good. Look at Roy. He's walking pain. He tries to hide it but he's isn't okay inside. You may have lost your dad but you still have a family and friends. Lonely is a choice."

Julianne came and brought the funnel cake and her husband, John, brought the apple juice. The scene was so familiar it was almost morbidly hilarious.

"Eat. Trust me, you need funnel cake right now."

She picked up her fork, cut a piece of the soft cake topped with whipped cream and caramel and popped it in her mouth.

"This is amazing," she admitted with a small laugh.

"Like love but a lot cheaper."

She laughed again at that. We ate in silence and I allowed her to have most of the cake. I allowed myself four bites and let her eat the rest without her even realising that that was my intention. John's funnel cakes were so addictive that you just couldn't stop eating it until it was done. I watched her eat as I just sipped on my apple juice. She seemed entranced somehow by the funnel cake, not aware of anything but the fact that she was eating it. At least she was eating. When it was done, she cleaned the excess caramel and whipped cream off the plate, just like I usually did, and then turned to the apple juice.

"Wait, did I just eat the whole thing? I'm so sorry you didn't get much. I didn't even realise—"

My laugh cut her off. "I said I'd buy you breakfast. Never said I was eating."

"Oh, that's right."

I tipped my head in the direction of the door. "Come on. Time for place number two. It's not far, I promise."

I paid Julianne quickly as I got off my stool.

"Bye, Julianne. Bye, John. Thanks for the food. Have a great day," I said, grabbing Zatanna's hand and pulling her through the door.

"Whoa, you paid them with a twenty. That's pretty pricy for one funnel cake and two glasses of juice," Zatanna commented.

I shrugged. "I always overpay. It's because I pay them for more than the food, I tip them for being such great people. They let me eat there free a few times when Jason first left and I had no money. They've been really nice to me and it's the only way I could think that I can pay them back. That and telling everyone I know about their amazing food. One of these good days, I've got to take the team there. Conner and Megan might live here but I don't think they've really been enjoying the city. Happy Harbour's a great place."

"I guess it's nice to be living here."

"If you hadn't chosen to stay at the same school you're in now, you could have come to my school and you would have had a blast hanging out with my friends and I. Tanya and Stephen are fun people. But I guess, it's good to hold onto some bit of stability. If I ever had to be uprooted, I'd be pretty messed up. You're stronger than you think."

We passed my school, crossed the street and ended up in the park that was always a magical place.

"Here we are."

"A park."

"Yep. And we're going to lie in it."

"Lie in it? Why would we—"

"A few weeks ago, I lost something that was very, very important to me and I was pretty distraught about it. One of the ways I dealt with it was by coming here and lying in the grass and focusing on nothing. I just laid there and took in the beauty and hopefulness and awe-inspiring nature of nature. Trust me. It's nice."

I went to the spot that I had selected before for this exercise and laid on the ground. She eyed me sceptically for a moment.

"Oh, come on. What've you got to lose?" I asked her.

She continued to stare for another moment before she shrugged and came to join me. She put one hand atop the other on her stomach. "So what now?"

"Close your eyes."

"Just like that? This is a public park, you know. What if some—"

"See, that's exactly what you're trying to get rid of. Stop thinking and just open up. I promise you that if anything bad happens to you, you can hit me or whatever. I'll take responsibility for whatever happens to you."

She sighed. "Alright." She closed her eyes and I shut mine as well.

"Now just listen for the birds and feel the breeze on your face. Smell the grass and the freshness of the atmosphere. Hear the rustling of the tree branches. Hear nature and civilisation living together. Just _receive_."

I obeyed my own instructions, listening for the amazing nature around me. The birds were singing a lusty, happy, joyful song and the trees were rustling like they were applauding. A car sounded in the distance. Someone was listening to music. I recognised the song, 'The Shadow Proves The Sunshine'. Before I knew it, I was singing softly.

Zatanna sobbed. She began to cry. I opened my eyes and saw her covering her face with her hands, crying. She sat up and I followed. I pulled her into a hug while she just cried.

"How am I ever supposed to get past this, Hy? He was the only family I had and he's just…gone. I feel so sad, so lonely. I just want to cry all the time and…and…if I could leave the team and have him back again I would. I know I shouldn't cry but—"

"Who said you shouldn't cry? You _should_ cry. You should take your time and cry as much as you need to. You've got to allow yourself to get all that emotion out of you. You lost so much and it hurts to lose. All the time. It's up to you to know when you've cried enough and when you need to inject yourself back into your life. There's nothing dishonourable or weak about crying. Crying is for those strong enough to admit to what they're feeling and do something about it. So cry. Cry as much as you need. Holding it in can only hurt you."

The dam broke just then and she burst into uncontrollable, violent sobs and wordless lamentations. I just held her as her tears made their way out of her, a transport system for her pain. I let her cry and I prayed for her pain to go away. And for strength to replace it. Strength and happiness and love.

It was a long while later that she finally quieted, her sobs dissipating into silence, her tears drying. After about four minutes of silence, I let her go. She looked at me and smiled.

"Thank you. For everything," she said.

"Not a problem. Now let's get you home." We stood. I checked my watch. We'd been there about forty minutes. "We'll take a cab."

She nodded and we walked a couple blocks down to get a taxi.

"Hey, Hy, tell me about your family. You've been my ear; I think it's only fair that I'll be yours."

"My family is wonderful. I have a younger sister named January and my parents are Harlene and Sheridan. They like to informally adopt everyone's kids. My mom feels that way about the whole team, in fact. We're a great family. We get along and barely ever disagree. We talk to each other about everything."

"They sound like they're amazing."

"They are. I can't possibly understand the magnitude of what you've lost but you don't have to face it alone at all."

"You're the one who stuck the card under my door, right?"

"Yup."

"You're missing a two of hearts now."

"I have a replacement."

"Why'd you pick the two of hearts?"

"Have you ever heard that corny song by _Stacey Q_? You know, that old people song from the 1980s? Well, it's totally awful and has nothing to do with the situation but I chose that card because of what it would mean. It's a symbol to represent how much you're not alone and how connected your new family is to you. If you need a friend, an ear, a confidante, a person to just get you out of the house, whatever, I'll be there for you. Just say the word. Just like how she says in that terrible song, 'Two hearts that beat as one', you can have someone to share your feelings, too."

"That's beautiful. Thank you."

"Not a prob. Megan's going to kill me when she sees I made you cry."

"It wasn't you. It was everything. It was that song and the birds and the nature. It was all so beautiful…and heart-breaking. It reminded me of how even though everything is still going on around me, nothing will ever be the same."

"I get what you mean. A few months ago, I realised that, too. But don't take it like that. Feel the hope in the air, the power of life, the vibrancy, the joy. Feel it and know that someday, you will find it back. It will find you. It will change your heart, mend the brokenness. There's always hope and there is always a new beginning."

We got a cab and I let her get in before me.

"It must be hard being so optimistic all the time."

I chuckled. "Robin would tell you the exact opposite."

"He would?"

"Yup. I'm just like everyone else. I have highs, I have lows. In general, as I once told Robin, I just take things in stride and try not to expect too much from the world. But that doesn't mean I don't occasionally reach for the stars. I bounce from two extremes depending on my mood. And I'm an infamous hypocrite because I'll sit next to you and tell you to cry and let your feelings out and I'll shovel all of mine inside me. I think I just have a harder time taking my own advice than giving it."

She nodded and we were in silence for a long while after that. Just as the cab approached the curb where I usually got a taxi to take me home from Mount Justice, the silence was broken.

"Hy, can I ask what it is that you lost that made you so unhappy?"

I smiled at her, opened the cab door then looked at her. "Love."

She didn't ask any more questions after that. We crossed the field in silence. We found Conner and Megan watching TV. Conner got panicky when he saw Zatanna and stood.

"What happened—" He switched his attention to me. "What did you do to her?"

"Calm down, Conner," she said. "It's alright. She helped me…begin to deal with losing my dad."

"Oh," he said, his expression immediately slackening.

"Pain therapy," I said. "Without a specialist."

"Sorry I—"

"It's okay," I cut him off. "I'm going home now. I'll see you in some hours."

They chorused a goodbye behind me as I left. Helping someone drain their emotions was tiring. I needed to just go home, finally have some breakfast or lunch or whatever was there to eat and chill.


	16. Chapter 16

**You people cannot say that I do not love you. In fact, I am probably going to redeem myself from the accusations that I'm breaking people's hearts and torturing them etc. with what I have planned. I spent a few hours last night and the night before transcribing episodes till early in the morning. For what purpose? You'll just have to wait to find out, now won't you? ;)**

"They're moving a bomb tonight," Jason said over the video feed. "They're putting it on a boat and sending it straight to Manhattan Island where they're going to try to blow up the Statue of Liberty in an attempt to start a war between the US and their Middle Eastern enemies."

"Such a simple plan," Conner said.

"Yet so effective. Such an attack would raise suspicion and the US would start sending an insurgence to their country in no time," Kal added.

"Which is so stupid because the Middle East didn't really _do_ anything," I commented.

The eyes turned and fell on me as if to ask if I was serious. I shrugged. "Well, besides the nine-eleven incident and stuff but it ain't okay to start painting everybody with the same brush. It's not only soldiers that die in wars. It's wives, husbands, children and friends. And that's just on the field. Imagine all the civilians in the same roles that die. A bunch of friggin' mad-asses attacks someone else' country and the whole nation has to pay for it? Can't be right."

Jason chuckled. "Chill out. They're not going to succeed because you guys are going to stop it."

"Will you be there with them?" I asked him, unable to fight the temptation to ask.

"Affirmative."

"Jase, can't you just sit this out?"

He chuckled. "Are you dragging your personal emotions into this business, _princess_?"

"Don't call me 'princess'. But you're right. Never mind. Just try to stay clear of most of the fighting. I won't enjoy having to injure you."

"You will. You just don't know it yet."

"Shut up. Where's the best point to intercept—Oh, sorry, that's Aqualad's line."

Kaldur turned back to face him. "Her question is important. Where will be the best point to intercept?"

"There are a few but the schedule is tight. I doubt you'll make it here, to North Carolina, within the hour to ensure that the bomb does not get onto the boat so your best bet will be to get it as it's approaching the docks in New York. From there, it has to be put in a truck and when it approaches Manhattan, it will be put in another boat. Any of those changeover points are good ways to attack, but not all will be a good idea if you're trying to avoid too many casualties or witnesses. The docks of New York are your best bet."

"Then we shall await your arrival there," Kal responded. "Try to stay away from battle, my friend. We do not wish to lose an ally today."

"Will do. Where necessary, we can fake a good fight."

"That will be a waste of time. Just try to avoid doing any fighting yourself."

"Affirmative. Where possible, I'll keep hidden. Ace out." The feed cut and wanted to punch something.

"Really? He's home for less than three days and they've already got him back out planning crap?" I muttered to myself, heading to the Bioship.

We sat in silence while the ship took off and started to head towards the docks of New York's. I just stared out the window at the scenery below.

"You are worried about him," Kaldur stated. "Am I right, Cin?"

I exhaled and turned to face him. "Now, I know I shouldn't be bringing my personal business into missions but I have yet to make that differentiation. Ace, Jason, he's a very important friend and I just hate having him mixed up in all of this, even if he is just faking. His plans are still real plans. He still has a real measure of power within the group. He's every bit a villain as they are with the minor exception of the fact that his heart's not in it like theirs are. He's still actually working for them while he works for us. And I hate it. My friends should not have to be my enemies." I exhaled. "Not that for a second this is about me."

"It _is_ about you. He's your friend and you're the one who has to fight for the greater good. There's nothing wrong with that. It's always your values and ideals that guide you for every mission. It is always about you to some degree or other," Robin said.

"Sure, but emotions are the problems. Those need to STFO of these situations."

"STFO?" Megan asked.

"Stay the fu—"

"It's not important," Robin cut me off, "but it just means that they really need to stay out of things."

"Oh," she responded.

"And despite the unnecessary expression, you're right," he responded. "You do have to take your emotions out of it. He'll be fine."

"Yeah, just like I'm always fine but my mother still worries herself to pieces."

"Are you his mother?"

"Sorta."

"What does that even mean?"

"In our friendship, there are several roles that I occupy. I worry about him like his mother, I nag him to do what's important like his wife, I understand him like a bro would and I'm his ear and his adviser as a best friend. I'm also his parole officer, keeping him in line. In turn, he does the same for me. That's how it's always been and probably how it will always be, even after he's married."

"You two are that close?" Conner asked. "Even after all this time?" I nodded. "That's pretty impressive."

I shrugged. "It's because we're both people who need people. We understand that you have to give to get and we're willing to do that. We just get each other, like God put us next door to each other some twelve years ago just so that we could have each other there. I…don't think I can explain it in words but…it's like…Conner, how you have Megan and she's very important to you and you feel that she gets you and that there doesn't have to be secrets between you two because she gets you to the point where she'll understand no matter how messed up or stupid or downright awful or trivial it is—"

"Breathe, Hyacinth!" Robin exclaimed.

"I never told you that," Conner said.

"No, but I presume that's how things are because that, to me, is the perfect relationship. Anyway, that's how Jason and I are without all the especially romantic feelings. He's everything I want and need him to be and even some things that I don't and that's okay because I'm his support system just like that." I sighed. "And I am rambling on again. Never mind."

"I don't think you're rambling," Megan said. "I think it makes a lot of sense, what you just said. And I can tell that your friendship is beyond perfect."

"Someone told me once that I talk too much. I try to curb the habit but it doesn't seem to be working."

"And these days you seem to be bouncing from the two extremes," Robin responded. "It's either you're talking too much or you don't talk at all and the latter, it kind of scares us. If we had to choose, we'd prefer that you talked too much. Because that's just you. You talk too much because you're an energetic person and you just want to share that with everyone."

I couldn't help but just stare at him. This is who he thought I was. He, too, understood me. Was I just that transparent all the time? Was it _because_ he saw all of me, all of the true me, that he thought he had to step back and turn away?

I gave a half smile. "Yeah, sorry for worrying you guys with my silence. I've just been trying to deal with some stuff in my head these days."

"Well, we are always here if you need friends," Kal said. "But right now, we must focus on the mission at hand."

"Right," I acknowledged.

The dock was very quiet when we arrived. There were few people still there at that hour, as to be expected, and those few seemed to just be closing up whatever business or transactions they were executing. We were paired off, as usual, and hiding at several strategic locations on the dock, ready to spring into action as the boat arrived. We were waiting for about a half hour with no action or anything in sight. I was dying to ask Jason if he was sure we were at the right place. Just then, Kaldur's voice patched through the communicators.

"Incoming boat on my side. Estimated ten minutes till docking. Be ready to move on my mark. Miss Martian, as soon as they dock, go into the ship in camouflage and locate the bomb. Give us also an estimation of how many people there are on-board and involved in this operation. We'll work from there. Link us up in case they jam or intercept communications."

"Everyone linked?" she asked telepathically.

Everyone gave some sort of affirmative answer. I assumed that all communication henceforth would be telepathic. I wondered if I would be able to crawl through anyone's mind or if they would be at liberty to do the same. Not that any of us would. We all respected the fact that there were things we preferred not to share with our teammates despite how close we were. I wondered if Kal had a girlfriend. I had to ask him someday. The Atlantean girls would be fools to let a guy like him just go on by himself.

And I was getting carried away.

Mob cronies started pouring out of the ship.

"We've got thirty guys dealing with the operation. The bomb is below decks to prevent any potential disasters," Megan reported.

"Good job," Kal replied. "I want you to take down anyone close to the bomb, especially if they attempt to move it. We will deal with everyone else. On my mark, the rest of us will start incapacitating the rest of the group."

"Jason's in the room in the highest part of the ship. What should I do?" she asked.

"If there's a sheet of paper near him, draw a clover on the page," I told her telepathically.

"A clover?"

"When he was ten, he gave his mom a necklace with a four leaf clover on it. She always wears it. He'll know. That way, the drawing won't look too conspicuous if they recover any of the papers on the ship."

"Alright." She was silent for a moment while more cronies poured out of the ship, stretching their legs and taking the air. "Our presence is acknowledged. He's staying in the ship to avoid getting in the way."

"Good. On my mark, the rest of us will attack," Aqualad directed. I counted twenty people out on the docks, meaning there was still about ten of them in the ship.

"Kid Flash, when we attack, go inside the ship and help Miss Martian dispatch the ten people still on the ship. Go."

We all jumped out wherever we were hiding and started to take down people one by one. Three or four managed to get their assault rifles pointed but we were all moving too fast for them to lock on a target. I snuck up behind two particularly idiotic gun wielders and smashed their heads into each other. They slumped to the ground after that and I kicked their guns to the edge of the dock. One of them started to shoot madly all over the place, desperate to get at least one target. Those closest to where he was shooting, Aqualad and Conner, took cover behind some barrels but the shooter managed to shoot one of this allies in the leg. I waltzed up behind him and tapped his shoulder.

"Hey, egghead, you're paying his medical expenses." I punched him in the face, grabbed the gun and flung it away before kicking him where it hurt most and punching him to the ground. Robin handled the last guy with the gun quickly as well. When I looked around, the dock was littered with unconscious, incompetent mobsters. But the thing about them was that there were all so young. I guessed that not one of them was older than twenty-six.

"Wally, Miss Martian, status report," Aqualad asked telepathically.

"We got everybody. Even the guy who was just getting out of the toilet," Wally said.

"Affirmative. Everyone except Jason," Megan responded.

Just as she was saying that, Jason came onto the deck with an automatic rifle and opened fire, spraying bullets from right to left.

"You rat bastards! You can't stop us!" he shouted. He jumped off of the deck onto the dock and made a mad dash, continuing to shoot as he went though he wasn't getting anybody. We were all tucked behind various pieces of things on the deck. He stopped shooting and ran off into the distance.

"Where is he going?" I asked mentally.

"To get into the van they were supposed to be transporting the bomb in. He has to be able to escape," Megan answered.

"Oh. Well, that makes sense."

We all came out of hiding and started to secure the hands of all the people unconscious on the dock and Robin defused the bomb. The various authorities were informed and when they arrived, we got into the camouflaged Bioship and started for home.

In the middle of the debriefing, a video feed popped up with Jason's face on it.

"Back already, I see," he commented, smiling.

"What the hell are you smiling at? You shot at us for no reason," I yelled at him.

"No reason? Now, how would it look if my entire team got taken down and I somehow got to the van without doing anything or shooting so much as one bullet? I had to make it look like I tried to get you as I ran away. I can't have anyone saying that it was suspicious how I managed to get away. That would blow my cover and you have no idea what they do with traitors.

"String them up by the wrists and shoot them in the kneecaps, arm sockets and neck?"

"Okay, so maybe you do have an idea."

"He's got a point," Batman said. "He's got to make it look like he tried to do his duty when he got away."

"I know that but, seriously, you couldn't have just slipped away when we were engrossed with fighting people? You have to start shooting at us, too?"

"Did any of you get hurt?"

"No."

"Did any civilians get hurt?"

"No."

"Well then, where's the problem?"

I pinched my nose bridge. "I'll get to you later. In the meanwhile…"

"So far I've got nothing to report but my bosses aren't very happy about this. Their planning something else, I can tell, but they haven't let me in on it yet. As soon as I get word, so will you. Ace out."

After the end of the debriefing, I quickly left the main atrium to go to change.

"Oh, hey, how did the mission go?" Zatanna asked from the kitchen.

"Alright," I replied, never breaking my stride. She wasn't included in the mission because, as Batman put it, we didn't need that many people for this kind of mission. Translation: you should sit this out because we're not sure if you're emotionally stable yet. She didn't seem to mind.

The next day was Wally's birthday and the mission to take down the ice fortresses proved an epic one. Working with the Justice League was something I had only dreamt of, and fighting beside them was greater than I could have ever imagined. I had to fight the urge to go fangirl but we had a job to do and I had to make sure that I kept my head on straight. When Wally explained what his mission had truly been, I felt really proud to have him as one of my friends. I felt confident that I could pull through whatever darkness I was facing once I continued to have this outstanding group of teenagers at my side.

I had a few nightmares that week about the woman whom I had seen at the hospital—Terri-Ann, I had learnt was her name. I awakened with fright each time but it dissipated as I remembered Robin's words and his arms which didn't hesitate to wrap around me protectively at that time and his warmth which fought the cold threatening to turn me to ice on the inside.

It had struck me a long time ago that he was always willing to hold me and help me in a time of weakness but what I did not know for sure was what he actually felt about me. How _did_ he feel about me? What were we and what exactly characterised the relationship that we had now? This was a question that I had not asked.

We were no longer a couple. He had a new girlfriend or, for the very least, a new crush now. We were no longer best friends. Our interactions were different from the way they had been when we were best friends but not dating; he didn't call anymore for no reason. Or was that something he started to do when we were dating? Somehow, the lines between our friendship and our relationship were blurred, probably because during our relationship, we still acted a lot like best friends. It was also probably because our relationship started not long after our friendship. Had we rushed into a relationship? Honestly, it hadn't been as long as a month that we were friends before we had started dating. I made a face in the darkness of my room. To an extent, even I believed that maybe a longer period of time would have been better before we had started dating.

However, we were still teammates, obligated to have each other's backs to keep the team strong and proficient in its mission. In a way, that could involve anything that would emotionally traumatise and scar each other. Which led to the next point. Though we might not have been best friends anymore, we were still friends. Such was the nature of our team. We were more than just fellow soldiers in battle. We were friends and comrades. We genuinely cared about one another.

On the other hand, knowing what we were did not equate with how he felt about me. It was obvious that he was concerned about me to a rather great extent but how did he _feel_ about me? Did I make him nervous or awkward or annoyed or disgusted? Did he pity me? Did he still like who I was? Was I an important friend or was I just another acquaintance?

Friday night, I found myself with nothing to do. I had made a few rounds around my usual route then ventured into areas I barely visited. No one seemed to be out and though this pleased me considerably, it left me with nothing to do and no one to fight. I started on my way home when I was intercepted on a rooftop.

Robin smiled as my feet landed on the roof.

"Hey," he said,

I raised an eyebrow at him. "What are you doing here? You don't live here and you don't work here."

"Ouch. Something wrong with me still being in Happy Harbour?"

"No, but it's like nearly eleven. Doesn't your guardian give you a curfew or something?"

"No. As I mentioned before, he's kind of a night person himself so he's not going to force me to be home at a certain hour when he isn't. The job calls for late hours and he's cool with that."

I shrugged. "Okay. Still doesn't answer my question about what you're doing here. I've already deduced that you were looking for me but the question remains why."

"Well, your deduction was correct. I did come looking for you. I figured I'd find you out here on a Friday night."

"Yeah, the strangest thing is that it's Friday night when everyone's out and doing stuff and there seems to be no one on the streets doing anything that warrants my attention. It's strange. Nice but strange nonetheless."

"I find it strange that you don't have plans on a Friday night."

"Well, Jason's out of town, Tanya and Stephen are probably out on a date or something, the family's at home so my schedule is as open as...well, something that's open." He laughed at that. "But, anyway, you don't have plans either, I would assume, since you're still here. No dates, Dynamic Duo stuff, hanging out or whatever planned?"

"Pretty much. Guess we're in the same boat." Yeah, that sure sounded familiar. We were on a rooftop again, too, to boot, just like that other time where we both had crush problems. I rolled my eyes, happy that my eye mask hid it. Irony was a stalker. "Hey, I'm amazed how you kept it together this week, what with the League and the team teaming up for a mission."

"Well, gravity seems to help me get traught, as you would put it."

"Yeah, I suppose the fact that the mission was a pretty serious one would have kept you in focus. Did you see Zatanna on that mission? She sure is fitting in for a newbie."

"Yeah, she was pretty impressive."

"Hey, I heard what you did for her on Sunday. It was sweet."

"Just trying to do what I can for her."

"It's so unfair that something like this had to happen. I mean, sure, putting on the helmet had its consequences, but how could Nabu be so satisfied with taking over people's lives? He was even willing to take her when her life arguably hasn't even started yet! That's just crazy!" I nodded but couldn't help but notice how passionate he was about things concerning her. "She doesn't deserve this kind of madness. It's just really unfair. But it's really admirable how she's just holding on, trying to put on her bravest face and work with us like nothing's happened. Her courage is amazing. I think you might have had a hand in it."

"Nah. That crazy courage? All her. All I gave her were words."

"Words can be pretty powerful things. I mean, she works with words, doesn't she?"

"Backwards as they are."

"Yeah." There was a bit of silence and I backed up to lean on the short wall behind me. He came to do the same a few seconds later but ensuring there were at least two feet between us. "I think everyone really likes her."

"I know I do."

"I know, right? There's something about her you can't help but like. She's sweet, charming, kind, brave, not to mention she's insanely cute. And her eyes, they're like you can drown in them. With all that, you just can't help but be attracted to her, right?"

Was this some kind of sick, cosmic joke or something? Because it really felt like I was in the middle of some awful, dark existentialist literature. Here I was, madly and hopelessly in love with him and here he was, going on and on and on about some other girl as if to rub it in my face that he was falling head over heels for her and trying to convince me that she was the best thing on the planet since sliced cheese. Moreover, she was now living in my city, part of my team and I was trying my hardest to be friends with her.

Sure, I already pretty much loved the girl and there was an especially tender spot in my heart for her because of the loss of her father. However, at the same time, it still tugged at my mind every so often that she was the right combination of everything that appealed to him to completely obliterate any semblance or bit of romantic feeling he had for me and just pull them all over to her. She was now very much his everything. And I was just the girl he came to when he wanted to gush about her. Given how the train of conversation was going, that seemed to be what he was here for.

"Dude, I totally just realised something. _Why_ were you looking for me again?"

He shrugged. "No real reason, I guess. I just figured that we haven't had time to hang out much these days so I should come look for you." Correction, I've always had time. You, on the other hand, were either too busy or disinterested. Even with my newly furbished schedule, my weekends were always free and after rugby was generally a good time if people wanted to find me. And he was a bloody detective! If the bastard had really wanted to find me, he would have. Leaving the only person who had been neither available nor interested as him. I tried not to let my thoughts turn into a foul mood, grudge or both.

I offered a half smile. "I appreciate the sentiment but we hang out at The Cave, don't we?"

"No. We _train_ at The Cave. Don't get confused. We don't really hang out there much, especially not these days with all the drama that's been going down. The last time we hung out there was for Wally's birthday and before that was our game day, Sunday. Before that was the evening you stayed to play videogames with us and before that, well, I can't even remember."

"That sounds like we've been hanging out an awful lot though."

"You've been dodgy and reluctant to spend more time than necessary at The Cave."

"It's so funny that Megan said the exact same thing to me when we had our little chat."

"Because we can all feel it. And anyway, I was talking about you and me hanging out, you know, as best friends."

I wanted to scoff and ask, 'Oh, are we really still best friends' but I shoved it back inside, deciding to not unleash that particular beast. The last thing I wanted was for him to walk off on me because I was being a bitch. Not that I think I could be blamed too much if I did feel inclined to act like one. I was only human and he was pushing my limits. There was only so much that one could try to fight being in love while still trying to live their life and be a good person to everyone around them. This was unnecessarily poking the fire.

Just at that moment, the phone rang. I pulled it from my pocket and put it to my ear.

"Yeah?"

"Hi, sweetie," my mom said.

"Hey. What do you need?"

"Nothing really, I just wanted to ask you if you had any idea what to get January for her birthday next month."

"Birthday...January...Oh, shi—I mean, crap. Next month is December, isn't it?"

She laughed. "That's right. And December eleventh is your sister's tenth birthday."

I yelled in frustration. "How could I forget? I have no idea what to get her! Except maybe a _Kindle Fire_?"

"Why is your first suggestion always some piece of technology?"

"Because that's what's hot now. And besides, there are so many uses for it. And the price is right. And she'll obviously love it. Do I need to go on any more?"

She laughed. "Alright, you have a good point."

"Hold up. Is that why you called?"

"Yes."

"We couldn't talk about this when I came home?"

"Are you busy?"

"Not at the immediate moment."

"Well, see, I'm heading to bed soon and I don't know if I'll see you before the night is over or before I completely forgot. Oh, and by the way, we brought Laila home this afternoon."

"That's great. Do you need me to pick anything up at the convenience store?"

"No, but I thought I should give you some warning before you like sense more than three presences in the house and attack."

"Ma...I'm not a ninja..."

"No, you are not, but I'm just covering my bases. The woman's already gone through enough; she doesn't need to be injured any further."

"How...kind of you," I said flatly.

She just laughed. "Alright. Well, goodnight, in case I don't see you when you come in."

"Okay, bye."

"Tell Robin I say hi."

"I will—wait, how—"

"I just had a feeling."

"Alright. Well, seriously, I've got something to tell you when I get home about that. Anyway, bye."

She hung up and I returned my phone to my pocket.

"Let me get this straight," Robin said, smiling like he was holding in a laugh. "Your sister, January...her birthday...is in December?"

"Yeah."

"Was your mom expecting her in January?"

"No."

"Then why—"

I exhaled. "Really, you fail as a detective. When we met, I told you my mother named me after her favourite flower. Therefore..."

"Oh, so your mom's birthday is in January?"

"Bingo, Sidekick."

"When?"

"Eleventh."

"Sweet. I'll send her flowers of something."

"She'd rather you just visit. She says 'hi', by the way."

"How old will January be next month?"

"Ten years old."

"Cool. Maybe I'll send her flowers, too."

"Good idea."

"What, you're not going to suggest that I come over?"

How was I supposed to tell him that she was still a little bit peeved that he dumped me? "Don't know if or when we'll be home," I answered. It was a safe answer.

"It has nothing to do with the fact that you and I are..."

I smirked at him. "And what would give you that impression?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. You seemed to not acknowledge the possibility that your mom won't be home for her birthday. I haven't seen any of your family members in ages."

"C'est la faute de quien?"

"You speak French?"

"Barely. I only really speak three and a half languages and French isn't really one of them."

"Three and a half?"

"I like being useful...and learning stuff that makes me look cool."

"Well, at least your ego is still as big as ever."

He was smiling at me in that way that made it pretty damn hard to be mad at him and which accentuated the fact that, eye mask, shades or not, he was pretty damn gorgeous. I wasn't sure if I was making myself sick at how I fell into his charms so easily or if I was sick of this whole unsavoury situation.

"Hey, Hy, I wanted to talk to you about—"

The device in his ear started chirping and he touched it. "Yeah...Happy Harbour...Uh-huh...Alright, I got it. On my way." He turned back to face me. "I gotta go."

"No surprise there."

"I always do this to you, don't I?"

I shrugged as if to suggest that I wasn't keeping count or score or tab or anything. I was. He _did_ always do this to me. Even when we were dating, he would have to leave when his mentor called him away and then he never explained what had happened or what the emergency was. Sometimes I would see on the news when some major bust happened in Gotham but apart from that, he never spilled. I suspected that Batman was just keeping tabs on him to make sure he wasn't spending too much time with me. Was it Batman's fault that he hadn't had the time to fall in love with me as well? That was ridiculous. He hadn't fallen for me because I wasn't good enough to meet his standards. That was the most credible answer.

"I really wanted to talk to you about something but I guess we'll have to postpone this," he said. "There's something that we need to—"

"Look, I get it. We need to have a chat. Whenever you want, alright? For now, just go before the Bat stabs you or something."

He frowned deeply at me like something about the whole situation displeased him but he eventually just shrugged it off. "Okay. We definitely have to get back to this. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, totally. Now git."

He chuckled. "Go home, Cin."

"You, too, Robin."

He made his way off and I, like the idiot that I was, just watched him go. I always just stood there and watched him go. Just like in the dream I had had. Just like always.

It started to nag me as I was showering before bed, that thing he wanted to talk to me about. Was he so nervous to talk about it because he was finally going to tell me straight out about him and Zatanna? What was there that we could possibly have to talk about so urgently?

It occurred to me that he wanted to talk about our breakup. But if he hadn't wanted to discuss it much before, why would he want to do it now? Closure? That emphasised even more that he was going to tell me about Zatanna or he was going to make a major move where she was concerned. Why else would your ex-boyfriend suddenly want to discuss something that was previously avoided when he had a new crush? The picture started to form in my head and after that I couldn't stop it. He would talk to me, get it out of his system then go to her and make things official. They would be Robanna or Zatbin or some stupid name combo after that. They would spend every free moment together and, if he told me about their relationship, it would mean that their relationship wouldn't be a secret. When we were dating, he didn't tell anyone, not even Wally. If he was going to tell me, the person now just occupying the friend role, why wouldn't he tell everyone else? We didn't spend all of our free time together but we saw each other every day and he used to call almost every night. Now, she would be the one getting nightly calls and without a protective dad telling her to get off the phone, they could talk till the sun came up if they wanted. And he would make the extra effort for them to spend all the time they could find together. Because she was the girl who was more than I was.

As the picture formed, it became like a wildfire burning my mind. I felt so hopelessly awful because, (a) I was obsessing so much over this dumb issue, (b) I was allowing that to fiddle with my emotions and self-worth and (c) I had no choice but to just sit by and watch it go down.

"No choice? You always have a choice," I whispered to myself in the cold shower of water.

But in a situation like this, there was no choice because the right choice was such a no brainer. If I spoke up, told him how I felt, he would know I still loved him which would probably lead to him either pitying me or pulling away from me because he didn't feel the same way and didn't want my feelings to persist. And even after that, it still wouldn't change things for me except that I would still lose him either way. He would still go to her. And if my feelings guilted him somehow into postponing his relationship with her, no one would be happy, because he still wouldn't be with me and they would have those feelings for each other and not want to go anywhere with them.

I didn't want pity. I didn't want to make anyone miserable. I would always be miserable so there was no helping me until I learnt to stop loving him as someone I wanted to be with and started to love him instead like family.

As a result, the only choice was to stay quiet and stew in silence while trying my very hardest to get over him. No, not get over him. I would never get over him. I had to try my hardest to stop _wanting_ him. Because love didn't end. Not if it was really love. If it wasn't real love, then it would wax, wane and fall. What ended when people were in love was strength, the strength to continue to fight to stay together, to work at making things succeed, and the will to stay strong and continue to fight for the relationship.

Even my parents who seemed to have the perfect marriage ever had to fight to stay strong. While I had never actually seen or heard them get in an actual intense fight, I knew that there were things about each other that they had to patient about. My mom was a free-spirited woman, a little bit wild, a result of all that Caribbean blood flowing through her veins. Dad was a little bit of a nervous person, worried for everyone's safety and always liking to keep tabs and caution everyone. There were many times when my mom wasn't having that. She wouldn't be controlled or regulated by anyone. Dad sometimes resented the way she acted as if she were invincible and free. She would forget her cell phone, choose to walk home, go places without telling him and he would get a bit nervous when he wasn't sure where she was. But despite those things, they still loved each other more than could be put into words, still fell more and more in love with each other every day and still valued being together above all else. Their little disagreements were settled quickly. They never doted on them. They came, they passed and at the end of things, they still loved one another completely and utterly.

Half of me wished I had never gotten to know Robin. Half of me wished to never have to let go of him.

When I was out of the bathroom, my phone rang. I considered throwing the phone out the window where it could never bother me again. Of course, I knew I couldn't do it. That phone was special to me because _he_ gave it to me. And I was important to some other people so I had to keep it for them.

"Hello?"

"Well, you sound like—"

"Hell on a stick. Yeah, I know."

"Do you know," Jason said, "that I just remembered that your sister's birthday is coming up? What are you guys getting her?"

"A _Kindle Fire_, most likely."

"Ooh, cool. How old is she going to be?"

"Ten."

"Oh, damn, you're getting old."

I chuckled. "Yeah, thanks, that's very helpful."

"We're both getting old. Like I was listening to some music the other day—I had my music on shuffle—and it pulled up this song that I hadn't heard in a really, really, really long time. I felt _old_. Things are changing and getting really crazy."

I sighed. "Yeah. They are. It's depressing."

"Hey, who made my princess sad?"

"Don't call me princess! And—it's nobody."

"You're lying," he sang accusingly.

"Robin tried to talk to me."

"About?"

"I dunno. He had to go suddenly."

"But you're worried about something?"

"Yeah, I figure he's going to have us talk about our breakup then either tell me about his new girlfriend or after that he's going to make things official with her."

"How do you—"

"I saw them out together. She's the new member of the team."

"Ow. Damn."

"He sings her praises to me as if there's no way it could possibly affect me to hear him praise her. She's got him hook, line and sinker and I'm just the person available for him to gush about her. It hasn't even been three months and he's already all over her."

"Oh, God, I'm sorry. If you want, I can rip his—"

"No, hurting him is what I'm trying to avoid."

"Yes, but at what cost? Your own happiness? Your own closure?"

"Ugh, you don't understand."

"Damn right I don't. I'm capable of only trace amounts of thought or even lots of it and I can't understand your logic. Because it's _bullshit_. Sure, you've got to care about him but you also have to look after _you_. And it's not like you'd be asking for anything unreasonable. Just some answers. You mean to say he couldn't even give you an 'it's not you, it's me'? Bullshit. Rethink it, Hy. Stop trying to be so f-ing noble."

I sighed. Somehow I always knew I was just running away from hearing him tell me himself that I was not good enough for him. It was a subconscious thing. And what I needed, the reason that I couldn't move on was because I didn't know why it ended. It just continued to pick and pick at my mind. It was a never-ending botheration because I let it go unattended, unclosed.

"Why do you have to be right? Right now anyway."

"Because that's what you need me for. When you turn blind and stupid and ridiculous and senseless and weak and—"

"You can stop adding adjectives now."

He chuckled. "When that happens, I can be the person who gets you back on the right path. And when all that shit happens to me, you'll get me back on the right course, too."

"I'm glad I talked to you."

"I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Oh, I never said that."

"Oh, you are. You can't deny it."

I chuckled. "Yeah, you're right. You always make me feel better. Or worse. Depends on the situation."

"What I do is I always tell you what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear."

"Ah, yes, I think you've said it best. Now get your ass to bed."

"Ditto for you, princess."

"No seriously, if you keep calling me that—"

"You'll just get used to it. Goodnight, princess. Sweet dreams."

"Thanks; you, too. Goodnight."

"Oh, tell my mom I say goodnight and that I love her."

"I will. Why don't you just call her?"

"She doesn't have her cell phone. I'll bring it when I come back for Christmas."

"Will they let you come?"

"They'll have to."

"Alright. Bye."

I shut the phone and headed over to his mom's room. I knocked twice before I entered. I found her reading a novel from mom's bookshelf.

"Hey, Aunt Laila. Jason says goodnight and that he loves you."

Her eyebrows rose. "You spoke to him?"

"Yeah."

"He didn't ask to talk to me?"

"Nope."

She chuckled. "He must think I'll ask him a million questions and be babying him. Well, he's not wrong. How does he sound?"

"Good. Not unhappy."

"Well, that's good. I wonder if he's better off—"

"Uh-uh-uh. Stop that thought right there, Aunt Laila. He is _not_ better off without you. In fact, he can only be worse off. If you're not around to regulate his behaviour, who will?"

"You."

"He needs more than me, Aunty. He needs you, too. I keep him from doing bad things, stupid things. You encourage him to do good things, great things, to be a better man."

She offered me a smile. "Alright, dear. Thank you very much. You should be heading to bed."

"I am. Goodnight, Aunty."

"Goodnight, sweetheart." I came in, kissed her cheek and received her kiss in turn. I returned to my room and crawled under the covers. Somewhere along the last hour or so, I had made up my mind that I needed to move on and therefore I needed to finally get some answers about the breakup. The only question was of when I would gather enough courage to actually come out and ask. It occurred to me that I may not have to, that he meant to address the issue already and that all I had to do was make myself available. But, I always did that. For him, I was always available. It was always just up to him to decide to come find me.


	17. Chapter 17

**This chapter is dedicated to _Nightwing1387_ and he knows why.**

I thought that given my current situation, nothing could frustrate me further. Well, damn, was I wrong.

The next four weeks were the busiest our team had ever had and my schedule outside of the team was chocked full of plans, too. The guys I played rugby with wanted to get in lots of extra practice to prepare for their upcoming games. Tanya and Stephen suddenly decided that we needed to spend extra time together and after complaining about how much I wasn't in her life anymore, I couldn't have possibly bailed on her. My schedule became madness: I would get up at five to go to rugby training with the guys, go to school, go to training from school where either Canary would be extra harsh on us or we would have some mission from the Bat that would take us well into the night, then I would go to rugby for two hours (or less depending on how the mission turned out), then head over to Tanya's for some group studying (which eventually just turned into us hanging out and ignoring our books), then I would leave at after ten, change in the public bathroom of her apartment building, go out on patrol for at least an hour and a half then get home, try to get to sleep by midnight, rinse, repeat. I was getting really, really tired and feeling awful. But that wasn't even the frustrating part. The frustrating part was actually the fact that after Robin had made it absolutely clear that we had to talk, we had never gotten the chance to. He never called, I wasn't sure if I still had the right number and I didn't think it was a situation where I could just call and ask him about it, and he had also appeared to be as busy as I was. As I was running out of The Cave, desperate to meet my next engagement, he was also running off somewhere, sometimes with Zatanna next to him, but most times without her.

Thanksgiving was the only day that my schedule cleared up. After dinner with my own family, I stopped off by The Cave to have Megan and Zatanna's turkey wing. Conner apparently had gone out for a while and when he came back, he was disturbingly quiet and even anti-social. He took his dinner to his room and stayed there for the rest of the evening. When I came to say goodbye, he just gave a less enthusiastic than usual grunt. It made me worried. And empty.

School ended the last Friday of November and even after that, Tanya demanded that I spend my time with them after rugby. I spent most of my day with Aunt Laila, doing errands for her, helping her look through the newspaper classifieds section or just spending time with her. And even though then would have been an ideal time for him to find me, he never did.

The next reprieve was my sister's birthday. I made sure to clear my entire schedule (except training) that afternoon so that we could celebrate. Robin sent flowers as he promised. Earlier that afternoon, just before I left, he asked me what her favourite flowers were. The purple orchids that he sent were some of the most beautiful that either of us had ever seen and though Jani was still bitter enough about the breakup to want to send them back, she kept them and comforted herself that he probably spent quite a bit of money on them so it was better revenge to burden his pocket. I could tell that after she read the card, she was having trouble thinking he had gall to send the flowers. He seemed to have that effect on my family; we just couldn't stay mad at him because he was an absolute darling.

When he wasn't breaking hearts and not explaining why things turned out that way.

The evening of my sister's birthday, we all went to meet mom's family at the airport. When we returned, she cut the cake, blew out the candles and the entire family just chatted and caught up till midnight. After they left, we cleaned up what was left. I offered to wash the wares for mom so she could get to bed faster. By the time I was done, everyone else had gone off to bed. I checked the house to make sure everything was in order and that it was properly locked then headed to my room. Just as I approached my door, January's door at the end of the hall opened half way.

"Hey, I thought you'd be asleep by now," I said.

"I was...kind of waiting for you."

I went to her door. "What's up, kid?" She stepped back and I came in.

"I was hoping that you'd sleep in my room tonight."

I chuckled. "I haven't done that since you were six years old."

"Yeah. I only used to ask you to sleep in my room when I had nightmares."

"So what's the deal now?" She crawled onto her bed and I started to tuck her in. After she was properly covered, I climbed in next to her just as Jason had done with me.

"I'm a little bit scared," she admitted after I turned to face her.

"Of?"

"Growing up. I look at you and mom and I worry that I won't grow up to be as great as you guys and then, on the other hand, I see all the weird stuff you guys have to handle and I just don't think I can handle that."

I chuckled and stroked her hair. "You're a smart kid, January. You're one of the only kids I've ever seen value their time as a kid. But you're right. Growing up _is_ a pain." She made a disgruntled sound in the back of her throat. "But, the thing is, it's not all bad."

"Well, I don't think it'll be all bad but I guess it'll still be pretty bad sometimes."

I shrugged. "Well, I won't lie to you. Ten years old is a milestone and growing up is pretty hard. You start to miss some of the freedom you had in the past and you start to become more and more aware of the...complexities of the world around you. And it's not nice. Often, it's really ugly. But this world, it can also be breathtakingly beautiful, like when you watch a sunrise or listen to the song a river sings while it's moving. The good thing about all the hard, scary, ugly stuff in life is that it makes you a better, stronger person when you get through it. And you don't have to take it alone. I'll always be here for you, me and mom and dad and even Jase. Just take your time. Grow up as slow or as fast as you want to."

She smiled at me. "This is why I always wanted you to stay next to me when I had nightmares. You're my hero. You're always strong enough for both of us."

I chuckled. "I thought Robin was your hero." I glanced at the large poster of him at her back.

"Robin's an idiot. I mean, he might be a superhero and totally cute and might send totally gorgeous flowers but he let you go so he can't be as bright as he wants people to think."

I laughed. "Why do so many people say that? I'm really not that rad, you know."

"It's because we all think you are. You're an amazing person. You always try to fit everyone into your life and you try to be such a good and helpful person. You're hardworking and you're creative and you're kind of like the perfect sister. If I didn't know any better, I would say you're the best sister in the world. Your superpower is being amazing."

I couldn't help the smile that plastered onto my face. "Well, thanks, Jani. You're pretty great yourself."

She was quiet for a while and I wondered if she was getting sleepy. About two or three minutes later, she spoke, revealing that she wasn't.

"When I blew out the candles on my birthday cake, I wished for two things. One of those things was for you to be happy."

I felt my insides freeze, but it was a strange kind of freezing because it was laced with warmth. It was an impossible feeling, a mixture of happiness, confusion, sadness and elation. I wanted to ask why on earth that would be her birthday wish but I kept it to myself.

"You're not supposed to tell me. Now it won't come true."

"I think it will. You deserve to be happy and I don't think you'll let anything get you down. God always watches out for the people that are faithful to him." I wanted to contest what she said, to tell her that right now I was having the hardest time of my life getting over something that should have been so minor. Love was never minor but, in this scenario, I wanted it to be. I just wanted it to stop haunting me. "Are you happy, Hy? You're always busy and I'm kind of sad that I don't get to see you much anymore but every time I do see you, it's like you've got on this social smile that's supposed to give off the vibe that everything's okay, even if it isn't. Are you happy, or is something really bothering you?"

I contemplated whether or not her question deserved an answer or to be brushed off, a lie or the truth or an avoidance. I felt as if lately I had been burying myself in a sea of lies and I was tired of them so that scratched lies off my list of options.

I exhaled before I began. "Well, kid, I've been trying to be happy and most of the time, I think I am pretty happy but there have just been a few things that make it hard to actually, really smile."

"Does that have anything to do with Robin?"

I sighed as I came to the conclusion that my whole life was probably pretty darn predictable. "Yeah. He's...kind of hard to let go of."

"We loved him, too...the family, that is. I really felt like he was the brother I've always wanted...well, while Jason wasn't around anyway."

"Yes, Jason just seemed to come in at the right time to plug open holes, didn't he?"

"Yeah. He really did."

After a long moment, I stroked her hair again. "Thanks so much for caring about me so much and I'm sorry I worried you. I seem to be worrying a lot of people these days. I feel pretty bad about it."

"You're just completely see-through, that's why."

I laughed. "Yeah, no kidding there." She laughed with me for a moment. "You should sleep." She nodded and grew silent. I stared at her for a long time after she closed her eyes, thinking to myself that I wanted so very badly to protect her from all the evil things in this world. "Oh, hey, what was your other wish?"

Her eyes opened. "It won't come true if I tell you."

I smiled, poked her in the ribs and then closed my own eyes to get some sleep.

The last two weeks before Christmas, things started to slow down, but that didn't mean that things weren't still very busy. With my family in the country, my cousins were dragging me around so that they could go shopping or sightseeing or just so that we could hang out either at the house that the ten of them were renting (three aunts, two uncles by marriage, four cousins and grandma) or by us.

A week before Christmas, dad came into the living room from the bedroom with a half awed, half pensive expression.

"Guess who I just got off the phone with."

"Why don't you just tell us, darling," mom said.

"My family is coming to Happy Harbour for Christmas."

"Wonders shall never cease," me and mom said quietly at the same time. We shot each other looks and laughed.

"Young lady, you shouldn't have that kind of attitude towards your father's family," she scolded and she squeezed my shoulders, though I knew she wasn't for a second serious.

I shrugged. "Hey, I'm just saying. They don't visit, they barely call. I think I'm even forgetting what Grandma Annette and Grandpa Everett look like."

She nudged me with her elbow. "Oh, come on, don't be melodramatic."

"Kid's right, Har," dad said. "My family have been less than…cohesive and with your family as competition in that department, they blow 'em right out of the water."

"Not that it's a competition," she asserted. "They have accommodations?"

"Yeah. They'll be staying in a hotel for the week. They're leaving before New Year's."

"Just like Aunty Sandrine and the whole gang. Poo," I said.

"Well, remember their school starts back a day or two after New Year's and I bet your dad's family have their own plans for New Year's as well," mom said.

"So un-cohesive." I shrugged.

"They'll be flying in on Thursday and leaving on the twenty-eighth," dad said.

"Three days before New Year's. Well they sure aren't staying long," I commented.

"Hyacinth," my mother said warningly.

"What? I didn't say anything that their short visit didn't imply."

She chuckled. "So, shall we go gift shopping?" she asked me.

"Indeed. Just let me get January."

After another five minutes, the three Quinteros ladies exited the house together and headed out in the cold, snowy atmosphere to go engage in the capitalist part of Christmas. First we hit the mall. From there, we went to a few boutiques that we were fond of as well as a few jewellery stores. Dad was getting a new watch from mom. Jani was getting grey pearl earrings. Of course, while mom went to the jewellery store to pick out the presents for her brood (us included), I was the distraction. I took Jani to another boutique not far from the jewellery store to scout presents for the rest of the people on our lists.

I was disappointed when I walked into the boutique. I saw nothing for mom or Tanya or dad or Stephen or Megan or anyone. In fact, it occurred to me that the styles that the store had were particularly uncreative and not bold and daring enough. I thought I could do a better job. And when that thought hit me, I knew I was going to regret it. I knew that once I had thought it, I was now almost completely and utterly obligated to make presents for everyone.

There went my sleep till Christmas Day. As if all the up and down didn't have me tired enough.

While Jani continued to browse the racks of unimpressive clothing, I began to pick out in my mind what I would make for my friends. Of course, it occurred to me that getting or making clothes for Megan was kind of stupid because her clothes were organic. With her being my only obstacle, I decided to get her another present and make things for the others. Definitely a tee-shirt for Artemis and Conner; embellished and designed especially, of course. A miniskirt for Zatanna. I considered making draws for Wally just to see the look on his face but then decided that I would make that for him as a joke _after_ I had successfully completed making all the presents. I had to knit scarves for the League members who were always at The Cave, Batman (yeah, he was getting one alright), Canary, Red Tornado (his humanoid body could use it when he dressed to go out), Captain Marvel.

A jacket for Wally. One for Kaldur, too. Kaldur's would have a zipper. Wally's would be snap closure. Happy...totally a red turtleneck sweater. Or burnt orange to break the monotony of his garb. No, definitely red. Dark red.

January would get the coolest pair of pants ever, embellished with chains and studs and all the fanciness you only see on punk or goth girls on TV. But the pants would be dark green. Stephen would get a sweater. Tanya would get a maxi dress. She had always wanted one but had never gotten around to buying one. Dad would get a waistcoat, mom would get an evening dress.

My head was starting to spin. How was I supposed to make fifteen articles of clothing in six days? Because I was determined, that's how. Luckily for me, we were done buying for all our aunts, uncles and cousins and grandparents so that about exhausted my list.

Except, what was I going to make for Robin? Oh, _shit_.

I wanted to make something special for him because that was what you did when you loved someone in a different way that you loved everyone else. You immediately spent more time trying to get them the perfect gift. Even if said person didn't love you back or didn't know how you really felt.

I hoped that there was no f-ing mistletoe around The Cave.

But I couldn't get him or make him something special because my feelings were supposed to be on the DL. Well, down low didn't even encompass what they should have been. Deceased, out of sight, incinerated, destroyed were more like it.

But I still had to get him a fitting present.

A coat. A long, warm, designer-looking coat. In black, of course. It was perfect.

I thanked God that the guys from rugby had stopped practice since mid of last week. I needed all the time I could get. Sleep would see me after Christmas.

After mom and January finished their shopping, I sent them home.

"What's up?" mom asked.

"You can't be around when I'm buying stuff."

She laughed. "At least you're being direct."

"Also, I'm going to be pretty busy over the next few evenings so we need to get some strong coffee so I can make coffee chillers to keep me awake. I'll see you in a few."

"Alright. Be careful."

They started to walk off and I headed to the fabric store. After I had gotten everything that I needed, I paid for it (with my savings, as always) and then I headed over to the craft shop next to it to pick up all the various embellishments, fancy threads and accoutrements that I needed. On my way back, I continued to think about how I was going to tackle the sixteen projects ahead of me. This was also not only a strategic tactic, but a way to ignore how heavy the packages were. Fabric was heavy without all its accessories. The good thing was that I had a sewing machine so that I could be done with the stitching rather quickly. And there was no sequin work to do. Although, some of the embellishing had to be done by hand and snap closures and buttons...

"Who makes you broken now?"

I spun around at the sound of his voice, dropped all my packages and jumped on him with a big hug.

"Jason!" I said enthusiastically. Well, really, I had shrieked it. "Oh, shit."

"Okay, those two reactions are contradictory. Which one is it?" he asked, putting me down.

"I forgot you!" I bit my knuckles through my mitts, confused as to how I could forget someone so important to me.

"Well, that's hurtful."

"I'm sorry. I don't know how I could have forgotten. With all my family here and then I was stressing about presents and—"

He started to pick up the bags I had dropped onto the ground. "I'm assuming that's what all the fabric is for. Either that or you're making all the elves in Santa's shop new outfits, in which case I would say that you bought too much fabric." I nodded. He gestured with a tip of the head. "Come on. I'll hold your stuff."

"How about half and half?"

"Sure." Naturally, I gave him the heavier of the two. "Damn, girl, do you have like fresh wolf pelts in here or something. This thing is really damn heavy."

"Lots of different types of fabrics."

"You never answered my question, by the way."

"What question?"

"Who makes you broken?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You were singing that song just now. 'Broken' by _Seether _and _Amy Lee_."

"Oh. I didn't realise."

"You always do that. You sing unconsciously. So who were you singing about?"

"The usual probably."

"I see."

"How did you find me?"

"When I got to your house, you mom told me that you were probably out buying fabric."

"Ah. So she knows."

"She always knows. When we're making mischief, or feeling sad or angry at the world or in love, she always knows."

I sighed. "So you just got in?"

"Yeah. I'm counting down the months till I can just move back here and get away from all the organised bullshit."

"I can't wait for that either. It'll be so good to have you back here."

"You missed me?"

"Like crazy. Things got a little mad after you left."

"You told me about the new teammate whose dad went poof. Zatara's daughter, right?" I nodded. "What's she like?"

"Sweet and cute and darling and everything that Robin could ever want in a girl."

He sighed. "Sure, go after the emotionally unstable girl. That way it's a lot easier to get her to give you a bl—" I kicked him as hard as I dared."Ow. What was that for?"

"I do not appreciate you talking about any of my teammates in that manner, even if one is breaking my heart and the other is making me feel like I'm the ugliest, most unappealing girl in the world."

"Why the hell do you have to be friends with everyone? And I doubt she's really that pretty." I pulled out my phone, and showed him a picture of her and Meg when they were cooking for Thanksgiving. He whistled. "Hot damn, she's the perfect combination of good girl cute and bad girl beautiful. And she cooks. Good job, Robin."

"I rest my case."

He shrugged. "Well, okay, I can't deny that she is an absolute bombshell and the most dangerous kind of jailbait that there is but she's got nothing on you for sure."

"You don't know her. She's practically Little Miss Perfect. She's the kind of girl that you want to hate but you can't because she's already charmed you into liking her. She's good but not one hundred percent good. She supposedly used to like sneak out of the house and stuff."

"You can't let this girl and that turd make you feel any less beautiful, important or amazing. It would be a gross injustice and you know how much you _love_ justice." He sneezed. "Oh, Jesus King, it is freezing out here. Can we get a cab?"

I laughed. "Oh, sure. Sorry. Here one comes."

When I got home, I started to cut the fabric that I needed for the items of clothing while Jason told me all about his time living alone since he left. Our team had only been on a handful of small missions on Jason's advice. I was happy that things weren't too severe and that the mob hadn't been planning things that were too devious or dangerous.

That last week my life fell into a pattern. Jase would stay up with me as long as he could while I cut and sewed and decorated. When he got tired, he would just crash on my bed. When I got tired, I would head to the kitchen, blend me some iced mocha goodness and let the caffeine keep me awake. I allowed myself two hours of sleep between the hours of two and four a.m. and got up to start afresh. I ceased work at about nine when cousins started calling or coming over. They would stay for the day then I would extract myself around four to get to training. When I came back from that, I would pop in by Tan for an hour, return home to continue hanging out with my relatives and when they left at ten, I would return to the sweatshop I'd created in my room and continued stitching and embellishing my heart out. When the Quinteroses arrived on Thursday, mom and dad went to meet them at the airport.

I headed to The Cave that day only to find it pretty much empty. Red Tornado informed me that most everyone was out and would not be coming in for training so I said hi to Zatanna who was watching a little TV then returned home and spent some time with my dad's family. When I came back Friday afternoon, the place was still pretty much deserted, with the exception of Wally who was making himself a sandwich and Zatanna who was just spending her time in her room reading. Kal was nowhere around either.

"Where is everybody?" I asked Wally.

"Out on a special mission," he said, taking a bite of his sandwich. His face betrayed the fact that he was thinking about something.

"Without the three of us. I don't know if I should be glad for the rest or feel hurt that I was excluded from the action."

"Well, its' not just the three of us. Kaldur is off somewhere I think."

"What's the line-up for the mission look like?"

"Robin, Artemis, Megan, Conner and Roy."

"Yeah, since Happy's part of the team now—Whoa, whoa, whoa, they've got Roy and Artemis on the same mission?" He nodded. "Hm, I wonder which one of them comes back alive. I think if I had to pick...nah, I can't pick. But it would be funny to see Happy with Artemis' nail marks all over his face while she doesn't have a scratch on her." I smirked, realising I had an opportunity to test certain waters. "Unless, of course, while they're there they learn to get along, or better yet, get _real_ friendly with each other."

"She doesn't like him that that," he said quickly. "She doesn't even like him period. And he doesn't like her. They wouldn't be getting friendly. They wouldn't!"

I raised my hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, I take your point. I'm just saying. I mean Happy and I aren't really at odds with each other anymore. Maybe—"

"Nah, that can't happen. Their personalities just aren't compatible. They can barely stand to be in a room together."

So defensive he was. He was so in love with her and trying not to show it. Even after she supposedly messed up during her last mission, he was still stuck on her like a leach to some poor unsuspecting idiot prancing through the jungle. Although, character wise, I think he was more like the idiot than the leach. Not that he was totally stupid; he was a smart guy, he just did dumb things sometimes, like where Artemis was concerned.

My phone rang. I put it on speaker while I raided the fridge. Watching Wally eat was making me hungry. I considered sneaking up on him and taking a bite out of his sandwich and then rubbing it in Artemis' face that we shared a sandwich to elicit a reaction out of her but I decided against it.

"Yello?"

"Where are you? We want to go lime somewhere," my cousin, Tiffany, said in her flat Trinidadian accent.

"Lime where?"

"Mall or arcade or something. I called for you at home but Aunty told me you gone out."

"Um, arcade, sure, cool. I'll meet you there. Do you know where you're going?"

"I'll ask Aunty for directions because you fail at that."

I laughed. "Scene. Cool. Later." I hung up and Wally had the funniest, most confused expression on his face ever.

"Lime? How does one _lime_? That's not a verb," he said, deeply confused. "English is clearly not her first language."

I slapped him at the back on his head as I passed him by. "Yes, it is, dummy. That was my cousin from Trinidad. 'Lime' is their equivalent of 'hang out'. There's a whole long history to the term that I don't feel like explaining right now. It's also a lot easier to say than 'hanging out'."

"Oh, it's a cultural thing. Sorry."

"No scen—I mean no prob. You want to come?"

"Nah, I think I'll just stay here. I've got no money at the moment."

"Christmas gifts?"

"Among other things."

"Oh, hey, speaking of Christmas, if you see the gang when they come back before I do, can you tell them I want to see all of them for Christmas? I hate giving presents after the day. It just feels...wrong."

"You got us all presents?"

"'Got' is the wrong word to use but basically, yeah."

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Absolutely nothing, Wally, my pal. Don't forget to pass along my message. I'll be stopping by around, say, ten or eleven a.m. And tell Bats, Canary and Tornado, too."

"Will do, Hy. Have fun _lime-ing_?"

I chuckled. "Thanks. See you later."

We were at the arcade for a few hours, then I got home and continued my work on the presents. I had gotten about thirteen of the _seventeen_ of them more or less done in the past five days, either with buttons to sew or button holes to make or belt loops to integrate. But the four hardest of the pieces, Robin's coat, mom's dress, dad's waistcoat and Jason's tuxedo jacket, were still yet to be tackled. The fabric was cut but I had just a little over a day to tackle them. I was functioning pretty well for someone who hadn't had more than eight hours sleep in the last five days and who had been consuming caffeinated beverage like chain smokers go through packs. But I knew when I finally allowed myself to slow down, I would completely crash. I just hoped that was after the twenty-eighth when everybody left.

I got through three of the four pieces by five o' clock Christmas Eve afternoon. Then I approached the last piece, Robin's coat. I drank the rest of my iced mocha before I started it. Christmas Eve Mass was at eight. I was done with the jacket by then and so I started a couple more projects that came to me last minute. I smiled at all the articles of clothing on hangers all over my room. I photographed them before I went to the bathroom, locking my door behind me so that no prying eyes might try to see their gifts before I had time to wrap them.

My dad's family and ours went to the Mass together with Aunt Laila and Jason while my non-Catholic relatives stayed at home. When we returned home at about ten, I went over the articles of clothing again to do any last minute adjustments or clean-ups. Then I printed gift tags and started wrapping. I was done by midnight. After I put the family presents under the Christmas tree, which seemingly had been put up while I was holed up in my room after Mass, I went to sleep, relieved that I could actually get a relatively good night's sleep but a little bit sad that I had missed putting up the tree.

I awakened just as the sun started to shine faintly outside of my window and the cool, morning air came through the small opening in my window. The soft glow of the light, the cool atmosphere and the feeling within my heart that it was truly a joyous day made me feel that it was a perfect Christmas Day. In my mind, the only thing that could have made it sweeter would have been if the team and I had spent the night at The Cave for Christmas Eve night.

I got out of my bed, said a quick prayer as I made the bed then went to the bathroom to have a lovely shower and clean myself up. When I made my way out into the living room, Jason was sitting on the couch, enjoying a cup of what smelt like coffee.

"Good morning. Merry Christmas, Hyacinth," he said, smiling at me. I came over and took a seat next to him. He put down his cup on the coffee table.

"Good morning, Jase. Merry Christmas." I opened my arms and gave him a tight hug and kissed his cheek. He pulled a box out of the crook of the couch and handed it to me. "Open it."

I opened the lid of the ribbon decorated box and looked down at what was probably the most precious charm bracelet that I had ever seen. It was silver with big links and eight dangling charms that spelt 'Hyacinth' in cursive letters and a tiny bell hanging from the tail of the Y.

"Jason, it's beautiful. Thank you." I took it out of the box and started to put it on my hand.

"Uh-uh-uh," he said.

"What?"

"It's not a bracelet." I raised a brow at him and he took the not-bracelet from me. "Give me your foot." Oh, an anklet. Duh, why didn't I think of that?

I put my left foot across his lap and he fastened the anklet around my ankle. I twisted my foot about, admiring it. "Silver?"

"Only the chain. The charms are white gold."

"Oh, Jason. It must have been expensive."

He shrugged, playing with the single capital letter, the H. "Yeah, but your friendship to me is priceless." He pushed my foot off his lap and I gave him another hug. I stood, went to the tree and produced his gift, sitting again. He read the tag.

"'To Jason who is quite possibly one of the biggest pains in my ass. Wouldn't want it any other way. From Hyacinth.' Good thing you're a masochist then."

I laughed. He removed the tape and pulled the jacket out unfolding it. His eyes roamed the entire thing, eyes lingering on the dark blue collar and lapels against the black of the rest of the jacket.

"I," he began, "feel uncreative."

"Why?"

"Because you made this and I just had a jewellery store prepare your gift."

"Do you like it?"

"Like it? No, I don't like it." He stood up and put it on. "How do I look?"

"It's too nice for you," I said.

"Liar. You're falling for my debonair charms offset by this amazing jacket. I love it. Women are going to faint at the sight of me, overwhelmed by the level of sexy I'm unleashing."

I laughed. "You look great, Jase. Very handsome. Nosebleed worthy, in fact."

"Why, thank you very much. You are pretty amazing to have pulled off seventeen projects in six days though."

"Nineteen. I added on two projects."

"You are a magician."

The door to my parents' room opened and my mom came out.

"Merry Christmas, kids. What are you guys doing up first?" she asked. Dad came up behind her, put his arms around her and rested his head on her shoulder with a wide smile.

"Nature's Christmas beauty woke me up," I replied.

"I wanted some coffee," Jase responded.

"Merry Christmas, kids," dad said. I got up and handed them their presents. They sat on the loveseat and started to open their presents.

"Honey, it's beautiful," mom said, examining the colour-blocked, sleeveless, black and gold V-neck dress.

"This is amazing," dad proclaimed, looking at the double-breasted, black and pewter waistcoat with crown-embossed buttons.

January entered next with a sleepy good morning and Merry Christmas. I handed her the present. She sat on the single-seater and opened the package. She pulled out the pants and her eyes widened and she screamed. Jason flinched. She got up and practically jumped on me.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh, my pickles, these have got to be the coolest pair of pants I have ever seen. Mom, are you seeing this?" she exclaimed.

I smiled. After a minute, Aunt Laila came in.

"What's going on?" she asked. "Are we being robbed?"

"No, Laila, Jani just got what might be the best present of the day," mom explained.

We continued to exchange presents and when that was over, mom and I headed to the kitchen to slice the ham and the turkey, toast the slices of bread, prepare the vegetables and carry it out to the table. Aunt Laila made her spicy mayo and we had a wonderful family breakfast. At nine, mom and dad's families both came over for breakfast and gift exchanges. The next time I glanced at a clock, it was half ten.

"Mom, I've got to go give out the rest of the gifts I've got to give. I'll be back before lunch, okay?"

"Sure, sweety. Give your teammates hugs and kisses for me," she responded. "Be safe." I bundled myself into warm clothing and headed over to Tanya's house first. Her reaction was similar to Jani's, just not as loud. Stephen and his dad were there as well so I didn't have to walk further. He loved his gift as well. I gave them my mother's well wishes.

Then I headed over to The Cave, a little bit nervous. I wasn't sure if they would like their presents and it seemed to matter to me more than anything else that they liked theirs.

The Cave announced my entrance. I started to sing 'Feliz Navidad' as loudly as I could, caring not for my awful singing voice, and I found them all sipping on eggnog. I entered the room sideways and pressed up against the wall to avoid the mistletoe and I stopped when I entered the room. The entire team but Red Arrow was there, including Green Arrow and Black Canary who were dressed down and Batman and Red Tornado in their same usual getup.

"Merry Christmas, my beloved team. My mother sends Christmas wishes, Christmas cheer and Christmas weight-gain. Oh, and some hugs and kisses. Let me get that out of the way first." I went out of the room giving hugs and kisses. Red Tornado's hug was mechanical but nonetheless heart-warming and Batman's was tentative, like he was trying not to hug me back or enjoy it. "And now for presents."

I presented the League members with theirs first, explaining to Red Tornado that his human-looking android would need it.

I gave Artemis hers first. She read the tag. "'To Artemis. From Hy. Because your sharp commentary rivets my world.'" She chuckled, opened it and read the tee shirt. "'Spear Me And Get To The Point'. Talk about corny archer jokes. I love it. Are the letters real lace?" I nodded. "It's amazing. I love it." She gave me another hug, fingering the lace letters and intermittently placed rhinestones on the letters.

Superboy was next. "'To Conner. From Hy. Because sometimes not saying things makes a bigger impact'." He opened his, smiled. "Thanks."

I chuckled. "Flip it over, Conner. The words are on the back." The shirt was plain black, a lot like his regular shirts, except on the back, mostly embroidered in red thread but with two letters made in beige fabric and stitched on slightly crooked to add to the effect, were the words, 'I AM The Cavalry'.

His smile widened slightly when he saw it. "Cool."

Wally was next. "'To Wally. From Hy. P.S. it's underwear'." Artemis chuckled and he put on a face that warranted the laugh I gave. He opened it, laughed since that was clearly not what the tag indicated and admired the green and grey jacket. "Babe, where do you find these clothes?" he asked, clearly awed by it.

"Trade secret." He hugged me and I moved on to Zatanna.

'"To_ Dark Magician Girl_. From Hy. You're a wonder without the golden lasso'." She looked at me. "Did you just _Yu-Gi-Oh_ reference me?"

"Ah, you know! Hug me for that." She did then opened the present. The skirt was a gray plaid pleated mini with rhinestone embellished belt loops.

"This...has got to be...the _cutest_ skirt I have ever seen. I swear I saw something like this in a magazine ad for _Forever Sixteen_ but this one is way, way better. Thank you."

Next was Kal. "'To the leader I wish I always had in my head coaching me. From the girl that nearly got K.O.'d by a tree on her first mission, Hy'." He was smiling. He opened it and examined the pewter, red and black jacket in his hands. "Hyacinth, this is exquisite. Thank you." He gave me another hug and I was happy that I had elicited such a good reaction from Kaldur whom I had never even heard laugh.

Megan looked like an extremely enthusiastic puppy when I approached her. I laughed as I handed hers to her. "'To the wife I will never be lucky enough to have. From a person that loves you for who you are always, Hy'." She opened hers but she looked like she was going to cry from what I wrote on the tag. The poncho was mauve and white plaid edged with pink and black lace.

"Now, I know your clothes are organic and stuff but I just thought that it might come in handy if you're ever home and cold or something—"

"I love it! I'll totally wear it to school sometime. It is so beautiful, thank you, Hy." She pulled me into an extremely tight hug that was so tight that her Martian boobs were squishing me, and I smiled at thinking that I had made her, and all of them, so happy today. It was totally worth the no sleep.

"And, last but certainly the shortest," I said approaching Robin.

"At least I'm taller than you." I realised that his head was a little taller than it should have been. He was growing. I shrugged. "'To the most evasive sidekick on the team who even wears shades to sleep at sleepovers'. Really, Hy?"

I shrugged again. "Hey, it's a valid memory, just like almost being K.O.'d by a tree."

He shook his head and continued reading. "'From Hy, who thinks you're the friend that has changed her life the most in the last half year'." He looked up and smiled at me widely at that. He opened it and for a moment, his expression was unreadable. The pea coat was slate gray and peachskin on the outside with a high collar and two sets of buttons, one set in gold and one set in silver. "This," he said finally, "is awesome." He took off his jacket and pulled it on and his smile widened into a grin. I didn't hug him. Not in front of his girlfriend. "Thank you, so much."

"Wait a minute. Did you take the tags off of this?" Artemis asked.

"Nope," I responded.

"Yeah, mine doesn't have any tags on it either," Zatanna noted. I suspected I was busted.

I chuckled. "If it's washing information you want, all the clothes are machine washable, warm iron, no bleach."

"Wait," Robin said. "Did you—"

"Yes," I answered before he finished the questions.

He scoffed in disbelief. "That's unbelievable," he commented.

"What is?" Artemis asked.

"She made all of these."

"What?" they each asked in turn.

"Way to keep a secret, Rob," I accosted.

"The scarves, too?" Canary asked.

"Yup."

"That's remarkable," she said.

"Thank you."

"It looks designer," Zatanna added.

"Alright, thank you. No more, before it goes to my head." I shuffled my feet and the bell on my anklet jingled.

"Are you jingling?" Robin asked.

"Indeed, for I am an angel. Well, that's what Aunt Laila tells me." I chuckled. "It's my anklet."

"You don't usually wear an anklet," he said.

"Got it for Christmas."

"Ooh, I wanna see," Meg said, approaching me. I sat, lifted my jeans and showed her. "How cute! Who'd you get it from?"

"Jase."

"It's beautiful." I glanced at Robin who had an unreadable expression on his face.

The Cave announced Red Arrow's approach. He was in casual clothes but with sunglasses on.

"Happy!" I exclaimed, going over to give him a hug and kiss his cheek. "Those are from mom. I have a present for you. Walk me to the door?"

"Uh, sure," he responded. He seemed like he was not sure how to handle the situation.

"Hy, here's your present. It's from the team," Megan said, presenting it with the rest of the team behind her. It was a biggish rectangular thing wrapped in gift paper and with curled ribbons securing it. After a minute of struggling, I managed to triumph over the ribbons and get to the paper which I opened methodically on the kitchen table. I got extremely excited when I saw the contents of the paper. Before me were all the available _Taylor Swift_ CDs that I had always meant to get but never got around to getting.

"Thank you so much. Let me guess, a little Robin told you?"

"Yeah, he's guilty," Wally said. I laughed.

"Thank you. I really love her. I'm going home to listen to it right now. Thank you." I passed around the room once more, collecting hugs before I put the gift in my bag. "Time to go help mom with lunch. Thanks again, guys. Merry Christmas. Bye." They gave collective goodbyes and waved as I turned to leave. "Wait," I said, stopping. I went to what I knew was Robin's glass of eggnog and took a gulp. He started to protest but let it go. "Good stuff." I started to leave, avoiding the mistletoe as before, and Happy accompanied me to the door. When I looked back, I noticed Robin watching me go. After a long second, he waved. I waved back and turned.

I stopped at the door with Happy.

"So, Merry Christmas," he said with a slight smile, hand on his neck nervously.

I chuckled. "Relax, I didn't bring you here to lynch you."

"I know. I just...didn't get you anything myself."

I waved it away. "Doesn't matter." I produced the gift from the bag and handed it to him.

"'To Happy. From Weedgirl-slash-Hy. Glad we're friends'." He ripped open his, not caring for being methodical and neat, and unfolded the red, long-sleeved, turtleneck sweater that I knew would hug his spectacularly muscled torso in an extremely attractive way. "It's...beautiful. Thank you."

"No problem. Oh, and don't worry about washing instructions. Machine wash, hang dry, no bleach, no ironing necessary."

"There are no tags?"

"Nope."

"How unusual."

I exhaled. "Well, the others already know so I might as well tell you. It's handmade."

"Wait..._you_ made this?"

"I'm a fashion designer, Happy. It's what I do." I offered him a nice big smile.

"Thank you. It's really very beautiful." I hugged him.

"You're welcome. And Merry Christmas." He was smiling at me tenderly and I got the impression that he wasn't accustomed to someone being so nice to him, to caring about him. I pulled his face down and kissed his cheek. When I turned to leave, I noticed Robin coming into the main atrium. He was standing still and I wasn't sure if he was doing a double take or if he had been standing there and I just hadn't noticed. I didn't know what to make of the situation so, knowing not what else to do, I walked through the door and left.

**It would seem that this story may reach 20 chapters. There's something I wasn't expecting.**


	18. Chapter 18

**This chapter is a fine example of how I am going to redeem myself in the eyes of the public through hard work. I sat at my computer for *hours*, waiting for everyone to get to bed so the house would be quiet enough for me to TRANSCRIBE episodes of YJ. So, here, enjoy, a dynamite chapter.**

Boxing Day night, I had my hands full with criminals on the street. It was as if after the magic of Christmas had dissipated, the darkness of the world returned full force. It made me a little bit sad but I was ready and recharged to tackle the evil of the world.

Just as I was turning in for the night, my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Uh, hey, you're still awake. Glad I could catch you," Robin replied.

"Hey. What's up?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Is this about Christmas Day?"

"Uh, yeah."

"I saw you standing there and I was a little confused as to why."

"Well, um, I was coming to give you your Christmas present but when I dug in my pocket, I realised that I forgot it."

"You got me a present. I thought the CDs—"

"Nah, best friends get special gifts. I knew I just had to get you something that was just from me. You're special like that."

"Um, thanks. You're pretty special, too."

"I really love the coat. It's really, really fantastic and warm. Can't believe you designed and made all of them though. How long did it take you to finish all of 'em?"

"It was like eighteen projects in about six days."

"Six days?" The disbelief was clear in his voice.

"Yeah. I was shopping when it came to me to make stuff for you guys. The stuff in the store was just too...plain."

He chuckled. "Leave it to you to go above and beyond."

"Well, you guys are special to me. It warrants the effort."

"Hey, tell me something. You were flirting with Roy, weren't you?"

"What?"

"Yeah, I saw the way you wanted to be alone with him. You're actually into him now, aren't you?"

"You're nuts. I am not into Roy. I just...things are complicated between him and the rest of the team, I realise, so I didn't want to make him get all awkward amongst them. Because I knew that was what was going to happen. He's just a little bit like Conner, always trying to look tough and stoic but all he needs is for someone to care for him. He's not really used to it so it kind of catches him by surprise, I think."

"I think things smoothed over between him and the rest of the team when we were on our...mission before Christmas. He came to the conclusion that there's no mole on the team."

"Well, that's good. Maybe that'll lighten his demeanour."

"Maybe. But anyway, I realise we still have to talk."

My breath caught in my throat but I forced it to leave and let me speak. "Yeah. Do you want to talk now?"

"I think this is something we need to talk about face-to-face."

"Do you want to meet me somewhere tomorrow or—"

"I think the Bat has some things planned for tomorrow. How about the day after that?"

"Sure, perfect."

"How about midday at the mall's food court where I met you and Tanya that one time?"

"Sounds good. See you then. Well, and at training tomorrow."

"Yeah, totally. Sweet dreams."

"You, too. Good night."

He ended the call, I put the phone away and went to bed.

Two days later, my relatives left. We went with them to the airport and said goodbye as they boarded their early morning flights. With all our guests and visiting family gone, I felt as if I no longer had to work so hard to be available to play host. With the great weight lifted from my shoulders, I allowed myself a short nap when I returned at home from the airport.

When I opened my eyes, however, the room was pitch black and I started to panic.

"Oh, shit. What time is it?"

"It's almost eight p.m," Jason answered.

"Shit!"

"Robin called for you at like one o' clock. I told him you were exhausted because you hadn't been sleeping for the past five days and because of all the run-around you had with your family being in the country."

"What did he say?"

"He said alright."

"Crap. He's mad that I stood him up."

"Stood him up?" he asked in a panic. "You two are back toget—"

"No. He...he just said he wanted to talk so I was going to meet him and—Damnit, I can't believe I slept for so long."

"Hey, calm down. He didn't sound angry and you slept this long because your body needs the sleep. You've been running around like crazy these past few weeks and you deserve some rest. And if he is mad after that, he is definitely an asshole."

"Well, alright. There's always tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah. And take it easy for today. Don't go out tonight. You and I didn't really get to hang out much for this Christmas season either."

"We have."

"Not alone, you and me. Unless you're scared to be alone with me now." He added on the devilish, purposefully provoking smirk that made me want to slap him.

"I am not. Don't be a delusional backside. And, anyway, why are you in my room? No, wrong question. How long have you been in my room? It's dark in here and the first thing I hear is your voice when I ask myself a question. That's creeper behaviour."

He laughed. "_Please_, I've got more important things to do than watch you sleep. I just came in to make sure you were still breathing. Dinner's ready."

"Flip on the light for me will you?" He obeyed and I started making the bed.

While I was chewing on a piece of broccoli, it suddenly occurred to me that I had been getting some well needed REM sleep, a.k.a. I had been dreaming. I couldn't remember most of it but I did suddenly remember what had awakened me.

I had dreamt that I was about to kiss Roy. I started to choke on my piece of broccoli.

Jason gave me a well-needed slap on the back to dislodge the vegetable.

"See, this is why vegetables are murderers," he commented.

"Not as much as dreams are."

"Okay, now I am deeply interested to hear this."

"Not a chance. It's absolutely none of your business."

He pouted. "Why you no trust me with your dreams?"

"Because it's so terrifying and strange and I'd rather not say them out loud at all."

Really, I knew there was no basis for the dream. I had absolutely no romantic feelings for Roy at all. I didn't even really know him. A little itchy thing in the back of my head told me that I hadn't really known Robin either but what little I had known had been enough for me to fall in love with him. I tried to convince myself that that and this were two completely different situations. I just couldn't see myself being more than friends with Red. Probably because I hadn't tried but still. I didn't _want_ to get into anything with Red. I just want to be friends with him.

But in the shower after dinner, I ended up picturing it. Me and Roy going for pizza. Us having dinner at my parents' house. Meeting him on the weekends at the mall. And then there was us kissing. I imagined he was a dynamite kisser, with all the pent up ferocity and energy, plus he was like eighteen and had probably had time to develop like a technique or something—

Wait, why was I even thinking about this? Roy was totally off-limits. All guys were. I was in no shape to be thinking about anyone romantically, all because the ghost of someone else that I thought about romantically was still very much haunting me. I wasn't going to use anybody as rebound, far less for Happy who was my friend and who I didn't want to see hurt. I mean, that was why I jumped in front of him and took Cheshire's dart to the ass months ago, right? But Roy was completely gorgeous, so a girl was bound to slip and have her mind wander off about him sometime, right?

It still wasn't a good excuse but hey, for now, it would work. But since when did I think about kissing someone with pent up energy? Clearly, something that had hit me recently had screwed with my brain. Either that or Jason's presence in my house was turning me to the dark side.

And now I was totally scarred so chances were that the next time I saw him, I would remember my dream or that mental image my mind had conjured (while I was naked and having a cold shower, I might add) of us kissing. Whoever said that cold showers calmed hormones lied. Either that or my hormones were calm but my brain was active as the _Energiser Bunny_.

The next afternoon, after practice, my first order of business was to tackle Robin. Well, not tackle him, but get to talk to him. I was extremely tired letting all this business get in my way and mess around with my head.

"Hey, Rob," I said, coming up to him as the team dispersed.

He smiled. "What's up?"

"I am so sorry for bailing on you yesterday. I was just going to take a nap and then when I got up it was like pitch black in my room and I realised—"

"Hey, it's totally fine. You were tired. You needed your rest. Hope you're recharged now though."

"Yeah, I got up at like eight in the evening and then I went back to sleep by about ten. I think I've slept enough to start compensating for the hours I lost last week. Guess we have to reschedule—"

"Robin," Batman said as he came in cutting me off.

"We've got a problem, haven't we?" he asked his mentor.

"A big one. We need to head over to the Batcave immediately."

"I'm there." He looked back at me with a contrite expression. "Sorry, Hy. I'll call you tonight." He started to follow his mentor to one of the sets of Zeta tubes. "We definitely have to reschedule. See you later." And then they were gone.

"Oh, you have got to be f-ing kidding me," I half mumbled to myself. It occurred to me that Batman secretly didn't like me around his protégé. I think I would have preferred if he had told me to my face.

The next morning, my innards told me that we would not get a chance to talk that day either. I dressed with some degree of haste to make it to Mount Justice to get to the Hall of Justice with the rest of my posse.

When I got to the Hall, Batman and Canary brought in an unfamiliar face, a pretty African-American girl with short hair. The first thing I noticed about her was that she had five piercings which was pretty badass. The second thing I noticed was that she was taller than me. Though lots of people were and that had ceased to bother me ages ago.

"Team, this Raquel. She'll be joining your team as of today. She's Icon's protégé," Canary explained.

"Nice to meet you," Megan said. The introductions went around and I knew from the moment I set my eyes on her that she was yet another smart-assed, loudmouthed chick to be added to our team. One simply didn't become a hero or a sidekick from being quiet and conservative. I knew I wouldn't mind having her at my back at all.

"You were all briefed on her particular skill set the day before yesterday—"

"Aw, man!" I exclaimed, feeling left out. Leave it to me to sleep through one of the important things happening at The Cave.

"Oh, right, I forgot you weren't there," Wally commented.

"Well she had good reason," Robin piped up.

"Depends on whose definition of 'good reason' you're going by. I would have gladly missed sleep just to be in the freaking loop today. Now I'm going to be feeling clueless like all day," I responded.

Robin raised an eyebrow at me. "So, sleeping to recharge your batteries after you missed sleep five nights in a row to sew Christmas presents for friends and family and after you had to run around the place playing hostess to all your family that came to visit for Christmas wasn't a good reason?"

I scowled. "Well, it's sort of good reason but I would still have preferred to be in the loop."

"Wait, you skipped sleep five nights in a row just to make our presents?" Artemis asked.

I shrugged. "Small sacrifice for big rewards. I mean, you guys loved them, didn't you? But now I suppose I must make another piece because you decided to announce we were getting a new friend _after_ Christmas."

"Make another piece? You wouldn't happen to be talking about for me, right?" Raquel said. "That sounds like a hassle. I don't want to—"

"Oh, relax. I make it a habit these days to bribe new team members into being friends with me. Like Zatanna over here," I responded, going over to throw my arms around her shoulders. "Day I met her, I gave her a keychain and guess what? Now she _loves_ me."

Zatanna just chuckled as I let her go. Raquel looked a cross between wanting to bolt and wanting to put me in a straight jacket. I laughed. "Chilax, I'm pretty harmless. Unless I'm mad. And it's no trouble at all. Someday, when I'm famous, you'll be extremely glad you got something I made free of charge."

"Well...okay..." she said, still seeming like a sceptic. She didn't know what to think of me. I just had that effect on people.

The induction ceremony for the new members of the League started at about nine. There was lots of press and I chuckled at the sight of Superman giving a speech. 'Superman for Mayor' came to mind and I snickered at it. I felt privileged that I was able to be inside of the Hall for the ceremony but I also felt a little bit disappointed that we had to watch the ceremony on a TV rather than in person. Even if it was a rather big TV.

I paid much attention to his speech because it was really a beautiful one. Simple but beautiful and it remained faithful to everything that being a hero was about, especially to me.

"The Justice League," he said, "was formed for two reasons. First, as an acknowledgement that no single individual, no matter how powerful, can solve all the world's problems alone, and second, to uphold the values of truth, liberty and justice. That-uh, last one's even in the name." The press people and attendees laughed. "These five heroes have sworn to uphold those values."

Cat Grant then started her commentary. "You are watching live coverage of the Justice League's induction of its five newest members. Looks like the whole League has shown up to welcome the new blood, from Batman to Captain Marvel."

"I'm glad they didn't kick Billy out," Wally said, biting into his apple. "And I love the fact that there's a ten year old on the League."

"There is?" Raquel exclaimed.

Robin elbowed him in the stomach. "Way to keep a secret, genius," he chided.

"Hey, she's on the team now, right?" Wally asked, continuing to eat. I felt a little bit happy that I knew he was talking about Billy. It dulled the clueless feeling ever so slightly.

"Superman," Cat said from the TV, "is now handing out official League membership cards, starting with Dr. Fate," Zatanna's head bowed and Robin put his hand on her shoulder to comfort her since she was still taking it very hard, "The Atom, Plastic Man and Icon."

"You know," Raquel interjected, "I was the one that convinced Icon to become a hero in the first place. I should be outside celebrating with him, not hidden away in here."

Kaldur gave a minute smile. "Welcome to our world." He turned back to the TV.

"Well," she said, "I suppose there's an upside, too." I couldn't have imagined the way she was looking at Kal. Someone was infatuated with our lovely leader. I felt mischievous, the kind of mischievous that I had felt at my first sleepover at The Cave with a certain Martian and Kryptonian. In my mind, I was rubbing my hands together like a cartoon villain. If Kal didn't already have a girlfriend, I was certain she could make a good one for him, his polar opposite and refreshing because of it. I stopped myself from getting too carried away; if I didn't, in roughly six point eight-two-three seconds, I would be designing their wedding garments.

"Finally," Cat began again, "Green Arrow welcomes his former protégé, Speedy, now known as Red Arrow to this roster of heroes."

"Way to go, Roy," Wally said, throwing his fist in their air for him.

"At last he has his wish," Kal threw in.

"The first of us to make it. No one will call him a sidekick anymore," Robin added.

"Wait," Raquel interjected again, "since when is being a sidekick a bad thing? You sidekicks were my inspiration."

Robin made a face. "Well, see, six months ago, it—" His watch began to beep, cutting him off and he diverted his attention to it rather than finishing his sentence. "Uh-oh. We gotta run," he said after a few seconds. "We gotta suit up. Cheshire's been spotted."

Just as we started to run for the Zeta tube, I heard a reporter ask, "Arrow, how hard will it be treating your ex-sidekick as an equal?"

I chuckled. "Ouch. Burn. Hey, lemme turn off the TV before we leave."

"I'll get it," Megan said, telekinetically working her magic.

We rushed to get our suits on then headed straight for the Bioship. As soon as we took off, Robin began to explain what he had found. Within about a half an hour, the Smokey Mountains came into view.

"A–are you sure it's her? I mean are you absolutely positive?" Artemis asked. There was slight tremble to her voice that I didn't think I'd ever heard before.

Robin pulled up some screens. "See for yourself. This is the security footage from the Ashville Regional Airport. Facial recognition confirms that's Jade Nguyen. But, you've seen her without her mask. What do you think?"

Artemis looked off to the side. "It's Jade. Cheshire."

"Agreed," Kal said, "but focus on what she carries. Is that the case you saw in New Orleans? The one that got away?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Okay, I'm guessing from the mug shot that this Cheshire is the bad guy, but what's so important about that case?" Rocket asked.

Robin pulled up another series of images. "Remember the Injustice League?"

"And their giant evil plants? Uh, _yeah_," she responded.

"The team and the League put them in prison but their allies still scheme and whatever is in that containment case seems important to their plans," Aqualad filled in.

"We had a chance to grab it in New Orleans but _someone_," he emphasised with a pointed stare, "screwed up." Artemis stared back at him just as pointedly.

"Approaching Cheshire's jet," Megan said. Through the windshield we could see the gruesomely destroyed plane, in several pieces and looking like an aluminium can that had been compressed and then thrown all over a room. There were some horrified expressions on the faces of my teammates. I reflected on how that made them such outstanding heroes; Cheshire was the enemy and yet they were shocked and horrified to see that something so violent had occurred. Artemis looked away, seeming not able to look at the wreckage any longer. "Looks like there were no survivors."

When we landed, we began to check the wreckage for the case or whoever or whatever else we might have been able to find. The plane's black box would probably have been able to give us some information about where they were heading or about the flight period.

"How come the Homeland Security and the NTSB aren't all over this?" Kid asked.

"Cheshire's ID was a League alert," Robin explained. "Authorities didn't pick it up and her jet didn't follow its flight plan. It flew under the radar, _literally_. But the Watchtower auto-tracked the jet and recorded the crash."

"Then why isn't the League here?" Rocket questioned.

"Because," Zatanna replied, "our Boy Wonder has some mighty hacking skills and arranged to get the alert first." She looked over at him appreciatively and he stood, hands on hips, absorbing the glory of the praise for a moment. I wanted to shake my head. Soon, they would be just like Megan and Conner with their damn shows of affection. No, I had to calm it down. Nothing was wrong with their being this way. They liked each other or were together or whatever. This was perfectly acceptable. The jealous shade of green wasn't complementary to my tanned complexion.

"And because Cheshire and that case represent our unfinished business," Kal added.

Superboy flung a piece of debris away. "Where are the bodies?"

"Here's one," a vaguely familiar voice called from an elevated piece of rock. "And it is _stunning_." Cheshire, alive and dressed to kill. Literally.

I noticed the change in Artemis' expression from the corner of my eyes. When I turned to watch her, she was smiling. My eyebrow rose automatically but before I could ask what she was smiling about, if she had wanted a little vengeance for making her look bad during her New Orleans mission or something, another voice, an unfamiliar one this time, began to speak.

"I am flora, not fauna. I am foliage, not trees. What am I?" When I turned to look, I saw The Riddler, Shimmer and Mammoth with a gang of men. Riddler snapped his fingers and a series of pylons rose from the high ground surrounding the canyon. They activated and then formed some kind of force field-dome-thing around the canyon, trapping us in with them. Clearly, they were looking for a fight.

"Oh, come on, you can get this," Riddler insisted. "I am shrubbery, not grass. What am I? I..."

"Ambush," Robin answered, revealing the pun and exactly what had happened here.

"Didn't you think we'd be tipped you were on Cheshire's trail? We're tired of your interference, kiddies. This is the endgame, ordered from above and executed by their master strategist, moi," Riddler said.

"Well, this bitch certainly knows how to toot his own flaccid horn," I half mumbled. Robin half smirked.

"_Miss Martian, is everyone linked_," Kaldur asked telepathically.

"_Yes_," she responded.

"_Go!_" he commanded.

We dispersed and sprung into action with Kal's attack instructions. Zatanna cast a spell to start a snowfall.

Some of the idiot men came down into the canyon to try to tackle us. I approached one of the people, getting him in a headlock in front of me. "Not smart, guys. Better tactic would have been to stay up there and pick us off. Your master strategist is dumber than a tack," I mentioned before touching three of his pressure points and making him go unconscious before me. I threw him against his friend next to him and then went to tackle him.

"_Superboy, the pylons_," Kal ordered.

"Working on it," he responded verbally. It occurred to me that he really didn't like mental communication.

I continued to just rush at other guys but some of them finally wised up, watching each other's backs and opened fire. I took cover for a while then pulled out two tranq needles and threw them at those intent on riddling the canyon full of holes. Despite the snow cover, my throws landed and I saw two of the guys grab their necks and slink to the ground. I ran out from cover to retrieve my needles but just as they were in my hand, another guy started to shoot at me.

Suddenly, there was a rumbling and when I looked up, I saw a smidge of black, Superboy, I assumed, and the mountain starting to come down. I tried to look at the supposed trajectory of the mountain, searching to make sure none of my teammates were there but there was a rock and a piece of debris blocking my view. I looked around. Artemis seemed to not be within my range of view.

The mountain fell. My heart stopped for about two seconds. Another three seconds later, I saw Artemis emerge from behind the rock, caught in a fight.

When I turned to deal with the guy who had been shooting at me, I noticed that he had already been felled and the fight seemed to be more or less over. Robin and Zatanna seemed to be where Shimmer and Riddler were. They were taken care of in less than five seconds. I heard Riddler babbling something about not being the Arkham type. I chuckled. He was certainly crazy if he had thought that putting us out of the picture would have been this easy.

After several more seconds, the snow stopped. After securing the idiots, we made our way out of there. It occurred to me that since this was an unauthorised mission, Batman would have our heads. I shrugged. Let him criticise our fruitful work and initiative.

As I suspected, when we got to base at around three in the afternoon, the big, brooding Bat was waiting for us. We just gathered before him, ready for our scolding.

"Tell me," he began, "if this sounds familiar: you hacked League systems, disobeyed "protocol and endangered your lives. And your initiative resulted in the capture of three escaped felons, proving Warden Strange runs Belle Reve as a cover for criminal activity." He cracked the most miniscule of smiles, expressing his approval of our achievement and naughty behaviour. "Well done." We started looking around amongst ourselves, relieved and proud. "And then there's this," he turned his attention of the contents of the case before him. "Biotechnology integrated with some form of nano-circuitry."

Icon picked up one of the objects, examining it. "Though I am unfamiliar with this species, the bio component is definitely not of Earth."

"We'll take it to the Watchtower for further study," Batman said, closing up the case and turning to the Zeta tubes. Rocket intercepted her partner before he could leave, congratulating him. When he and Black Canary left, an unofficial meeting seemed to begin.

"You realise we were set up?" Robin began.

"Yes. Cheshire and Riddler were...tipped and ready for us," Kal responded.

"Not the mole thing again!" Artemis said, exasperatedly putting her fingers to her forehead.

"Mole thing? Again?" Raquel asked, absolutely lost. Had I not forced them to fill me in on what had happened while I had gone on vacation, my reaction would have been as good as hers.

"We had intel that there was a traitor on the team," Kid started to explain.

"Namely Artemis, M'gann or me," Conner said, coming forward from the back of the group.

"It is more complicated than that," Kal said, putting a hand on his shoulder to try to calm him. SB shoved it off. "But your recent behaviour does concern me. Your attack on Mammoth nearly got Artemis killed." So she had been in the path of the rock. I figured she had seen what was going on and moved the fight accordingly.

SB suddenly hunched over slightly, seeming to be in pain for a long second.

"Superboy?" Aqualad called.

"There's something I need to do," he responded. "There's something I need to tell you. Last month, on Thanksgiving, I went back to CADMUS...found a few things out. When I was cloned, only half the DNA was Superman's. The other half was human. That's why I don't have—will never have—full Kryptonian powers."

"You sure?" Robin asked with a smile. "'Cause you sure seemed to have 'em today."

"I've been using these," he continued, lifting his sleeve to reveal a black patch on his skin that was in the shape of the S shield on his shirt, "shields. They suppress my human DNA. I get the flight, the heat vision, but I think I also get angry. Well, angri_er_. I'm sorry."

Kal's expression was dead serious, suspicious even. I couldn't help but thinking, 'Oh, my God, somehow, drugs had gotten their way into the life of my innocent, sweet teammate'.

"Where did you get those?" Kal asked.

"From my human father...Lex Luthor," he responded.

The air in the room got thin and I felt as if my ears had just exploded. What the cow? My jaw almost hit the ground.

When I looked at Kal, his eyes were certainly wide like a cow's.

"Lex...Luthor...is your dad?" Robin asked, looking like he was shocked beyond belief.

"He's summoned me to Santa Prisca."

We were all still shocked and unable to move when Artemis spoke up. "Argh...Listen, Superboy's not the only one suffering from bad DNA." She walked away from the rest of the ground and pulled up three screens. Two of the people on the screens I recognised. The third, I did not. "My mother is Huntress, an ex-con. The rest of my family aren't even ex. My dad's Sportsmaster and he's sending my sister, Cheshire, to fly me to Santa Prisca too."

Was there any aspirin in The Cave? Because I thought I was about to get a heart attack. Not because of what was being revealed—well, partly of what was being revealed—but because they were all delivering it in my face all at once. Sure, I was selfishly thinking of myself in this situation, but I couldn't help it. I had known that Artemis and Conner didn't seem to really trust anyone but I hadn't had any idea that what they were hiding were of such a large magnitude. However, it now made sense to me why Conner had seemed so anti-social when he came home on Thanksgiving.

I wasn't the only one that realisation started to come to. "That's why..." Kid began.

"Yeah. I was so desperate to make sure none of you found out—" she cut him off.

"I knew," Robin said, cutting her off in turn. Artemis' eyes were as wide as Kal's had just been. "Hey, I'm a detective. But it never mattered. You aren't your family. You're one of us." And his words were the truth. Because it wasn't the fact that her family had a history and, to some extent, a current record of criminal behaviour that was stirring the emotions inside me. It was the fact that she had had to fight through all that darkness, all that seeming hopelessness to be one of us. I smiled at her strength. That did not change, however, the fact that I felt hurt.

Kid put his hand on Artemis' shoulder. "So, who's next?" he asked, full on resting his arm on her shoulder now.

Megan assumed a nervous, lonely pose. "I am," she said in her soft demeanour. Though her voice was stained with regret and a deep sadness that made me panicky on the inside before anything had been said. No. Could I handle hearing three absolutely alarming things about people that I held close to my heart as family but seemingly didn't know one crap about in one day?

"I swear I was kidding," Wally said, shocked and throwing his hands up in surrender (though his elbow still rested conveniently on Artemis' shoulder).

"Queen Bee has been...blackmailing me. She wants me in Santa Prisca, too," Meg went on to explain.

"Blackmailing? How?" Kal asked.

"She knows my true Martian form." I had heard something about this, too, in passing.

"Bald M'gann?" Robin asked. "Who cares if—"

"No," she said, cutting him off. She exhaled and looked like she was preparing for something she would regret.

I could never have imagined that her secret was the biggest of them all. To me, she was pure, sweet Megan, my Martian friend who could do no wrong. She was the darling of the team, like the mom of the bunch. She was the one whose kind and soft words and concern lent you comfort.

When I saw what I saw, I was certain that I had to be in the middle of some work belonging to the theatre of the absurd. It didn't make sense and it wasn't even morbidly funny.

She began to change shape, grow in height, the body dimensions changed completely until before us was standing a creature that I could swear was an awfully unkind manifestation of what aliens looked like from some movie. I heard the gasps go around the room and saw my teammates take visible steps back. I would have, too, if my body would move. It was completely locked down as the emotions inside of me consumed me: fear, confusion, rage, sadness, compassion. It didn't make any sense. Her physical appearance didn't at all match the amazingly beautiful person that I knew she was. She was kind and sweet and innocent and helpful and loving—this form was the exact opposite of that.

I was so tied up, tense and emotionally overwhelmed that I knew either one of two things was about to happen: I was either going to start laughing hysterically, driven temporarily insane by the madness of what was going on, or I was going to pass out. Well, the third option would have been that I would have started spewing profanities in such utter disbelief.

"Whoa!" Rocket said.

"I realised you would never accept me if you saw what I really am," Megan said, sounding so sad that my heart wanted to stop.

"M'gann, did we truly seem so shallow?" Kal asked, tone gentle but just a little bit chiding. The hilarious thing was that his words and the shocked expressions on Zatanna, Robin, Wally and Artemis' faces were absolutely contradictory.

"I couldn't take the chance. Being a White Martian among the Green on Mars, I endured constant rejection. I couldn't face that from—"

"From me?" Conner asked, cutting her off and taking her...hand...claw? What did one call such an appendage? It appeared that after that, there was a private mental exchange between the two of them. Oh, so _now_ he wanted to talk in his head, when we want to know what the front door was going on.

But once I had heard what she had said, how she had been tormented for so long already and that she hadn't wanted to endure any more, I left the rage and fear drain from me completely. Yes, the form she was in didn't at all tell of who she was. She was something much more delicate despite all the sharp angles of her form, someone more beautiful that the pale white and gruesome pink flesh that the eye saw. I felt eternally compassionate and saddened for her. I thought my heart was going to shatter all over again and that perhaps, I would not be able to recover it this time. I felt hollow to know how much someone I loved so much was hurting and had been hurt. She a prisoner and victim of her own true appearance.

"I'm sorry I lied to you," she said finally.

"You told us the truth. You chose to do the right thing and that is what, in the end, truly matters," Kal said.

I wanted to say something, something that would make her feel even a tiny bit better but my body was still locked, my emotions still in turmoil and I couldn't get my mouth open or anything out. I was slightly tempted to crack some idiot joke in the moment that would receive an immediate reprisal from Kal, say perhaps that my secret was that I liked reading romance novels and that I had a talent for finding the parts with the sexual encounters on the first flip, but my lips wouldn't open for that either. I was forced into a deep silence.

She morphed back down into the form we were all accustomed to seeing and Conner just kept tight hold of her hand.

"So, what do we do?" Kid asked.

"We go to Santa Prisca where Lex Luthor, Sportsmaster and Queen Bee will be. We go there and we stop them and whatever they have planned," Kaldur said, voice intense and strong and angry, not at our teammates, our friends, but at the bastards who were making them suffer.

"You three should do as you were instructed," Robin said with a smirk. "I think we can turn this around and turn it into an ambush that they won't even be counting on. It's payback time; they messed with the wrong team."

Conner, Artemis and Megan smiled. I still couldn't find the voice to speak. Kal started to flesh the plan out and in the middle of it, I decided I needed to get a glass of water before I died of the gigantic lump in my throat.

"Where are you going?" he asked me, stopping mid sentence.

"Sorry," I said, my voice sounding weak and pathetic. "I just need some water." I edited the part about going to have a nervous breakdown shortly out of my sentence. It was probably the look on my face or the cheap, awful quality of my voice but Aqualad held whatever statement he wanted to give in response. I had been anticipating at least an angry, intense, 'Can't it wait?' but he hadn't said a thing as I walked off. Just as I spun around, I saw the pained look on Megan's face. I wondered if it was the look on mine that had forced that from her. The plan seemed logical and like there was a high chance that it would work. It couldn't have been that.

When I was in the kitchen, it occurred to me that if this is how I was feeling, the others might have been in a pretty bad place as well. I grabbed a tray from the cupboard and filled nine glasses before heading out to the team. Everyone took a glass. My instincts had been right.

"Are you okay?" Kal asked me.

I drank half of my water before I started to even consider how to answer the question.

I sighed. "See? This is why I don't keep secrets. Because it always blows up in your face and not always does that mess clean up as well as it has with us." My voice sounded stronger, closer to normal but there was still a bit of nervous waver to it. "Your plan, _el capitán_?"

When the plan was fully discussed, we all started to move out. I looked over at Rocket who seemed to be shaken up herself. I shook my head and thought to myself, 'First day on the job and she has to f-ing deal with this'. She looked over at me and stared.

"I don't even know what to say to that, but I think I'll just have to learn to manage," she responded.

My forehead crumpled. "Did I say that out loud?"

"You muttered it."

I shrugged. "Hadn't realised my lips were moving. Sorry. You weren't meant to hear that."

In the Bioship with everyone but Artemis and Conner, I decided it was now or never; something had to be said.

"Megan—"

"Hy, I'm so sorry that I hurt you like that. You'll never have to see me like that again, I swear—"

"Megan, shut up and let me finish." I was impressed by how cool my voice was. I knew that the moment I was home, that I was no longer held by some moral duty to appear together for the rest of the world that I would either cry or fall apart from the inside out. I had had too much of today. I just wanted tomorrow to come so I could be a stronger person already.

"Anyway, like I was saying, it wasn't seeing your true form that hurt me. In fact, I think these days, I've gotten accustomed to being shell-shocked from all sides. I just...wanted to say that...I understand that that form isn't you. My mind couldn't even process how someone as gentle as you could really look so..."

"Hideous, I know," she completed, bowing her head.

"I was _not_ going to say 'hideous'. I was going to say 'misleading'. If anything, I've learnt more than ever that looks can deceive."

She was quiet for a moment and the stray thought hit me that it was getting pretty late and it would probably be a good idea to call my mother.

"Thank you, Hy. But, if seeing me…like that wasn't what hurt you…what did?" she asked.

I took my phone out of my pocket. "_Perdóneme_." My mother answered on the third ring. "Hi, I can't really talk right now but I'll be home…a little late today."

"Another late night?" she asked. "Baby, I don't think that's a good—"

There was a shuffling noise as she was cut off. "Hyacinth Quinteros, you get your ass back home right now. You're supposed to be taking it easy. You have one day's rest and you think it's okay for you to be out all day _and_ coming home late?" Jason started to scold.

"Jason, you took my mother off the phone for that? You know, it's her job to yell at me, not yours."

"God, Hy, people get so worried about you."

"Me being out late is the least of your worries. It's the least of both of our worries, Jase. It's the least of any type of worry there could ever be."

"See? And now you're talking in riddles again. What happened?"

"I'm sorry but that information is above your pay grade."

"Neither of us gets paid for being friends, Hy. That's bull—that's rubbish."

"Fine, then it's above your clearance."

"Hy—" He seemed to cut himself off before he started yelling over the phone. "I thought you didn't keep secrets."

"Not my secret to keep, Jase."

He exhaled. "Will you at least be home before tomorrow?"

"I can't answer that because I don't know. Look, I can't talk now. I have to go."

"Whatever. Just don't die, okay?"

"Yeah, I love you, too."

"Not enough, clearly."

"Don't be a bitch."

"Goodbye. If you die, I come kill your boyfriend."

"Good thing I don't have one. Tell my family 'goodnight' for me and that I love them."

"Why does that sound like you're on some kind of kamikaze—" I hung the phone up on him before he could finish his sentence. The way I was feeling on the inside at the moment, it was like I was already dead.

We arrived approximately four and a half minutes after I got off the phone. Megan dropped us at the coast and it was up to us to get to the forest and get into position while she was making it look like she had come with the intention of following Queen Bee's wishes.

When Artemis gave us the mental signal and the fight started, I was barely aware of what was going on because my mind still felt like tangled floss. My body was moving in all the right ways, attacking, throwing, dodging and assisting but it occurred to me that those guys, the hench, were idiots who couldn't fight without their damn guns which was why I needed no concentration whatsoever to defeat them. Of course, you could give anyone a gun but it took training to make you a soldier. But it was so easy to dispatch them. My mind wasn't strategically focused to how to approach them. My frustration was making me a fierce fighter, attacking, attacking, attacking, barely giving them any time to move or hit me at all.

By the time I was done dispatching all the hench on my side, I noticed that the fights with all my other teammates were more or less finished. When I looked around to find them, they were all coming to rendezvous in the clearing from wherever they'd gone off to fight.

Blockbuster was in the ground and very much unconscious. Wally was coming back with Artemis and he had what looked like Sportsmaster's mask in his hand. I headed to gather with them at the now grounded Bioship.

"It _is_ always like this," Rocket commented.

"Told ya," Zatanna responded.

"Hey, disaster averted. Feeling the aster," Robin added with a pleased smile.

"Agreed. This has been a good day," Kaldur said. I wanted to ask in whose book.

The flight home was very quiet, probably because everyone was exhausted from all the excitement of the day. I wanted to be so tired that I was practically brain dead, that my thoughts would become quiet, but such a day did not allow that. My mind was buzzing with thought.

I got up to leave the Bioship after pretty much everyone else, save for Kaldur.

"Hyacinth," he called, stopping me just as I was about to exit the aircraft bay.

I half turned, aware the expression on my face was probably bordering on surly. I just wanted to go home. Luckily the white of my mask shielded my eyes which would have made the expression look surlier.

"Are you sure you are alright? In fact, when I asked earlier, you did not actually answer the question."

"You know, in the past three months, I've started to hate it when people ask me that question." His eyes were focused on me in a hard stare. I took a breath and exhaled. "Pardon me for being selfish and awful in a situation as grave of this but it kind of hurts me to find out I know practically nothing about some of the most important people in my life. It just seems to be happening a lot lately that I discover that the people I love are the ones I know nothing about. And now that I realise that, I'm not yet sure what to do with that information."

"I…am sorry—"

"It's fine. Hyacinth has to find ways to deal with Hyacinth's problems, right? I should get home. Jason's going to want to have a row with me so I might as well get home while people are still awake so as not to wake them."

I started to walk off then, heading straight to change then got out of there as fast as I could.

When I got home, Jason met me at the door, the dangerous expression on his face indicating that he had been worried and was about to start screaming at me. But when he took in the expression on my face, whatever had been there, his expression slackened, lost the dangerous edge and just became concerned.

"What the hell happened?" he asked.

"Goodnight, everyone. I'm going to shower and going to sleep now."

I curled up in my bed, replaying everything I had heard and seen today in my head and felt hollow by the fact that everyone was so comfortable keeping secrets and that it seemed that I could only come to love people I didn't know. It occurred to me that something was wrong with me, that I instinctively just started loving people with no basis. Maybe it was time that I learnt that you could never trust people who wore masks and hero costumes. Sometimes heroes hurt you worst of all.


	19. Chapter 19

**Happy 20th Birthday, _RoseGlass_! Have an absolutely wonderful day and may God bless you! And I hope you read this chapter today and that you're not too busy _liming_ with friends and family to read it.**

**Also, guess who's free now? I've been working on this story like crazy and now that the exams are out of the way, things are...well. Until I start working :( Then, I can't guarantee what my posting will look like since, you know, no days home during the week and less freedom and stuff...**

My phone awakened me at six in the morning. Had it been a text message, I would have ignored it but it was my ringtone going off, meaning that someone meant to converse with me. I wanted to deal with neither right now but I had the strangest feeling that whoever was calling would call and call and call until either I answered, shut off the phone or threw it out the window.

"Hello?" I answered, groggy with stiff muscles and an aching heart that reverberated the message that something was deeply wrong with me.

"Early meeting at The Cave. Meet us there in an hour," Robin said, quickly hanging up.

I kind of wanted to say 'F that' and go back to sleep but my sense of duty prevented me from curling up like a cocoon in my blankey and returning to the embrace of unconsciousness. I had chosen to be a part of this team which meant that I chose to deal with whatever was thrown at me where they were concerned. But did that still count if nowhere on the non-existent contract had there been any warning of these kinds of pains, not in fine print and nowhere near the dotted line?

I was being a baby. Sure, Megan—no, M'gann—truly looked like something I'd seen only in _MIB_. Sure, Conner was a clone with two daddies and who had been what I could only think of as doping to get full Kryptonian powers. Sure, Arty's family was a bunch of friggin' screwball criminals and an ex-con. So what was the problem? Just because I realised that they weren't who I thought they were and that I seemed to love too easily and without proper premise didn't mean that the whole world was ending.

Perhaps that was what they needed, someone to love them without question, without knowing every single detail and who wasn't going to judge. Maybe they needed someone who was going to pick up their side despite having the complete picture. Perhaps what I was now labelling as a fault was really a blessing to other people in disguise.

And perhaps I was just trying to make myself feel better. Was I lying to myself again, trying to convince myself that I was stronger and more useful than I truly was, or was there even an ounce of truth and pragmatism in what I was considering?

And why was it that I would have these long, profound trends of thought in the bathroom? Oh, right, it was a proven fact that the bathroom was…an inspirational place. I always knew that.

I immediately put on my Cin garb, wrote my mother a note that I was with the team and headed for the roof. Once outside and a few blocks away from home, I took a taxi. The driver gave me a funny look but I agreed to pay him double so he didn't ask questions. I had him drop me a block from The Cave and after I made sure he'd driven off, I ran for The Cave.

I headed to the kitchen to get some breakfast and when I heard the voices coming down the hall.

"We have reason to feel proud of yesterday's victories but one thing has not changed," Kal said. I walked out of the kitchen and fell into line with my bitten nectarine.

"Somehow the bad guys are still getting inside intel all about us," Robin completed his thought.

"Yeah, but at least we known none of us are the mole," KF said.

We approached Batman and Red Tornado in the main atrium.

"That's correct. The mole was Red Arrow," Batman said. I felt my eyes widen. Don't tell me this was going to be another day of shocking bullshit?

"Roy?" Robin asked in disbelief.

"No way!" Wally half-shrieked.

"Batman, that cannot be. He was Green Arrow's protégé. We have all known him for years," Kaldur said calmly.

"Unfortunately, the Roy Harper we have known for the last three years is another project CADMUS clone," Red Tornado said. This wasn't helping my cynicism at all.

"We've learned the real Speedy was abducted and replaced immediately after becoming Green Arrow's sidekick," Batman expanded. "The clone was pre-programmed with a drive to join the Justice League, which is why he was so angry over any delays to his admission and why he refused to join the team. This Roy Harper had no idea he was a clone or a traitor, and his subconscious programming drove him to become League-worthy, so he struck out on his own as Red Arrow. When he was finally admitted, his secondary programming kicked in, and he attempted to betray the League to Vandal Savage. Fortunately, I had already deduced Red Arrow was a clone. We were prepared."

"Savage was subdued but Red Arrow escaped. He is now a fugitive, armed and dangerous," Red Tornado warned.

Superboy rubbed his neck nervously. "If you guys hadn't rescued me from CADMUS..." he trailed off, leaving the rest to implication.

"What...what happened to the real Roy?" Leave it to Robin to ask the question we were all afraid to ask.

"We don't know," Batman responded. "He isn't at CADMUS. We have to face the possibility that the real Roy Harper is dead." Heads bowed and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Zatanna place her hand on Robin's shoulder and, out of the corner of the other eye, I saw Artemis hesitate to do the same to Wally.

"The clone Roy, the team will find him," Kaldur asserted.

"Negative. Red Arrow's a member of the Justice League now. Leave him to us," Batman said then touching his comm. "I'm needed on the Watchtower. Tornado, stay with the kids." He turned and left and I could pick up the vibe from my teammates that here was another thing that they weren't just going to let go.

Zatanna touched her forehead just as Kal turned to the rest of us. Did she sense, too, that today would be another headache?

"_Clone or no clone, Red Arrow is one of us. We will go after him_," Kaldur said mentally. I hadn't even realised when Megan had sent up the mental link. I had grown quite accustomed to hearing their voices in my head. Not that that had made us any closer.

Tornado approached Kal. Lifted his hand and shut down. Kal turned around, noticing his approach. Confused, I raised an eyebrow. The team came forward for some answers.

"_Tornado!_" Megan exclaimed.

"_What happened to him?_" Conner questioned. Robin pulled up some visuals on his watch, running diagnostics probably.

"_He's totally powered down_," Kid said.

"_All functions offline_," Rob confirmed.

"_Guys, I'm sensing a low level mystic force at play. I-I don't know if it caused his shut down but, now that I think about it, I was getting the same buzz off Batman_," Zatanna threw in.

"_Batman...he called us 'kids'. He never does that_," Robin added.

"_Look_," Wally said, taking something out of Tornado's hand and holding it up for inspection. "_One of those biotech chips we confiscated off Cheshire._"

"_Something is not right. Robin, Kid, Zatanna, Rocket, see if you can get Tornado back online. The rest with me to find Roy—Red Arrow_," he ordered.

We started to follow him to the hangar while the other group started to try to get a better idea of what was going on with Tornado. It felt so wrong. We were man-hunting Roy, Red Arrow, our friend, our fellow teammate. It was just _wrong_.

The ride in the Bioship was pretty quiet as we all seemed to be trying to wrap our heads around the concept of Roy being a clone. Certainly, it shouldn't have been such a shocker since the team powerhouse was also a clone, but this was Roy we were talking about. SB's superpowers already made it very easy to believe he was a clone because he was so other-worldly already. Roy was just like me, a normal guy with feelings and memories and pain, not like the clones we'd all seen on TV that just knew nothing and acted like drones. And more importantly, for Kaldur, Wally and Robin who'd known him for so long and who had had history with him, it was a bigger shock because it meant that the person they'd come to know and befriend was not who they thought he was.

Imagine, I was having slightly inappropriate romantic thoughts in my shower about a clone. That part was hilarious. It was about the only hilarious part of this whole scenario.

Staring out the window, I saw as we flew over the Hall of Justice.

"Computer logs indicate Red Arrow zetaed to the Hall from the Watchtower, but he could be anywhere by now," Megan said.

"After Roy went solo, he installed equipment caches in several major cities. One is here," Kal said. He directed her to fly the Bioship to a certain building and she kept the ship camoed after we landed. "I will go inside and search for Roy. You three stay here."

"Wouldn't it be a better idea to take at least one of us as backup?" I suggested. He stared at me for a long moment and I couldn't tell that he wanted to shoot me down and go look for him alone. It was becoming a personal thing for him. "Look, I get it. Roy's like your Jase. Let me at least come as the chaser in case things get too intense in there. I won't get in your way, I promise."

He sighed. "Alright, but stay behind me."

We headed down the stairs and it occurred to me as we started walking through halls that Kal knew exactly where we were going. He stopped at a door and I touched his arm and mouthed 'I'll stay outside' to him. He nodded. He tried the door, found it locked and then kicked it open. 'Smooth', I thought, leaned up against the wall. Neighbours definitely won't think something funky's going down. Kal stepped inside but stopped just inside the door. 'Found him', I thought.

"I have not come to harm or apprehend you," he began, taking a few more steps in, "but the team requires answers."

"Me first," Happy insisted. "Tell me something you haven't told anyone else. Tell me who broke your heart."

My eyes widened from outside the door. I hadn't known Kaldur's heart had been broken or even belonged to anyone. A part of me was happy that I had been here to find out this important thing about a friend but another part of me felt as if I were intruding on something I had no part in.

He sighed. "Tula. The girl I loved chose my best friend, Garth, over me...while my best friend on the surface world aims an arrow at my chest." Indeed, this team was one of persons who were burdened by many scars. So what the hell was I complaining about? Sure, my heart, too, had been broken and I had been forced to watch as the person I loved being happy with another girl right in front of my face and a girl whom I had made friends with, too, but it sure wasn't my best friend and I didn't have to be away from my home _and_ leading a team on dangerous and life-threatening missions, thereby shouldering the blame for any mishaps that occurred on these missions. It occurred to me that I had never before truly understood the magnitude of Kaldur's strength.

I heard the faint sound of Happy's bow being relaxed.

"I—"

"We can discuss this further in the Bioship. Anywhere else is not safe. The Justice League could be here any minute," Aqualad said.

Kal came out of the room with Happy behind him and I leaned off of the wall and started to walk towards the stairs to the roof before them.

"Cin?" Roy asked. "That means you heard—"

"I heard something? One couldn't possibly hear anything from outside, could they?" I didn't even turn back as I responded. I just remained silent and took the stairs two at a time.

No one said anything as the three of us got into the Bioship. It was still silent when it took off.

"We were told you were the mole but we have reason to doubt," Kal said to him.

"Forget doubt. I was the mole," Roy said. I closed my eyes at his admission and took a deep calming breath. He wasn't a traitor because he hadn't consciously made that decision.

"Batman and Tornado said you're a CADMUS clone, like me," Conner said.

"That explains it," Roy said, letting out a deep, soul-weary sigh. "I was a sleeper agent, pre-programmed to infiltrate the League. I…think…Sportsmaster was my handler. He had a key phrase, 'broken arrow', that could shut me down, put me in a hypnotic state to steal secrets for his superiors or incorporate further programming. I'd then carry out all orders subconsciously, completely unaware of what drove me. I think one of those orders was to focus suspicion on the three of you," he explained, turning to look at Meg, Conner and Artemis. "I'm sorry."

"How did Batman discover all this and prevent you from betraying the League?" Aqualad asked.

"He didn't. I'm afraid he and all the members of the Justice League are under Vandal Savage's control. Those biotech chips you recovered from Cheshire were part of the plan all along. Savage called them Starrotech. My internal programming had me put one on each of the members of the League during the induction party, enslaving them all and seizing total control over them. "

"I'm sorry, but how is it that you are no longer enslaved?" Megan asked.

"No Starrotech for starters, just my CADMUS programming, and once I'd satisfied its last parameter, my mind began to clear. I'm sure Savage planned to Starrotech me but he paused to...bask. I escaped."

"I promise, I can clean any residual programming from your mind," she offered.

Megan's attention suddenly went elsewhere and I figured there was probably some mental communication going on that I wasn't aware of. Then suddenly I heard Robin's voice in my head.

"_Great, 'cause we _really_ need to compare notes_," he said. The Supercycle was brought into the ship and when everyone was seated, including a tied up Black Canary, the discussions began.

It became clear that to counter a force that, as Robin had put it, worked on super-powered humans, four flavours of alien, an android, even Doctor Fate, defeating all without a fight, we needed to call in some major favours. These favours took almost half a day to help us create a defence and a cure that would render Savage's Starrotech useless. Queen Mera and Doctors Spence, Vogel and Roquette were truly godsends to have been able to create something that would give us the chance to save the world.

I had never seen the queen of Atlantis before, but when I laid eyes on her, I remembered my only thought being that she was one of the most beautiful creatures I had ever seen. And after seeing how greatly she was able to help us with our current conundrum, I realised she was more formidable than just in beauty.

Our next line of attack was to go directly to the Watchtower where all the shit was really going down. I was excited to be infiltrating the Justice League's real headquarters even though it was under such unpleasant circumstance. It added to the excitement that we had to break into the satellite. It was like _McGyver_ meets _Men in Black_ meets _Avengers_ or something. Just that this time there would be no television screen to keep me separated from all the danger.

After we had all successfully infiltrated the Watchtower, we all gathered behind Robin to glance at the screen his watch was projecting so we knew where we were going and what we were doing. We were all mentally linked and all our communication had to be telepathic from here on.

"_RT did it. Wirelessly bypassed the security the minute he arrived. Savage shouldn't know we're here_," Robin said.

"_Move out_," our leader instructed. We spilt into teams to start tackling various members of the League. I was with Kid and Artemis, and feeling like a third wheel.

We found Plastic Man and Artemis fired a trick arrow at him which released teargas at him and clouded his line of sight. When he lengthened himself to get to the clean air, Wally ran up behind him and chipped him with our Curotech.

The next group we encountered was Green Arrow, The Flash and Aquaman. Shit, I thought.

While each of them took on their mentors, I tried my best to keep Aquaman busy. His movements were fluid and dangerous like Kaldur's but at a much more advanced level. I had to be one hundred percent focused just to avoid his attacks. I failed to miss his kick and that sent me into a wall. He went to backup GA and Flash after Artemis' explosive arrow sent Flash flying. Kid had called for some backup as well so all we had to do was keep them busy for a while.

At the rate things were going, I couldn't tell if we were winning or losing.

"_I'm amazed we're still alive_," Artemis commented.

"_It's 'cause they're being controlled. They're limited by whoever is pulling their strings. The very thing putting us in danger is the only thing giving us a chance_," Kid explained.

"_Artemis, Kid, Cin!_" Kal called upon entering. "_Now!_" I heard the sound of Artemis' arrow lodging itself in the door and I ran up behind her just in time. "_Hold on._" He pressed a red square button.

"_Holding!_" the three of us responded as we grabbed a hold of the rope from Artemis' arrow, me behind Wally. The large bay doors opened and everything started getting sucked out of the room.

"Warning, cargo bay venting atmosphere," the satellite computer warned.

Flash tried to rush against the force and get to Kaldur but just as he approached, I forced my foot to kick him so he would lose his grounding and fly towards the door like the rest of them. But the action had disturbed the tight grip I had on the rope and the suction sent me flying after him.

"_Cin!_" Kal yelled.

"_Forget me! Go on!_"

Kal moved to close the door and I tried to curl into a ball to brace for the impact but I wasn't fast enough. I hit the doors with as much force as a speeding car would hit a person and immediately, I felt my consciousness slipping away from me. The last thing I saw was Kid placing Curotech on the three League members as we hit the floor.

"Go," I mumbled weakly as I fell into the abyss of darkness.

Maybe ten, fifteen, twenty minutes later, I awakened with the biggest headache of my life. I forced myself to stand, barely able to keep myself up because of that awful impact. I couldn't run or else I'd end up on the floor again so I walked slowly, remembering the map of the satellite that Robin had shown us when we had entered and making my way to where we had sent Red Tornado, Black Canary and Red Arrow. Since the station was kind of huge, it took me about eight minutes to find them and when I did…I wanted to die.

What didn't stick out to me at the scene before me wasn't that Red Arrow and Black Canary were unconscious on the ground or that Red Tornado had also been grounded and rendered without appendages. What got me was that everyone, save for the unconscious, _was kissing_. Artemis was in Wally's arms bridal style. Finally, they'd stopped being the biggest idiots in the world. Conner and Megan were engaged in lip-lock, too, but this was a regular thing. I'd walked in on them making out twice or so.

But Zatanna and Robin were also wrapped up in each other, kissing. No need for any conversation or confession. It was clear now where they stood with each other. I didn't think that anything could hurt me more where my feelings for him resided, but it did. It really freaking hurt. It hurt so much that my already weak legs buckled and I fell to the ground.

"Liking this team more _every_ day," Raquel said, just as I fell to the ground, going to kiss Kaldur's cheek.

"Human customs still elude me," Tornado said from the floor.

"Yeah, no kidding," I said, softly.

When they seemed to be done swapping bodily fluids and realised that I had entered the room, Kaldur came over to me. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"Now what did I tell you about that question?" I said with a half smirk.

"Right. Are you hurt?"

"Yup. That door half-killed me. Do me a favour and put water hyacinths on my grave. They're my favourite." I put a hand to my forehead, stuck my tongue out to the side and closed my eyes.

"You're such a drama queen," Robin said.

"Yeah, you didn't just tango with a door and zero-gravity at the same time. For a minute there, I thought I was going to be sucked into space and suffocate," I said, turning over and trying to get up. Kaldur stooped down, put my arm around his shoulder, his arm around my back and helped me up. "The doctors are going to have to check me out when I get home."

"You mean the doctor and the nurse," Robin corrected.

I smirked. "One only prefers being a nurse because the hours are friendlier. They're both certified doctors. It's Harlene's secret that she's been short-changing the medical world all this time. Except in the case of emergencies, that is. Like Terri-Ann."

"Terri-Ann?" Megan asked.

"That woman I saw at the hospital…with the fifteen percent."

"You found out her name?" Conner asked.

"I put a flower on her grave. Terri-Ann Masley, twenty-four years old—Ah, crap, I'm ruining the moment again. Never mind. Could someone get me to a chair please? I _really_ need to sit down. I might have a moderate concussion. Again…Damnit!"

I used the fact that I wanted to sulk about seeming to be the weak link, getting knocked out, to keep my mind from wandering back to the thought of Zatanna and Robin kissing. It wasn't just the kiss that was bothering me. It was the fact that seeing them kiss looked like if it was an act proffered from the heavens for them. They looked absolutely perfect together and…

And I was thinking about it. Sigh.

Canary started to stir as did Roy and Green Lantern Hal. It was an indicator that those we had cured would start waking up about now or soon.

Kal took me to what looked like the League's cafeteria and gently placed me in a seat.

"Will you be alr—Never mind," he said, stopping himself

"No, it's okay. You can ask it. I realise I've been a morbid beast these days and it's completely unfair to you. Kaldur."

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I just…I know what it feels like. And…she lost out, okay? You're amazing and I'm glad to know you." It seemed to come to him then what I was talking about and he offered me a small smile and a nod. I tilted my head towards the door. "Go on, get out of here. The old fogies must be waking up now and I'm sure you leadership type people must have lots to discuss."

"We certainly do. I will come back for you when we are done."

"Sure. Take your time. I figure I can have a nap or something." He started to walk out and I sighed in the lonely silence.

I grabbed my phone from my pocket, wondering if I had any bars up here. It seemed that I did. I was in awe.

I called the home phone, perfectly aware that my parents were probably drinking champagne and that everyone was still awake, ringing in the New Year. I hated new years, mostly because I didn't know what to expect from them. They picked up on the second ring.

"Hello?" dad said.

"Hey, dad, can you put me on speaker?" I said.

"Baby! Of course I can. You're on speaker." I could hear the music they were playing. I knew the song, 'Where Have You Been' by _Rihanna_. I was certain I could hear mom singing it in the background, too. I could imagine her watching dad as she sang it.

"Hi, everyone. Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year to you, too, Hy!" they all shouted. 'Why the heck are they all shouting?' I thought exasperatedly. But of course I knew why. They were all drinking (they probably bought non-alcoholic wine for Jani and sugar was just as good as alcohol to a kid) and they were probably all excited. Optimists. Tch.

"Thank you," I said anyway. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there. My friends were all…gung-ho about me staying with them. I should be home soon though." Somehow that was probably a lie. I had a feeling they were going to stay here and discuss their crap for a while yet.

"Alright, baby," mom said. "We miss you."

"I miss you all, too. Have a drink for me."

"I will," she said.

"And don't get Jason too drunk."

"Psh, a little champagne couldn't get me drunk," he insisted.

"I hope not. Well, I gotta go but I'll see you later, okay?"

"Sure, sweetheart. Bye," dad said right before they all threw a chorus goodbye. I put down the phone and called another number, my grandmother Tessa's house in Trinidad where I knew they always had their New Year's party. After I wished them well for the New Year, I hung up and dialled Tanya's cell.

"Hello?"

"Happy New Year, ballerina. Let me talk to Stephen please."

"Hello?" he said. "She just put you on speaker."

"Good. Happy New Year, the both of you."

"Happy New Year, Hy," they responded.

"Are you home?" Tan asked.

"Nah. I'm out, enjoying the sparks." The sparks of other people's romances. I knew she would think I was watching fireworks.

"Cool. I'm just watching them from home."

"My ass. You're making out with Stephen on the balcony of your neighbour's apartment."

She was silent for a few seconds and then I heard Stephen laugh. "Can you see us?" she asked.

"Nah, but you always said you'd do that if you ever got a boyfriend that lasted till New Year's."

She chuckled. "That I did."

"Anywho, you guys can get back to making out. I've got one last call to make."

"Alright, bye!" they said as I hung up.

Jason answered on the second ring. "Wondered when you were going to call," he said right off the bat. The noise dissipated and I took that to mean he had gone into another room.

"Happy New Year, Jase," I said.

"Happy New Year, Hy. Even though I know you hate new years."

I chuckled. "Yeah, I do."

"Hey, don't worry. This one's gonna be good."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because in July of this year, I'll be moving back."

I laughed. "Yeah, that's one good thing, that you guys will be moving back. But that's just one thing. Hundreds of bad things could happen."

"Oh, come on. I'm about to say something very uncharacteristic of me. Have a little faith."

My eyebrows furrowed at his encouragement. "Are you drunk?"

He chuckled. "No, Hy, I am not drunk. We can watch out for each other, okay? We can make it a good year."

I smiled. "Well, okay."

"I love you, princess."

"Love you, too, Jase."

"Come home soon, okay?"

"Hey, Jase, can I ask a question? After this one, that is."

"Of course. Shoot."

"Are you still _in_ love with me?"

"Hm. Yeah. I think so. But I love you more than I'm _in_ love with you, if you get what I mean."

"Yeah. I think I do. How come you haven't tried to make a move all this time?"

"Because, Hyacinth, my princess, I realised a long time ago that I didn't have a shot with you. I realised your heart belonged to someone else and that you needed me to be a friend more than a boyfriend. I lost the opportunity to be with you a long time ago, three years ago to be precise. And I realised the best thing we can ever be is best friends."

I sighed. "If only Robin had realised that before we had gotten into this whole mess. Maybe then you could have had your second shot at being with me."

"Nah. You still wouldn't have wanted me. If he hadn't broken your heart, we wouldn't be back on such good terms right now. I hate to say it but it's _because_ of your breakup and because you needed someone there for you to take his place that you let me back into your life. If he hadn't left that hole, you'd still hate me for being a traitor."

"I'm sorry I dragged you into my own personal pit of hell, loving someone you can never have."

"Hey, it's quite okay. Now we get each other even better."

"Well, amen to that. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Yeah, later, princess."

I put down the phone and typed a quick text to fire off.

**Stop calling me princess.**

He replied in a second.

_;p_

I chuckled, shook my head and returned the phone to my pocket.

I put my head down on the table, feeling like I could use a nap. And some muscle cream. I was certain my entire back, my front and my legs were going to bruise with the force that I had hit the huge metal doors and then the floor. I did not look forward to having to apply the stuff when I got home. I considered asking my mom to do it for me but I didn't want her to panic too much. Then again, she would have to give me a check-up. She would see the bruises anyway.

The cafeteria door opened and when I looked up, I saw a downtrodden Happy coming my way.

"You. What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Could ask you the same thing."

"Yeah, well, I asked first."

"I might have a concussion. I got hit really, really hard."

"Again? Are you sure you're a hero or a punching bag?"

I laughed. "I wondered for a minute there myself. This time a door did it. And the ground." I slowly stood and Happy came over to help me in case I fell.

"Hey, you should sit down."

"How am I supposed to hug you?"

"Why on Earth would you want to hug me? I'm just a cheap clone of—"

I flicked him in the neck. "None of that bullshit now, Happy. Clones aren't cheap. They're very expensive actually."

"Not the point."

"Yeah, well, get over yourself. You're a clone and I'm a broken reject. And Zatanna has no parents and Robin's adopted and Kaldur's practically in exile. And at least you're a full clone. Conner's only a half so he must feel like the cheap knockoff. But you didn't hear that from me."

"You wouldn't understand—"

"Look, I know I can't possibly say anything to make you feel better or whatever so I'm not going to try because I really don't feel like I can muster some wise or inspirational garbage right about now. All I want is my bed and some ointment for my sore, achy body. All I'm gonna say to you is that the only person who thinks any less of you right now is you, which is really the only person that matters. The rest of us, especially after what we've learnt over the past two days, still think of you as an important friend and teammate and you're still the Roy-slash-Red-slash-Happy that we know. I hope you can find it in you to believe that. Till then, we're here to tell you that as many times as you need to hear it." I put my arms around him and hugged him as tightly as I could manage. He smelt nice despite all the running and ass-kicking he'd been doing. And he was warm. But in his arms, I felt something lacking. That was when I knew for absolute sure that we were only meant to be friends. "Hey, why are you here?" I asked, pulling back.

"Came to get some coffee before I left again. You doing okay?"

"Nah. I'm sad because I got knocked unconscious by a door and the floor and that I'm the only one who didn't get a New Year's Day kiss at midnight."

"Why, did you want one?"

"Are you offering?" He didn't reply to that but I saw him purposely lower his head. I chuckled, tiptoed and placed a kiss to his cheek. "Happy New Year, Happy. You may not be the original Roy Harper or the original Speedy but you are the one and only Red Arrow and the one and only Happy."

He offered me a small smile and then reciprocated with a kiss to my cheek. "Thanks, Weedgirl."

I sat. "Go get your coffee and go home and sleep this nightmare off."

The doors opened again and Kaldur came for me. "Cin, we are returning home now."

I forced myself up and put up my hand to stop them both from coming to help me. I had to make it through my own front door anyway.

In the Bioship, after I was strapped in and we started for home, I looked around at my team and smiled.

"Happy New Year, guys. Hope we can have many, many, many more like this. Well, not like this as in tonight because tonight was like an f-ing nightmare but together, I mean. I love you guys, all of you. You guys are family."

"We should have a celebration when we get back to The Cave," Wally said.

"Gee, someone has a lot of energy. All she had to do was kiss you for you to get like this? Oh, and, see, I told you so."

"Told me what?"

"I didn't even have to do anything. You two got together without me having to lift a finger or set up any jealous situations. It completely unfolded for itself, just like I told you on those docks where Meg and Conner had their very first kiss."

"Oh, yeah. I totally forgot about that," Robin said with a chuckle. "But you _were_ right."

"Darn it, now I wish I'd bet money."

"Are you feeling alright now? You hit that door pretty hard," Artemis said.

"Nah, I'm pretty sure I have a concussion but I'll deal with that when I get home. I wish I could fly home instead of having to take a taxi."

"I can just drop you on the roof if you want," Megan offered.

"I wouldn't want to put you out of your way."

He chuckled. "It's really not that far. The Bioship can cover that in no time."

"Then that would be much appreciated. Thank you. By the way, I would like to mention I really appreciate the way you guys were all like 'Where's Cin?' when you congregated by Red Tornado."

"We didn't—" Wally began.

"That's what I'm getting at!"

"You did say to go and leave you," Artemis said.

"Yes, I did say that but no one else seemed to wonder where I was. Not even you, Megan, my wife whom I love most dearly of all." I dropped my face into my hands.

"I might have thought it," Megan said with a chuckle.

I dropped my hands to my lap. "Nah, relax, I knew you forgot about me. You guys were focused and I admire that." Just then we flew over The Cave and I saw that there were still some people around lighting up fireworks. I sighed. "Can't believe I missed most of the fireworks. And I'm sure Tanya was too busy kissing Stephen to record them for me." In another ten seconds, the Bioship hovered above my roof. I passed around the ship, giving hugs and then jumped out. I took off my eye mask, stuck it in my back pocket and then headed downstairs. I found mom washing dishes.

"Hey, mom," I said, coming to kiss her cheek.

"Hi, baby. Everyone just turned in so you can go say goodnight."

"Alright, mom. I'm gonna have a shower. Can you believe I haven't bathed since last year?"

She laughed. "Yes, you really need a bath then. Goodnight, baby."

"Goodnight, mom. I love you. Oh, wait, don't panic but do you think you could give me a little check-up before I go to bed?"

"What happened?"

"I coincided with a door."

She chuckled. "Alright, sweetheart. I'll be right there. Wait in your room." I went to say goodnight to dad, Jani, Aunt Laila and Jase before I went to wait.

"Slight concussion," she announced. "You should be fine with some rest."

"Thanks, mom." She kissed my forehead and I went to the shower. After a nice cold one, I dressed, crawled into bed, curled into a cocoon with my blanket, said a quick prayer and let sleep enfold me into her embrace.

**Might I just say I KNEW IT! Ah, Young Justice Invasion, you can't fool me...for long, that is. You just play with my emotions in a frowniful way. Ah, I love this show!**


	20. Chapter 20

**:D**

After about two hours of sleep, I got ready for church and the six of us went together. Usually we would go to Old Year's Night Mass but since I wasn't at home, they had decided not to go. After Mass, I promptly returned to my bed.

When I finally roused myself out of sleep, it was half past ten in the morning. I stretched and it hurt. Making up the bed hurt. Showering hurt. Brushing my teeth and hair hurt. Everything hurt.

"Moomy, I hurt," I said, coming into the living room where everyone was watching TV. It was a rerun of an old comedy.

"Good morning," she said. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah. But I hurt."

"And why do you hurt?" Aunt Laila asked.

"I had too much fun with my friends yesterday, coincided with a door. I hit the floor pretty hard, too."

"Ouch," January remarked. "Bruises?"

"Yup. Very bruisey bruises, too."

"Not a word," dad sang.

"Trust me. If you were to see the bruises, you'd use that word, too. You'd be that lost for adjectives."

"Let me see," he said.

"Nah. You'll think a truck hit me rather than a door."

His expression sobered. "Do you think you have a concussion? How do you feel?"

"I'm still a little tired but I feel alright. All my faculties seem to be working. I just need some breakfast."

"At this hour, it's brunch."

"Whatever you want to call it, it is grub and I am starving."

I grabbed myself the eggs and hash browns that were waiting for me in the microwave and sat at the table to eat. As I shook my foot nervously, the bell on my anklet jingled.

"Hey, you're still wearing it," Jason said, looking back at me from the couch next to his mom.

"Oh, yeah. I love it so much that I only take it off when I absolutely have to. For like training and stuff."

"How _is_ rugby?" Aunt Laila asked. "You're pretty small. Isn't it a little too dangerous for you?"

"You'd be surprised, mom," Jase said. "That beast only looks small. She's a powerhouse, felled only by, I dunno, lead pipes?" He grinned and me and I resisted the temptation to show him the nail conveniently located on the finger between my index and ring.

"Don't call my angel a beast, Jason," she replied.

"Angel? Have you been lying to my mother, Hyacinth?" he asked.

"Nah, I'm just nice to people I like, that's all," I answered.

"And totally mean to those you love? Ah, I got it."

I rolled my eyes and continued eating.

"Did you call Tanya?" mom asked.

"Yeah. And I called grandma's house, too. I made sure I got to everyone. Crap, except dad's family."

"Well, relax, we couldn't get them either," dad said. "It's like they dropped off the face of the planet."

"Maybe they finally took the trip to Vegas that they wanted," mom said.

"Maybe," he said. "But we sent emails."

After breakfast, I helped mom in the kitchen as she made lunch.

"So, really, how was yesterday? And the day before that, too. You came home looking pretty weathered."

"These past two days have been hard. I discovered that my teammates love to keep secrets that will blow up in their faces. I also learnt that Robin's serious about his new crush."

"Oh, yeah?"

I looked around to make sure no one was around to hear me but dropped my voice a little anyway. "Truth is, we were on missions both days. Long missions. Tiring missions. During the course of the day and because of the events, three of them had to spill some important secrets of theirs. That's when I discovered that I have a habit for loving people I know nothing about. Then, yesterday, at the stroke of midnight, when I came into the room where everyone was, they were all coupled off and kissing. We have a new team member which made our numbers odd again."

"It evened out?"

"Oh, I forgot to mention that Robin's new girl is another new team member. Happy joined us for a while but he got...a promotion."

"Like a League promotion?"

I nodded. "He was kissing her and then I realised that he must really like her if he's totally okay kissing her in front of the whole team. We kept our relationship a secret."

She stopped chopping the chives and looked at me. "What you're telling me feels very out of character for him. It sounds to me like he's changed a lot."

"Yeah, maybe dating me was so that he could get out of that awkward first-girlfriend stage and just get to that more-experienced-and-better-to-date stage."

"I don't think that's what he dated you for, sweetheart. He really liked you. I just knew it. Which is why for the life of me I couldn't understand why he would break up with you. He seemed like he was smitten."

"I thought so, too, mom. I thought so, too. And then he just suddenly pushed me into the friendzone."

"Sounds like you two really need to talk about this."

"Yeah, we do. We needed to talk for some time now but something always got in the way. I'm tired of putting it off. The next time I see him, he's definitely not getting off the hook."

We all sat to have lunch not long after that and after saying Grace, we began to eat. Not long after I had had exactly four bites of lunch, my phone rang.

I sighed. "Who is calling me today?" I asked before I answered. "Hello?" I said, sounding more tired than I had originally intended to convey over the phone.

"Oh, did I wake you?" Robin asked.

"No. I was eating."

"Oh. Sorry. I'll be quick, I swear. Are you coming to The Cave for training today?"

"I don't feel like it but yeah, I guess I will."

"Okay, good. Just checking. You're okay, right? No concussions or anything?"

"No concussions."

"But you sidestep the question of being okay. Well, okay. See you later." He hung up.

"What's wrong?" mom asked once the phone was back on the table.

"Nothing. The friends just wanted to know if I was coming over later."

"And you're going? Maybe you should take it easy," she responded.

I shook my head. "He called so I take it to mean that my presence is important. Besides it will be a good chance to talk out a few things." I looked at her purposefully and she immediately caught my drift.

"Oh, alright. Just…try not to come back so late this time."

"I'll try. You know sometimes we get into things that we can't leave until they're finished."

"What exactly do you and your friends do?" Aunt Laila asked.

This was a question I had hoped she would never ask. Of course, family always asked these types of difficult questions. Luckily, I had prepared an answer had this situation ever come up.

"It's a little hard to explain but you could say we do projects for other people. Like task planning and execution, that kind of stuff."

I saw Jason trying his hardest to stifle a laugh. No doubt he was amazed at how I used words to avoid lies yet answer questions.

"Sounds…complex. And like hard work."

"It is," I replied. "but it's all worth it. Helping people is always worth is, even if the reward isn't tangible."

"You mean to say you guys work pro bono?"

"The world needs nice people to lend a hand sometimes."

"Sounds like you kids are being taken advantage of."

"Well, the point of view is variable. To us, it's not about the reward. We get life experience for free and we kind of look like heroes." Jason could not stifle his laugh this time. "What's so funny?"

"I admire your sweet heart, Hyacinth. And you amaze me beyond words," he answered.

I shook my head. "Sentiment appreciated."

After lunch, I helped my mom wash the dishes and I tidied my room. I had Christmas presents on every available surface that I was unable to put away properly because of how busy things had been over the last few days. I had several new pairs of earrings, including the most gorgeous pair of big white gold hoops from my mom which had intermittently placed grey pearls. I wondered if I should get my ears pierced again so I could accommodate more earrings. Mom would probably agree to it but dad would probably not be so sweet on the idea. I had various articles of clothing from the relatives and books whose synopses told me that I would enjoy reading them. It was break from all the _Chaucer_ and classical literature that I had been shoving down my throat for a while now. It was the ordinary teenage angst, romance, adventure, tragedies that I loved. There was even a hardcover graphic novel amongst the presents. When I opened that one, I hugged Uncle Daxus for a whole sixteen seconds.

When I could see the various surfaces of my room again, I decided to have a quick shower and then head down to The Cave. I was praying the whole time that I was in the shower and that I was changing that Batman would not appear with a mission. Don't get me wrong, I had mad love for The Bat and I respected him like no other, but I could not stand another f-ing mission for the next few days. I'd had enough excitement for the year but, to be reasonable and in the acknowledgement that evil did not take vacations or rest or sleep, I settled for a few mission free days. Our team had been changed irrevocably and so was I. I got the feeling that we were closer now that we seemed to know so much more about one another but I also felt that the discoveries called for me to be more vigilant, more questioning and not so quick to love. I had started to understand that what I had chosen to do called for a more clinical me. That is, if I never wanted to be shocked or hurt like this ever again.

Ground rules had to be set down. Number one: no dating teammates. Big complication. Number two: never take anyone at face value. Observe them carefully at all times. What they weren't saying and how they acted when other people were talking told a lot more and gave the information that was needed to truly peg a personality. Number three: never get too personally involved with team members. They were here to do a job, not make friends. Why should I be the sunflower trying to make the team a social club rather than just a business partnership?

Midway through thinking about these rules, I got the impression that my mind was saying 'F that' to each one. (A) I had already broken all these rules. I had been romantically involved with Robin, I had dared to think romantically about Happy, I already totally trusted the whole team and they were already like family to me. (B) Being the untrusting, suspicious, standoffish type was not me. I knew who I was. I was that girl who loved to talk and loved to see people smiling. Our job was hard enough confronting the evil of the world. What was so wrong in trying to make things a little better by setting up a strong family relationship with my teammates, by bonding, hanging out and being the person that loved them unconditionally? If something was wrong with that, that would mean that the world was an even colder place than I thought, forming relationships for the sole purpose of using one another to get things done. I didn't want that at all. I was not going to promote such a selfish world. (C) So what if I got hurt? These things happened anyway in real life and I would have to deal with it sometime. I had to be willing to move past any hurts. Only people who were important to you could hurt you and if someone was important, then I needed to remember that and try to come to some sort of understanding or impasse with them. The day that I let a little hurt stop me from doing what I thought was right was the day that I stopped letting justice and love guide my actions. It was the day I became a hypocrite to my own religion. It was the day that I dishonoured all the things my parents had taught me. It was the day that I succumbed to the threat of the darkness. That was the day that I might as well have burnt my costume and become a regular citizen who didn't even try to do anything. It was the day I practically became an accomplice to the world's wickedness. And if I had to get a little bit hurt to change someone else's life for the better, was there any nobler or more righteous act that I could do?

I walked to The Cave, taking in the beauty of nature, of the white snow, the blue sky, the city sounds, the birds, the people. Remembering all that and feeling as if I wasn't in any kind of hurry to get to The Cave, I decided to stop by the park next to my school which had so much sentimental value and memories that it would be worth a large fortune if those things had monetary value. I got there and just sat on one of the short walls of the gazebo and I stared at the school building. These were the last few months we would spend there before high school. This was a year full of changes. I sighed.

I noticed some movement out of the corner of my eye and when I turned to it, I smiled.

"Hey, it's you!" the kid said.

"Hey, Henry."

"You remember my name?"

"Of course I do. I also remembered that I had never gotten your dog's name."

"His name is Richie."

I chuckled, came down from the gazebo and offered the dog my hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Richie." He offered me his paw and we shook. "Happy New Year to the both of you."

"Thanks, Hyacinth. Same to you. Whatcha doing here all by yourself again?"

"Oh, just remembering how much this park has come to mean to a few people in the last five or so months. How about you?"

"I just came to walk Richie. He really likes to play here. What kind of memories do you have here?"

I smiled at him. "If I share my memories, will you enjoy them secretly?" He nodded and I laughed softly. "Well, for my fifteen birthday, my boyfriend and I came here and we danced in the moonlight and he told me that he was thankful that I was born. At that time I didn't realise it but that was the last special, sweet, romantic memory I have of us."

"Did he die?"

I laughed. "No, it's not quite that bad. He just…moved on."

"He moved?"

"We could put it like that."

"Sounds like he really loved you. Don't worry. My mommy told me that when two people really love each other, nothing can keep them apart, not even distance. Everything will be alright."

I laughed. "Yes, that's so true. That is true when two people love each other."

"What about the other memories?"

"My best friend and her boyfriend told each other that they loved each other here. He set up this whole special, romantic thing and it was beautiful."

"Are all your memories of here romantic ones?"

"No. A friend trusted me with her sadness here."

"How's that a nice memory?"

"Well, after that we became better friends. This park is also where I met you."

"You really think that's a nice memory?"

"Sure is. You're a cool kid, Henry. You and Richie."

"Thanks, Hyacinth. You're pretty cool yourself. You always give some good advice."

"I did that the last time I met you here, didn't I?"

"Yup."

"Do you live far from here, Henry?"

"Nope. Not far."

"How was your Christmas?"

"It was awesome. I got Henry a new collar, see? My mom and dad gave me a remote controlled helicopter."

"How cool. Christmas is my favourite time of year."

"Mine, too. I get to see all my family and we all eat together and stuff and my mom makes the greatest stuffing in the world and there are all the cool presents, too. Did you get cool presents?"

"Yeah. I got smiles and hugs and kisses."

"Is that all you got?"

"No, but those are the ones that mattered the most. I made presents for all my important friends and family and they all loved it so that made me really, really happy."

"Oh, okay."

"Henry, sometimes it's the things that you can't touch and that you can't play with that are the most valuable and important of all. Sometimes a smile or someone's love is worth more than a house or a car."

"Even if it's a _BMW_ or something?"

I laughed. "Even if it's a _BMW_. Not that I'm bashing _BMWs_. I love 'em in fact. Wouldn't mind getting one."

"Yeah, they're pretty cool, but I'm more a _Mercedes Benz_ kinda guy."

"Oh, really? Me, too. How rad."

"It was really nice to meet you again, Hyacinth."

I smiled widely. Really, I hadn't stopped smiling since I saw Henry. He was a good kid who cared for his dog. I was happy to know that there were good kids like him in the world who did things right. "It was nice to meet you again, too, Henry." I stooped down, gave him a hug, kissed his forehead and petted his dog. "See you around, Henry."

"Bye." He waved as I walked off and I felt my love for all the beauty in the world blossom.

My first observation when I entered The Cave was that the place was dark and quiet. It reminded me of the first time Robin had kissed me. I started to walk in a circle around the area, remembering what had happened that day.

"_I'll beat you someday."_

"_Sure, sure. Maybe the day I beat you at videogames." He laughed and I joined him._

_By now my breathing had steadied and so had his. My face was closer to his than before, sure now that he was not going to attempt to bash my head with his again. I realised it was probably a good idea that I get off of him. I released his hands and pulled mine from under him intending to lean back and get off of him. Just as soon as I had let go his hands, he put them on my arms, just above my elbows and brought his lips up to mine and kissed me._

_My eyes shut the second our lips collided. But after what seemed like an overly short second, he pulled away, lying back on the floor. My heart started hammering in my chest, my mind flat-lined and I just stared back at him._

"You remember it, too." I looked up from the floor, not having even realised that he had entered. Robin had this pensive expression on his face. I had been caught red-handed remembering something that I shouldn't have. Or maybe I should have. There was absolutely nothing wrong with remembering things that were special to you, even if it was over. I just continued walking in a circle around the area and Robin started to do the same, exactly opposite to me on the other side of the invisible circle. We were going around each other like if we were about to spar or like moons orbiting a planet.

"Where is everybody?"

"Out. On dates or just out to take the day off."

"So there's no training today."

"Not really."

"Then why did you call me?"

"Two reasons: I have something for you and we need to talk."

I threw my hands up in an exasperated gesture. "Then let's talk. I'm tired of postponing. I just want you to say your piece already and I want the answers to my questions."

"Should we go somewhere or—"

"Nothing's wrong with right here. If we leave, something might come up or whatever and I can't wait anymore. If someone walks in, so be it. We can ask them kindly to give us a minute. We talk right here, right now."

"Okay. Maybe you want to ask your questions first."

"No, you go first. You said you needed to talk to me so you can start."

He was silent for a few seconds, sighed, put his hands in his pockets and continued pacing. And I was getting pretty damn annoyed and was ready to scream at him to just spit it out.

He spoke finally, cutting my shout off. "Zatanna's a really great girl. She's smart, she's sweet, she's everything a guy could want—"

"Christ, have mercy, not this again. There's a point to all this, right?"

"Yeah, there is, I promise. She's pretty much perfect, right?"

"Right," I answered grudgingly.

"Yeah, and that's what I've been trying to convince myself of."

I shrugged. "So?"

"So, if she's perfect why do I have to _try_ to remember that all the time?"

"What, are you saying you're trying not to ruin her or something? You wanted me to advise you to stay away from her?"

"Even when I kissed her at midnight up in the Watchtower, it didn't feel right."

"What do you want me to tell you, Robin?" I half shouted. "If it doesn't feel right then just leave it alone?"

"I know I wronged you but just hear me out."

"Wronged me? Is that what we're calling it? I had _no clue_ that you had stopped wanting to be with me! No warning and then all of sudden, bam, you drop the 'friends' line on me!"

"I want to straighten that out."

"Yes, let's straighten it out right now. I wouldn't want to impede your relationship with Zatanna any longer."

He stared at me for a long time with a confused expression. "What?" The crease in his forehead lifted. "You don't get it, do you?"

"Get _what_? What am I supposed to get, Robin? You tell me that I'm talking in riddles but you haven't freaking told me what the hell you want!"

"I want _you_!"

And that stopped me cold in my tracks. The silence in the room was pressing against me from all directions. He stopped, too. I shook my head, started pacing again and he also restarted.

"No, you don't want me. You threw me away, just like Jason did all those years ago. But you started to date her and I could see how wrapped up in her you were. Every time we talked it was always 'Zatanna this' and 'Zatanna that'. I had to listen to you preach her praises while what was left of my heart throbbed in pain."

"_Your_ heart throbbed in pain? _You_ agreed to be friends. You never said anything. You let me go as much as I let you go!"

"That's because I _love_ you, you jackass!" He stopped, face disbelieving. I stopped.

"No. You said you had lied on that rooftop."

"I said I bent the truth. On that rooftop, I had said that I was falling in love with you, only that wasn't one hundred percent true. By then I was already in love with you. There wasn't much falling to it." I pressed my temple with the heels of my palms for a second and exhaled. "I've always loved you. And it's because I loved you that I tried to let you go so you could be happy. You wanted to just be friends and since that was what you wanted, I allowed it and went along with it."

"But I didn't want it! I didn't need it either."

I shook my head. "You're not making any sense. I'm having another one of my totally jacked up dreams, aren't I?"

He totally ignored that. "Look, I never wanted to break up with you. The truth is…" He trailed off, hesitated and then sighed. "I'm Robin of the Dynamic Duo. I'm the Boy Wonder. I've fought criminals, villains of every kind, sane and insane alike. I've trained with the Batman and infiltrated bases that most people don't even know about. I've almost tasted death several times. I've seen things that horror movies can't even depict right. But nothing in my whole life as Robin has ever scared me so much as you."

"Me? What the hell are you talking about?"

"I love you, Hyacinth. I love you. You are always on my mind. You feel like the best thing that's ever happened to me. I feel like I want to share every part of my world with you, including the deepest darkest secrets that I am sworn to keep. How could you not see that I loved you?"

"People don't lie to or abandon the people they love."

"I have never lied to you! Okay, maybe I lied to you once or twice. Wally actually does know my whole backstory and secret ID and stuff. And I didn't really think it was better that we were just friends."

I scoffed. "You forgot the other lies like 'you're so important to me' and 'I'm here for you' or 'you'll never understand how important you are' or maybe 'I'll be your anything or even your everything if you need it'."

"You _are_ important and I _am_ here for you."

"No, you weren't. You ran away from me. The only times you dared to appear was when things got really hard for me and on one hand, you'd comfort me, but on the next, you made everything harder because all I would do was love you more even though you didn't even want me and because you were with _Zatanna_."

"I was trying to get involved with her as a way to get over you. I…was giving us both space," he said as if it was the most difficult thing in the world. "I thought that if we both started spending time apart, we would start to get over each other. See, you can't even understand how much you scare me! I fell in love with you and, suddenly, you were my everything and I started feeling like I was losing control of everything and like I was being thrown into some dark abyss where there was no air to breathe, where I would just suffocate or drown. You couldn't understand how scared I was to feel that way. I'm a freaking acrobat and it scares me less to be on a trapeze than it is to be in love. I'm not used to feeling so not in control."

"Then why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you let me know that you were scared that things were going so fast? Why couldn't you trust me with your fear after I had trusted you with mine? We could have done this together."

"And that was my mistake. My first instinct was to bolt. That's what people do when they're in danger. They run."

"Not us, Robin. We're the jackasses in the horror movies that go _towards_ the scary thing rather than run away from it."

"Not this time. There you were, confessing that you falling for me and that was fine until I started feeling the same way. It was too much, too soon. I felt like I needed some space so I just decided to break up with you. And I'm sorry. It was the worst mistake I ever made. I'm sorry. I've never regretted anything in my life more than I have letting you go."

He crossed the room fiercely, took my face into his hands and he kissed me.

I wanted him to stop. He needed to stop kissing me. Nothing was ever this easy. It wasn't okay. He had hurt me. He had hurt me bad and, dear God, I wanted him to stop kissing me before I started crying. I didn't want to enjoy the way his lips were on mine in a more desperate urgent kiss than what we usually had shared. I didn't want to be feeling this release that I was able to kiss him again. And, heavenly God, I wanted to stop kissing him back and clutching onto his jacket so hard that I could feel my nails through the fabric on my palms.

Everything inside of me was exploding. Everything I had ever wanted to hear him say had been said and now he was holding me to him, his body so close to mine, kissing me like he never wanted to let me go ever again. I couldn't stop the tears that escaped my closed eyes. When he had let me go, I hadn't cried. I hadn't cried when I was scarred by the sight of a raped woman's bruised, torn body and I hadn't cried when I had realised that something was deeply wrong with me if I could just love people I hardly knew, but now that he had told me that he loved me, that he was kissing me for the first time in what felt like forever, I was crying.

I had always said that it was never a good thing to cry about a boy. But then again, I supposed that this was what happened when you were in love. He wasn't just some boy either. He was the most amazing, most beautiful of them all. Love was the scariest thing in the universe because it could turn you into a complete monster, as it had done with me when I had constructed that mask which made my life so much more painful and complicated. And love gave the people you loved an immeasurable amount of power over you.

When he stopped kissing me, we were both gasping for breath. His thumbs swept my cheeks, wiping away the tears. He was smiling softly.

"I'm so sorry that I ever hurt you, Hyacinth. I love you so much. Can…can we try this again, please? Can you give me another shot at being your boyfriend?"

Another pair of tears slid down my cheeks and another and he wiped them both away as his smile started to turn into a frown.

"No," I answered. "If you couldn't trust me with your fears before, how do I know you'll do it this time?"

I detached his hands from my face and started for the door.

"Hyacinth, please!" he begged behind me but I ran out the door and ran all the way home.

**In SHNH, it took 18 chapters for them to get to the part we were all looking forward to, the kiss. It took 20 in this one. But the wait was kind of worth it, right?**

**Today is my Graduation Mass so I wanted to celebrate it by posting you guys a new chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. Can I beg for some support? I don't deal well with transitions. :(**


	21. Chapter 21

**Alright, so here, have another chapter. I know it's mean to leave you with such a disgusting cliffhanger.**

When I had gotten home, a crying awful mess, everyone had been concerned. My mother had asked what happened and I didn't answer any of the questions being fired off at me. I just went to my room, locked the door, fell on my bed and cried.

Why? Why did loving him and wanting him hurt so much? Weren't teenage years supposed to be some of the sweetest and simplest of your life? Was this simple? No, it wasn't. It hurt so much that my chest felt like it was in a compactor.

I cried until my eyes were dry and there was nothing else in me to cry. I laid there unmoving and in complete and total pain until the sun went down and it started getting dark.

Robin was possibly the worst thing that ever happened to me. I had wanted to much to throw myself into his arms countless times, this afternoon included, and beg him to never let me go, insist that I loved him more than he would ever know or understand and kiss him until I had no more oxygen in my lungs. But now that he had actually asked me to take him back, my response had been no.

The facts were now on the table. Robin had been scared shitless by the idea of being in love with me. He was scared of the majestic and magnanimous force that drove Harley Quinn to help The Joker and drove Sha Jahan to build the Taj Mahal. His first instinct at this fear had been to let me go, to put some space and some distance between us in hopes of delaying the feelings from getting their claws in him completely and wresting control from him. He had said that we should have just been friends and had started to make his presence scarce around me and turned his attention to Zatanna as ways to allay the feelings that he had started having for me. But now, after that kiss in the Watchtower which had felt so wrong, he was sorely regretting the mistake of letting me go and now wanted another shot at being with me.

But my objection had been a profound one and I was still a bit puzzled as to how I came to it when all of inside of me felt completely and totally topsy-turvy, tied up, jumbled, confused and senseless. If he hadn't come to me with his fears, his concerns, if he hadn't told me the truth about what was going on, what made me think that things would be any different this time? Having all the cards on the table didn't make love any scarier, did it? If anything, what I had told him I was willing to do for him to my detriment would have only made him more scared.

There was a knock at my door.

"Hyacinth?" Jason called. I didn't answer. "Hy, just talk to me. What happened? Are you hurt? Who did this to you?" I still didn't answer. I just let the seconds pass by in silence. "Damnit, Hy, we're worried about you out here!" Another tear escaped, a tear I didn't think I had to be able to shed. Perhaps I should have told him not to worry. I didn't feel like I could say a word. "Fine. Whatever. Look we're out here waiting for you whenever you want to surface, okay?" After another few seconds, I heard his footsteps move away from the door.

Perhaps I should have gone to pacify the people outside. What sense was it worrying them? But my body felt as if it couldn't move, my will wasn't yet strong enough to get me off the bed.

What were things going to be like between Robin and me now? Would it be awkward? Would he forget everything that transpired now that I had rejected him? Would he try harder to fall for Zatanna? And what about Zatanna in the middle of all this? The poor girl had been dragged into our mess. It wasn't enough that she had to lose her dad and have to uproot her life, but now some punk boy was leading her on, too? Did she know that Robin wasn't actually serious about her or was she just as caught up in his spell as I was? Was she doomed to the same fate that I was, wanting someone that I would never, ever have?

For me, however, he had asked for a second chance. She would never get that chance to accept or reject as she saw fit. Had I just spat at a chance that I was lucky even to get?

More than anything, I did want him back in my life, but I didn't feel like it was right to take him back after all the pain he had caused. I had wanted nothing more than to forgive everything and run into his arms but the shield that I had built up against the pain was reminding me that the risk was too great. I had no guarantee that things would be different this time. All I had were his words. And we all knew that those were cheap.

The sound of footsteps landing on my floor made me bolt up into a sitting position. My eyes widened. My initial thought at the sound was that I had to get Robin out of here but when I looked to see who it was, it wasn't Robin. Although he was dressed a lot like Robin. His eyes were blue but very visible, unhidden by Robin's trademark shades and his hair was styled a lot like Robin's but again, the lack of the shades fooled me.

"How the hell—Who are you and what are you doing in my room? You better get out before I break your—"

"Hyacinth, stop," he said calmly and my eyes widened at the sound of the voice. I was frozen in place, unable to see what I was seeing. The face was familiar, too. It was a face that I had seen before, a face I had dreamt about.

"Robin—"

"My name's Richard. Richard Grayson. I'm the ward of—"

"Bruce Wayne," I completed, feeling like the air in the room was thinner than it was at the top of the Himalayas.

"Yeah. And in my spare time, I run around with Batman as his protégé, Robin. Well, not all the time. I spend a lot of my time as part of a team of other heroes' partners and protégés."

I just stared at him for a long time, sitting on the bed and trying to wrap my head around what was going on here. Had I fallen asleep sometime after crying my eyes out? Was this all some sick, twisted dream-slash-fantasy that I was having? And what was my seeming obsession with dreaming about Richard Grayson, who I didn't even know and wasn't all that important to me?

"What are you doing here, Ro—Richard?"

"Call me Dick."

"I only call guys 'dick' when I mean to cuss them."

He chuckled. "Alright then. I'm here as a show of faith. And to beg for your forgiveness."

"What for, Richard?"

"Because I didn't treat you right."

"I don't know you. My quarrel is with Robin of the Dynamic Duo and the team."

"That's why I'm here. You said you had no proof that I would trust you with my fears. Well, here I am, barefaced and telling you everything about myself. I attend Gotham Academy and I'm a Mathlete. I got a trophy for it, too. I'm scared as hell of loving you. But I realised that though love is scary, it can't really hurt me that much. Being without with you scares me more, and that definitely hurts me. A lot. I don't like being scared or hurting, but if I had to choose one, I'd prefer to be scared and in love with you and with you by my side."

I hugged my knees to my chest and rested my forehead against them. Before, I hadn't had any proof that things would be different. But now, here he was, in my room without his mask, spilling all his secrets to me, practically putting his life in my hands just to barter for a second chance.

I was probably going to start crying again. I wasn't sure if I had any tears but I was certain that if I didn't, I would just start crying blood.

I felt his weight on the bed as he sat down and extended a hand to my back and began rubbing it up and down soothingly.

"Look, I know maybe you don't know now if you can ever take me back but I can wait for your answer. I really hurt you and I deserve to be tortured as much as I hurt you—"

I lifted my head, pulled his face closer and kissed him, pulling him closer with the other hand. He needed to stop talking. He needed to just kiss me. When I let him go, he was looking at me with the warmest expression on his face.

"Forgive me?" he asked.

"Yes, I forgive you."

"And will you give me a second chance?"

"You're the only guy I've ever cried about in my whole life."

"I'm sorry—"

"But you step into my room, tell me your whole life story, reveal your secret ID, probably without The Bat's permission or knowledge, just for me to consider whether or not I'll take you back? That's like giving kidnappers the money before you see if the victim is alive. And that's an awfully valuable thing you've just given away, far too valuable to just ask for another chance with me."

He took my face into his hands and smiled at me. "No, it's not too valuable. Because you're the most valuable thing to me. You're worth more than all the billionaires in the world are worth combined." I shifted my eyes away from his. "No, look at me."

"I'll start crying again."

"Are you crying because you're happy?"

"I'm crying because I love you and it hurts so much."

"I'm sorry," he said, dropping his hands.

"It's okay. I forgive you. All I've wanted was to be with you. Somewhere along the time when we were dating, you became the most important thing to me. When we broke up, I felt so broken and it was the worst pain I'd ever experienced. And you'd said it so suddenly, so coldly, so casually that it had hurt even more. Everything from then was careful half-truths and cryptic sentences. In trying to block this pain and trying to hide the fact that I loved you and that I was in agony because you walked away from me, I had to build up this stupid mask and all it did was make me confused as to who I was. I tried to fill up my schedule so that I wouldn't have time to think about you and so that, in time, I would be so busy that it would be normal to not think about you but it didn't work. Nothing could keep me from thinking about you. Even trying _not_ to think of you was like thinking of you. I would remember every hug, every kiss, every moment and then it would just kill me all over again."

"I'm sorry. If I have to apologise every day for the rest of my life, I swear I will. I swear, if you give me another chance, I'll pick up all of the pieces of your heart and put them back together myself."

I chuckled. "You can't do that. You don't have the power to."

"Yes, I do. If there's anything I've learnt, it's that love gives you an insane amount of power over another person. You do still love me, right?"

"Yes. Undoubtedly. And more than you will ever truly, totally comprehend."

"I think I love you more."

"You couldn't. While you were the one abandoning me, I was trying to set you free and make you happy."

"I'm sorry. Forgive me for being the biggest idiot and the worst fool that ever lived."

"I forgive you. I forgive you because I love you and because I want you back in my life."

"So, you'll take me back?"

"Yes."

"I've never heard more wonderful words in my life." And then my face was in his hands again and he was kissing me. He was kissing me and kissing me and kissing me until we almost suffocated. I sat across his lap like I used to ages ago and held him tightly in my embrace. I didn't care that my bruises and sore muscles were screaming at me. I just wanted to hold him and for him to hold me and to never let me go.

"I have some questions," I said finally, after I was no longer breathing like I'd run a five K.

"Shoot."

"So what's going to happen to you and Zatanna?"

"I already talked to her this morning. I told her I couldn't get involved with her because there was someone else that I loved. I told her she deserved better and I couldn't give her better because I wasn't even good right now. She seemed a little bit sad but I think she'll get over it. She wished me luck."

"Mm-_hm_. How come every time you called your number was blocked? Were you trying to make sure I couldn't call you?"

"I didn't want you to see the number and hang up on me. I thought that you might do that if you were still mad."

"Did I ever give the impression that I was mad?"

"No, which was why I thought you were and probably just stewing in silence. I would have been. And it's not that I didn't want you to call me. In fact, many nights, I lay in my bed, staring at the phone, hoping that you'd try at least to call me. I caved so many times and called you and then had to scramble to have a conversation before I just blurted out how much I wanted—needed—you back. Especially after you came back from vacation."

Some things started to click into place as he spoke. All the reactions he had had to various things, the guilty falter in step, frozen looks when I spoke about Roy in such a delicate manner, the way he tried to discourage me from starting anything with him and Jason both, kicking invisible stones. He had been hurting just as I had been. He had been regretting his decision and hearing me praise all the other guys around me was killing him.

It wasn't like I didn't experience that when he spoke of Zatanna.

"I've been hurting you, too, haven't I?"

"Yeah, sorta, but it wasn't like I didn't deserve it. I had to sit by and watch as you got close to other guys. But every time I realised that things were getting really bad for you, like after that incident in the hospital, I tried to be there for you. You can't imagine how difficult it was having you there, holding me, your head resting on my shoulder and I just wanted to beg your forgiveness and get back together but I knew I couldn't."

"It was hard for me, too. I realised that it was when I _wasn't_ in your arms that bad things always happened. I need you a lot more than you need you. I'm the weak one."

"Weak? Hardly. There I was, breaking your heart and getting close to Zatanna and you had to find it in you to be friends with her. You even tried to help her after her dad was taken away from her. That's strength that I don't think I can ever have."

"Don't short-change yourself so much."

"And for the record, I probably do need you more. I couldn't sleep for days after we broke up."

"The day you called things off, I was in so much pain that my body knocked me unconscious to save my sanity."

"I'm so sorry."

"Let's just agree that being together is a lot better for each other's health, okay?"

"Agreed."

I released him and pulled back to look at his face, his beautiful, wonderful face. I could barely see my reflection in his eyes.

"I must look like crap after all the crying I did."

"Your nose is red and you're got tear tracks all over your face but I think you're beautiful."

"Liar."

"I'm not lying. I'm done lying to you. No more lies. I promise." I pressed a short kiss to his lips. "Hey, I've got some questions of my own."

"Ask away. I'm an open book."

"What was that about, getting close to Roy like that? Were you trying to make me jealous? Because that was certainly the effect it had on me. I kept thinking that I would hate him if he laid a finger on you—"

"He gave me a New Year's Day kiss."

"He what?" he said, freaking out. "I'm going to—"

"Chilax. It was just a kiss on the cheek."

"Doesn't matter. You shouldn't be giving away my kisses like that."

"You didn't want them, remember?"

"I've always wanted them. I just didn't let you know that. I would have preferred to kiss you at midnight though. We could have given Conner and Megan and Wally and Artemis some competition."

I laughed. "Nah, Wally had her in his arms bridal style. Not much beats that for romantic midnight kiss. However, speaking of midnight kisses, if you didn't really like her, then why'd you kiss her?"

"I didn't. She grabbed me and kissed me."

"You were kissing back."

"True. But I was being polite and I also tried to see if there was any possibility of anything between us. But there was no spark. Not like when I kiss you. When we kiss, it's like fireworks in my blood and explosions in my heart."

"I know what you mean."

"And when I realised there was no spark, I knew that there was no future for us and that the only person I could ever want was you. And it's not that I didn't like her. I just didn't like her that way."

"Suppose some, oh, I dunno, random gorgeous alien girl from some other planet comes to Earth and you fall for her?"

"It won't happen. I love _you_. That poor alien girl's just going to have to find some other sidekick to love her."

There was a knock at my door.

"Honey, are you asleep?" mom called.

"No, mom. I'm awake."

"Are you alright, sweetheart? We're all really worried out here."

"I'm okay. I've…just been holding in a lot of stuff and it finally burst."

"Oh. Alright. Dinner's ready when you want it."

"Thanks, mom."

"Okay, baby."

I looked back at Richard when she walked away. "I think you and my dad are going to have to renew your contract."

"I think he'll kill me before we finish dinner."

"Hold up. So, who am I dating this time? Robin or Richard?"

"Both. You can date us both."

"You know that's going to look highly suspicious, right? It will look like I'm dating two guys at once. Also, who's going to come to dinner?"

"How about Richard come to dinner?"

"That'll be great—Holy frack!"

"What?"

"So _that's_ what you meant by I'll freak out when I find out who your guardian is. Holy shit, you're the ward of Bruce Wayne. _Bruce_. _Wayne_. Wow. I am dating a high roller. It seems my subconscious figured out who you were before I did."

"What?"

"I had this dream once about Richard Grayson but he was acting a lot like you."

"I am Richard Grayson."

"Oh, you know what I mean. Richard was acting like my boyfriend at the time, Robin."

"How weird."

"I know, right? I don't even know Richard."

"Yes, you do. You know me a lot better than a lot of people do." He kissed me. "I should go."

"Are you leaving me again?"

He kissed me again. "Not a chance. I'm just going home so you can eat. I'll call you later tonight, okay?"

"Alright."

I started to get off his lap when he stopped me. "Wait." He swept my cheek with the back of his hand before he kissed me breathless again. "I love you."

"I love you, too." I got up and let him pull himself off the bed. The anklet jingled.

"You're wearing his anklet, aren't you? That reminds me." He stuck his hand in his pocket and produced a small, eggshell blue box decorated with ribbon. "Your Christmas present. I guess it's pretty fitting that I'm only now giving it to you, since I've only now explained myself. Go on, open it."

I didn't know what he meant by that but I hesitated to take it from him. Finally, I took it and when I pried off the lid, my eyes locked on the piece of jewellery in the box. I put the cover beneath the box in the other hand and picked up the necklace. He took the box out of my hand and I held the chain with both hands.

It was the most unique thing I had ever seen. It was a silver necklace with two pendants. The one at the centre was a bronze heart with the words 'BE MINE' embossed on it. The other was next to the clasp, a little red, yellow and black robin. I had no words. I was mesmerised by the precious object in my hand. I looked up at him.

"Richard—I—oh, it's breathtaking."

He rested the box on my bed and took the necklace from my hands. "Let me help you put it on." I turned and raised my ponytail for him to put it on. The metal was cold against my skin initially but I was so warm inside that I didn't care. "Since you're letting him weigh down your foot, I figured it would only be fair that I hold onto you, too."

I chuckled. "It's supposed to represent the fact that he keeps me grounded, but, okay. So, now I keep you warm and you encircle me always?"

"Pretty much."

"Oh, gosh, I love this so much. I'll keep it on always...except when I'm in the bathroom. I wouldn't want the water to make the metal turn."

"Tungsten carbide, enamel and titanium don't turn."

My mouth dropped open. "It's magnificent _and_ expensive? Now I feel awful that people sold their kidneys to get me presents."

He chuckled. "I'm a high roller, remember? Besides, even if it was expensive, it can't compare to how much your love is worth. All of Bruce's money couldn't come close. You're more precious than anything that exists on this Earth or in this universe." I hugged him, holding on tight, breathing in his scent and loving him for loving me so much. His arms were tight around me as well, the fingers of one hand tangled in my hair. "It's symbolic. The chain is thin but it's titanium, strong like you. The heart is tungsten carbide and bronze enamel, also strong but warm, like the colour. The robin is also tungsten carbide and coloured enamel and you can wear it either at the back or at the front so you'll know that I have your back and that whether I'm at your back or in front of you, I'm always with you. It's a symbol that I'm yours. Will you be mine?"

I nodded into his shoulder and prayed that I wouldn't start crying again. "I already am." I just continued to hold onto him tightly but his hands moved, stroking the sides of my spine up and down.

"I don't really want to leave."

"I think you have to. You're going to have to tell Batman that I know now anyway."

"Yeah. Fine." After an extra-long moment of us just holding each other in a vise-like hug, I finally let him go and his arms released me as well. "Bye."

"Bye." He leapt out my window and I realised that the cloud that had been making everything hazy, the pain, who I was, what I had to do, had gone away. For the first time in a long time, the world felt right again. And all because I took back a stupid boy into my life. I laughed at how stupid he made me and how much power he had over me. And then I smiled at the thought that I had the same measure of power and that I had made him just as stupid.

I chuckled as I opened my door, going to pacify the worriers outside, and remembered my chat with Henry before I had gone to The Cave. The little blessing of a kid had been right. Everything had turned out alright. It occurred to me that Henry was possibly an angel disguised as a little boy and his darling dog.

After I had apologised for worrying everyone and telling them the same thing I had told mom, that I had been holding in a lot of emotions lately and that they had finally burst, I had some dinner and then went to take a shower. I washed my hair and took my time, erasing all the ugly that I was after having cried for more than an hour. I felt so light, so free, so happy. It was utterly ridiculous. I should have been completely exhausted after having cried so much and being on an emotional rollercoaster but now, just because the guy I was in love with told me that he loved me and that we didn't have to be separated any longer and that he belonged to me as much as I belonged to him, I was the happiest most energetic person on planet Earth.

My chest didn't hurt and it was like all the pain of the past was just an awful shadow. Okay, so it wasn't _just_ a shadow. It still hurt a little to think that it happened. But the pain was so minuscule, so microscopic, that the happiness, wholeness, warmth and security that I was feeling eclipsed it easily and completely. I had a guarantee that he would trust me with his pain and his heart. I knew almost everything to him that there was and I knew that if I asked to know the rest he would gladly explain it to me.

After I got out of the shower, I went into my room, put on my new CDs and admired my necklace. There was a knock at the door.

"Come in," I said.

Jason opened the door and came in, closing it behind him. "Hey."

"Hey," I responded, smiling.

"Well your emotions turned around pretty fast. Are you secretly manic depressive?"

I chuckled. "Nah."

He came closer, sitting on the bed and I noticed that his eyes zeroed in on the necklace at once. "Is that new?"

"Jason, I can explain."

"Explain? Why would you have to explain? It's just a necklace, righ—Wait." He looked up at my face then back down to it then back up to me. "No. It's not. Don't tell me..._He_ gave it you?" He started freaking out.

"I have to explain it to you first."

"Do you mean you have to explain why you let the bastard who broke your heart and didn't even tell you why—"

"Jason—"

"Let me finish—why you accepted something from him that clearly stakes a claim of ownership on you?"

"Think over your question. It doesn't make sense."

"Don't play these games with me, Hyacinth."

"Don't try to be threatening with me, Jason."

"Then stop being a stupid girl, Hy. How could you—"

"I'm trying to tell you that you don't understand!" He looked like he was about to shout his rebuttal but he saw the smile on my face and he swallowed it. I laughed, so happy and so love-drunk. "He loves me."

"No, _I_ love you. _He_ threw you away."

"That's what I'm trying to explain. He actually loves me."

"You're not making any sense."

"It didn't make sense to me at first either but then he explained it. He had started falling for me and that scared him. It scared him really, really badly, that feeling of not being in control of yourself anymore when you're in love. He panicked and broke up with me to put some distance between us. He started dating Zatanna as a way to try to slow down the feelings he had for me but he just couldn't get away from them. When I went to The Cave this afternoon, we finally talked about what he wanted to talk about. He explained everything and he begged me to take him back. I told him no."

His expression read 'shocked' in like fourteen different languages. "You told him _no_? You rejected him? Oh, wow."

"Well..." I bit my lip. "That's not the end of the story. When I rejected him, I told him that I had no guarantee that he would trust me with his fears if he hadn't the first time around. That was when I came home crying. Then, when I was barricaded in here, he came to see me."

"How did he do that?"

"He came through my window?"

"What? Doesn't he know that's home invasion? Why the hell do you let him—"

"Oh, just shut up and listen. Besides, he doesn't really do that often. Anyway, so he came in and I was going to yell at him to get out when I realised that something was totally different about him."

"What?"

"He came and he told me all the secrets that he was hiding from most of the others and he begged me to at least consider taking him back. He told me some dangerous secrets of his, secrets that will probably get him in a hell of a lot of trouble with Batman. When I realised how much he had given me, how far he had dared to go just to get me to consider giving him a second chance, how much he _had_ to love me to reveal so much to me and to put himself at my mercy, I knew that he meant what he was saying."

"And you took him back."

"Yes. I took him back." He sighed. "I love him, Jase. He's done more than promised to not lie or keep things from me. He's _shown_ me how serious he is about me. He gave me all that information without any assurances that I would take him back. He was willing to trust me with all that even if I decided in the end to just let him go. But I don't want to let him go, Jase. Not then, not now. He loves me and I don't plan on letting him go as long as there's a chance for us."

He studied me with a serious expression for a long time then closed his eyes and sighed. He leaned forward, kissed my forehead and then stood. "Then I'm happy for you, Hy. But if that little shit thinks he can pull a stunt like this ever again—"

"Then I will let you beat him up. _If_ you can even catch him to hit him."

"The bastard's got to get tired of running sometime."

"Sure, but it's a matter of which of you gets tired first and who recovers faster."

He shrugged. "I hope it works out for you two."

"Thanks so much, Jase. I hope so, too. I don't know if I can stand to lose him again."

"He's a lucky bastard. Not a lot of guys ever get a girl to love them as much as you do. He'd be an idiot to throw that away again. Well, a bigger idiot." He turned to leave, got to the door and then looked back. "But if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you."

I smiled. "What, you think just because he's back in my life that you get off the hook? Not at all. You're still my best friend-slash-girlfriend-slash-husband-slash-parole officer. I'm still going to wear your anklet, too."

"If he tries to get you to stop wearing it, slap him."

"He won't ever get me to do that. He's not the only person in this world important to me and he's just going to have to deal with that."

"Is he a jealous boyfriend?"

"Little bit. That time that Cheshire's dart knocked me out, he wouldn't even let Red carry me. He carried me to the Bioship himself."

"Speaking of that particular incident, you said you'd tell me what happened sometime. Spill."

"Well, when I saw her throw that dart, my body kind of moved on its own. I just didn't want a teammate getting hurt, that's all."

He gave me a dry look. "You're an idiot."

"I love you, too, Jase."

"Goodnight, princess."

"Don't call me princess."

"I won't. Not around _him_, that is." He chuckled and closed the door before I could throw a pillow at him.

Just as I was in the middle of knitting a dark blue and purple scarf for Raquel, my cell phone rang. It was Robin's number. I paused the music from my spot on the bed and answered.

"Hey."

"Hi there. You sound in better spirits," he commented.

"It's because great things happened to me. Great and terrible things."

"Terrible?"

"Jason's threatening to murder you if you break my heart again."

"You told him?"

"Not everything. Your secrets are still safe with me."

"And my heart?"

"Safe with me, too."

"How turbing."

I laughed. "I just love how you make up your own words."

"And I just love you."

I shook my head. "Oh, my gosh, look at us. We're getting all disgustingly mushy. How creepy."

"It was a lot better the way things were before, weren't they?"

"I wouldn't say that. I guess it's just we haven't gotten to know this new us yet."

"Ah, spoken like a true intellect."

"You spoil me with flattery. I'm already yours, you know. No need to try to win me over."

"Oh, I know you're mine. Down to every breath in your body is mine."

"Is that why every so often you feel the need to take it from me?"

"That's right."

"I see." There was some silence for a few seconds. "Hey, I really appreciate what you did for me today."

"What did I do?"

"You were honest with me. You told me things that you didn't have to. You told me things that you weren't supposed to."

"Keeping things to myself is what got me in this mess in the first place. I figured that if I stopped doing that, I could get myself out of it. I prefer being honest with you. When I started to tell you everything, I just felt free, like this gigantic burden was lifted from my shoulders. And since you've always been so honest with me, it's only fair that I reciprocate, especially when you mean so much to me."

I smiled. "Hm. I appreciate that. A lot."

"Uh…you're welcome. So...is there anything you want to know? I'm an open book now so feel free to ask away."

I didn't want to get off the phone with him and I wanted to truly appreciate what he was offering me. I started to think. I remembered the time on my roof when he told me his parents had been killed. A piece of me was apprehensive about asking the question.

"Hy?"

"Yeah?"

"You got kind of quiet and I got worried. What ya thinking 'bout?"

"I'm...debating something back and forth."

"Just ask the question, Hy. It's alright. I'll answer it."

I shook my head. "You always know. That scares me."

"Join the club. But I heard it's healthy to do something scary every day."

"Well, you're not doing me but—"

"Uh—I-I didn't mean it like that!"

I laughed. "I know. Relax. I don't want to ask you because..."

"Because it's about my parents, isn't it?"

I sighed. "Haven't I told you to stop reading my mind? I want to keep _some_ things to myself, you know."

"What do you want to know?"

"You...said they were murdered."

"Yeah."

"How—What happened?"

"It was back in my old Flying Grayson days."

"Flying Grayson days?"

"You don't know about the Flying Graysons?"

"Sorry, I'm a bit out of the loop about a lot of things."

"It's okay. Haly Circus. Heard of that?"

"Yeah. Travelling circus, right?"

Something flashed into my mind, something I had read in passing on the Internet, something about two trapeze artists dying, leaving behind a son who was adopted by Bruce Wayne. The news report had cited their death as an accident but Richard said it was murder. I believed him over the press any day.

"Oh, God, the trapeze accident that killed two acrobats years ago."

He sighed. "Yes."

"Oh, my God, what happened?"

"Haly was threatened. Some guy was demanding that he pay them for their protection but Haly refused to pay them. The trapeze was sabotaged, the ropes were weakened on purpose. What made The Flying Graysons amazing was the way they performed without safety nets. My parents fell to their death below while the whole crowd watched, while I watched."

I pictured it and it forced me to shut my eyes. "I'm so sorry. I wish you were here right now."

"Why?"

"So I could hold you and never let you go."

"I can make it there in like twenty minutes."

I chuckled. "Nah, that might be too much trouble. It's pretty late. I hate the fact that you're all the way in Gotham. Then again, that might be an adventure for us."

"If we can stand that, then we'll be fine. Thanks for caring so much."

"It comes with loving you so much. Is living with Wayne at least nice?"

"Oh, it's great. Alfred, our butler, is the greatest butler that ever lived and Bruce is a pretty cool guy. He's just like a dad even though he's out so much."

"Do you ever remember them and get real lonely?"

"It happens sometimes, especially on the anniversary of their death. Sometimes on that day, I cry."

It was silent for moment while I felt this awful, crushing pain in my chest. "I-I want to be there for you. Will...will you let me know when the anniversary comes around? I-I want to be with you that day."

"Are you sure? It's a pretty depressing time."

"Well, nothing like someone who loves you there when you're depressed, right? I want to be able to hold your hand and offer you my shoulder when you cry. I wish I could make sure you never have to face anything by yourself ever again."

He chuckled. "How lucky am I to have you?"

"How lucky am I to be dating an acrobat?"

He was silent for a moment before he laughed. "Did you just make an innuendo at me?"

I smirked. "Maybe."

"You're perfect, you know? I'm so stupid for running _from_ you instead of running _to_ you. I just didn't realise how much better things are with you."

"Hey, don't dwell on that. We all make mistakes, okay?"

"Yeah, but such a major mistake shouldn't be brushed off just like that."

"Hey, Jesus' people crucified him because they thought he was a crazy blasphemer and he forgave them. Of course, I'm not saying I'm that important but—"

"If you can forgive me for what I've done, for making such a huge mistake, you and Him have got to have some things in common."

I chuckled. "That's sweet of you to say. Hey, what did The Bat say when you told him..."

"He frowned for a long time and stared at me in silence."

"Crap. Is he going to ambush me when I'm not looking and wipe my memory clean?"

"I told him I love you."

I froze, eyes wide. "What did he say?" I asked after some hesitation.

"He just said, 'Hm' and then went back to what he was doing."

"Crap. Crap, crap, crap. That doesn't sound too great. In fact, that sounds very bad."

"After about two minutes of just sitting there quietly and staring at the screen, he just said, 'Finally, you admit it'. I asked him what he meant by that but he just chuckled and didn't say a word after that."

"I'm so sleeping with my window closed tonight."

He chuckled. "Because that'll keep Batman out, right?"

I sighed. "No. It'll just make two seconds difference as to when he wipes my memory. Will I at least remember my name?"

He laughed. "Oh, chill out. He won't touch you. I promise. I won't let him. Besides, he can't wipe people's memories."

"I hope you're right about that. Hey, do you think he likes me? For you, I mean."

"Well, he hasn't really said anything otherwise. Besides, I mean he was the one who helped you get onto the team. I think he likes you a lot."

"That's different. He could have liked me until I started kissing his partner."

"Somehow, I don't think that would change his feelings about you."

"It might. Wait, how does Mr. Wayne feel about this whole thing? I mean he's your guardian so you have to tell him."

"Bruce and I haven't gotten around to discussing it yet."

"Do you think he'd be okay with it?"

He chuckled. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure he'll be more or less cool with it. In fact, he might even ask you to dinner."

"That sounds like it would be nice."

"You'd like that?"

"I would jump at any opportunity to get a taste of what your life is like. I want to know everything about you. In time, of course."

"I know what you mean. I feel that way about you, too."

We talked on the phone all night, long after midnight and until the sun came up. It must have been six a.m. when we hung up and went to sleep.


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey, guys! Please don't hate me for the long wait. Things have been pretty crazy on my side with my job and all. Among other things.**

Eight a.m. bright and early, I was awake. Usually when I didn't get a full night's sleep, I would be extremely cranky and lethargic. This was not the case today. I helped mom make breakfast and then sat down happily with them all to eat. As I ate, I tried to figure out if I should tell them that I was with Robin again or if I should tell them I was with Richard Grayson or if I shouldn't say anything at all. Although, I suspected that my cheery demeanour and my reversion to the person I used to be more or less before we broke up had already tipped off my mother though she had said nothing the whole time we were in the kitchen together.

"Hyacinth," Jason said.

"Yeah?"

"I'm leaving tonight."

"What? And you tell me this _now_?"

"I'm going home to box everything. Well, _we're_ leaving tonight."

"What?"

"We were going to tell you yesterday but you weren't exactly in the best of spirits," Aunt Laila said. "I found a job."

"And we got some good news yesterday from the manager of the building," dad added in. I raised an eyebrow at him. "George next door has gotten a scholarship to go to a university in Canada."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yup. He's moving out and going to live there for the next four years."

"You have got to be kidding me." I looked at Jason. "How lucky are we?"

"We are luckier than all the four leaf clovers in the world," Jase responded. "Guess nothing in this whole world could ever keep us apart."

"Maybe," I commented.

"And since the apartment next door has opened up, it'll be like old times."

I sighed. "That sounds amazing. Everything going back to how it was when things were happy."

"Yeah, we're going to get my transfer worked out and I'm going to come back to Happy Harbour by the end of January."

"That's great! But you'll miss mom's birthday."

"It's alright. I'm sure there are other visitors who will make her day special." He smiled at me from across the table and I wanted to kick him under the table.

"It won't feel complete without the two of you," mom said. "But it is certainly a blessing that you can move back next door now."

"Yes, God has been good to us these past few months," Aunt Laila said dreamily. "The nightmare's over. We can finally wake up to a happy day."

I smiled at her for a long moment. "Where will you be working?"

"Your mom put me in contact with a friend of hers from high school who owns a real estate agency on the other side of the city and some jobs opened up recently. I'm going to be the agency's secretary."

"I'm so happy for you. Both of you. And I'm selfish enough to be glad that I can have you back, too."

"It's not selfish, Hy. You're not the kind of kid that asks for anything so you wanting this one little thing couldn't possibly make you selfish."

I smiled at her again. "You always know what to say to make me not feel like a terrible person."

After everyone was done eating, I stood and started to take the plates when Jason stood as well and helped me take them to the kitchen and start washing them.

"So, did you two have to be on the phone all night?" he asked.

I elbowed him with a chuckle. "Were you eavesdropping?"

"No. I couldn't really make out what you were saying but I could hear your voice from the guest bedroom. Why? Were you two talking dirty to each other? Is that why you're asking?"

I laughed. "No. Ew, we are so not like that. It's just that it's been so long since we did that, actually had a long conversation about everything and anything and nothing, and we just kind of got carried away. Neither of us wanted to hang up but we knew when the sun came up that we had to. It's probably just a phase but it's like that time when you get back together with someone you've spent far too much time away from and now that they're back in your arms again, you just don't want to let go." I looked over at his expression and it was what I could only refer to as 'pensive'. "I know it probably sounds really silly and stupid but that's just how it is. We make each other stupid."

He was quiet for several seconds before he responded. "I wasn't thinking that it was stupid. I was just thinking you and I never had that phase when I came back."

"Maybe it's only a romantic thing or—no, I know. I was so busy tangled up in everything I was doing to try to keep him out of my head and trying to not have to deal with all the madness after you came back that I didn't make time for you. I'm sorry. We can spend the day together. Well, until about four or so."

"Training?"

"Yeah. There wasn't any yesterday but, well, you know what went down. It was pretty intense."

"He made you cry. You never cry. How could you take him back after that?"

"Well, see, that's the strange thing about being in love. You do things that you hate, that you specifically warn yourself against. He didn't really mean to make me cry but it just kind of happened. I was holding everything in, being hurt by him, being hurt by you, the shock of all the things I've come to learn over the past few days, the stress of missions and playing rugby and trying to not show any of what I was truly feeling on my face that when he told me everything I'd wanted to know, everything I'd ever wanted to hear, I just couldn't take it anymore and I burst. I don't know if he can really be blamed for making me cry."

"Yes, he can. He started all of this."

I shrugged. "So be it. I was hurting him, too. I was always talking about how close we were and about how Roy and I have come to be friends lately and it made him really jealous. He tried to put some distance between us and he hated it. We were both suffering. Just he didn't cry."

"Well, alright. I really do hope things work out."

"Speaking of that, I delivered your threat to him."

"What did he say?"

"He casually brushed it off."

"Good. That means he's afraid."

I chuckled. "Not really."

"Well, I hope he's scared."

"I hope he'll just continue to love me enough to stay."

"Hey, the way I see it, it's like you always say. If someone loves you, they never stop loving you. The way they love you might change but they'll never actually stop loving you."

"I hope we're both right about that, Jase."

He nodded but then retreated to silence for a while with a pensive expression on his face. "Do you know," he began, then pausing, "that you are morally obligated to help us pack?"

I laughed. "No doubt about it. Are all of your clothes washed?"

"Yeah, did that yesterday, made airline bookings, your parents are dealing with the apartment and the job offer and when we get there, we're going to start boxing and moving everything and working on my transfer." He lowered his voice. "Of course, I assume you know that a certain _other_ group of individuals are going to have to help me disappear. You can't leave a mob. You want out, you get a one way ticket out of this world."

I nodded. "I'll talk to the team about it. We'll figure something out. Or, Mr. Tactician, since you seemed to have some criticisms for the plan last time, you could concoct a plan _for_ us."

"I think I will. I think I will."

After dish washing, I helped Jason and Aunt Laila pack away their belongings and after that, we decided that it was about time we broke out the _Dance Central_ again. Aunt Laila watched while Jason, mom, dad, Jani and I played but she was laughing so much that she might as well have been dancing with us, getting the exercise. We only took a quick break for lunch before returning to the game.

In the middle of a match between mom and Jason, my phone rang and I smiled at the number before I answered.

"Hi."

"Hi," Robin responded. "Are you coming to training today?"

"I'm breathing, aren't I?"

"So, is it that once you're breathing, I can expect to see you at training?"

"Pretty much."

"What about if you're breathing and unconscious?"

"Well, okay, I suppose there are exceptions to the rule."

"So, how long from now do you think you'll be leaving home?"

I chuckled. "Half hour, hour or so." I lowered my voice. "Why, are you that anxious to see me?"

He chuckled right back but didn't answer. I smiled. His answer was obvious. "Well, I guess I'll see you then."

"Alright. Bye."

"Love you."

"You, too."

I hung up and went back to watching the epic battle of the body between my mother and my best friend.

Close to an hour after that, they decided that they had had enough and I decided that that was my cue to go to training. I informed the household that I was headed over to meet my team, grabbed my bag with my costume in it and exited the apartment. When I reached the last set of stairs, Robin, who was seated on one of the stairs, stood and turned as I came down the last set, pausing on the penultimate step.

"Hey," he said.

My eyebrows furrowed. "Hi. Whatcha doing here?"

"Waiting for you."

I turned my head, watched him from the corner of my eye. "How long have you been waiting for me?"

He shrugged. "Not long."

"How long, Robin?"

"Maybe close to an hour."

I looked at him and my eyebrows furrowed. "You were waiting for me…for an hour? As in, since you called?" He nodded. "Why on earth would you do that?"

"I wanted to surprise you."

"So you waited on this staircase with nothing to do for an hour? You could have come up and came to the apartment, you know. That would have been a surprise, especially since it occurs to me that you hate to use doors. And, anyway, why didn't you just tell me to come downstairs and meet you? I would have left the apartment ages ago if you had told me."

"Then it wouldn't have been a surprise."

I rolled my eyes, descended the final two steps and came to join him. "I sure was right. I do make you as stupid and you make me."

He chuckled. "Sure, but it feels great, doesn't it?"

"It really does."

He put his arm around my waist and he guided me to the bike he had borrowed from The Cave.

After he parked it and we suited up, me _sans_ my mask, he took my hand and led me through the halls to the main training area. I slipped my hand out of his urgently when we neared the door. I wondered if he had intended to walk out there holding my hand or if he had simply gotten too comfortable and caught up holding it. The entire team was there with Black Canary and Megan was sparring with Conner. I smirked to myself, wondering if he was holding back because it was her or if they were actually going at each other for real. From what I could tell, that wasn't their all. Then again, I suspected that none of us ever really gave our all when we were fighting each other.

I tiptoed and rested my elbow on Kaldur's very high up shoulder and slipped the other through Raquel's arm which was propped on her hip to announce my entrance. Both of them turned to watch me, Kal with a smile and Raquel with a raised eyebrow. I smiled cheerily at her and she gave a weirded-out half smile in reply.

Conner ended the match by getting Megan on her back on the floor and I giggled at the random non-existent innuendo of the whole situation.

"What?" Robin asked, whispering in my ear.

"Conner's got her on her back," I whispered, giggling again.

He shook his head with a slight smile and mouthed the word 'perv' at me.

Canary turned to the rest of us after their match. Her eyes fell on me.

"Ah, Cin, you're here. You and Robin are the next ones up," she said with a slight smile. I raised an eyebrow, wondering if she had us fighting in romantic couples for a reason. However, for that to have been true, she would have had to know...which wasn't possible, right? We had always kept things super-secret.

"Alright," I complied, taking my place opposite to him on the floor.

He smirked at me. "You ready?"

"No. Come on. Let's go."

He chuckled before he came at me very quickly and I just barely managed to dodge when I realised that he was being pretty serious with me in this fight. I got my game face on, put on Cin's concentration and worked to avoid his continuous moves that seemed like he was trying to get me to trip over my own two feet so that he'd win by default.

I crossed my arms to block a kick he aimed at my face and that sent me skidding a few feet.

"Well, someone's trying to salvage his manhood by actually beating me," I commented.

"Only my manhood doesn't need salvaging. I just think it would be nice to beat you for record's sake."

"Seriously, The Bat must give you hell that I keep pinning you to the floor."

"I go easy on you."

"Which you clearly aren't doing today."

"Nah, I thought it was about time I take the training wheels off this particular bicycle."

I laughed. "And how am I not supposed to pull an innuendo out of you referring to yourself as a bicycle?"

"I wasn't talking about me—"

"Alright," Canary interrupted. "Less trash talk, more fighting."

I looked at her. "What if that's part of the technique?"

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Robin's foot trying to contact with my face and moved to avoid it but was too late and still got hit, though not as hard as I would have had I not moved at all.

"You heard the lady," Robin commented as he threw more kicks at me, forcing me to back up as I dodged. "Less talk, more action."

I smirked at his words, and planned my next move while I continued to dodge kicks and punches. His next kick to my chest I let hit but braced myself for the impact by locking as many of my muscles that I could. When it hit, I grabbed his foot with one hand, thrust my palm into his side with the other, throwing him off balance then spun myself around to kick him in the face, releasing his foot just in time to watch him fall to the floor. My victory, however, was not without its drawbacks. The spot on my chest where he had hit me and my forearms hurt like hell.

"Here's that action you were cryin' for," I said. "Unfortunately, you still couldn't trump me, could you?"

I turned to walk off when a hand grasped my foot firmly and pulled me to the ground. I was just about able to raise my hands to brace my fall so that I didn't end up with a broken or bloody nose. "I still win. You hit the floor first."

"Yeah, I guess you did," he acceded.

He somehow managed to get on his feet first and then offered me a hand which I accepted. However, what he did next I could not anticipate.

When I was standing, he released my hand but, like a cobra though gentler, he cupped my chin and pressed a quick kiss to my lips. It was so fast and unexpected that I hadn't had time to dodge, stop him or react. He was smiling but when I turned to the rest of the team, they looked...speechless.

"That wasn't what it looked like," I said quickly without thinking.

"Yes, it was," Robin responded, still smiling.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"No more secrets, remember?"

"Yeah, from me. About us?"

"Same diff, I figure."

I face-palmed. When I turned back to them, Canary put a hand to her ear and told someone that she was on her way.

"I've got to go so training's done for the day. Good job, team," she said quickly. She smirked in my direction before quickly heading off towards the Zeta tube.

"Okay," Megan said once Canary had left. "Girls' meeting." She grabbed my shirt and started to pull me in the direction of the library with the three other ladies of the team all following.

"This is all your fault!" I called to Robin as I was being pulled. I heard him chuckle and I mentally promised that he was going to pay for springing this on me. He seemed to have a fixation with surprises these days.

When we reached the library and the door closed behind us, Megan let me go and I found myself surrounded.

"Oh, my gosh! You two are dating?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah. Again. Well, I guess I have to explain that one. First off, Zatanna, I'm really sorry that things couldn't work out for you and Robin. I feel awful that you had to get dragged into all this madness going on between him and me—"

"Hy, stop," Zatanna said, smiling. "It's fine. You two make the most adorable couple. Why didn't you tell me that you were totally crushing on him?"

"Well...if I'd told you that, I'd be lying. Like I told you before, it's not that simple."

She was silent for a second, then things seemed to click into place for her. "Oh, my gosh. _You_ were that girl he was into months ago. And he was that guy that things were complicated with. But I thought you said he'd moved on."

"I assumed he had. He was practically dating you so I just assumed..."

"Hold up...Is _he_ the love you had said you lost?"

"Wait, wait, wait," Artemis said, putting a hand up. "She knows something we don't."

I sighed. "I wonder how I can compact this long story."

"We learned to like stories, what with being around you so much," Artemis replied.

I chuckled. "Yes, I guess you do."

"So start from the beginning. When did you two start dating?" Raquel asked.

I sat on a desk, feet swinging. "Well, months ago when like everyone was out of The Cave was the first time he kissed me. After that we started dating and then the day before I left the country, he called me to the basement of The Cave and told me that he thought that we should just be friends, not even giving me any kind of reason to work with. I was totally crushed because I was already in love with him for like ever and he knew this but he just kind of let me go despite that. I go on vaca and when I come back, his eyes are on Zatanna and I had to endure that _every time_ I saw you guys or when he talked. It was always Zatanna, Zatanna, Zatanna. I was about to kill him because it was like he was killing me and not even knowing it."

"Hold on. Does this have anything to do with how strange you've been acting for the past few months?" Megan asked.

"It had _everything_ to do with that. See, I figured I had to construct this poker face so he wouldn't see how hurt I was so he could move on without feeling any guilt about hurting me. At the same time, I was trying to be happy for him that he _was_ able to move on without any trouble. Turns out, he was just a better actor than I was. Everything I think, that I feel, shows plainly on my sleeve, to the extent that when I try to hide it, everything comes out cryptic and horrible."

"Yeah, no kidding," Artemis threw in. She sighed. "You are _too_ nice, you know that?"

"Sorry about that. You guys must have thought I was possessed. Anyway, so yeah, I tried to keep myself busy and stuff to stop thinking about him and then Jase came in and was like my saviour for a little while but I realised that since I actually loved him, I'd never get over it, I would probably just stop wanting him so much.

"When I...took Zatanna out the...Sunday that she moved in here, I happened to mention to her that I had this guy that things were kind of...complicated with."

"And that she had lost love and it had made her feel awful so she had gone to the park where she had taken me to try to clear her head," Zatanna added.

"Yeah, that, too. And, well, yesterday he explained to me that we kind of feel the same way about each other and that he just hadn't been ready for that all those months ago. He really was kind of interested in you, Zatanna. He likes you but just not the way he likes me. I think he feels close to you because he can understand what you've been through better than I can. He was...kind of getting involved with you because he thought that things wouldn't go as fast with you. Anyway, at first I rejected him but then..." I smiled, remembering him standing in my room, beautiful blue eyes trained on me, "...he gave me an offer I couldn't refuse."

"Like...?" Raquel prodded.

"Well, he actually really opened up to me. It was all I could have ever asked for. More than, even."

"So, you two got back together yesterday?" Megan asked.

"Yeah."

"I realised you were in a really good mood when you came in," Artemis said. "Better than you've been lately."

"That's the thing. It's really dumb but the minute that he stopped hurting me, I didn't have to force myself to not show my feelings or to be okay with everything. It's like the cloud that was sailing over my head was just...gone all of a sudden."

"I'm so excited for you!" Megan said. "And it isn't dumb. I totally understand. I remember ages ago you seemed to have this little hang up on him but I didn't realise that it had gone anywhere."

"Oh, yeah, it went places. Eventually we started dating and then well, I've told you basically everything. And the reason you guys didn't know was that we planned not to come out and tell people until it got out somehow. We weren't sure if there would be...nay-sayers."

"As if that should have been a deterrent. If you really liked him, I imagine you wouldn't let anyone stop you. He wouldn't have let anyone get in his way, either," Artemis said.

"True, but we...prefer to avoid unsavoury situations. But I suppose we know we have nothing to worry about with two _other_ couples on the team. Well, maybe soon to be three."

"Three?" Megan, Zatanna and Artemis questioned.

"Oh, yeah. You guys probably totally missed it, wrapped up in your own New Year's kisses and stuff, but our girl Raquel here seems to have a thing for our incredible leader." They both turned to look at her.

"Me?" Raquel asked.

"Are you going to try to deny it, Raquel?" I asked. "Think carefully. I've seen the way you look at him and it wasn't for no reason that you kissed his cheek for New Year's."

"Well...he _is_ kind of cute," she admitted.

I laughed. "Yeah, like Wally's _kind of_ a redhead. Kal isn't _cute_. He's definitely hot, like of white flame proportions. Like, Conner and Roy." They all turned to look at me. "Come on, ladies. I do have eyes in my head. They're hot guys." They chuckled.

"This is just so unexpected," Megan said. "I didn't think so many of us would be in relationships at the same time."

I scoffed. "I knew. I knew you and Conner are the only people in the solar system that could ever love each other the right way. I mean, it's even obvious in the way he says your name. While the rest of us call you 'Megan' for our own convenience, because that feels more natural, he calls you 'M'gann', your real name, as if he doesn't have any illusions as to who you are and he accepts you wholeheartedly that way. Sure, Kal refers to you that way as well but when he says your name, it doesn't mean the same thing as when Conner does it. It's like you two don't wear masks with each other; everything is true, honest, the absolute real thing and that's why it will last.

"As for you, Artemis, and Wally, I knew the two of you only fight because they chemistry between you was so powerful. You two get each other and when the both of you care about people, it's a deep, strong thing. I can see the two of you raising four little miserable babies together on a beach somewhere. I'm already designing your wedding dress, actually." I chuckled. "Just kidding. But I should get started soon.

"Zatanna, I honestly thought that _you_ and Robin were a beautiful couple, both raven-haired and gorgeous. When I saw you two kissing for New Year's, I nearly got a heart attack because it just looked so right, you by his side and in his arms. I could never have imagined that, in the end..." I trailed off and sighed. "I'd try to set you up with Happy but I think he'd ruin you."

"I think he and Cheshire are into each other," Artemis admitted. "She kissed him."

I laughed. "Well, shut the front door. They'd make a pretty sexy couple though."

"That's my sister you're talking about," Artemis said.

"Come on. Think about it. As for your sitch, Rocky, I think you'd be a good match for Kal. Your contrasting personalities would be really nice together." I took a minute to picture them together, liking what I saw. "I see the value of dating someone who's part of the team but really, Zatanna, try to get a _normal_ guy if you can. It's great to have someone that understands what you do and where you're coming from but breakups can make things weird and I imagine it's kind of nerve wracking when he's not there when you're available and you're not there when he is."

"It'll only get weird if you're not mature about it," Zatanna said. "And if you really want things to work, you've got to make them work.

I scoffed, jumping off the desk. "Trust me. Harder than it sounds. Does this conclude the girls' meeting?"

"Pretty much. We just wanted to know what was going on with you two. I guess we got answers to a lot more questions, too," Megan said. "But I hope that things only get better from here for you two."

I smiled. "Thanks, Meg. Don't worry though. You are still my wife as far as I'm concerned." I winked at her and she chuckled.

"Good to know. Once I keep cooking for you?"

"You got it, Sugar Martian. Oh, Rocky, I've got your present for you. It's in my bag."

On our way out, I stopped by my bag and wrapped the scarf around Raquel's neck.

"Uh, thanks."

"No problem."

She examined it and smiled. "I love these colours. This is amazing." I smiled back at her before continuing back to the rest of the gang. When we went back out to the main atrium, the guys turned to me and smiled. Robin was not in the room. Conner gave me a gentle slap on the back.

"Congrats," he said, smiling gently.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm assuming while I was telling a really long story, Robin was telling you an equally long one."

"Yup," Wally replied.

"He was sure to explain all the...finer points of the situation, yes," Kal said.

"Smile now, Kaldur'ahm, while you can. If there's anything I can do about it, I'll make sure you've got a woman policing you like these other poor fellers."

"Well, that's a cynical perspective on love," Robin said, coming back into the room.

"Hey, I'm not an optimist and I know girls can nag. You guys complain that you can't understand us, and how could you, when we don't even understand ourselves?"

"And yet, you still would like to see everyone dating," he responded.

I watched him, smiled and bit my lower lip. "Well...it's not all bad, I'll admit. With the two troublemakers dating each other, I think the others will be fine."

"Hey, I think it's the genius and the troublemaker who are dating."

"Oh, no, have no misconceptions. You're as much of a troublemaker as I am—" My phone started to ring, cutting me off. "Excuse me a moment."

I answered and took a few steps away from the group.

"Hello?"

"We are going for pizza. Meet me at Mel's in a half hour. It's a date," Jason said.

I chuckled. "Sorry, I can only date one person at a time, so it's not a date. It's just you and me hanging out, together, alone, completely platonically."

"Sure, sure, when you're my wife, it's got to be platonic."

"Well, would you look at that. I have a husband, a wife and a boyfriend."

"Does that make you a bisexual polygamist Catholic?" I chuckled. "Anyway, did you deliver my message?"

I face-palmed. "Damnit, I forgot."

"Tell them now. Before they come apprehend me."

"I'll be a little longer than a half an hour then. We're probably going to have to pan this out now."

"Forty-five minutes then."

"Oh, come on!"

"I'm making up the plan, you just tell them that I plan to make good on my word while I can."

"Alright. See you in forty-five."

"Bye."

I replaced the phone to my pocket and faced them. "Okay, stories aside, we have something else to discuss."

"Like?" Wally asked.

"Jason and his mother are going back to North Dakota this evening to start the move. Aunt Laila has found a job and they've found a place to live. In order for that to be possible, we've got to help Jason disappear from his mob. That means we're going to have to kill him or watch him accidentally die or something. In quotation marks, that is."

"When is the move carded for?" Kaldur asked.

"End of January. That means we've got to accelerate our efforts to get this particular mob out of the picture. He's going to help us take them down and he's planning the whole thing out. When he's got a complete plan, he'll relay it to me and I'll get it to you."

"Robin," Kaldur said, "you must inform Batman of this to ensure our efforts are not impeded because they are ignorant of our intentions. Cin, you are entrusted with the responsibility of being our liaison with Ace. When things are in place, we must be ready to act with precision. That is all?"

"Pretty much."

"Where will they be living?"

I smiled. "Right next door to the Quinteroses."

"He's moving back next door?" Wally asked. "How'd they manage that? Has that apartment been empty all this time?"

I shook my head. "Someone moved in not a week after they left but it was by what I could only refer to as an act of God that the guy got a scholarship to go to Canada. He's moving there in a few weeks. Mom and dad are handling their living arrangements until things are settled. Aunt Laila will be working with Varose Real Estate Company."

"Sounds like everything is in order," Kal commented.

I sighed contentedly. "It sure does." The place slipped into a short silence. A content silence. "Well, I should get going. I have to buy that butt-crack pizza before he goes."

I quickly changed out of my costume and when I got back, everyone was pretty much lounging on the couch, watching a movie while Megan started cooking something.

"Aw, I have to leave before you're done cooking? How sad," I commented.

"Baking. I'm making muffins."

I pouted. "Now I'm really sad." I picked up my bag. "Ah, the things I do for love."

"Hy," she called.

"Yeah?"

"About…Old Year's Day… I realise what we told you guys was a real shocker but when I saw your face, I kind of felt even worse, especially since you always seemed to dote on me and trust me so much, more than the others. I'm sorry that you got hurt and I wish I could make it up to you. It's so amazing that you act like nothing's changed but I'm not sure if you're just acting or if—"

I chuckled. "Megan, _stop_. Look, I was telling Kaldur the other day that I felt like something was wrong with me because I seem to love all the people I know nothing about. But then I started to think about it and I realised even if something was wrong with me, everything has a purpose. I _do_ know you guys, you're the loyal friends and teammates that fight beside me and if you're fighting next to someone, you've got to know if they're reliable one hundred percent. And that's exactly what you are. You have all treated me like family, which is a feat because I know I'm a lot to handle. People have run from me because I'm too friendly and outgoing. No, seriously, they have.

"And, maybe me loving you guys so much is an important thing. Maybe you guys need someone who will love you without judging and who will always be willing to hear your side of the story. After my whole Jason mishaps, my mind and my eyes are open. You guys are important to me and I'm not going to let a few secret things that really change absolutely nothing about our friendship change that." I looked at the other two on the couch. "You hear that, clone and Cheshire's sister?"

They turned and smile. "Got it," they said.

"Same goes for the fish, the newbie, the flirt, the little bird and the _Dark Magician Girl_. And I know you heard my every word because you guys _love _to eavesdrop." I winked at Megan. "And now that I've said my piece, I'm off to meet Jason."

Robin stood and we headed to the door together. "So, he knows you're my girlfriend and he still wants to go on a date with you?"

"He's just being a dummy. We're just hanging out. Are you intending to go with me all the way to Mel's?"

"Yeah. He's not trying to hit on you or anything?"

"Nah, he's given up on me romantically. Things _are_ better between _us_ if we're just best friends."

"I'm sor—"

"Zip. I don't want to hear it."

"But I'm—"

"Stop it. I already forgave you."

"But the way you said—"

"Never mind the way I said it. It wasn't supposed to be a barb at you. Or maybe subconsciously it was. That choice of words does sound like a barb. I'm sorry."

"And I forgive you." He slipped his hand into mine and he placed a kiss to my lips as we continued on. "I'm just happy that I can have you back after that stupid mistake. You must really be an angel."

"No. It's just love." He squeezed my hand and I squeezed his back. "Hey, can I tell you something?"

"Sure. Anything. Of course. What's up?"

I sighed. "I can't help but feel that something awful's going to happen."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because everything's just been so perfect over the last few days. In a way, finding out stuff about Conner, Megan, Kaldur and Artemis makes me feel like I'm closer to them now and then you go and say everything I've ever wanted to hear you say, and now Jason and Aunt Laila are going to be living next door to us again. With too many wonderful things happening at once, I'm wondering what the awful thing that will balance everything off will be. The universe is going to have its vengeance and I'm just scared of what the vengeance will be."

"I thought Catholics believe in a merciful God, not balance in the universe."

"Well, yeah, I know God's watching out for me but I just can't help but think some huge challenge is going to come my way."

"Maybe you already got the challenge and this is the reward. You've got to stop thinking that the universe is out to get you. It's better to just enjoy the blessings coming your way. And, who knows, the challenges may not be as bad as you think. Like, I'm sure we might disagree sometimes but we love each other and we'll try our hardest to get over it. Whatever challenges come, you're strong enough to take them on, and if you aren't, well, you have my strength to rely on, too. Just like you said you want to be there for me during my hardest times, I want to be there for you."

I watched him for a long moment and then smiled. I put my arms around him as we continued walking. "See, that's it right there."

"What is?"

"The reason why I can't ever stop loving you, why I can't do anything but _keep_ falling deeper for you."

He stopped walking, pulling me to halt, then tipped my chin up and kissed me slowly. "Yeah, I think I know what you mean."

I couldn't help but smile at him and I didn't think I'd stop smiling any time soon. Being one for conspiracy theories, something occurred to me. "Hey, Mr. High Roller, you wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that my next door neighbour got a scholarship to go far, far away, would you?" We started walking again.

"That's ridiculous, don't you think?"

"No, it's not. You are...a special cookie, capable of all kinds of things. I wouldn't put it past you to orchestrate something like this."

He laughed. "Nah, I didn't _orchestrate_ anything. That one's pretty much all God."

I nodded. "'Render onto Caesar what is Caesar's and onto God what is God's'."

"Scripture passage."

I faced him with a curious expression. "You know the Bible?"

"Well, before I ended up in Bruce's care, I was in a Catholic orphanage. It wasn't very nice there though. But, anyway, that's just a commonly quoted saying, you know."

"You know the passage on love?"

"Not in detail."

"My mom used to paraphrase it and tell it to me every night before I went to sleep when I was younger. 'Love is patient and kind. Love is never jealous, boastful or conceited. It is never rude nor seeks its own interest. It does not take offence or hold grudges. Love does not rejoice in wrong doing; it rejoices in truth. It is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes. Love never comes to an end'."

"Powerful words."

"Yup."

"It's why you put up with my mistake for so long."

"Yup. That, to me, is the truth about love."

"I think it forgot to mention that it is the scariest thing you will ever feel."

I chuckled. "Well, it's not meant as a warning, you know. And some people aren't scared by love at all."

"Like your parents?"

"Like my parents. Speaking of them, and given my close relationship with them—"

"You're wondering when or how to tell them." I nodded. "Well, we could do it just like the first time."

"I know we already talked about this, but I was thinking..."

"Yeah?"

"Maybe Robin should come to dinner and smooth things over. I mean, it would make things less complicated and that way they won't put things together. If I'm dating Richard Grayson who acts a lot like Robin and is mystically in Happy Harbour all the time, it's going to be becoming obvious sooner or later."

"And then when I bring you home to meet Bruce and Alfred?"

"I'm sure once I'm with you, they'll be fine."

"Are you sure your parents won't kill me?"

I chuckled. "I had a feeling that was the only reason why Richard was going to come to dinner instead of Robin."

He smiled. "It wasn't the only reason but it's a major one. But really, the reason why I wanted to come as _me_ was because I wanted this," he gestured at both of us, "to be completely real."

"It is real. I know Robin is a huge part of who you really are. It's your past and your present. Maybe even a part of your future, because I doubt you're going to give up heroics."

He sighed. "You really get me, don't you?"

"I hope so."

"You're perfect for me."

"Well, you thought Zatanna was perfect, too."

"No, you don't get it. She's perfect, just not for me, like you are. We might have some things in common but it only makes us compatible as friends. Our differences and similarities are what make you and me a couple. It lashes us together, makes us the pieces that complete each other."

I processed what he said and then shook my head. "A priest once said that we are complete in and of ourselves, our partners never supplementary but complementary. I believed him."

"I wish I could believe that but I think without you I'm only half the man I could ever be."

"Don't be ridiculous. I don't believe that for a second. I look at you and I see a complete person. Nothing's missing from you just because you're gone through some hard things. The sandpaper just smoothens our edges to shape us."

He shook his head. "You're so profound it's a little bit scary. It's like I'm dating a ninety year old woman in a fifteen-year-old's body. And might I say what a nice body it is."

I laughed. "I can't figure out if that statement is sweet or lecherous."

"Maybe it's a bit of both."

"Yeah, we're totally perfectly complementary to each other."

"Hey, question, are you really okay after you saw what M'gann really looks like?"

"Of course I am. At first when I saw her, I thought I was either going to start laughing hysterically, start swearing or faint. It's _terrifying_ the first time you see it because it's so unexpected and...alien. You guys were friggin' _petrified_. I can imagine how Megan must have felt when she saw our faces. You guys even backed away from her! I would have, too, but I just couldn't move. But I had a think on it that night. I realised that even though that form is part of what she truly is, it says nothing about _who_ she truly is and I wouldn't be giving her the credit she deserves for how much of a sweetheart she's really been if I remembered that form above everything else. In my mind, she's that gorgeous green girl that we see every day. That's what I associate Megan or M'gann M'orzz with. That's who I've come to know, who she wants to be. That's enough for me."

His head was hanging. "I felt...awful afterwards. For a moment, I was scared of Megan. _Scared_. _Of Megan_. Those three words don't belong together. Ever. She's always so sunny, so cheery, so sweet. I've never seen her in a bad mood. She's always so innocent. Who would have known that she was shouldering such a pain, such a burden? How could she be holding in such an awful secret that continued to hurt her and still smile for us? And there I was, scared of her. I mean, of course I was traumatised. Like you said, it's terrifying to see her true form the first time. But it was more than trauma. I actually felt _fear_. And I felt awful about it afterwards because I know that there is absolutely nothing threatening about Megan _at all_. Not to us, anyway."

I put my hand under his chin and pushed his head upwards so that it wasn't hanging anymore. "All humans are afraid of the unknown. And we hadn't a single clue about Martians until Manhunter and Megan came to Earth. We still don't know very much about them. I think we were all some combination of shocked and afraid for a moment but that was only until our minds cleared and we realised that she was still the same adorable, loving cook that we can't help but care about. It took us all some time to remember that there was absolutely nothing to be afraid of. Kaldur's pretty amazing. His facial expression stayed the same throughout the whole of her ordeal. His eyes widened when Superboy and Artemis confessed their stuff but apart from that, he was still the same solid person he always is. I admire him the most for being strong when the rest of us weren't. Anyway, don't beat yourself up for having feelings. Congratulate yourself for remembering that what she looks like isn't who she is."

He smiled at me. "Well said." He kissed my cheek. "Seems like you always know what to say to make me feel better. Hyacinths really _are_ the flowers of sincerity."

I remembered that night in that cab when he had told me the meanings of my favourite flowers and felt a surge of warmth at the beautiful memory. "Hey, that's my job as the girlfriend, right? To keep you feeling good." He laughed then and I realised that what I said could have a double meaning. "I mean—"

"Hey, don't attack me yet. Maybe in the next two years you can give me your—"

I slapped him on the arm and he just kept laughing. "Not what I meant! Argh!"

"I get what you mean. And I appreciate it. But I'm a little disappointed you didn't mean it the other way."

I shook my head. "No honeymoons before weddings. There's a certain order to some things. I'm very serious about that."

"Fine by me. I wouldn't have it any other way."

I sighed. "Why are we talking about sex and weddings?"

He shrugged. "Why not?"

"Going too fast scared you the first time. I don't want it to make you panicky again."

"Hey, that's a thing of the past. And if something does throw me into a panic, you'll be the first one I broach the subject with."

"Good to know." I spotted Jason sitting at a table outside of Mel's sipping a soda. "There's Jase."

"Yeah," he said carefully. He put his hand around mine and I smiled as I took his hand.

"Is someone getting territorial?"

"Maybe I have a little bit of a jealous streak."

I chuckled. "Yeah, I know. You wouldn't even let Happy carry me."

"Hey, I still have a bone to pick with him since you kissed him for New Year's."

"And he kissed me back."

"What?"

I chuckled. "On the cheek. Relax. Stop being so melodramatic."

"I'm not keen on sharing you."

"And you're just going to have to learn to. You're the most important person to me but I also have other people who are still important. You got that?"

"Yeah," he said unenthusiastically.

Jason stood as we approached.

"Le boyfriend," Jason said to him, eyeing him with a serious expression.

"Le best friend," Robin replied, smiling but acknowledging the challenge.

I rolled my eyes. "Really, guys, grow up. But not too much."

"He's not staying, right?" Jason asked me, eyes never leaving Robin.

"No, he's not staying. Would you two stop staring before someone thinks a fight's about to start here?"

Robin backed down first, relaxing his stance and slipping his hands in his pockets and shrugging. Jason nodded, probably thinking he was victorious. I knew Robin was just being the bigger person.

"Take care of my girlfriend, please. Don't try anything funny," Robin warned.

"And you remember my best friend is trusting you with her heart. You already broke it once and it took everything in her to put it back together again. That shit won't fly by me twice. I will come find you and dismember you."

Robin nodded. "Don't forget you hurt her once, too. If you do it again, you'll have hell to pay."

"Guys, stop talking about me like I'm not here. And like I'm some princess that needs saving."

"You _are_ a princess. _My_ princess," Jason said, baiting him.

I pinched my nose bridge. "Jesus Christ, why do I have to pick guys like these?"

"Because we're the very best kind, Hy. We're the ones who will watch out for you always," Jason said.

"Hate to agree with him but he's right," Robin said.

"Oh, _please_, you two would be bros if you ever stopped being asses and actually hung out. Go on, Robin. Get out of here. You have some things to discuss with the head honcho."

"Yeah, okay." He looked at me then turned his eyes back to Jason. "Look, I get that you're worried about her and I appreciate that. I'm not going to try to dissuade you from that. I know how muchI hurt her and how much I don't deserve her forgiveness or a second chance. But she gave me both and I know that that's something more valuable than even my life. I know that when someone so good and precious comes into your life and offers you more than you could possibly be worth that you should never let that person go. And I won't, not ever again. I will protect her as best as I can and I will make sure that nothing else I do will ever hurt her again. And if I dishonour my promise, well, I'll accept anything that comes my way." He leaned in, kissed me briefly and then set off on his way.

Jason sat again, rolling his eyes. "F-ing show-off," he muttered.

"Behave."

He raised his hands in surrender. "_Sor-ry_. You weren't meant to hear that."

"Like hell. And at least _he's_ the bigger man."

He shrugged. "He's a strong guy. Accepts responsibility for his shit and doesn't seem to tolerate it from other people. He's good for you."

"Yeah, he is. He tolerates my moody shit though."

"You're a girl. Is there anything else we poor X-Y chromosomes can do?"

**Yes. I know this chapter is a fail. I'm trying.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hi, guys. It's been so long. Too long, in fact. My first semester almost killed me but alas, I survived! Yay me! Twas hard. Very hard. Almost thought I wouldn't be able to finish this story but I did. I've had the most insane 2012 ever and I am such a changed person. Hopefully, I'll only grow to be a better and better person and writer. I hope the same for all my lovely readers. Missed you guys so much and I felt like I was failing you all those months that I was unable to write. Hope you enjoy what I've got in store for you.**

When I got home, mom was taking dinner out of the oven. Lasagne. I couldn't help but remember Robin and the first time he had dinner at our house. My lips curved into a smile before I could even think about it.

"Need help with anything?" I asked her.

"No. Just going to give this a few minutes to cool and solidify. How was training?"

"Great. Hey, mom, we need to talk."

She stared at me for a moment with anticipation in her eyes. "I'm extremely curious. What can I do for you?"

"Well...I'm sure before I tell you that you already know."

"So it's about your mood having improved largely."

I sighed. "See? You do already know."

"I might have an idea but I still need to hear everything from you."

I nodded. "So, we're going to have dinner again."

She glanced at me. "Somehow I suspect that your father isn't going to be too thrilled about that. Go on."

I took a breath, exhaled. "So I finally got my explanation why I was just so suddenly dumped."

"Tell me."

"He was falling in love with me. And it scared him. He's not used to feeling not in control of himself. He was scared and his first impulse was to run. So he did." I pulled the necklace from under my clothes and showed it to her, then spun it around to reveal the robin that was at my back. "After New Years, the day I came home crying, while I was at the base, he explained everything to me and begged for me to take him back."

"So if you two got back together then, why were you crying when you came home? There's more to this story, isn't there?"

I nodded. "I rejected him."

Her face erupted into surprise. "You _did_? Wow. Why? Didn't you say you loved him?"

"Yeah, but at that time I thought that if he hadn't trusted me with his fear in the first place, I had no guarantee that he would trust me this time around. I was conflicted, happy and in pain and it was all too much and I was just crying uncontrollably.

"But then he did something I totally wasn't expecting him to do. He came into my room when I had barricaded myself in there. He came and he started telling me secrets that he hadn't told anyone else on the team besides his best pal, Wally. He actually showed me how willing he was to trust me with himself. He did all that just to get me to _consider_ taking him back."

"And after all that he was willing to give, you couldn't let him go, could you?"

"His words had stopped being just words at that point. They started being the reality. He had followed through with what he had promised. He proved that he did love me and that I was important to him and that he did trust me. I couldn't let him go, not when I wanted him as mine for so long. And now he is. He's as much mine as I am his."

Mom sighed, paused her salad tossing for a moment before continuing. "I don't know if I should be thrilled for you or if I should be worried that my fifteen year old daughter is telling me that she belongs to a boy." She stopped tossing the salad, looked at the cupboard in front of her and laughed. Her eyes came to me. "You really do love him, don't you?" I nodded. "I know your type. You hate being branded as someone's property, of being controlled. For you to call yourself his, you must really, really love him and trust him to treat you right." She smiled at me widely. "I don't think there's anyone who will be as good to you as he will. Besides Jason, anyway. Despite all that's happened, I still know that Robin is a wonderful person, a true jewel. I hope you can be as lucky as I was to marry your first love."

"Thanks, mom. I hope so, too. If you ask me, your marriage with dad is the greatest one I've ever seen and I pray for that kind of happiness in my future."

"So when's he coming for dinner?"

"When's good?"

"How about the day after tomorrow?"

"Let me ask." I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text.

**You good for dinner **

**day after tomorrow?**

_Absolutely. Seven?_

**Sounds like a date.**

_You bet it is. Love you._

**Love you more.**

_Let's not start this, shall we?_

**You could just accede.**

_We both know I don't like to _

_lose._

"Okay, I'm positive that all that texting isn't necessary to get just one answer," mom said, pulling my attention back to the present and to her.

I laughed. "He says yes. He'll come for seven."

"Wonderful. And I'm assuming Tanya doesn't know yet?"

I cringed. "Oh, crap, she's going to shriek and kill me. And I'm going to have to repeat this entire long story all over again."

She laughed. "That's really what's bugging you, isn't it? Having to tell this story again."

I smiled. "Well, I don't think she'll be too mad. She'll be too busy going soft that he redeemed himself. And that he loves me."

"I'm happy for you, baby. Really."

"Thanks, mom. You know your approval means a lot to me."

"Your dad's the one you have to watch out for. And January."

"I suppose I shall have to explain everything to them before dinner so they understand exactly what's going on and how I feel."

"That would be wise. Anyway, let's have our last dinner with Lay and Jase before they have to go."

This time when I watched Jason go with his mother, I wasn't sad, depressed, worried or unhappy. I was happy. This was a good sign. They would return and when they did, everything would be amazing. All of the pieces of my life would just come together to make a picture that couldn't be more perfect if I had orchestrated what was to happen myself. I thought to myself that it was small miracles like these that kept me from doubting God.

Life wasn't about having only good things happen all the time. Crap was going to happen but without it, one would never be able to find out who they were and who they wanted to be. It was this and whether a person chose to dote on the good or the bad that had happened that determined the character of a person. And, right about now, I was pretty happy with my character.

When I got home, I was humming a song that was on the radio. I opened the door to my room and found Robin lounging comfortably on my bed. Instead of being freaked out, weirded out, confused or panicky, I smiled and closed the door behind me. He smiled back at me coolly.

"You know I've got to change, right?" I said.

"Hi to you, too."

I chuckled. "Not that I don't trust you or anything, but I'm going to go change in the bathroom. I'll be right back. Stay put."

"Stay put? I could get caught."

"Didn't you think of that before you started getting comfy on my bed?"

He shrugged. "I couldn't think of much besides you."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, stop it."

"Do you really want me to?"

I smiled at him for a moment, not planning to answer him and then went to put my shoes away and dig in my drawer for a pair of shorts, a sports bra and an oversized tee-shirt.

"Stay put," I told him again before going to the bathroom. I was out again in less than a minute. I must admit that I was rushing to some degree because I knew he was there waiting for me. I pulled the elastic band from my hair, knowing he liked my hair out, and ran a hand through it twice and then caught myself and started laughing. It was odd. Where had this behaviour come from?

I walked back to my room calmly, ensuring that the door was closed and locked behind me and then went to hang my clothes back into my wardrobe. After everything was away, I crawled onto my bed and he enfolded me into his embrace as I went to rest my back against his chest. I reached up and pulled the shades from his eyes. The brilliant blue orbs stared down at me with the tenderest expression. The light colour shimmered though the room was semi-dark, seeming to seek and capture whatever light there was in the room to illuminate and aggrandise itself. Just as they sought and captured me.

His fingers were combing through the strands of hair nearest to it as we just stared into each other's eyes. I could feel the kiss looming, inevitable, but I was enjoying the moment of just looking deep into his eyes and having them focused on me in turn. When we both seemed to not be able to take it anymore, we both started shortening the distance between our lips, our eyelids closing as we made the journey. But even when they met, he spent a moment gliding his lips over mine, the warmth of his breath causing them to tingle slightly in anticipation. Then finally his lips parted and moulded more firmly to mine. My eyes closed completely, not having been more than just slits.

As per the usual, he started off softly at first, barely more than touch, lips just barely parted. But after a few seconds of his soft, sweet kiss, his lips parted wider, his kiss growing deeper and needier and I met his kiss to satisfy it.

"Hm," I said as the kiss was broken.

"What?"

"I was just wondering if you'd been kissing Zatanna like this?"

"Okay, first off, 'been kissing' are the wrong words to use. We only kissed once. Just once. And, second, I don't think I could ever kiss anyone but you this way. Kissing you is special."

Naturally, I couldn't help but have doubts. I pushed them down and just chose to enjoy his company.

"So, what exactly are you doing here?"

"Hanging out with my girlfriend. I figured with Jason gone, I could have you all to myself. And I thought you might need someone to fill the void."

I smirked at him. "Need you? What gave you that impression?" He looked at me with those intense blue eyes and I found that I couldn't hold my joke against him. "I guess I already gave myself away, didn't I?"

He shrugged. "I like being needed. And loved. It fills a certain kind of void in me."

I realised that he must have been talking about the one that his parents had left behind. I took his hand and squeezed it.

"I think they're looking down on you and are pretty pleased with how things turned out. If it hadn't, you wouldn't be the wonderful, amazing, awe-inspiring and marvellous person that you are today."

He smiled at me. "Thanks." He kissed me briefly. "So, are you free for dinner tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?"

"Too soon?"

"No, no, not at all. It's just...I thought maybe Mr. Wayne would have taken some more time to wrap his head around everything."

He snickered. "Mr. Wayne? Must you be so formal?"

"Rich, I don't know the guy."

He was silent for a moment, just staring at me and smiling lightly.

"What?" I asked.

"I like hearing you say my name. My real name, that is. Even if you just shortened it. Say it again." I fought against the urge to roll my eyes but only because the annoyance was trying to overshadow the embarrassment. "Please?" That mildly pleading look on his face was weakening my unwillingness to comply out of embarrassment. Really, there should have been none but I'd read too many romance novels in my lifetime. The concept of repeating someone's name over and over resonated with the thought of something else. Hence the embarrassment.

I turned my face away so that I didn't have to see his look. Big mistake. He poked at my ribs and then it dawned on him in a split second that I wasn't ticklish in that spot. He poked a little harder and I squirmed uncomfortably.

"What are you doing?"

"Just say it." He kept poking me until I squirmed away from him, my head landing on the bed.

"Richard! Stop it!" I exclaimed, trying not to laugh as he all but assaulted me with his fingers. He was laughing, seemingly having the time of his life. He stopped and seconds later, his mouth was back to mine as he hovered over me.

Something felt different about the way we kissed now. Perhaps it was just me. Somehow it felt as if the kiss were realer than ever because he no longer had anything to hide. It felt like he was no longer holding back anything from me, but he was giving his all, his everything.

I breathed his name as he pulled back, coming to look into my eyes from above me. He smiled. He sat back up and he helped me to get into a similar position.

"You know, I really like kissing you," he mentioned. I smiled back. I looked down and noticed that his shoes were off. It seemed that he remembered my rules. "Maybe we could get together and I could do nothing but kiss you for my birthday."

My smile remained but changed when my forehead wrinkled. "Ugh, there's so much I still don't know about you. When _is_ your birthday?"

He picked up my hands and kissed them. "There's much _we_ don't know about each other. And it's March twentieth."

"March twentieth. I can remember that. Just to make sure, I'll put a reminder on my phone."

"Will you call me at midnight?"

I scoffed. "No, I sleep at midnight."

"Oh, come on, not even because it's me?" The pleading look was back. I wanted to smack him for using underhanded tactics.

I rolled my eyes. "I swear, when it comes to persuading people, you've got all the deadly weapons."

"What do you mean?"

"You come to ask me to take you back, you bargain with your identity. You want me to say your name, you irritate me until I do. You want me to call you at midnight and you flash me that quiet, adorable, beautiful begging look. How am I supposed to say no to that? You're a dirty fighter, you hear me."

"Well, you know, there are other ways to get you to say my na—" My hand in his face, pushing it back, stopped him before he could complete the sentence. He laughed.

"Had to read my mind, didn't you?"

He shrugged. "Seems to be a habit when I'm around you."

"Well, if I had to choose someone to be in my head..."

"Hey, maybe we can have a sleepover for my birthday."

"The team?"

"I was thinking more like you and me."

"You're actually going to make me ask my mom if you can spend the night here?"

"I meant at my place. At the manor."

I got speechless immediately. In my mind, I could see myself getting lost in his gigantic castle of a house and having to walk half a mile just to get to my room. I knew that was exaggerating it a bit too much, but my mind couldn't help it. "Oh. Wow. Would they allow that?"

He shrugged. "I could ask. Obviously we can't be in the same room but we've got lots of space and I don't think Bruce or Alfred would be too miffed by the idea. Not like Bruce doesn't have the occasional lady friend over."

"That's different. You're going to be fifteen. He's...older. Much older. And while I'm not condoning his practices, I'm just saying. It's different."

"I'll still ask."

"If it's what you want."

"You don't want to?"

"I never said that. I think it sounds like it would be fun. Awkward at first, but fun, sure."

"Awkward?"

"Do you know when was the last time I spent the night at a billionaire's mansion with his adopted son and his butler? Never!"

He chuckled. "You're such a nervous worrywart. Relax. I won't leave your side until you send me away. Promise. And Alfred and Bruce aren't such bad guys. They're really great."

"They won't put me out if I use the wrong fork?"

He chuckled, picked my hands up again and kissed them. "As if you're worried about _that_."

"Oh, speaking of, I should ask my mom if I can come to dinner tomorrow."

"You can ask her when I leave. Right now you've got to stay here and spend your time with me."

I smiled. "Okay. If you insist."

"I do. I really do." I noticed when his smile shrank infinitesimally and took on a graver look, like he was trying to hide the tide of emotions licking at him. "And the next time I've got to have you with me is for my parents' death anniversary."

Though my hands were still in his, I closed them around his meaningfully for a moment before I put my arms around him and drew him into a tight, close hug.

"And when is that?" I breathed after several long seconds of silently holding each other.

"June twenty-seventh."

"I'm so sorry, Richard."

"I think about them every day. I miss them. I miss the Haly's Circus days. I miss being a normal kid."

"You can't miss that, Richard. You were never a normal kid to begin with. A kid acrobat is kind of extraordinary."

He chuckled slightly then remained silently in my arms for a few more seconds. "I miss those things but there are others that I'm really thankful for. For my new family. All three of them, if I consider the team and yours. For my great friends. For all the amazing opportunities that I've been granted. And," he brushed his cheek against mine, "for the love of an amazing girl. And when I think about how great things are now, how truly lucky I am, it makes some of the pain go away because I know if I hadn't lost all that, I couldn't have found all of this."

I gave him a tight squeeze. However, thinking of loss and maturity, I couldn't help it when my mind wandered off to someone else.

I let go of him for a second but only so I could make my way onto his lap. Once I was seated there, I placed my arms back around him just as tightly as before.

"Rich, can we talk about Zatanna?"

His embrace slackened and he looked at me. "What about her?"

"What are you now? You and her."

"Hy, you don't need to be worried about—"

"No, no, I know you're mine. I mean, I hope you two are still going to be friends. In fact, I hope you two become really close."

"I don't think I'm following you."

"Okay, so I know she was kind of falling for you and it will be kind of next to impossible not to fall in love with you when you're always around when she needs someone to talk to. I know it was hell trying to stop myself from falling even more and more for you when I was trying to ignore it." I felt his hands fist at my back at the painful memory. I shook my head. "Not important. Anyway, I think she could really use someone who can really sympathise with her because they know what it's like to lose everything and have to build back their life from scratch. Now I know it might be too much to ask of you if losing your parents is still a raw wound but I just thought that, if it's not, you'd be a good friend for her to have right about now. She needs someone who doesn't just sympathise but someone who understands. None of the rest of us can because we don't really know what it's like. You, however, do. And you're strong and amazing and beautiful despite all of that. She could really use an ear and someone to help teach her how to survive. Someone to remind her that her pain doesn't make her alone, that she still has people who love and care about her."

He was very silent for almost more than a minute. I wondered what he was thinking, if I had said too much.

Then his hand started to softly stroke my back. "You really put me up on a pedestal, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do. You freaking hurt me and I_ still_ thought you were the most wonderful and amazing person on the planet."

"I'm sorry. I love you. You're my world. _Never_ forget that."

I rubbed my cheek against his shoulder. "I'm sorry that I keep bringing that up. Our breakup. It's not like I'm trying to use it against you or anything. I just think it's an important thing to remember. We both learnt some very...key things."

"No, it's okay. I agree. I just still feel like there's a lot I haven't made up for. That I'll never make up for. Things that were so severe that I don't know how or if you'll ever be able to completely forgive or forget them."

"Don't make me hit you."

He chuckled. "I deserve it but why exactly are you intending to hit me?"

"Because you're being stupid. I already forgave you the moment you came through the window as Richard Grayson as a way to try to convince me of how important I really am to you. You're freaking Robin of the Dynamic Duo. You're not supposed to let _anyone_ hit you, not even your girlfriend. You're supposed to fight back. I'm not okay with you not fighting back."

"You're right." He poked me in the ribs again, I slapped his back.

"Okay, now you're pushing it."

He chuckled. "But you prefer it this way, don't you?"

"I prefer us being ourselves around each other."

"Can't argue with that."

I released him and got off of his lap. I was probably cutting off his circulation and I wanted to have the chance to look at him. Now that I had the chance to actually look straight into his face, _his_ face and not just Robin's, and into those beautifully enchanting eyes, I would take it. I would drink it in like a man who'd crossed the desert drank water at an oasis.

He shifted on my bed and went to sit with his back against the headboard. I had the compulsion to lie down so I did, with my head on his lap. He didn't mind or question it. His eyebrow didn't so much as twitch in question. He just started stroking my hair as if us being like this was the most normal thing in the world. I smiled. For me, being with him felt like the most normal thing in the world. I didn't get too nervous around him, I didn't stumble or fumble. I just wanted to share everything in my head and my life with him and I knew no matter the topic, once I started talking, he would listen and he would want to hear what I had to say, want to talk about what I talking.

He had awfully nice skin, I noticed from where I was. It was smooth and creamy. He didn't seem to have any scars on his face. I wondered if the scars were under his clothes or on his heart. I wondered if he would share them with me if they still hurt or if he'd put most of his demons to rest so that he wouldn't need to discuss them with me.

"What ya thinking?" he asked.

I chuckled. "I swear I thought that was something that only happened in romance novels."

"What?"

"A guy asking a girl what she's thinking."

"Well, it interests us occasionally. I know usually you'll just tell me what you're thinking but you were pretty silent just now, which is by all means weird." I chuckled and he smiled good-naturedly at me. "What were you thinking about?"

"How nice your skin is. How easy it is for me to be around you and talk to you. You know, that kind of stuff."

"Thank you about the skin comment. And ditto for the easy-to-be-around-me comment. When we were dating before, sometimes I used to worry about being too comfortable around you, that something would slip out, something incriminating. You remember our date in the park, the one where some guy tried to rob us at the end of it but we ended up tying him to a tree instead?" I nodded. "I almost said my real name to you there. We were talking about how I felt like it's unfair to be dating you like this, like you'd only be dating half a man. I almost told you my real name because I was just so comfortable telling you things. I think that was part of what scared me so much. I trusted you more than I trusted a lot of people. You made me comfortable to my core. And I loved you. You had more power than you even realised."

"I'm sorry I scared you."

"Don't apologise. Now that I embrace it, it's the greatest thing I've ever felt."

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

"But, since you mentioned that we still had to get to know each other more, let's get to know each other."

"What do you want to know?"

"Hm." He pondered for a few moments. "Who's your favourite author?"

"Hm, well, I recently discovered that I like _Chaucer's_ poetry, but if we're talking strictly prose fiction authors, then I'd have to say _Nora Roberts_. I have a secret addiction to romance novels and hers just blow me away. She has this trilogy that I've read like three times because it's just that amazing. There are a few other authors that I like a lot, too. _Scott Westerfeld_ and his wife, _Justine Larbalastier_. _Christopher Paolini_. Oh, and _Becca Fitzpatrick_."

"I have no idea who half those people are. Except _Chaucer _and_ Roberts_. She wrote the 'MacGregors' series, right?"

"Yeah."

"I started one but I never got to finish it. It was going pretty good."

"Should I tell you what happens or should I just send you out my window later with all of them?"

"You have them?"

"I hate borrowing books so I try to just buy them. When I'm dirt broke and don't want to ask mom to buy me new books, then I borrow from the library. I don't have all of her books but I have quite a few. The whole 'MacGregors' series. Her 'Key' trilogy. I didn't have space on my bookshelf for them so they're on mom's. The bookshelf in her room is bigger and half the books on it are mine." He chuckled. "So, who are your favourites?"

"_Cervantes_,_ James Patterson_,_ Tom Clancy_."

"Ah. I know who they are. Most of the books I read are the sappy romantic stuff."

"Well, I'm not totally put off by sap. We should exchange books some time. Preferably not when I'm exiting through your window."

I laughed. "Sounds nice."

"I love how interesting you are. You're a super-heroine who designs clothes and makes them, loves to read and has a personality that rocks just about everyone's world."

I snickered. "Who puts who on a pedestal now?"

"Maybe that's the perfect thing. We both think so highly of each other so we understand what we'd be giving up if we ever let the other go."

"You're pretty interesting yourself, Mr. Half-Of-The-Dynamic-Duo. So, Mathlete, huh?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty good with Math."

"That's great 'cause I hate it."

"Lots of people do. You don't think the Mathlete thing is nerdy and disgraceful?"

"Knowledge is sexy, especially when it comes in your kind of package. I can see now why so many women throw themselves at the feet of Mr. Wayne, too."

"Geez, would you just call him Bruce?"

"I'll call him Bruce when we get to know each other and when he insists it. Hm, I wonder what you look like in your uniform."

"Oh, I can show you." He pulled his phone out of his pocket and pulled up a picture. I burst into laughter when I saw the tie and the slicked back hair. "Oh, geez, that's funny." I passed back the phone, then reached up and ran my fingers through his hair. "Oh, sweetie, I like your hair just the way it is now."

He shrugged. "The ward of Bruce Wayne has to go out looking slick. Anyway, it serves its purpose. Artemis didn't recognise me, not even slightly."

"You guys go to school together?"

"Yeah, she's there on scholarship. The first day she came in, I took a picture with her and told her, 'Someday we'll laugh about this'."

I shook my head with a smile. "It's hilarious when you think about it. I wonder if she'll feel the same way, you know, since you know everything about her but the rest of them still know nothing about you."

"Wally knows and you know. I'd say that's a lot of people already. Besides, you can understand why Batman makes me keep my identity a secret.

I nodded. "Yeah, I get it. If the world wasn't such a screwy place, it wouldn't be necessary."

"But it is, so it is." His hands stilled on my hair for a second but then went back to stroking my hair. "So, did you tell Tanya yet?"

"About us? No. Actually, I'm wondering how I should broach the topic and when I should tell her."

"I have a good idea."

"Yeah?"

"You could arrange to go to Mel's after training and then I'll come by and I'll kiss you."

"You like having your head? Because I like having mine. Trust me, I think I'm going to have to handle this alone. When she sees how love-struck and happy I am, just like Jason did, she won't be able to argue. Then I'll show her the necklace and she'll absolutely melt."

"I'd hate to leave you to face the firing squad alone."

"I've faced it before. I waited a month to tell her that we broke up and she nearly yelled me out of existence."

"You didn't tell her for a whole month?"

"I wasn't planning on telling anybody. I didn't want to talk about it or think about it. Saying it out loud would have been like reminding myself that I'd been thrown away. It hurt enough when I wasn't talking about it; I didn't think I could stand it if I hurt any more." He opened his mouth as if to apologise but I raised a hand to cut him off. "Don't even apologise."

He nodded reluctantly. "Maybe she'll be happy for you."

"She will be. When she understands how deep we're both in this now, she'll be happy for me."

We were both silent for a few moments, savouring the company and trying to think of something to say. His hands continued to stroke at my hair and mine just lay across my stomach.

"So. Dinner tomorrow and the day after."

"Yeah. What should I wear tomorrow?"

"Clothes are a good idea."

I snickered. "You don't say. A mode of dress would be more helpful." He grinned at me and I rolled my eyes. "I'll just go classy casual, just to be safe. Will we Zeta to Gotham from The Cave?"

"That's the plan."

"I should go ask my mother if I can even go."

"Later. I think you should stay here and kiss me more."

I chuckled. "I wouldn't want to spoil you."

"Oh, come on. Please."

I chuckled, put one finger in the air. "One kiss."

I sat up and turned to him and his mouth captured mine immediately. I could feel the joy and the warmth shooting through my veins faster than blood making its way through my system. Before I could get too caught up in the kiss, I started pulling away.

"Just a little more," he insisted before pulling my lips back to his. This time he was more urgent and I could feel myself getting pulled into him, getting ensnared in the feel of his lips on mine. He tried to pull away this time but I fused our mouths back together. He chuckled but the chuckle died when I pressed my lips more firmly to his. After a few more moments like this, he started to pull back but I didn't stop him this time.

He ran his fingers along the line of my jaw and pressed a light kiss to my lips. I smiled at him when he looked back at me.

"I should probably get home," he said.

"Yeah, you should. It's getting pretty late."

"I want to stay here for a few more hours."

"I'd love to keep you but your guardian and butler may not like that idea very much."

He sighed. I pressed a kiss to his mouth.

"I think you're going to have to kick me out of your bed. I really, really don't feel like leaving."

"I don't think I'd ever kick you out of bed, under any circumstances."

He laughed. "Perv." He laid one last kiss to my lips and then forced himself from his spot.

I followed him off the bed and we got caught up in one last kiss before he started for the window.

"Be safe," I told him.

"I love you," he responded before leaping out the window.

I took a few minutes to calm myself before I went outside to mom who was watching TV with dad and January.

"Um, hey, mom. I have to ask you something," I started.

"And it makes you nervous. This will be interesting."

"Okay, I should just fill in Jani and dad before I start anyway. Guys, Robin and I are back together."

"What?" Jani exclaimed.

Dad crossed his legs and folded his arms. "Hm." The almost blank expression on his face, apart from the uptight posture, was the clear indicator that he already wasn't liking what he was hearing.

"Hyacinth, how could you? Didn't he break your heart or something?" Jani shrieked.

"Okay, calm down for a moment. At the rate you're going, I won't be able to handle Tan screaming at me, too, when I get around to telling her. She half killed me when I told her that Robin and I broke up."

"Explain this to us, Hy. January's right. After how he's treated you, how could you possibly take him back?"

I exhaled. I knew it wouldn't be easy to convince them to like him again, as they used to, but if I couldn't do that, for the very least, I had to make them trust my judgement. If they all collectively disagreed, it would hurt me to be with him but I was certain that that wouldn't be enough for me to let him go. I had lost him once; I wasn't going to let anyone separate us again so long as I could help it.

I told them the same story I'd told mom, telling them everything that had happened after I had come home in tears and explaining what he had done without explicitly revealing what he had told me, like I had done with mom and Jason. They both stared at me for the duration of the explanation but dad's expression had remained the same throughout, a kind of quiet calculation and intense speculation.

"Look, I know it seems like maybe I shouldn't have given in to him so quickly but, the thing is, he's done more than make promises and say he's sorry. He's proven how far he's willing to go to make things better and make things work this time around."

"Do you love him?" dad asked.

"Yeah, dad. I do. And I think it's the kind of love that lasts forever."

He continued to watch me speculatively, then shrugged and gave a tight smile. "It's hard to let go of you so soon, but I know I have to—you stopped being ours completely the moment you fell in love."

"No, dad. Don't be like that. I'm still your little girl. I just…have someone that I'd like to share you guys with. He could use another family. _Everyone_ could use you guys as family."

"Ah, yes, well, we already consider him one of ours, even if we were a little mad at him for just dumping you like that. But, that wasn't what you wanted to discuss, was it?" mom said.

"Not all of it. Oh, by the way, dad, Jani, he's coming to dinner the day after tomorrow." January rolled her eyes and dad uncrossed his legs with a shrug. "But, what I really came to ask was…" I exhaled. "Can I go have dinner with him in Gotham City tomorrow after training?"

January's eyes nearly fell out of her head with the way she was gawking at me. Mom looked like she was holding a laugh, completely entertained by the whole thing. Dad looked…a little bit worried.

"Gotham?" he asked.

"Remember, he's from there."

"Is the dinner going to be just you and him?"

"No. He's got a few people that he wants me to meet. People that are important to him. People that he wants me to know because they're a big part of his life, just like I am."

"Like a meet-the-parents sort of thing?" Jani asked.

"Yes, like that."

"I don't know…" dad said, sceptical.

"Oh, come on, dad. I'll be safe. And I promise, I'll be home before eleven."

"Eleven? Isn't it just dinner you're going to?"

"We might hang out for a bit after, I dunno."

"Har?" dad asked, eyes to her.

"I think she should go," mom answered.

"Har," dad said with a dry expression. "I was kind of expecting you to be a little more sceptical about this and to not agree right away."

"And why should I?" she asked. "She's a good girl and I trust her. I also trust him. I trust _them_ not to get into any kind of trouble. This is important for both of them, Sheridan. He's trying to prove how important she is by having her meet people who are important to him, just like how she introduced him to us because we're important to her. It's not for us to get in the way of this. I'd rather be supportive than drive her away with heavy criticism and scepticism."

"So you're okay with it just so that she won't do things behind our backs?"

"We raised a better child than that, Sheridan. Like I said before, I trust them and I trust us and what we've taught her. One evening in Gotham City shouldn't be a problem, and if it is, I know the two of them are capable and can handle themselves. I'm sure Batman will have their backs as well."

He sighed. By now, there was a frown on my face because of how differently the both of them seemed to feel about the issue.

"You're taking this a lot better than I am, Harlene."

"I know you're just traumatised by how sudden all of this feels. We haven't lost her, Sher. She's still ours."

"See, this is why I married you. So you can be strong when I'm not able to." He smiled at her before his eyes came back to me. "Call us when you get there. Call us when you're on your way back."

"And we want details. Not really the who, because I doubt you'll be able to tell us that, but the where and the what," mom added.

I smiled. "You want to know something? I hope someday we can be as happy with each as the both of you are."

"We hope so for you, too, sweetheart," dad said. "We hope so, too."

"Just one thing," Jani said. "Can I yell at him a little before dinner for breaking your heart?"

"Yes," mom answered before I could open my mouth. "Yes, you can. And your dad can threaten him again. And I…I'll just watch it all go down." Her lips curved into a smile that didn't seem completely amiable. Something told me that she had been harbouring a bit of a thirst for vengeance, hidden behind that smile and those sweet encouraging words. Perhaps, I wasn't the only one who had been hurt by our breakup.

Later that night, when I was about to retire for the night, I grabbed my phone to inform him of what was going down.

**See you for dinner tomorrow.**

_I'm totally glad that you get_

_to come. You'd have hated to_

_miss out on dinner. Alfred's_

_cooking is to die for._

**You're trying to tempt me,**

**aren't you?**

_Maybe. I'm just glad you'll_

_be here, with all the other_

_people that I love._

**I'm glad you invited me.**

_I love you. I'll always want_

_you where I am._

**To quote you like a billion**

**years ago, even the bathroom?**

**;)**

_Perv, lol. No comment._

**Alright. I'm done teasing you.**

**Goodnight.**

_Wait. You forgot to tell me_

_something._

**I love you. Goodnight and **

**sweet dreams. Lol.**

_Much better, thank you._

_Goodnight, sweet dreams._

_Of me._

**Of course. Now go to sleep.**

Just as I shut the phone, it began to ring. I looked at the number and smiled. Apparently, I wasn't yet allowed to go to bed.

"Hi, Jason."

"Miss me yet?"

"Totally."

**Merry Christmas! Also, I know March 20****th**** is not the Earth-16 date for his birthday but I only found that out too late.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Happy Kwanza, etc. etc. etc. Hope everyone's having a great, restful, foodful time and that you're enjoying things thus far.**

**We need to talk.**

The first thing I did when I rolled off the bed was text Tanya. A delicate issue such as this was better dealt with like a plaster—quickly and in one go.

_Wats the deal?_

**Have to talk to you in**

**person. Meet me at the mall?**

_Sure. 9?_

**Yeah. See you there.**

I thought I was lucky that I still had my head when I walked into Mount Justice that afternoon. Training had already started so I made my way to get changed and then joined the team. Canary was working on teaching Zatanna how to parry close range attacks in case she didn't have time to utter a spell to counter it. It was sad to see someone like her having to be sullied by having to embrace violence but I also knew that, in our line of work, it was necessary.

After training, I changed and found the team sitting on the couches, watching something on TV.

"What's up?" I asked, going to the available seat next to Conner. Rob and I had an hour or two before we had to leave so I could afford to sit and talk for a moment or so.

"Maybe we should be asking you that. Your face looked…tense when you came in," Robin said.

"I was marvelling at the fact that I still had a fully functioning head."

He stared at me for a while before his forehead wrinkled. "You've lost me. Back up a little."

"I went to tell Tanya today that we're back together."

Of course, when I said those words, the eyes of the others very indiscreetly fell to me. I chuckled.

"Ooh. Sounds like it was nasty," Robin commented.

"Nasty? Wouldn't she be happy for you?" Zatanna asked.

I bit my lip and exhaled before I answered her. "Well, yeah, but when she found out that I had been hit with the "let's be friends" line, she was bordering on homicidal maniac. Actually, that was the night of the Halloween party at Megan's school. It came up when we happened to see you and Robin together walking around."

I chuckled, remembering how livid she was that night and all the names she wanted to call Zatanna besides the one her parents had given her.

"Homicidal maniac? But Tanya looks so tame," Wally commented.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "She's got you guys fooled."

"She has violent tendencies?"

"She has passionate tendencies, is what she has. She's crazy and does what her emotions tell her. And, let me tell you, as a dancer, she's got some pretty strong emotions." I sighed. "Boy, oh boy, that night…"

"So," Robin interjected, "what exactly happened?"

I got comfy, knowing that I was about to go into story mode. "Alright, so, I got up this morning and texted Tan to tell her that we needed to talk and to tell her to meet me at the mall. Never do that, guys. Never tell your friends to meet you in a very public place when you have to tell them something that could go either really, really well or really, really badly.

"Anyway, so she meets me at like ten and, of course, her trusty, good, old-faithful boyfriend, Stephen, is there with her. I tried to preface the meeting with some pleasantries but she told me to cut right to the chase so I did. I told her that Robin and I were back together and she freaked. She shrieked. She asked me if I was out of my f-ing mind. 'Cept she didn't censor."

"I didn't think she cursed," Robin commented.

"Influences."

Robin's frown was very deep. "Your language isn't quite that bad."

I gave him a look that was somewhere between futility and exasperation. "For argument's sake, let's say it isn't." I shook my head. "So not the point though. Anyway, moving along, she had successfully started making a scene and I instantly regretted making the mall our rendezvous point. Being in public did not control or contain her reaction.

"Stephen managed to calm her down a few degrees but she was absolutely livid. She continued to ask me how I could do something so stupid and why I would take back a…someone like you."

"You hesitated. What did she say about me?" Robin asked.

I shook my head. "Nah, I can't repeat those words. Not here and not to you guys. Or, you know, at all. I shouldn't repeat words such as those. Moving along though, she rants for a few moments until Stephen clamps a hand over her mouth. She bites him, trying to get him to move his hand but he holds it there and very calmly asks for an explanation. I thanked him for it and I gave them the safe version, the one that doesn't detail heroics and whatever. By the time I was done, Tanya had grown very quiet. That was what worried me the most.

"After some pretty long seconds of silence, she 'aw'd really loudly, drawing attention to our table again. She was thrilled. She started saying how she knew we couldn't be apart for too long and all that stuff and I just pretty much ignored her as much as possible. Then I bought them ice cream and left before she could get too worked up again."

"Wow. Well, she sounds intense," Artemis commented.

I laughed at that. "Intense does not even begin to cover what Tanya is, but I suppose it will have to do." I turned my attention to Robin. "See why I told you that it was better if I told her alone?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Thanks for taking a bullet for me."

I offered him a smile. "No problem. Not much I wouldn't do for you—" I remembered where we were and who was around and stopped myself, even though it was already too late.

"Aw!" Megan started, hand to her heart. "That's so cute. And sweet."

I sighed. "That's exactly why this isn't the time or place." I shrugged. "Well, I'd probably take a bullet for all of you guys. I mean I did take a dart to the ass for Happy so…"

"Had to kill the moment, didn't you, Hy?" Robin said, shaking his head.

I smiled. "Of course. Don't want to give Meg and Conner any competition in the PDA department."

Zatanna snickered. "Emphasis on the 'public' in public displays of affection." Megan started blushing and Conner just looked away nervously.

I nudged him with an elbow. "Relax, Conner, we're just teasing. You can kiss your girlfriend where you feel like. Not like any of us are going to stop you." I turned my attention to Artemis. "So, what are we doing?"

"Well, we were just going to put on a movie. Any suggestions?" Artemis said.

"I've got a good idea," Wally said. "How about we have a little marathon of '_Hello, Megan'_?" Artemis slapped the back of his head and I smirked. They were going to be together forever.

"How about no, idiot," she responded to him.

"At least I made _a_ suggestion," Wally rebutted.

"Hy? Is there anything _you'd_ like to see?" Megan asked me.

"Nah. We should let the newbie's pick the movie. I'm not really staying long, anyway."

"Oh, are you going out this afternoon?" Zatanna asked.

"Yeah, actually."

Megan got super-excited. "Is it a date?"

I half-smirked and gave a quick glance in Robin's direction that I hoped that no one saw. "Not exactly."

"I'm taking her to dinner with some important people," Robin explained.

I threw my hands up in the air. So much for my attempts to keep at least some of our business to ourselves.

"Dude, you didn't invite _me_ to dinner today," Wally said.

"Sorry, pal. Other important people, besides you," Robin answered.

"Way to burn your best pal, Rob."

I rolled my eyes. "Bromances," I half-muttered. I turned my attention to Raquel and Zatanna who were seated next to each other. "Any suggestions for the movie?"

Raquel called a title, a comedy that was fairly new, and Megan started checking the on-demand lists for it. After a minute, she found it, started it and then headed to the kitchen to put some popcorn on.

While I was watching the movie, my mind wandered. First I was thinking about Happy. I wondered where he was and what he was doing now, given what he had come to know. I wondered what was going through his mind, if he was tortured and agonising over his newfound truths. I hoped he wasn't. Then, my mind skipped to the next archer on our team. I wondered how things were now that her dad was in jail. I wondered what it must be like to live with just her mother. I wondered if she felt unburdened now that her biggest secret had come to light.

Then I noticed Robin shift out of the corner on my eye and my mind shifted to him and the dinner that we had to leave to go to in about fifteen minutes. He'd told me that we were having dinner with Bruce Wayne and that the manor's butler, Alfred Pennyworth, would be preparing. I would have liked the four of us to have dinner together but it seemed like if things like that just didn't happen at Wayne Manor. From the sound of it, even though Alfred was such an important person in the household, he tried to keep himself in the role of butler.

I hadn't realised that I was staring at Robin until he actually smiled at me. I offered him a small smile back and then turned towards the TV. He had told me not to worry so I wasn't too worried. I knew I was in good hands but I still couldn't help but pray in my mind that his family would like me. Trying to be attired properly, I had chosen a wine coloured turtleneck with a pair of jeans that wasn't too tight and flat ankle boots. Of course, Jason's anklet was under my sock and Richard's necklace was under the collar, close to my heart and yet away from the curious eyes of other people and the scoping glances of people with ill intentions. The tiny robin was lying against my chest today and the heart was at my back. I pressed my fingers to my chest to feel the metal against my skin. Yes, he was mine. I couldn't have thought of a better way to have started off the New Year. The process to get to this point had been painful, excruciatingly so, but it meant that what we had now was purer, truer and more meaningful.

"Hy," Robin called softly.

I turned my eyes to him. "Time to go?" I mouthed to him. He nodded and, after another second, I stood.

"You are leaving now?" Kaldur asked.

"Yeah."

"But it's so early. It's only like four o' clock," Zatanna said. "Who has dinner at four o' clock?"

Robin chuckled. "We're going sight-seeing first."

"We are?" I asked.

"We are," he responded. I thought I could see a tender look from under his shades. For a moment, the look hit me straight in the heart and made thinking a little difficult.

"I…I didn't bring a camera with me."

"It's alright. It's not that kind of sight-seeing."

"Oh. Alright. Guess we better get going then."

"Yeah."

"Bye, guys," I said to my teammates. They all offered goodbyes and Robin waved as we started towards to Zeta tubes in the main atrium. Just as we entered the room, Batman entered from the Zeta.

I groaned. "No. Don't tell me we have a mission now," I lamented.

"You don't," Batman answered simply.

"Oh. So, why are you here?"

"Things to do." I looked up at the ceiling. Why had I ever expected a more explicit response from Batman?

"Of course. Well, see you around."

"You, uh, don't need me for anything, right?" Robin asked him.

"No. If I do, I'll call. Watch your backs, both of you," he replied.

"We will," Robin said, nodding. We walked over to the Zeta tube and Robin set the coordinates.

"Ladies first," he offered.

"Um. Since you know where we're going, maybe you should go first."

He chuckled. "Scared?"

"No. I just don't know where we're going and I'd rather that I don't end up with my foot in a ditch or something." He laughed but went on ahead as I'd suggested and I followed immediately after. We ended up in phone booth in an alley, and Robin took my hand immediately. I looked down and smiled at our joined hands and when I looked back up at him, his shades were off and away and I was looking into his beautiful blue eyes. I wanted to kiss him but I decided to choke down the sensation and give his hand a gentle squeeze instead.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Sure. Where to?" He just smiled at me, opened the door and started to lead me out of the alley and around the city. "Uh, Ro—Rich. Where are we going?"

"Don't sound so worried. You're in good hands."

"I know that but…"

"But nothing. Would you trust me a little?"

I exhaled. "I trust you entirely. I'm just extremely curious. Oh, I have to call my dad."

We didn't stop and I just made a quick call to tell him that we'd arrived in Gotham City and were making our way around.

Gotham City was huge. It was full of tall buildings and people. The whole city was bustling with activity like a true business centre. It had a distinct city smell, petrol, traffic, perfume, cologne, food and light breezes. Something about the city made the blood in my veins slightly excited.

"Oh, wow," I said to myself.

"Great, isn't it?" he asked from half a pace in front of me.

"It's certainly something…Something exciting."

As he continued to lead me to God alone knew where, I allowed my gaze to wander here and there, taking in the sights and the people. This was where Richard called home, this grand city. In a little more than an hour, I was going to meet one of the more important people of the city and have dinner with him. The whole situation was just weird and exhilarating. One minute I was heartbroken over a boy who, in the first place, wasn't just any ordinary boy. The next minute, not only was said boy crawling through my window, but he was barefaced. Said boy was Richard Grayson, ward of Bruce Wayne. Now I was going to meet him and have dinner across the table (or across the room depending on how long the table was) from him while I tried to appear as a good match for the boy he had taken in. A part of me couldn't help but wonder if Mr. Wayne would find something about me distasteful.

"Stop worrying. He's going to love you. They both will," Richard said to me, squeezing my hand. I hadn't even realised that we had stopped until his words had captured my attention and brought me out of my head and into the present time and place.

I sighed. "Stop reading my mind, Gray."

"Never."

I looked at the huge compound and structure before us. I was going to ask where we were when my eyes caught sight of the gold plaque next to the massive gates.

"Gotham Academy," I read.

"Yeah. This is where I go to school."

"Wow. Looks…huge."

"I'd show you around but the place is locked up for the holidays."

I snickered. "As if that would ever really stop you."

"Richard Grayson never does troublesome things. You must be talking about someone else." I couldn't help but laugh at that. "And now for our next stop."

We started walking quickly again, this time, I was at his side rather than half a pace behind him. I continued to take in the sights that Gotham City had to offer as we made our way around. Richard pointed out structures here and there. After about twenty minutes of walking, Richard and I came upon a grand church. As was the custom, I detached my right hand from his and made the Sign of the Cross in front of the structure and when I turned to Richard, he was smiling at me minutely.

"Beautiful church," I commented. I couldn't help but feel that there was a darker element to him having brought me here. Something about his minute smile and the imposing stature of the church made me think that us coming here would be a bittersweet visit. He nodded at me and then took my hand once more.

I noticed that when he took my hand this time, his grip was a little tighter, and I could feel a tiny bit of desperation in the act. It was like he was holding onto me to prevent himself from falling into something else, something that was melancholy and unhappy. Not wanting him to fall into any sort of sadness and wanting to remind him that I was by his side, now, forever if he so desired it, I gripped his hand with conviction. I lifted his hand to my lips and placed a soft kiss to it. He gave me a half smile and pressed a quick kiss to my lips. Though no words were exchanged between us, I knew that he was confirming what I'd already come to the conclusion of. He was telling me that this _was_ a bittersweet visit and that he was extremely thankful that I was there with him.

He started to lead me around the side of the church to a wide open space that was separated from the rest of the scape by ominous, grandiose, black wrought iron fencing. If I hadn't known before that the church was not to be the target of our visit, I would have known now. The various pieces of stone sticking out of the grassy, intermittently undulating land made my heart feel instantly heavy.

"Oh, my goodness," I whispered half to myself. It was a sort of lamentation, really. I didn't know how I would hold up throughout the experience.

Richard continued to lead me through the cemetery and I continued to follow him quietly while my heart was heavy as lead and threatening to force my eyes to fill. I blinked rapidly a few times to clear my eyes. This was not a time to cry. It was a time to realise exactly how much Richard was really showing to me.

After a couple more minutes of walking, he came to a stop in front of a relatively tall gravestone, one of the taller ones in the whole graveyard. I hadn't thought it possible, but when I read what was engraved on it, my heart sank even further.

"This," Richard said finally after he had been silent for so long, "is where my parents are buried. John and Mary Grayson. Gone…too soon."

I don't know if it was because I felt myself breaking down or if I knew he was breaking down as he said the words or if I knew we were both breaking down, but I pulled him into my embrace just as he'd finished his sentence. He received the hug and returned it with an intensity that told me that even after the perpetrators had been made to pay for what they had done and after he'd already had to live without them for so long, the pain was still alive, the wound still raw and the heart still broken over the loss of his whole world. I knew that even though the criminals had been made to pay, the price they paid could never be high enough. They had taken away the rest of two person's lives, destroyed a young boy's whole world, happiness and future and scarred him irreparably and, in exchange, they had to spend the rest of their lives in sub-par conditions, living an existence that would be less merciful than if they'd been executed. Without knowing who they were, I felt immense amounts of hate brewing for them. They didn't deserve to live for taking the lives of such good people and, yet, dying was too good a fate for them.

But that wasn't the issue now. I was in front of the gravestone of his parents. I had to do things the proper way.

After another minute or two of just holding him, I released the embrace and his arms fell away from me. I turned to the gravestone and knelt down before them.

"You don't have to—"

"Shh," I shushed him. I turned back to the gravestone and touched it with a finger. I smiled down at the stone. "Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Grayson. I'm Hyacinth, Richard's girlfriend, but you already knew that because I know you've been looking down on him from Heaven. It's the only way he could possibly do all those fancy stunts he does without breaking his ass—" I covered my mouth quickly with a hand. "Ah, sorry. So, yeah, I'm a little bit profane, but I can assure you, my good points outweigh my bad ones.

"You don't have to worry about him at all because I can tell that Bruce and Alfred take great care of him. You guys did a great job, too—he's amazing and I have every confidence that that's partly because of you guys. He's so strong and sweet and beautiful. I hope you're still beaming with pride at how he's turned out. I don't think he could be more perfect if he tried.

"You don't have to worry about me either. I'll watch over him as best I can and I'll be there for him as much as I can. He won't even be alone, I can promise you that. You can probably tell this by the way I talk about him, but I love him so much and I want to stay with him so much. He's such a rare, beautiful, spectacular gem and I think I'm far too selfish to ever want to let him go. Perhaps you can overlook my selfishness. My intentions are to make your son as happy as I can make him and to keep him company and to make sure he's got someone there for him when he needs a confidante. I'm so glad I finally got to meet you finally. We've talked about you and I really wanted to know what you were like. You were amazing. I can feel it. He's living proof of that. Thank you for bringing him into this world and thank you for shaping him into the gorgeous soul that he is.

"I'm so sorry he had to lose you. The only good thing is that there are so many people that love him now, so many that he'll never be alone. He'll always have family and friends. He's certainly part of my family. So, can I be part of yours? Can I call you 'mom' and 'dad'?"

I chuckled. "Anyway, it was so great getting to meet you. I promise I'll come see you again as soon as I can. Please continue watching over him. I know you will. Thank you. And see you soon."

I stood and when I turned, I noticed the melange of emotions on Richard's face. He was smiling yet looking pained and saddened and amazed and like he was about to cry all in one.

"What—

Before I could even finish my question, he swept me into his arms and kissed me deeply. I forgot immediately that we were in a cemetery and in front of his parents. I returned his kiss and savoured it the way I could only because I loved him. After a long and wonderful moment, he pulled back and looked at me, expression less mixed up and more easily identifiable this time. He was looking at me like I was the most precious gift he'd ever seen in his life.

He chuckled. "You are so crazy. You're talking to a grave, trying to talk to dead people and introducing yourself to them as if you were actually meeting my parents. You are crazy and wonderful and beautiful and…thank you, thank you for that. I love you. And I'm sure they do, too. I bet they'd be charmed if you called them 'mom' and 'dad'. I'm sure they love you, just like I do. Well, not just like I do. I don't think there are more than a few people who could love you like I do. Because I love you an awful lot."

I couldn't help but smile at him. Something about pain and love and honesty and raw emotion made for a heady combination. I felt so happy, so high.

"Let's go eat some dinner, shall we?"

"We shall." He took my hand and then turned back to his parents. "Bye, mom. Bye, dad. See you later." Then we began out of the cemetery.

"To Wayne Manor now?"

"Yeah. Although, let's catch a taxi. It's kind of far from here."

Just as he said the words, one came and we got in. As the car drove away from the cemetery, I rested my head on his shoulder and he rested his on mine.

The journey was longer than I had expected it to be and my mind wandered off. I began to wonder what was for dinner and how I should introduce myself to Alfred and Bruce. I wondered how often Richard visited his parents. I wondered if our relationship was far too serious for how young we were. I wondered if there was any chance that we could be together for the rest of our lives. I wondered if he loved me enough for us to last forever. I wondered if the future had other plans for us, if not far off was a tragedy waiting to rip us apart, leaving me to love someone I could not have for the second time (or possibly third, if you counted Jason) in my brief life. I wondered how I had gotten to such sombre thoughts and the answer came to me soon thereafter. Having been in the cemetery, I was confronted with the thoughts of how suddenly and how easily one could be separated from their loved ones. Often, we hurt ourselves in this way—we promised each other that we would be together forever as if we had any control over what happened or as if we had any idea what the duration of forever was.

Richard's fingers brushed at the hair close to my ear, pulling me from my thoughts and back to the cab and to him. I turned my gaze from out the window to his face. He regarded me with a small smile, a calm expression, one that you saw on a person's face after the torrent of emotion they were experiencing had subsided.

"Are you still nervous?" he asked.

"I think I might have been when I entered this taxi but then I started considering something else?"

"Care to share?"

"Not really. Well, I was thinking of how we made promises sometimes as if we had any semblance of control as to what happened."

"What brought that on?"

"The graveyard." I shook my head. "Don't worry about it. Life is about dealing. That's all we can really do."

"Here ya are," the cabbie said. I handed him a bill for both of us and nodded at the door for Richard to get out. The cabbie gave me the change and I slid out behind him. I knew he was going to protest about the fare so I stopped him before he got a chance to.

"Not a word of it. Just say thank you," I said pre-emptively.

He smirked and nodded. "Alright, fine, thank you."

We started making our way up to the house then. The incline of the driveway was kind of steep but the landscape of the property was simply to die for. The lawns and bushes were well manicured and I automatically began to feel like a pleb amongst royalty.

Before Richard could so much as knock on the front door, an elderly gentleman who seemed to be the butler was there opening it for us.

"Uh, thank you," I said, slightly mesmerised by just about everything.

"It is my pleasure," he butler said. His accent hinted at his origins. I wondered what had brought him to the US.

"Alfred," Richard said, "this is Hyacinth. Hyacinth, this is Alfred Pennyworth, our butler."

I held a hand out which he took and kissed. "Again, the pleasure is all mine," Alfred said.

I smiled. "I wouldn't say all yours since I feel similarly."

"As you say, miss." He turned his attention to Richard. "Master Bruce should be here shortly. He is returning from a meeting."

"Great timing. Well, we'll let you get back to the cooking. I'm going to give Hyacinth a little tour of the house."

"Certainly, Master Dick. Before the tour, can I get you some refreshments?" Richard turned to me, indicating that the question was really for me.

"Um, no thank you. I'm holding my appetite for dinner. Thank you anyway."

Alfred gave a small bow before retreating. Richard took my hand and smiled at me.

"He likes you. Ready for a tour around the house?"

"Sure, once I'm not going to get tested at the end. I doubt I could possibly remember where anything is."

He chuckled. "You can. The house isn't that confusing."

"Yes, says the person who's lived here for years."

He started to lead me around the house, our first stop being the dining room. He pointed out various rooms and I peered into some of them without going in. Certain rooms he just pointed out without opening doors to show me, like some of the bathrooms and the Bruce's bedroom. The Wayne Manor was filled with amazing artefacts and artworks and contained many rooms. I took note of the bathroom especially as I tried to draw a blueprint in my head of the manor.

"Want to see my room?" he asked.

"I'm not so much concerned with the room as the bed." He raised an eyebrow at me. "If yours is more comfortable than mine, we can switch houses." He laughed. "Just kidding. I like my room. And my home."

"I like your home, too, but you can't have my bed. It's really, really, _really_ comfortable." He opened the door to reveal his room which was neater than I ever would have expected. Then I remembered the butler. Of course a house with a butler would be spotless, especially one like Alfred. He seemed the picture of efficiency.

I resisted the temptation to jump onto his bed and just looked inside and then stepped back for him to close the door.

"You're not going in?" he asked.

"Nah. I should at least meet your guardian first to see if your room is off-limits or not."

He shrugged. "Alright."

He continued to take me through the house, my hand in his and, when we'd explored the length and breadth of the house, we returned to the sitting room to find Bruce standing there. His gaze turned to us upon entering and his face broke out into a small smile.

"Ah, you must be Hyacinth. Pleased to finally be meeting you. I'm Bruce but I'm sure you already knew this."

He was tall. Tall and broad. Tall and broad and gorgeous. No wonder Bruce Wayne was such a lady-killer. With a face and build like his, as well as his sense of style and eloquence, it was probably easier for him to charm women than it was for an invisible person to rob a bank or for a bird to fly in the air or something like that. Of course he didn't look like his pictures or how he looked on TV. No, he was far more commanding in person than that. Like you didn't even know you were being sired. He gave off the air of someone who was used to giving orders and not being disobeyed. Given his position in local and international society, he certainly was one of those people.

I offered my hand which he turned and kissed just as Alfred had. "It's very nice to meet you as well, Mr. Wayne. Richard doesn't talk about you at all."

"Please, call me Bruce. That's strange. He talks about you."

I chuckled. "Well, he talked about you a little. Of course I can't believe his opinion of you. He's biased because you care for him."

His eyes were slightly intense then. "Then whose opinion are you going to believe?"

"I like to make my own opinions about people. While his opinion is usually credible, I've found that far too many of us live under masks."

He smile turned wry. "Are you always this cynical?"

I shrugged. "He tells me I am. That's an opinion I can trust, I think." It occurred to me that cynicism wasn't a good party trick. It was time to change the topic. "You have a very beautiful home, Mr. Wayne. And a very nice car collection."

"Oh, so you have an interest in cars, do you?"

Before I could answer, Alfred came in. "Dinner is served," he announced.

"No shout for joy?" Richard asked me, teasingly.

"I'm trying to look like I have some good behaviour," I replied.

He laughed. "Lying for a first impression?"

"More like selectively displaying the truth."

He shook his head. "Euphemisms."

"Let's go in, shall we?" Bruce proposed. He started in before Richard and I and Richard took my hand and led me to the dining room.

After dinner, we didn't linger much. I announced how pleased I was to have finally met Richard's family and mentioned that my own were expecting me before it was too late before Richard and I stood and started to leave.

"A family of perfect gentlemen. That's my verdict," I said to Richard as we made our way down the sloping driveway.

"I'm glad you like them. Maybe you could come spend a day during spring break."

"Maybe. Somehow I suspect we'll be busy with other things," I mused. "And Jason will be all too anxious to occupy all my free time," I muttered to myself.

"Well, he needs to remember that I've more right to you now than he does."

I smirked. "If you say so." Sure, I'd let them fight that one out on their own. It was always more entertaining to watch ridiculous arguments go down. I started to picture it and I shook my head.

In the taxi, we didn't speak. There wasn't much to say at the moment. I rested my head on his shoulder and took in the sights of Gotham on a cold, winter night. I let him pay the fare this time and, hand in hand, we made our way into the booth from which we came which took us right back into Mount Justice.

Upon arriving there, I saw Aqualad and the rest of the team were on their feet, seeming to gather for some reason. Figuring it was probably nothing that concerned me, I turned towards the exit.

"Just a minute, my friends," Aqualad said, stopping me and causing me to turn. "We have got something very important to discuss." I turned to look at Robin, who had put on his shades just before we had reached to the booth and he shrugged. He gave my hand a little squeeze just before we went to join with the others.


	25. Chapter 25 Epilogue

"So it's finally over," Jason said as we were sitting on the ledge of the roof of our apartment building. He was looking out at the city with a strangely serene expression on his face. Legs swinging, he exhaled audibly. "As far as the mob is concerned, I'm dead and so is my mother. And now we're back here, in Happy Harbour, where we're supposed to be." He turned and looked at me, gaze intense. "And it's over."

"Yes," I agreed. "It is."

"What am I supposed to do with my life now?"

I scoffed. "Finish school. Get a life. Get a girlfriend. You've got options."

He nudged me hard and then quickly grabbed my arm, thinking he had almost unbalanced me from where I was sitting. He looked back out into the night.

"Yes. I could do that." A few seconds later, his eyes came back to me. "And what do you mean 'get a life'? I have a life."

"Not really."

"I do. You just never knew about my life. And I don't think you want to know."

"Let me guess. Indulgence, bullying, that sort of thing?"

"Absolutely. You're good at this guessing game."

"No, I'm just good at pegging you."

"Ahaha. True enough." He turned his eyes back to the buildings and the traffic. "So. How are things going with him?"

"Fine. He's smoothing things over with mom and dad and I got to meet his family."

"Meeting parents? Well, that's not good."

"Why not?"

"Moving kind of fast, don't you think?"

I scoffed. "Usually I'd agree with you but apparently my feelings aren't listening."

"Hy. I have a serious question."

"Shoot."

"Exactly how far do you think this relationship is going to go?"

"As far as it can until we stop trying to make things work with each other."

"That's not an answer, Hyacinth."

I swung my legs a few times gently and the bell on my anklet jingled. "Why do you ask?" I responded after several seconds.

"Hyacinth, I realised all over again how important you are to me. I can't sit by and let you get hurt again which is why I fully intend to make things very difficult for him." I smiled minutely, swinging my legs and listening to the jingling of the bell. "I suppose he might get jealous if you keep wearing the anklet I gave you all the time. Fundamentally, there's a huge difference in our gifts and I'm afraid for you that it might represent the differences in our intentions with you. My present has no trace of me on it, it's like I want you to be you and nothing else and help bring you into that but his, it seems more like an assertion of ownership."

"You've been worried about me."

"Overwhelmingly."

I rested my head on his shoulder. "Don't be. I think you're looking into this too deep. In any case, if he's asserting ownership over me, he's also asserting my ownership of him because of the bird on it."

"Once you don't do anything creepy and Hollywood-music-video-like and let him tattoo 'mine' to your ass."

I laughed. "That would be taking it too far. But anyway, I might be in love with him but I'm not stupid and I know I've got you to slap some sense into me if it seems like I'm getting too stupid over him. I know when I'm being hurt and I'm not one to stand for it but I'm also not one to leave at the first sign of trouble without trying to fix it first. I'm not asking you to trust him. I'm asking you to trust me."

"I do trust you."

"To an extent. You still think because I'm young and inexperienced that I'm more likely to fall into these traps. But that's the next thing. I need to make my own mistakes to learn anything. And I know I can't be anyone but me. I tried and I got tired of the effort it took."

"If he can't love you for who you are, you already have someone that does."

"Jason—"

"Wait, calm down, I don't mean to make it seem that I'm dredging up the fact that I love you again. You've already made me see that for you and me, the best thing for us is to be friends that are closer than best friends usually are. What I mean is, I'm here for you."

"Thanks, you punk."

He chuckled. "Look who's talking, princess." He put an arm around my shoulder and puller me closer, turning to kiss my forehead. "Thank you. For everything. I've never said it before, but thanks."

"Not exactly sure what you're thanking me for."

"For not giving up on me. Not completely. For being my friend, my good influence, the sense that made me see what shit I was doing. For being there for my mom when I couldn't. For bailing me out, taking my side, even though you were still angry at me for betraying you on top of abandoning you. I'll admit, though, while I'm happy to no longer be part of that mob, I'm not sure what to do with myself. Like, for real. I mean, I need to channel my talents somehow."

We were silent for a long time, not because I was desperately trying to think of what to say but because I was not sure if I should say what I wanted to. Because what I was going to suggest to him would be difficult. Perhaps he'd wanted to get away from the life entirely. Maybe I was being selfish and wanting him involved with things I was interested in.

I smirked. And who was I kidding. Jason was trouble from start to finish. All that mattered was what kind of trouble specifically. "Why don't you join us?"

"'Scuse me?"

"Join us. You already know my secret so you're already collateral damage if something happens. Why not get more involved? It's exactly your brand of trouble. Secrets to be kept, lives hanging in the balance and certainly a way to use your talents."

"Would they want me?"

"I could persuade them."

"Or try."

"You could babysit HQ while we leave. Be our in-base contact. The brains behind the operation."

"Wouldn't I be usurping someone's position? The idea I got was that there was already people on your team that did that."

"Sure, but you seem to be good at evaluating plans and simplifying them if necessary and possible. What do you say?"

"I don't know if he'd be able to keep up." Robin landed next to me and our eyes turned in his direction. "And hands off my girlfriend."

"You're going to have to learn to share. I'm her important person as well. After all, she is wearing my anklet."

I elbowed Jason in the ribs. "Stop goading him." I turned to Robin. "What's up?"

"We're needed," he responded.

I groaned and Jason removed his arm from around me. "Go do your thing," he said with a small smile. I offered him a smile and got off the wall to go for my bag. Robin came down from the wall and started to walk towards the staircase with me. "Hey, Robin." He stopped in his tracks but I was the only one that turned back towards Jason. "I heard Uncle Ridan didn't threaten you at dinner earlier this month. Remember what I told you. He mightn't threaten you a second time but that's what I'm here for."

"I remember. You'll dismember me, right?"

"And you said you'd take whatever came your way."

I shook my head. They were talking as if people could control what came their way. We started for the staircase and just as soon as I'd retrieved my bag, he took my hand and we ran down the flights of stairs to the bike that was parked and waiting for us.

"He'd probably be a good part of the team."

I turned to Robin. "Do you mean that?"

"Serious. He's got a good brain and I think, if nothing else, he'd do everything in his power and more to keep you safe and happy, even if it means having to save us to do that."

I chuckled. "He doesn't think badly of you guys. Actually, he thinks you're all quite cool. And that Zatanna is the cutest thing he's ever seen."

"He's too much trouble for her."

I scoffed. "Didn't you hear? Girls like trouble. That's why I'm dating you, duh."

"Not everyone's you."

"I know, right. My kind of luck is unique. A certain someone upstairs is really taking good care of me."

He gave me a small smile, kissed my cheek and threw me a helmet. Sure, everything was fantastic but I knew things didn't stay that way. I had a formidable team, a fantastic family and the best friends I could ever ask for. When the time came, I could more than handle it. Growth was a thing that happened during a trial by fire.

"Hold up, sidekick."

"What?"

"I'm driving."

He chuckled. "Kal needs us there on the double."

"Not a problem."

As I lay in my bed, I recalled in my mind the mission and the part that had stuck out to me the most. An RPG had been launched and was headed straight for Superboy and we were worried for him despite him being almost indestructible. Almost, was the keyword. With his half-human DNA, I feared that damage would come to him certainly easier than it came to Superman and I could not help but worry for him.

However, moments and metres before the RPG was to hit him, it detonated prematurely, having seemingly not hit anything. I was still staring, confused when my eyes zeroed in on something. In the shadows, I could swear I saw someone holding a bow. The figure gave a small wave before disappearing. I wanted to try to run after him but when Conner stood and pulled off the remains of his shirt, I remembered the threat was still to be fully dealt with.

It unsettled me. Deep inside, I knew it was Roy. Having not known if he'd intended to keep his presence at the facility an absolute secret, I didn't mention it to the others. I had a feeling that he was on a mission of his own, one that he needed to carry out by himself, for himself. I wished I had gotten the chance to go after him, to ask him what he'd been up to and why he'd made himself so scarce but I knew none of that was going to help me now. I had another especially strong feeling that, whatever he was up to, it would be a long time, maybe even several years before we saw him surface again. And when he did, I hoped I was still in a position to be privy to everything.

Choosing not to dwell, I decided that it was best that I should just be grateful that everyone was safe and well. School had started and there would be no time for unnecessary worrying. I had a duty to do, a mask to wear and a life to maintain.

**Merry Christmas, everyone! It was so great journeying through this story with you and I shall miss writing it now that we have come to the end. Love all of you and hope you're great, wherever you are, whatever time it is. God bless you all.**


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